Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Extreme Home Makeover - Gundam Edition ❯ Day 6 - Afternoon ( Chapter 9 )

Day Six - Afternoon

 

“ANY OF YOU GUYS SEEN QUATRE?”

 

Zechs glared at Duo. “No. And if you do that again, I'm putting this water pipe up your ass.”

 

“Heh heh, right,” Duo laughed nervously, turning off the bullhorn. He wandered around, asking people very quietly if they'd seen Quatre or any of the Maguanacs recently.

 

“What about Trowa?” Howard asked, not looking up from his workbench.

 

“Oh, you're right!” He'd been so busy blaming Trowa for Quatre's disappearance he'd forgotten to wonder where clown-boy himself had got off to. “Do you know where HE is?” Duo asked, hopeful.

 

“Nope.”

 

Duo sighed, made his way to the refreshments cart. They were almost out of the good stuff, the high-octane bottled latte, but there was no way he was about to bother Noin again. That woman was unstable. Nabbing an energy drink, he made his way to the back of the house.

 

As he sat despondently on his overturned wheel-barrow, his ears tuned in to an unidentified noise. It sounded like…Dwarves, toiling in an ancient mine far below the surface.

 

“Great, now I'm hearing things!” Duo shook his head, took a sip of his drink. Eyebrows raised in pleasant surprise, he took another sip. Then he read the label. “What the heck's `guarana'?”

 

Before Duo could figure out the nature of the herb or the origin of the hammering sounds, a giant figure strode past, blotting out the sun. With the grace of a newer-model Godzilla, Gundam Altron placed itself right in the middle of the yard and knelt. It extended its dragon-claw-attack-thing, a weapon Duo had never quite understood himself, and grabbed the bathroom window frame. It tugged.

 

An ominous creaking came from the house.

 

“Whoa, hold it! Stop it!” Duo scrambled to his feet and fumbled for the bullhorn. “WUFEI! CEASE AND DESIST RIGHT NOW! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!??”

 

The pilot hatch opened and Wufei stepped out. Instead of answering, though, he climbed up to the Gundam's arm and walked along it until he reached the house. Then he unslung an acetylene torch from his belt and began cutting through the wall around the window.

 

Duo stared, unable to speak. Then he remembered the bullhorn again. “WUFEI, YOU ASSHOLE! KNOCK IT THE HELL OUT!”

 

Wufei glanced down at him. “Actually, I'm going to pull it out. Excuse me.” He sprinted back to the cockpit without another word.

 

Altron grabbed the window again, and this time pulled the bathroom wall clean off.

 

“This can't be happening,” Duo murmured, chugging the rest of his energy drink for support.

 

Then Altron pivoted, raised its other arm. In the left-hand dragon's jaws, a massive something-or-other draped in a tarp awaited delivery - through the wall and directly into the bathroom. As soon as its job was done, it waited patiently while Wufei jogged back down the arm and helped direct the section of wall back into place. Before it was completely set, Wufei darted around it and effectively sealed himself into the bathroom. The occasional spark shot through the seam as he welded the wall shut.

 

Duo looked around to see if anyone else had witnessed this, this, this utter breach of makeover protocol!

 

Howard, Sally, Noin, Zechs, Relena, two neighbor kids, five cops, and a mime stared open-mouthed at the Gundam.

 

Then one of the cops spoke. “I gotta get me one-a those!”

 

The only person not in shock from the preceding was Pagan, who hummed merrily to himself within the sanctity of Miss Relena's pink cadillac. He had the radio on, and the air conditioner, and was generally enjoying the fact that he didn't have to do anything other than guard the car and be ready to get Relena out of here should the work become too messy.

 

He didn't notice the questing green tendrils checking the door handles.

 

He definitely didn't notice the vine making its way up the car's tailpipe, or drilling up through the frame into the cab.

 

But when it wrapped around his ankle, he had a moment of total disbelief before a cool, slender vine slithered up his pants leg and wrapped around something else entirely. He wondered briefly if he had picked the wrong day to go commando, but then the vine seemed to sprout several smaller, ticklingly fresh tendrils, and Pagan stopped thinking logically.

 

The Plant needed seed to grow, and by lucky chance had found a donor in the first try. And unlike so many others before, this donor seemed all too happy to comply. The Plant treated him gently, coaxing him to give up his seed rather than demanding it. This human seemed a little on the wilting side, but the Plant didn't need much. It tugged and tickled, and noted the vibrations that meant the human was making happy noises. This was a good thing. Happy noises usually indicated that the Plant could make a new friend, someone to care for it between sproutings. This one seemed a little less weird than that last one had been; the Plant had no idea what She had been talking about, but Her tone had given it the right willies.

 

Pagan moaned softly, recalling a very naughty interlude involving two strippers and a jar of marshmallow crème, and he surrendered his load to the Plant.

 

As the vine withdrew, refreshed with its addition of human genetic material, it paused. It decided to use some of its energy to ensure a stable future: it pushed one of its nubs into a tiny bud, and then sprouted it into a lovely ivory flower resembling a small magnolia blossom. With one tendril it plucked itself, then fastened the flower to Pagan's lapel before slipping out of the car and back into the secretive Earth.

 

Pagan, meanwhile, sighed and breathed in the scent of the Martian Kudzu Vine blossom, deciding it was quite possibly the most wonderful thing in the world. When he got home, he'd definitely put it in a vase…