Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Crappy Poem Theater ❯ A Real Tragedy ( Chapter 2 )

Crappy Poem Theater

A weak imitation of Masterpiece theater theme being played on a kazoo is heard in the background. Vid-cam zooms in on a small library-type room and a comfy red easy chair where Cherry Blossom is currently sitting, smoking a pipe and reading a book.

Cherry Blossom: *looks up* Oh hiyee, minna! So glad you could join us for another episode of Crappy Poem Theater.

Duo: NO! Run for your lives! Get out now!

Cherry Blossom: *whaps him on the head with the book*

Duo: Itai!

Cherry Blossom: *smiles brightly* Thanks for all the reviews. They were very much appreciated.

Heero: I will kill you all.

Cherry Blossom: Ah, pay no attention to him. He says that all the time about Relena but has he killed her yet? Noooo….

Heero: I'll make an acception.

Cherry Blossom: So many people have shown their support for this program *sniff* Cold Dragon-

Heero: Omeo o korosu.

Cherry Blossom: Shinigami Baby-

Wufei: INJUSTICE! ONNA! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?

Cherry Blossom: Anika-

Heero: Omeo o korosu. Twice.

Cherry Blossom: Parvaneh-

Quatre: Why? *sniff* Why?

Cherry Blossom: Trowa Girl-

Trowa: I thought you loved me.

Cherry Blossom: Mystraidr-

Heero: Omeo o korosu.

Duo: Wow, Heero. You're going to be busy. Where will you find the time to kill all these people?

Heero: I'll make the time.

Cherry Blossom: Shush. I'm not finished.

Trowa: *horror* Oh god, there's more?

Cherry Blossom: Ami, Kiyone-

Heero: I know where you live.

Duo: Do you really?

Heero: No…

Cherry Blossom: Lucky and Nina

Wufei: Stupidonnasmakingusreviewstupidpoetryfortheunjustenglishteacher.

Cherry Blossom: Sabacat-

Duo: *sob* I was supposed to be your favorite! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

Cherry Blossom: Hawk-

Trowa: How many more are there?

Cherry Blossom: Two. CLS and Caro-chan. Thanks ever so much you guys!

Heero: We hope you all die.

Wufei: Painfully.

Cherry Blossom: Shut up. Anyway, we've gotten a better looking disclaimer this time….Matteo! Cue the disclaimer!

Matteo: Cueing disclaimer…now!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except you. Dance for me, slave.

Duo: O_0

Cherry Blossom: Uh…I'll fix it later. Let's just get on with the fic.

Scene cuts to the theater where five familiar figures are seated.

Wufei: Give me the popcorn, Maxwell!

Duo: NO! MINE!

Wufei: GIVE IT!

Quatre: You guys shouldn't be fighting.

Duo: Shut up, Quatre.

Quatre: *eyes go all zero-y*

Trowa: Uh oh. You shouldn't have done that…

Quatre: DIEEEEE!!!! *reaches over to strangle Duo*

Duo: YAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! *tries to hide behind Heero*

Cherry Blossom: *pops in out of thin air* Hiyee guys! Ready for another crappy poem?

G-Boyz: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cherry Blossom: YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! MATTEO! YOU'RE ON!

Matteo: *comes out on stage in a hokey Elizabethan costume…with TIGHTS* Trowa Girl loves me. *sigh*

Cherry Blossom: *rolls eyes* Thanks a lot C-chan. Now he's got a swelled head.

Matteo: *pouts* Do not.

Cherry Blossom: Anyway, today's poem is really bad. In fact, it's been named as the worst poem in the world.

G-Boyz: *groan*

Cherry Blossom: I know. I'm excited too. Let's get started.

Matteo: *clears throat*

A Tragedy

Quatre: Wasn't that what the last poem was called?

Cherry Blossom: Nooo…that was the Human Tragedy.

Heero: Mention that again and I'll kill you.

Trowa: Are all these poems tragedies?

Wufei: *with feeling* Yes.

By Theophile Marzials

Duo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! CHILD MOLESTER!! KILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLIT!!!

Cherry Blossom: It's Theophile not Pedophile.

Wufei: Same difference.

Death!

Duo: Yes?

Cherry Blossom: Not you.

Duo: *pouts*

Plop.

Everybody: O_0

Duo: Excuse me?

Trowa: I have a really bad feeling about this one.

Heero: You should trust your feelings.

The barges down in the river flop.

Quatre: How can barges flop?

Trowa: Just smile and nod, Quatre.

Quatre: But-

Trowa: Smile and nod.

Flop, plop,

Wufei: Nataku save me!

Heero: *starts to get that zero look in his eyes*

Duo: *inches away from him* Uh…guys?

Above, beneath.

Duo: Middle.

Everybody else: O_0

Duo: What?

From the slimy branches the grey drips drop…

Everybody: *stare blankly*

Quatre: Wha-

Trowa: Just don't think about it.

Wufei: I'm trying…

To the oozy waters, that lounge and flop…

Heero: *starts to shake*

Quatre: But how can water lounge or flop? And how can it do both at the same time?

Trowa: Quatre…

Quatre: What?

Trowa: You're thinking about it again.

Quatre: Sorry.

And my head shrieks-"Stop"

Wufei: You should listen to the voices in your head.

Heero: Mine are telling me to kill this poet.

And my heart shrieks-"Die"…

Duo: Whoa. Even his own body wants to kill him.

Cherry Blossom: Can you blame it?

Duo: No.

Quatre: GO BODY! KILL HIM!! KIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLL!!!!

Trowa: Little one!

Cherry Blossom: Still a whole page left to go.

Everybody: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ugh!

Trowa: GAG!

Heero: SPEW!

Quatre: SPLAT!

Duo: OOG!

Wufei: ARGH!

Cherry Blossom: SMEG!

Yet I knew-I knew

Wufei: What did he know?

Duo: That he was……….A WOMAN!

Cherry Blossom: *whaps Duo in the back of the head*

Duo: Itai!

Cherry Blossom: Stop it! That's an insult to women everywhere.

If a woman is false can a friend be true?

Trowa: Um…yes?

Duo: Oh wait! Is this a trick question?

It was only a lie from beginning to end-

Quatre: What was a lie?

Duo: I told you. He was actually…………….A WOMAN!

Cherry Blossom: *whaps Duo again* I thought I told you to stop that.

Duo: *grumbles*

My Devil-My "Friend"…

Duo: Look at that! That's proof! The poet is a demon! He's friends with the Devil!

Heero: We already knew that.

Wufei: Who cares?

So what do I care,

Everybody: O_0

Cherry Blossom: That was scary.

Everybody: *nods in agreement*

And my head is empty as air-

Duo: He even admits that he has no brain.

Wufei: *snorts* Like you couldn't tell that from the rest of the poem.

I can do,

Everybody: NO YOU CAN'T!

I can dare

Everybody: NO YOU CAN'T!!

(Plop, plop

Everybody: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The barges flop

Quatre: Trowa, I'm scared!

Trowa: It'll be okay, little one.

Wufei: No it won't.

Drip, drop.)

Cherry Blossom: No more! *sob* Please, no more!

Heero: *pulls out his gun, cocks it and puts it in his mouth*

Duo: *tries to hang himself with his braid*

Quatre: No wait, guys! It's almost over!

I can dare, I can dare!

Wufei: Nataku! Why have you forsaken me?

And let myself all run away with my head

Heero: Yes…..run away….must….run away….

Trowa: Hold it together, just a little longer.

And stop.

Cherry Blossom: YES! STOP!

Drop

Dead.

Cherry Blossom: YES!! YES!!

Quatre: I think she's lost it.

Trowa: *looks over at Heero who is preparing to shoot himself and Duo who is trying to hang himself* She's not the only one.

Plop, flop.

Cherry Blossom: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Duo: *finds that his braid is too short to wrap around his neck. bursts into tears*

Heero: Mission accepted. *pulls the trigger. Doesn't go off* Damn.

Quatre: Hey, guys….I think it's over!

Wufei: Thank you, sweet Nataku!

Plop.

Quatre: Maybe not.

Cherry Blossom: Okay NOW it's over.

Heero: Thank God.

Duo: Welcome.

Heero: Not you.

Duo: *pouts*

Everyone stumbles out of the theater, blank eyed.

Trowa: That was cruel and unusual punishment.

Heero: You're DEAD Cherry!

Cherry Blossom: I didn't know it was that bad, I SWEAR!

Duo: I need some pocky.

Quatre: I wanna go home, Trowa.

Trowa: Right. Let's get out of here.

Cherry Blossom: See you next week.

Everyone: *stare*

Wufei: You're NOT making us do that again.

Cherry Blossom: Oh come on. There can't be another poem as bad as that one.

Trowa: Wouldn't bet on it.

Cherry Blossom: It depends on how many reviews I get.

Heero: Anyone who reviews shall die a slow, painful death.

Cherry Blossom: He's kidding.

Heero: I'm not.

Cherry Blossom: Yes he is.

Heero: No I'm not.

Cherry Blossom: Is.

Heero: Not.

Cherry Blossom: Is.

Heero: Not.

Cherry Blossom: IS!

Heero: NOT!

Matteo: Um…excuse me…

Cherry Blossom: WHAT?!

Matteo: The uh….address?

Cherry Blossom: Huh? Oh, right! If you wanna send me crappy poetry to use on the show write to chibicherryb@hotmail.com.

Heero: Write and I kill you.

Cherry Blossom: Will not.

Heero: Will too.

Matteo: I'm getting out of here.