Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Do I know thee whom I call... love? ❯ Your Secret... My Pain... ( Chapter 1 )

I own nothing… except for ideas… so don't sue… ideas don't get you any money… (mine don't anyway…)

 

Your Secret… My Pain…

 

Trowa entered the room and sighed. He had been half expecting for Wufei to show up at the hospital, but the former pilot of Altron had not been there on either of the two days Trowa spent hospitalized.

 

His lover was obviously still in bed, the bundle of shuffled bedcovers and sheets revealing his presence. Trowa approached the bed silently and carefully lifted the covers. His arms still hurt from his previous mission wounds.

 

The sight of golden flesh and tossed raven hair shouldn't be as comforting as it was for him. But then again, he thought, it had been teen years already.

 

Carefully the boy reached for the body on the bed and touched the delicate tattoo. No matter how fast and how many years passed, Trowa remembered the day of it's placing as if it had been yesterday.

 

*Flashback*

 

His lover had come home a little late, but Trowa said nothing. He noticed Wufei had been walking with his back a little stiff though. That night when they were in bed, Wufei struggled not to be the bottom and had been skittish when Trowa had tried to remove his shirt.

 

Trowa knew better then ask, so he kissed his lover senseless and while Wufei was still trying to catch his breath he swiftly removed the offending garment. He couldn't have been less surprised by the vision that greeted his eyes.

 

He held his breath as his brain fought waves of emotion to process the meaning of what his vision was telling him. Trowa reached out and touched the marred skin reverently, blinking rapidly to hide the sudden brightness in his eyes.

 

“Thank you” he whispered as his lips soothed the abused flesh and his falling tears caused pleasurable little shockwaves to course through Wufei's sensitive skin.

*End of Flashback*

 

A ghost of a smile played on his lips as he remembered the night Wufei had willingly marked himself as Trowa's, and even now, after all these years, his heart still clenched on his chest when he greeted the perfect image of his half clown mask impressed on his lovers skin.

 

Trowa kissed Wufei's ear and bit lightly on the earring there. He earned a shudder from his lover that relaxed immediately under his familiar touch.

 

The relaxation didn't last though, and Wufei's back went from loose to impossibly stiff in less than a second. The smaller boy grunted and pulled Trowa away a little, fixing him an irritated gaze.

 

Trowa was at a loss for a few moments until his lover's tantrum got the best of them both.

 

“Why do you do this?” he snapped, but Trowa didn't miss the sadness he tried to hide under the irritation. He didn't answer and Wufei stood up.

 

“Why didn't you go to see me at the hospital?” Trowa asked calmly.

 

“Why do you keep ending up at the hospital?” Wufei retorted bitterly and Trowa raised an eyebrow.

 

“Look at you!” Wufei raised his voice and pointed at Trowa's bandages, disgusted. “You keep trying to kill yourself! Why do you do this? You try so hard, one of these days you'll manage it!”

 

“I'm not trying to kill myself” Trowa countered, still puzzled at his lovers reaction.

 

Wufei sighed and put his hands on his hips, tucking some of his loose hair behind an ear first, giving Trowa time to revel at the beautiful sight that was his lover.

 

“Do you have any idea how I feel every time Une call's me to tell you're at the hospital again?” Wufei reasoned.

 

“Useless! That's how I feel! I feel like shit! ...a piece of crap that can't even prevent you from fucking trying to get killed all the time!” Wufei's hands were shacking, in fact his whole body was shacking and Trowa wondered what the boy had been doing during those two days he had been at the hospital.

 

“They're just missions Wufei, and we both knew the risks when I took this job” Trowa stated also rising from the bed.

 

“Well, you're growing careless then! Either that or you're suicidal again…”

 

“What makes you think I'm suicidal?” Trowa raised his voice just a little bit, he felt frustrated. He still didn't understand his lover's way of thinking.

 

“Well, are you happy in the least?” Wufei sounded almost defiant and Trowa's brows shoot up, “Of course I'm happy!” he deadpanned, “What makes you think I'm not?”

 

Wufei's temper seemed to be put at ease with Trowa's answer, but his mind still didn't want to believe his lover. “I've been taking a look at your missions… they didn't seem all that hard… I don't understand why you ended up at the hospital… unless you were trying to get killed…” He explained.

 

“The missions weren't hard, I was just… distracted” He admitted.

 

“Distracted?” Wufei echoed.

 

“Yes… I was thinking about… stuff…” Trowa looked down and felt he was blushing. He felt immature but there was no way he was telling Wufei about his distracting thoughts just yet. First he had to come to terms with it himself.

 

“I'm sorry” He said, lost inside obsidian depths as soon as he lifted his eyes, “I… wasn't thinking… I didn't know you might think I was suicidal…” He whispered.

 

“Well, I didn't know what else to think” He said, “I mean… my lover, a former Gundam pilot starts taking a few ridiculous missions for the Preventers and soon enough ends up at the Hospital…repeatedly”

 

“I…” Trowa floundered.

 

“Don't tell me you're out of practice, all the time you spent training at the circus after the war… and all those training sessions with Heero… you're in better shape that any of us… except for Yuy and, even then, I'm not sure…”

 

“Maybe you should lower your opinion of me a bit” Trowa said quietly.

 

“Maybe you should raise your opinion of yourself a bit…” Wufei countered sternly.

 

“Listen Wufei… I'm sorry if I made you worry… it wasn't intentional, like I said… I've been distracted. I just don't want to share what's been distracting me right now ok?” He looked up at his lover with pleading eyes and Wufei relented.

 

“No… I apologize… I shouldn't be thinking about suicide… It's been so long since you, since any of us tried something like that…”

 

“Yes…” Trowa agreed “It's been a long time… and I am sorry that I have tried it even back then…” He said, sitting back on the bed tiredly, his muscles hurt due to his wounds.

 

“Trowa… don't… I…” Wufei kneeled on the bed beside his lover and held his hands, kissing Trowa's lips passionately.

 

“If… if you're not really happy… if you, if you need… want something else… I… please… don't… I mean… I know you miss Catherine, and… there's Quatre also… and the circus… if you…” Wufei stammered.

 

“Shh…” Trowa put his hand delicately on Wufei's lips, “I am happy, I need nothing. I miss them. I love you”

 

“Trowa…” Wufei whispered and felt his lover's hands start rummaging through his half naked body.

 

They made passionate love that night, the way they did when emotions needed to be settled and insecurities needed to be taken away.

 

When all was over and Wufei lay spent in his lover's arms, Trowa heard the faint sound of whispered words, “I love you too…”

 

TBC

 

 

* Shinigami no Miko looks around excitedly * Soooooo? Do you like it? Do you like it? Please tell me! *Trowa looks pointedly away*

I mean it! Pretty please? *Makes BIG puppy eyes…*

Well… if you don't feedback… I'll just stop writing!... *pouts and turns away, Trowa stands up and leaves the room his eyes suspiciously bright*

WHAT?! What do you mean you couldn't care less?... *has tears in her eyes*

You heartless mean, mean reader… don't you know that's what I live for?

*relents under Wufei's scornful gaze* Well… for those of you who HAVE a heart… tell me what you think! For those of you who don't… thanks anyway…!

See ya next chapter… *stands up… it's all right Trowa, they WILL write us, I promise! ...*