Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Crossing Paths Arc ❯ Knots ( Chapter 14 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Kracken

Disclaimer:I don't own them and I don't make any money off of them.
Warnings:Male/Male sex. Very graphic, violent, a lot of language. It gets rough here, so watch out if you are sensitive.

Crossing Paths Arc:
Sequel to Dragon#13

Knots #14

"Filthy, little Gundam Pilot!" A steel toed boot caught Duo in the
ribs. They cracked. Another boot to the ribs, and they broke. The ugly face
of an Oz soldier thrust itself through the red haze covering Duo's
sight. Eyes bulging with fury and hate, teeth gritted in a snarl, the man's
big hand was twisted into Duo' bangs, forcing the retching, whimpering
Duo to face him. Duo had the satisfaction of vomiting right into his
tormentor's face. The men who were holding Duo, pinning his arms up
behind his back, exclaimed and held him tighter, knowing the consequences
of that act as well as Duo, and eager to see punishment carried out.

The ugly, Oz soldier ran a hand over his face, pulling off some of the
vomit and flinging it back onto Duo. Tightening his grip on Duo's
bangs, he pulled a long dress dagger from his belt. It glinted as coldly as
his eyes as he drew it back, clearly intending to slice open Duo's
throat.

"Halt!" The voice of Zechs Marquis, Milliardo Peacecraft, brought
everyone up short. The masked officer of Oz strode forward like a furious
panther ready to spring on it's prey. "This is not an interrogation!
This is an execution! You men are on report!" his commanding voice
bellowed.

The ugly soldier growled and began to protest, his knife hand
lowering. Duo used that moment to kick upward. Catching the man's wrist on his
toe, he forced both wrist and razor sharp knife violently upward. His
captors yanked him backwards, but it was already too late for 'Soldier
Ugly'. The knife caught him across the face in a shower of blood.

"Shhh, that's the past, Duo," a firm, soothing voice said in Duo's
ear, "You're dreaming."

"But it hurts!" Duo whimpered to the voice.

"Spasm from stressed muscles. Remember the exercises, Duo. That's why
you feel pain."

The voice twitched Duo out of the nightmare with reason and a calm
tone. A comforting hand smoothed along Duo's cheek. It soothed him into
deeper sleep and, this time, there weren't any nightmares. When Duo finally
awoke, it was to morning light and the strange sensation of someone
carefully combing his hair.

Duo started and half sat up, automatically defensive. When he saw that
it was Heero, he froze in consternation. The man was seated in a chair
by the bed, hunched over the loose strands of Duo's chestnut hair in
his lap, face serious and intent. "What...?" was all Duo could manage
hoarsely.

Heero looked uncertain, straightening, but not letting go of Duo's
hair. "You showered and then fell asleep right afterwards," he explained.
"You were tossing and turning all night. Your hair is a large knot now.
I thought that I would help you by combing it out, otherwise you might
not have time to eat breakfast before meeting with Wu Fei."

"Breakfast?" Duo took the comb from Heero's hand and slowly pulled his
hair out of Heero's grasp, his mind trying to come to terms with the
elapsed time. "I really slept that long?!"

Heero's hands were still open, as if he were disappointed by Duo
taking the task away from him. "You were exhausted. I thought that it was
prudent to let you re- establish energy reserves in preparation for
today."

Duo rubbed at his eyes and then took a deep breath to clear his head.
"I guess I needed it." He clutched the comb tighter and narrowed
amethyst eyes at Heero. "Were you here all night?"

"I slept at the foot of the bed," Heero replied." You were having
nightmares and periodically thrashing about. I was worried that you would
harm yourself-"

"You slept with me?!" Duo demanded in consternation and embarrassment.

Heero stared at Duo for a moment, maybe trying to understand Duo's
reaction. "You collapsed," he explained. "Your blood pressure and pulse
were not very stable. I thought that it was wise to monitor you." Heero
paused and then said, puzzled, "We've slept together on several
occasions during the war, and sat watch when one of us was wounded. Why does it
upset you now?"

Duo found it hard to explain that his strong attraction to Heero made
the idea of the man sleeping on the same bed with him far too exciting,
so he passed off his discomfort as something else. "Uh, well, nobody
has tried to uh, take care of me since then. I guess I've become a bit of
a hermit."

Heero gave him a small smile as he stood up and stretched. Duo could see
the tattoo of the tiger, in his mind's eye, stretching as well. Two
tigers readying themselves for the day.

"You're smiling," Duo said around a yawn. Heero's stretch was
contagious. Duo found himself mimicking it without thought. Suddenly, he had
to bite down on his hand to stifle a cry, tortured muscles coming to
life with pain. Heero, his back turned, didn't notice.

"I was considering ways of making you comfortable with my close
presence," Heero was explaining.

Duo felt tears of pain in his eyes. He knew that his face was red with
the exertion of not crying out. When he lowered his hand, panting a
little, he saw that he had left teeth marks in his skin; the price of
keeping his pride. "A mission?" he managed to reply, not really caring what
he said, just filling the space that Heero had left for him.

Heero grunted. "Missions are cold, calculating things," he replied as
he walked to the window. It was glowing with morning light. He squinted against it as he
looked outside. "That's not how I wish to treat you."

"Thanks," Duo breathed, wondering how he was going to get out of bed,
but knowing he needed to get his pills. He thought quickly. "Heero? I'm
really hungry. Could you go and get breakfast for me? I hate to impose,
but the servants are probably pretty slow. I'm sure that they have other things to
do, besides fetch and a carry for ex pilots."

"Of course." Heero turned from the window, appraising Duo with a quick
flick of his dark, blue eyes. Duo saw him frown, but then saw him reconsider
questioning Duo, maybe thinking that food might correct whatever he saw
wrong with him. "I'll go at once."

"Thanks!" Duo gave him a smile and tried to keep it from being shaky.
"I really appreciate it. Uhm.... eggs, bacon, and some toast... coffee,
of course: black."

Heero wasn't in the mood to be that indulgent. "Protein drink, high
protein/carbohydrate bars, juice, multi vitamins-"

"And coffee: black," Duo cut in, stressing it.

Heero gave another of his small smiles, relenting that much. "Coffee:
black," he agreed.

Duo was relieved. He needed at least that much, besides the pills, to
stay normal until he was settled into the routine that Wu Fei and
Heero were about to start him on. When Heero left to get breakfast, Duo
suddenly knew how hard that routine was going to be as he climbed from
the bed. Shaking and gasping with the pain of stressed
muscles, Duo made his way to his duffel bag and the table, his chances of
surviving, in his own mind, beginning to dwindle.

Duo's pill ritual kicked in. He set the bottles out and went through
the motions after pouring himself a cup of water from the pitcher at the
center of the table. The ritual had an edge of desperation this time.
He found himself eying the contents of the bottles and it was all he
could do not to take all of the pills out of their bottles and recheck how
long he had until they were gone. He reminded himself that he had a
doctor appointment soon and, if he chose to abandon everything, including
the man he loved, he could get more pills then.

As Duo put his pills back, and sat limply in his chair, waiting for
them to take effect, he searched inside of himself. He wondered if he
really had the strength to go through with kicking his pill habit and
reclaiming his life. It didn't seem, at first, that there was anything within
him that told Duo for certain that he, Duo Maxwell, would go through
with it or die trying. Instead, he found weakness, fear, and even a bit
of cowardice. It didn't surprise him very much. He had spent four years
having his fun loving, brash, and daring psyche ground under the heel
of government officials, a lying press, and medication.

Finally, Duo picked out bits of the nightmare that he had suffered;
the ugly Oz soldier, his broken ribs, his defiance in the face of death,
and his willingness to act even when he knew that torture could have
been the least of his reward for such an action. He was still that
person, Duo told himself, he was still willing to stick it in the eye of the
bad guy and damn the consequences. He had to be, Duo thought with some
desperation, he didn't think that he would want to go on living if he
weren't, if he had been completely crushed in body and spirit to the
point where any man could screw his life and get away with it.

"Just wait," Duo muttered. "You are going to get yours, you bastards,
and I'm going to do everything in my power to give it to you!" He
decided then and there that it was going to become his mantra until he made
it true. It was going to be his whip when he failed, his hand up when
he faltered, and his promise he intended to keep.

By the time that Heero returned with breakfast, Duo was relaxed and
ready, his body not hurting so much and the usual weariness manageable.
Grimacing at the healthy food, Duo drank his black coffee first.

"So," Duo said in way of conversation. "What's Trowa and Quatre
actually think about all of this now? I mean, it's bad enough that the
notorious Duo Maxwell is staying with them and generating all kinds of
conjecture, but now Wu Fei the eccentric scholar and Heero Yuy, savior of
Relena Peacecraft and Earth, are here was well. The staff must be making
some good money selling the story to the news vids."

Heero wasn't naive. He knew that having all of the ex-Gundam pilots
together would make the government nervous. "Quatre has let it be known
that he has invited all of us to his estate to celebrate our
contribution to the war and continued peace. There will be a party and a chance
for the news to be given photos and false stories. Quatre has also
officially 'discovered' your illness and petitioned the government to allow
his doctors to treat you."

"They will, of course, not believe any of that or allow Quatre to take
me out of their hands," Duo added sourly. He picked up a health bar,
eyed it dubiously, and then bit into it. After taking the pills, his
stomach often became unsettled. He was pleasantly surprised when the bland,
slightly sweetened bar, didn't make him nauseous.

"That is the most likely outcome," Heero replied regretfully, "Which
is why we must move quickly before they can lodge a protest at our
reunion."

Five highly trained individuals didn't need Gundams to overthrow
governments, Duo thought wryly. He drank some of the protein drink, made a
face, and put it down. Pouring some of his coffee into it, despite
Heero's small sound of protest, he swirled it around until it was mixed.
Taking a sip of the coffee/ protein drink mixture, Duo sighed, "That's
better." He looked at Heero critically. "I realize that this is Quatre
and Trowa's home, but they could go some where else. They aren't going to
be much help in 'curing' me."

"By lending you his official presence," Heero explained, "Quatre
protects you from the government. Quatre is a very powerful and well known
person. They couldn't move against him without protests from all
branches of society. Trowa is his own man, but very loyal to Winner. I don't
believe that he would leave knowing that there might be danger."

"So we all sit together like a bunch of dumb ducks!" Duo grumbled as
he stood up. "I don't feel very worth it, Heero."

"I know," Heero replied sympathetically, "Your self esteem is
minimal."

"Big surprise, right?" Duo mocked and went to change his clothes. He
had managed to throw on a pair of cotton shorts before collapsing the
night before, but Duo was uncomfortable at the thought of having Wu Fei
see that much of him. He opted for black, cotton pants instead and a
white, short sleeve t- shirt.

"Time to go to the first torture of the day?" Duo wondered as he
finished braiding his hair. Flipping it back over his shoulder carelessly,
he faced Heero resolutely. "I'm ready to go if it is."

Heero looked... proud of him. Duo felt foolish when a warmth crept
over every inch of him and a lopsided smile split his thin face. Heero's
opinion meant a great deal to him just then. Heero hardly glanced at his
watch as he stood up from his chair, blue eyes glowing as he nodded and
said, "It is time. We had better go."
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Wu Fei's room looked as if Quatre had decorated it especially for him.
He probably had. Quatre never tired of seeing his old war comrades and
even Duo had received an invitation periodically.

Mats covered the floor. A simple raised platform, with a white tube
for a pillow, served as a bed. A large window looked out on a rock garden that Duo
suspected had been put there for Wu Fei's benefit alone.

Wu Fei himself was seated by the window, glasses perched on his nose
and bald head reflecting the sunlight as he read a vid book. He looked
very ascetic, muscle wrapped over bone and face stern. When he looked up
at Duo and Heero, he said in his old arrogant tone. "Yuy, go! You will
be a distraction."

Heero frowned. Duo shrugged and smiled, "I can handle old Wu Fei by
myself, Heero. Don't hover, k?"

Heero nodded reluctantly. "I will be waiting in the gym room."

Heero left and Duo felt as if all of the warmth in the room had left
with him. Shivering a little, he hugged himself and complained, "What
happened to the heat, Wuffie?"

Wu Fei scowled. "You will learn not to care, but it doesn't help your
case with me that your first thoughts are for your comfort. The
training I am about to impart on you is anything but comfortable."

Duo fiddled with his braid self consciously. "Sorry, Fei, I'm just
skinny, you know? I feel the cold a lot more than other guys."

Wu Fei stood up, putting his book and glasses aside. "The training I
will give you will teach you to control body temperature, heart beat,
blood pressure, breathing, anything pertaining to bodily function. Being
hot or cold can be a choice, if you ever reach the stage of mastery."

Duo flipped his braid back behind his shoulder and stepped forward,
squaring his shoulders. "Well, I don't think I'll have time to be a
master, or the inclination, but if you can give me enough control to get
through my withdrawal symptoms, I'll definitely owe you a big one."

Wu Fei stared and then he sighed. "Sit there." He motioned to a place
on the mat. Duo sat, cross legged, and tried to relax. Wu Fei
sat opposite him with perfect grace as he continued, "Do you remember
when were prisoners together and they turned off our oxygen supply?"

Duo stiffened and wrapped his arms about himself hard. "Hey, man, you
know.... I really don't want to talk about that."

Duo remembered the incident and he felt his heart begin to beat faster, sweat
beading on his forehead. It was fodder for his nightmares, that time when
he had sat with Wu Fei, waiting to draw his last breath, trying not to
shame himself, but, in the end crying out, using up their last,
precious oxygen to panic.

Wu Fei studied Duo's reaction. "I gave you enough air to survive by
controlling my own body, by needing less oxygen. That is the kind of
control that I am going to attempt to teach you."

Duo felt himself go pale, trying not to breathe faster, trying not to
remember the claustrophobic feeling of being strangled without benefit
of someone's hands at his throat. "Did I ever- Did I ever tell you how
much I appreciated that- what you did for me?"

"No," Wu Fei replied, but then shrugged. "We were soldiers. We did our
duty. Thanks wasn't required."

"Still...," Duo sighed and then met Wu Fei's black eyes. "Thanks, Wu
Fei," he said, being careful to give his name the correct inflections.

Wu Fei inclined his head in acknowledgement. "If you are done
blathering, Maxwell, I will need you to assume a basic meditation first level.
You know that much, I assume? You were given basic martial arts
training?"

Duo smiled, "Well, more than basic, but, yeah, I can do that much."

Duo closed his eyes and tried to let his mind settle into a meditative
state. It was harder than he thought. Things kept interfering, song
lyrics, thoughts about Heero and the man combing out his hair, the memory
of being suffocated... Duo tried to put that last memory back into the
box in the depths of his memory from which Wu Fei's words had dragged
it.

"Try a mantra," Wu Fei suggested, sensing Duo's difficulty. "Do you
know one?"

Duo nodded and smiled in such a way that Wu Fei blinked in surprise.
Yes, Duo thought, he did have a mantra. He began saying it to himself,
repeating it until it became a steady drone, and then a white noise that
let his mind settle into blank meditation. 'Just wait', Duo chanted
silently to himself, 'You are going to get yours, you bastards, and I'm
going to do everything in my power to give it to you!'

"Ready to begin?" Wu Fei asked after a time.

"Yes," Duo replied calmly.

"I'm going to name parts of your body, one at a time, and ask you to
visualize the functioning of each," Wu Fei explained. "Today we will
start with the lungs and breathing."

Duo quirked an eyebrow. "Breathing? Why?"

"Energy flows throughout your body," Wu Fei explained. "Adrenalin,
oxygen, proteins, carbohydrates, etc., make up a stream of energy that you
have to learn to control. Breathing also helps to
regulate heartbeat and blood pressure. Breathe badly and all of these
things become twisted and labored. The body becomes out of balance and
damage results."

"Oh, okay," Duo replied, trying to stay in his meditative state.

"Belief IS necessary," Wu Fei growled.

"I believe in you, Wu Fei," Duo replied seriously.

Wu Fei raised eyebrows at that. He shifted uncomfortably, trying not
to feel pleasure at Duo's trust. He had to be the master. He had to be
stern. "Very slowly, breathe deep and imagine the breath moving
throughout your body. Do this several times....."

Much later, Duo rubbed at his diaphragm as he limped to the gym hoping
that Heero was still there. Twitches and twinges from his breathing
exercises, and a stiff backside from sitting too long, made Duo almost
eager to exercise his body instead of his mind. He didn't have any doubt
that what Wu Fei was teaching him was a valid form of body control, but
Duo had found it hard to sit and see himself learning the critical
lessons in time. Even Wu Fei had been finding it hard to be optimistic,
though Duo had done better than he had expected.

The sound of a weight machine came to Duo's ears as he crossed the
large room with the climbing rock and entered the gym at the back. Heero
had just finished a treadmill exercise and Quatre was on his back,
methodically pushing the bars of a tension weight machine up and down. His
face was intently staring at the ceiling, blue eyes and gold brows
drawn and deep in thought.

"Duo," Heero greeted him and he was looking... Duo chuckled, realizing
that he had been appreciating the bare, upper body, and flexing muscles
Quatre was displaying. Heero was struggling with a bit of jealousy.

"Looking doesn't mean I want," Duo said jokingly, a cover over his
deeper surprise. I didn't seem possible that Heero Yuy thought that he had
competition, or that he could think that Duo had a chance of finding
someone else to want him.

Heero smiled slightly and looked embarrassed as he motioned Duo over
to the leg lift machine. Duo complied reluctantly. Sitting down, he
started when Heero took that opportunity to bend and give him a quick warm
kiss along his neck. Duo shivered with goose bumps, looking up at Heero
with wide eyes.

"I waited a long time to reveal how I felt about you- about us," Heero
said softly. "I know that I have to prove myself and show you that you
can trust the things I am telling you. An illogical part of me is
afraid that you will find a more agreeable partner while I am trying to
accomplish that."

"No one is knocking down my door to get a date with me, Heero, so
relax," Duo replied bitterly.

Heero didn't know what to say to that. He wasn't going to tell Duo a
lie and say that Duo's self denigrating statement was inaccurate. Duo
looked down, ashamed of his own low self esteem. Not that he thought that
his own self image wasn't true, but Duo wished that he could live up to
the way that Heero saw him. He wished that he could believe that he was
beautiful, if even just a little.

Heero bent to adjust the leg weights for Duo. He said thoughtfully, "I
can out bench press, Quatre."

Duo regained his smile at Heero's attempt to lighten the mood. "I
can't get my head around how different you seem," he replied. "Old granite
face, sour, no nonsense, spit and polish, always on a mission, get out
of my way or die, Yuy, cracks jokes, waxes poetic, and smiles. He even
learned, somewhere, to romance a guy."

"I had four years...," Heero looked distant and frowned at some
memory. It was hard to tell if it was pleasant or unpleasant.

"Who was he?" Duo asked as he began to work the weights with his legs.

Heero looked startled, but then he nodded and replied honestly, "It
was one sided. I never forgot you, or wanted anyone else, but he taught
me how to regain some of my humanity." He shrugged. "He was good in bed
and he was a romantic."

Duo felt a bit of jealousy himself, even though Heero was passing
whoever it was off as a fling. "Maybe he'll show up again," Duo said, "If
it were me, I wouldn't let you go so easy."

Heero shook his head and he said shortly, "It wasn't easy. He killed
himself."

Duo felt nausea grip his stomach. He managed to say, "Sorry, man! I
didn't mean-"

"I told you," Heero cut him off, "I wasn't serious about him. I was
sad, but, I did not feel responsible for his unstable mental state or
feel as if an irreplaceable part of myself had been lost. He told me... He
told me that I WOULD feel that way in his letter to me."

They both fell silent, thinking, and then Duo became aware of the
frantic motion of Quatre's weight machine. Heero noticed at the same time.
They both turned to look at the blonde Arabian. Quatre's teeth were
gritted and his muscles were shaking and covered in sweat, his face a
study in anguish as he continued to pump the weights as fast as he could.

"Quatre!" Duo shouted and struggled to get out of the leg weights.
Heero, unhampered, strode to the weight machine and simply caught the bar
on the down stroke with both hands. Quatre swore and struggled to
continue. Heero was as unmovable as the stone out in the other room. For all
of Quatre's bulk, Heero was easily the stronger.

"Quatre!" Duo shouted again. He made it out of the leg weights, left
the bench, but staggered and fell to one knee when he tried to walk.
"What the Hell's going on?" Duo demanded.

Quatre closed his eyes tightly and let Heero control the weight bar.
Heero relaxed his grip and handed Quatre a nearby towel. Quatre dropped
it over his own face, hiding from them. His muscles were still shaking
from the strain. "Saw a news story," he said at last, his voice muffled
by the towel, "victims of the war. Horrible! There was a little girl
with a leg gone and a burn all across her face. She said... she said it
happened when a Gundam fought Oz through her town."

"Yours?" Duo guessed quietly as he regained his feet and leaned
against another weight machine.

The towel nodded and a small sob was heard. Heero reached down and
gripped Quatre's hand hard. Quatre gripped back gratefully and began to
cry in earnest.


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