Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Death Becomes Him ❯ Death In Your Eyes ( Chapter 11 )

Gundam Wing is copyright...Sotsu, I think it is, and a few other important companies and people, and I obviously don't own these wonderful bishounen.

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TUESDAY:

Shi-chan: Looks like part 10 came off better than I had thought!

Duo: Hai...

Shi-chan: Ready to go? I probably won't be needing much sleep tonight either!

Duo: Baka ne, that's cause you slept right through your alarm clock and all your classes today!

Shi-chan: Hn...

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Death Becomes Him

~By Shimegami-chan

Part 11

SHOUNEN-AI, SAP, ANGST, CUSSING, DEATH, GUNDAM BOY TORTURE, ETC, ETC!

Quatre finally got up enough energy to lift his weary head and wipe the tears from his eyes. "Oh, Heero..."

"Get away from me." he spat.

Quatre felt Duo's consciousness retract even further.

"Heero, it's Quatre. Please explain what's going on..." Quatre looked into Heero's ice-blue gaze.

Heero's expression hardened. "Quatre. He's controlling you."

"No, Heero, it's okay, I don't mind! Really. Why are you acting like this?" Quatre ran shaking fingers through his platinum-blonde hair. "Duo's in pain because of you."

"No." His face softened for a moment. "Quatre, you were right all along. Duo's dead and he's not coming back. No matter how much I'd like to believe that that demon is Duo, I can't. I know he's dead. I was trained as a soldier, Quatre, and all I done is weaken myself. Accepting death is what I need to do. Duo's, and mine."

"Heero, please, I'm telling you! It really is Duo! He's only acting like this because he thinks you've rejected him!"

"Aa, but is that Quatre talking, or the demon?" Heero glared at the blonde. "I can still see him in you, you know. Your eyes flash violet. They see right through me. I know he's in there with you--force him out!"

I'm so sorry, Quatre, Duo sobbed inside Quatre's head. I'll go.

No! Wait! Quatre cried. "Duo!"

Then suddenly he was facedown on the bed.

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"Quatre..." Heero put a hand on the little Arab's shoulder and he started back to reality.

"Oh, Allah! Where did he go!?" Even more tears were welling up in the aquamarine eyes now. But Duo was nowhere to be seen.

"He's very convincing, you know. He fell through the floor." Heero pointed at the dark wood.

Quatre was torn between convincing the mislead Heero or chasing Duo downstairs. "Why don't you believe him? Why don't you think that's Duo?"

"I almost did before I came to my senses. But Duo's dead. The dead can't come back, we both know that. I held his body, I closed his eyes, I stood at his grave. Hard to believe it was only a week ago, isn't it? I've stopped grieving already. I had to. It's not that I don't love Duo, I do, with all my heart and soul...but I'm sure he's happier, wherever he is, and it won't be long before we'll see each other again."

"Heero...you can't mean..."

Heero gave Quatre a rare smile. "I can't live without him...I won't live without him. I had a dream that he came to me, one night. I was trying to kill myself again. I flew, for just a while, I was soaring and my life flashed before my eyes. I should have been scared. But I could feel him all around me, reaching for me, begging me not to do it. It was too late. I was sitting in a pool of black and I saw him, grinning that idiotic grin at me, tipping his hat. He came over and sat beside me and looked in my eyes. It's those eyes...so full of life and laughter and love...and then he bent down and kissed me, told me he loved me, smiled sadly and said good-bye. I wouldn't let go. I couldn't let him leave! Not again! But then I woke up, and it wasn't Duo there, it was you. It felt so real. I think it was real. But then he was gone. And a few minutes later...the demon came."

Quatre gritted his teeth. It seemed everything was coming out now.

Heero looked at the rumpled bed sheets beneath him. "I thought I'd gone insane. I saw Duo standing in the doorway of the living room staring at me. I thought I was seeing things. I turned my back on him. He came closer...told me 'Ashiteru, Heero,'...god, the sound of his voice made me shiver. I just kept looking away. I didn't want to believe he was real. He couldn't be real! It was impossible. He came over in front of me and he was glowing blue, and then the firelight made him glow red. Blood red. I could see right through his body, I could see the light dancing on the wall behind him. I didn't move. He just...blinked at me, and all the life just drained out of those sad eyes. Just like the life drained out of him in that hospital room. Then he left.

I sat there. Thinking of ways to kill myself. I was there for hours, I didn't move. He came back, that demon Duo. Watched me. He didn't speak anymore...I couldn't even bring myself to look at him. I went up to bed and left him there."

Quatre took it all in, gaping at the Japanese boy.

Heero continued. "After that, he was everywhere. I woke up in the night and there he was beside me, sleeping with his eyes open, half-transparent and barely even there. I thought he was awake at first. Tried to touch him, see if he was real. But my hand went right through him...and then I looked into those eyes, and what I saw scared me. Scared the Perfect Soldier.

"He was making sounds in the back of his throat like he was being strangled, and his eyes were so wild. No pupils at all. I wouldn't have even thought it was Duo if it wasn't for the hair, the clothes. His eyes turned red, and then they were purple again, staring at nothing. It scared me, having him there. I hated it that someone--or something--that was so close to being Duo would be like that. I don't want to remember Duo like that. Not with those dead eyes and that maniacal laugh, breathing hard and glowing red and blue. I can't stand it!" Heero slammed a fist onto the bed. "He's everywhere! He watches me! Thinks I can't see him. Walks in front of me, stares at me, and I think he's longing for me, but I'm not sure because there's nothing in his eyes! No expression at all! That sparkle I knew so well, anger, fear, hatred, nothing! Nothing! Do you know what it's like," he said coldly, "to look at the one you love and see nothing, no feeling at all?"

Quatre couldn't believe what he was hearing. Heero was right, so right, the sparkle had left Duo Maxwell and Quatre and Duo and Heero all knew it, and what could they do? It was in Heero's hands now. Heero's decision to speak to Duo or not.

"Then," Heero said, "it got even worse. I woke up last night and he was standing in my room, looking through the closet. He wasn't wearing anything...there was blood all over him. On his arms and legs, in that beautiful hair, smeared on his back and chest like some kind of tribal warrior. He left and came back...he was angry. He went to the closet again and I got up, stood right behind him. I wondered if there was anything in his eyes now, pain, anger, fear? He looked right at me in the mirror and actually looked surprised. I thought I saw a flash of...something...the way we looked at me. But I wasn't looking at him anymore, I was looking at the mirror, and all I could see was myself. My eyes were as dead as his. I don't know if they ever were any different, but when I was with him in peacetime, I thought they were, I thought I could be just as expressive in the way I looked at Duo as he did looking at me. But...that Heero's gone now. He died with Duo, I think. Maybe I was delirious, maybe I was just coming to see something I should have seen long ago...the demon stood from where he had fallen. He apologized...and I thought it was really Duo. But that logic is always there, taunting me, haunting me, he's dead he's dead he's dead and he's not coming back; Duo's not, I'm not, both of our lives ended a week ago. I looked at myself--I don't know which Duo I was trying to talk to. Both of them, maybe. I think the demon knew what I was going to say anyway...I couldn't look at myself anymore. I broke the mirror, but the demon didn't go away, and I knew that that expressionless Heero Yuy was still there too, feeling nothing, being nothing. I had to get away from both of them. Threw myself at the wall. But nothing worked."

Tears had started to make their way down Heero's cheeks. "I woke up, and Duo was holding me, crying. I thought...I thought it might have been the real Duo, come back to save me from myself, like the one I thought saved me on the cliff. But it couldn't be possible...there was blood everywhere. It was the demon that looked so much like Duo, pain in his eyes; love, sorrow, longing. I couldn't look into those eyes I had been longing for. They weren't real. Couldn't be real. I'm the Perfect Soldier; you see...the Perfect Soldier can't be weak. We both knew that. I told him that. Then all of a sudden that old Duo was gone again, and the demon was back, only this time I saw something else in the violet eyes. Pain, death, anger...it was all there. I wasn't going to let him seduce me any more. Once I...leave...he can't get to me anymore. I won't have to look at those blank eyes, yearn for his body and the soul that once occupied it. Duo Maxwell is dead...and I'm not going to be far behind."

With that, he got up and left.

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Duo: Well SHIT!

Shi-chan: Language, Duo hun...

Duo: Sheeeeet...

Shi-chan: Whoops, time for Gundam. Maybe I'll get another chapter done tonight after it's over, okay?

Duo: *in shock* Whatever...