Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Faint ❯ Faint ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I don't own the Gundam boys or Linkin Park.

Warnings: Swearing--lots of it. Yaoi (that means hanky panky between two boys, so go away if you're going to have a hissy fit), questionable humor, and sap.

Notes: It's a little pointless, but I had fun writing it. I hope you have fun reading it. It's the result of one too many Frappucinos, I think. :-) The song is Faint, by Linkin Park.

[I am]

[A little bit of loneliness]

I am, by definition, a loner. It's not a choice I make, but, hey, death is lonely, right? It's the way it's supposed to be, I think, but I don't have to like it. I don't have to wallow in it, right? I try not to. I surround myself with noise, and chaos, and the few people I can trust, but I still feel it. The loneliness, I mean. Ironically, especially now, when I actually have friends to surround myself with. Especially when I'm around one certain perfect soldier, Heero Yuy. I could pretty much ignore that hollow spot inside until he forced it to make its presence known, and now it aches constantly, and is damned near unbearable when he's in the room with me. It's a fucking uncomfortable feeling for death to have, I can tell you that. What the hell use does walking death have for a companion? Stupid. It's stupid, I'm stupid. Hehe, death is stupid. Whaddya know. But life's funny that way, you know? You think you have your role etched out, and then something silly and soft like love creeps in and messes up everything, makes you hurt. Joy.

[A little bit of disregard]

[A handful of complaints]

Yeah, life's a bitch. Love's a bitch. Hell, maybe everything that starts with the letter "L" is a bitch. Come to think of it, I once knew a Lydia that was worse than Une with PMS during a universal chocolate shortage. *Shudder.* Anyhoo, this love/lust/want thing I had for Heero was really starting to get to me. It made me act irrational at times. What's that? Screw you, I was *not* irrational before Heero. There was a method to my madness, thank you very much. Now, stop interrupting and let me finish. Where was I? Oh yeah--my irrational behavior. *Death glare.* I was acting a bit out of control, making inappropriate jokes, playing inappropriate pranks (more inappropriate than usual--even Quatre wouldn't speak to me for a while), and generally bitching and making life as miserable for the others as it was for me. I didn't mean to, really, but it was getting so hard to be in the same room with Heero without doing something *really* embarrassing, like writing sonnets in tribute to the blue of his eyes, or singing songs in tribute to the tightness of his spandex, hehe. Well, not quite that bad, but it was all I could do to not glomp him through the floor, or at least stare at him like some lovestruck schoolgirl. Contrary to popular belief, Duo Maxwell absolutely refuses to do lovestruck schoolgirl--unless Heero wanted to play strict teacher. Hmmmm....ahem. Sorry.

[But I can't help the fact]

[That everyone can see these scars]

Quatre was the first one to figure out what was going on, and he confronted me about it after he started talking to me again. I didn't even try to deny it. I run, I hide, but I don't....oh, I see you've heard that before. Well then, you should know it's true. Trowa figured it out next, or Quatre told him, I don't know which. I think Quatre probably tells him everything, but that's okay with me. I didn't really mind bang boy knowing. Hell, I didn't mind everybody knowing, as long as they could figure it out without me having to tell them. I may like to talk a lot, but I'm not all touchy-feely about it, you understand. It surprised me, though, when I found out Trowa knew, because he *teased* me about it. Yes, I am serious. It wasn't a big deal, but since it involved more than three words, I was understandably taken aback. I didn't think he had it in him, really. You learn something new every day. I was shocked into silence, unusual for me, and of course Wufei noticed. He asked me what was wrong, so I told him. In detail. With a few fantasies I have had about Heero thrown in just for good measure. I was scared he was going to bleed to death, his nose started pouring so bad. It was soooo worth the Justice rant I was treated to later, although I still think that calling me a shameless onna was a bit much. What I wanted to do to Heero wouldn't be physically possible if I had been a woman, and I told Wu-man so. Man, he gets nosebleeds easily.

[I am]

[What I want you to want]

It wasn't too long before all of the the pilots knew how I felt, except for the one that mattered. Heero was either clueless or pretending to be. I'm still unsure which. It didn't matter so much--in fact, it became like a game. Since the others knew, I didn't feel like I had to go to so much trouble to hide it. I began flirting like crazy, rubbing against him whenever close quarters gave me an excuse, making suggestive comments, sending him my patented, soon-to-be-marketed Duo Maxwell Look of Seduction, and eating various foods in front of him in such a sexual way that a blind monk would have been sporting wood by the time I was finished. Hell, I even caught the Wufster gaping at me like a fish out of water once, and he's as straight as a tertiary quad connector. There was no way Heero could resist me, right? Wrong. Well, not wrong, I suppose, because he didn't resist. He didn't do anything. He was oblivious. I was ignored. I was also frustrated as hell. My behavior got more and more blatant. I even started wearing just a towel around the house, even when I hadn't taken a shower. That got his attention, all right. The bastard called Sally Po and recommended me for a psych exam. The prick. I was going to have to pull out the heavy artillery. *Snicker.* Not *that* heavy artillery, you hentai. That comes later, hehe. Get it? *Comes* later? Man, I kill me.

[What I want you to feel]

I'm pretty good at masturbation. Hey, don't laugh. Not everybody is, you know. It's an art. I'm not talking about a quick wank to relieve tension, either. I'm referring to the ultra-sensual, meant-for-someone-to-watch brand of masturbation. Hell, I take it back, I'm not pretty good at it--I'm phenomenal. I'm not bragging, and I'm sure not proud of the unsavory way I learned the skill, but I'm also not above pulling it out of my arsenal. Hehe, I'm on a roll today. Point being, I figured if I could get Heero to *accidentally* see me putting on a show for him, he might decide to join in. I could hope, right? Besides, at the very least, I could see what his reaction would be, and I could always pretend I didn't want him to see me if it turned out that he wasn't interested. So, there I am, naked, on my bed and just getting into the swing of things when I heard him come to the partially open door. I pretended that I didn't know he was there, all the time discreetly watching him by way of the mirror in front of me while I touched myself. He didn't come in or announce his presence, as I had hoped he would, but he didn't leave in disgust, either. He just stood there, watching me, so still I never would have noticed him if I hadn't been expecting him. I didn't know if that meant he liked what he saw or not, but the knowledge that the object of my obsession was standing there, watching me pant and writhe on the bed, made my job easy. I tell you, I've had some mind-blowing orgasms in my day, but that one, there on my bed alone, with Heero watching, was cataclysmic. I think I may have actually screamed Heero's name when I came. I know for a fact that I *did* scream. When I had enough sense to look at the door again, Heero was gone. Damn it. I wanted the real thing. I was also pretty fucking embarrassed when Trowa and Wufei came running into the room. By the time I finished explaining to them that no one had broken into the house, my blush looked like a full body sunburn. Wufei lost more blood, again, and Trowa kept smirking at me. Man, when that guy smirks it's creepy. The stuff nightmares are made of, for sure. It's a good thing I don't care about dignity, because what little I had left went flying out the window that night. Oh, well.

[But it's like]

[No matter what I do]

[I can't convince you]

[To just believe this is real]

You probably think, from the way I'm talking, that I just wanted in Heero's pants. That's simply untrue. Hell, I didn't even want Heero in his pants. He would be much more...delectable...without them, hehe. Okay, so you're partially right. I was cursed with a case of lust so strong it's a wonder I didn't do something suicidal, like sneak into bed with him at night when he was sleeping. However, I'm not suicidal or stupid, and I wanted more from soldier boy than a quick roll in the hay. I wanted *Heero*, understand? Body and soul. I wanted him to be mine, and I wanted to belong to him, too. I think I knew that he could fill the hole I mentioned earlier. (The loneliness, you perverts.) I know I went about trying to catch him by using sex, but what else was I supposed to do? Bring him flowers? Ask him out on a date? I don't think so. Although I did try to get him to accompany me places, all very innocent, of course. And he always refused...of course. Getting that guy to have fun is like getting a cat to take a bath and like it. Damned near impossible. I did get him to go to a club with me once, wonder of wonders, and a gay nightclub at that. I had to exaggerate (not lie--I don't lie) and tell him it would help the mission (that took a lot of fancy talking--fortunately I am the king of fancy talking). It was a complete flop. I should have known. Not only did Heero *not* fall at my feet, but I had to use my gift of gab to keep from having our cover blown when Heero tried to emasculate an overly friendly drunk who said Heero was "the cutest thing ever" right before trying to grab a handful of his package. I was glad Heero knocked out a few of his teeth, though. Damned upstart. Couldn't he see that Heero was mine? I was tempted to plant a few punches in the man's face myself, but I knew we had to get out of there before the cops showed up. I had to tell Heero the truth to get him to leave, too, at least part of the truth. I didn't tell him I wanted him to come with me so that I'd have the opportunity to rub against his sweaty body on a crowded dance floor, but I had to tell him I li..exaggerated things about the mission. He took it better than I thought he would. He didn't kill me. Didn't even utter his trademark threat to kill me. He just called me a baka, and told me to stop playing around. Man, that hurt. No, really, it did. I wasn't playing. I'm not sure what I *was* doing, but I know that I didn't think of it as a game, not at that point, and the fact that he wasn't getting the hint was enough to make me a bit testy. The night didn't end well. I yelled, he glared, and we both pouted for the next day or so. Okay, okay--I pouted, and Yuy just banged away on that damned laptop of his, ignoring me.

[So I let go]

[Watching you]

[Turn your back like you always do]

[Face away and pretend that I'm not]

Two days of sulking was all I could handle. I can only stay quiet for so long, and 48 hours was the end of my limit. Heero didn't seem to mind the silence, damned machine that he is, but, as I said, I'd had enough. The first words out of my mouth were doozies.

"Heero, I'm gay. What about you?" I heard myself ask in disbelief. Oh well, I couldn't have taken the words back at that point, so I decided to just go with the flow.

Apparently, the flow was good, because Heero actually stopped typing and turned around to glare at me. Miracle of miracles, he noticed I existed--for a full minute. He kept staring at me, his expression unreadable, then simply gave me his customary "Hn," before turning back to his laptop.

Shit.

Well, I guess he didn't want to talk about it. I threw a pillow at him and left the room to continue my sulk where it would be appreciated. I left in search of Wu-fers. He always loved my company. *Snicker.*

[But I'll be here]

[`Cause you're all I got]

The not-a-game continued for months, getting more intense every day. The touching, the innuendo, everything--I stepped it all up a notch. There were times I actually think I was getting to Yuy. I could have sworn I saw him watching me on more than a few occasions, even though his attention was elsewhere whenever I'd look directly at him. Still, it was a start, and I was nowhere near giving up. I couldn't give up. This was important. Heero was mine. He just didn't know it yet. I was hunting him, you see. Shinigami, mighty predator, and Heero Yuy, the doomed prey. Hehe, I like that image. Maybe I could just throw him over my shoulder, haul him off, and have my way with him. Yeah, right, and monkeys will fly out of my butt.

Speaking of butts, have I mentioned what a fine one Heero has? Oh yeah, it's drool-worthy. Tight and muscled enough to see it flex with every step he takes. God, I love spandex. I love Heero's butt. I love Heero. No, I'm not afraid to admit it. I love Heero. I didn't decide to do that. It just happened. Don't know when, don't care either. If I had a choice, I wouldn't love anybody, just like if I had a choice, I wouldn't feel lonely. If there's one thing I've learned, though, it's that life gives me very few choices. I just try to do the best with what I'm given. Therefore, the best I can do is to get Heero to love me back. He will love me. I won't fail. Shinigami doesn't lie, and death always gets his man. Heero *is* mine.

[I am]

[A little bit insecure]

[A little unconfident]

And then there was Relena. Damned aggravating onna. I'm with Wufei on this, at least when it comes to Miss Blow-Peace-and-Sunshine-up-Your-Ass. God, she was annoying. Probably just needed a good lay, but, damn it, it looked like she wanted Heero to volunteer. Oh, hell no. Not gonna happen. At least, it better not happen. I couldn't help but worry, though. I mean, she was all over him. All of the time. She even followed him from school to school. So did I, but that was different. No, I don't know how it was different, it just *was*. Get it? It bugged me. A lot. Especially when Heero didn't go to too much trouble to push her off. Sure, he threatened to kill her a lot, but he never did actually go through with it, so what was the use of him wasting his breath, I ask you? Damn it, he should have just married her and given her a passle of babies to keep her quiet. I take that back. Really. I didn't mean it. I think I'd die.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I let her get to me. Yep, the green-eyed monster had my nuts in a deathgrip, and, as jealousy usually does, it made me act like a fool. I decided to return the favor and make Yuy jealous as well. Yeah, stupid plan, huh? The guy wasn't even interested in me, and I thought that him seeing me hitting on another guy would make him care. So sometimes I don't think things through. Sue me. Anyway, it wasn't too hard. Modesty aside, I'm a pretty popular guy with both the ladies and the gents wherever I go. What can I say, death comes in a nice package. I found a likely candidate with a quickness, and proceeded to turn on all of the charm that Heero had been ignoring for months. It worked, too well. Before I had even gotten to my best come-hither lines, this guy, whose name I can't even remember now--I think it was Earl, or Eric, or Evan, or something equally unmemorable--was all up on me, trying to ram his tongue down my throat and shove his hands down my pants at the same time. I swear, you'd think he'd just come off a deserted island, he was so frantic. He was also unwilling to back off, and I had no intention of letting it go any farther. I didn't want to fuck the guy, after all, just make Heero take notice, but I *was* going to fuck him up if he didn't get off me. I managed to shove his head back and was getting ready to tell him so, when something miraculous happened. The guy learned to fly. I shit you not, one minute he was standing there, hand halfway in my jeans, and the next he was just flying across the hallway. At least, that's what it looked like. I stood there for a moment, surprised, staring at him where he had landed on the floor, before a low growl got my attention. I turned back around, and recieved my second shock. Heero Yuy was standing there, and by the look of the death glare he was giving the guy, my plan had worked. I would have done a cartwheel if I did such girly things. Instead, I just gave a happy little wiggle (I couldn't control it, I swear), and breathed out one word. "Heero..."

[`Cause you don't understand]

[I do what I can]

[But sometimes I don't make sense]

It took me exactly one second to completely forget about Earl/Evan/Eric, because that's how long it took for Heero to shove me to the wall, one hand on my jaw, one clenched in my braid, and only his thigh between my legs to hold me up. I know I flinched, expecting him to hit me, but what he did next drove all coherent throught from my mind. He kissed me. Yes, you heard me right, Heero Yuy kissed me. I was suddenly glad he was holding me, because I know I would have fallen otherwise. My legs turned to jelly quicker than macaroni salad causes food poisoning, and if you've had Rashid's macaroni salad, you know that's pretty damned quick. Anyway, I just clutched his arms and held on for dear life. Heero may have been obtuse, but, damn, could he kiss. I never wanted him to stop, but, of course, he did, right before I nearly passed out from lack of oxygen. I was convinced that I actually had passed out and was dreaming when he leaned close to me and said, right into my ear, "Do you want to fuck me, Duo?"

Man, did I ever. I tried to answer him, but all that came out was this embarrassing little whimper. He didn't seem to care, though, `cause he went right on talking. "Perhaps I was wrong," I heard him say, voice low and husky. "Maybe you would rather *I* fucked *you*."

Fuck, fuck, fuck. At that moment, I'd take him however I could get him, especially when I felt him lift his thigh, grinding it lightly against my groin. I groaned and let my head drop to his shoulder, unable to do anything else.

"What's the matter, Duo? Did I get it wrong again?" he continued. "Maybe it doesn't matter who fucks who, ne? Maybe it doesn't even matter who you're with, as long as you're fucking, right?" He nearly spat the last word at me, and it took me a moment to realize that something was wrong. He was still grinding against me, though, and my thought processes weren't exactly quick. I was confused, and I was so horny I was having trouble computing. I looked at his face, and noticed through my haze that Heero was angry. Very angry. I tried to clear my head, and focused on what he had just said to me. When I got it, it hit me like a blaster cannon. Heero thought I was a slut, just out for a good time. I tried to push him off me, but he was no wuss like Eric/Evan/Earl. He just tightened his hold, and kept spewing his words at me. Damn it, I spend months trying to get him to talk, and when he does, it's this shit.

"Does that feel good, Duo?" Damn him, he made my name sound like an obscenity. "Do you want me to make you come?" The bastard. Yes, I wanted it, but not like this. He was still talking. "I may not feel like being your convenient fuck, but I suppose I can get you off just this once, ne?" He kissed me again, a hard, brutal kiss, glaring at me when I attempted to bite him. "Just this once, Duo. Just this once. And after you get what you want from me, you have to leave me alone. Understand?" he asked, biting me lightly on the tendon in my neck. "You have to leave me alone. I can't take this anymore. Understand?" Oh, I understood, all right. I understood that I had managed to get my legs free.

I grinned at him when he finally looked into my eyes. It was not a nice grin. I pulled back and slammed my knee into his groin for all I was worth. He was such a fucking bastard. I told him so while he was lying on the floor, groaning, then went to my room.

I just went to my room to think. That's all. Boys don't cry. I don't cry.

[I am]

[What you never want to say]

[But I've never had a doubt]

Heero and I did our best to ignore each other after that. He didn't mention our encounter, and neither did I. Thankfully, he also decided not to kill me for the low blow. I regretted doing that, I really did, but he made me so damned angry. Okay, so maybe he hurt my feelings, but the anger was there, too. I let him know it, in subtle ways, of course. His toothbrush *accidentally* fell in the toilet--twice. So did his hairbrush. And one of his tank tops. I considered dunking his laptop, but figured that just because he hadn't killed me yet was no reason to push my luck. Amazingly, and annoyingly, Heero didn't act angry at all. He just ignored me. Pointedly. I tell you, the tension between us for the next couple of weeks was thick enough to float gundamium in. The others noticed, of course. Quatre, bless his nosy little space heart, asked me about it one morning, after Heero dumped the box of rags on the table that had once been his spare spandex shorts. At least, they had been shorts before I cut them all up with my scissors. Yep, he just dropped the box and stalked off, not even bothering to glare at me. I had been sure that would get a rise out of him, but apparently not. Quatre immediately turned worried eyes on me and asked me what was going on. I was all prepared to give him some flippant answer, when the whole story came tumbling out of my mouth. It's a damned good thing Quatre never decided to become an iterrogator for OZ. There's something about that angelic face of his that just makes you want to spill your guts to him. But hell, it was Quatre, so it didn't bother me so much. I actually felt a little better after I told him. He was sympathetic, of course, although he did tell me I was being a bit cruel to Heero. Ha! I didn't think so. I told Quatre he had it coming, and then Quatre pointed out a couple of things I hadn't noticed in the heat of my anger: 1) Heero *had* been jealous, and he had rushed to my rescue, 2) He obviously wanted me, or he wouldn't have kissed me, and 3) Heero had said "After you get what you want from me, you have to leave me alone." That last statement is what caused the light bulb to go off in my head. Heero thought I was trying to use him. Surely that implied that, if he did want me, he wanted me for *more* than sex, right? Suddenly, I wasn't angry anymore, and I felt pretty guilty for being mean to him. I should have thought it through more, you know? After all, this was Heero Unemotional Machine Yuy we were talking about. The guy had no idea how to handle relationships *or* emotions, and here I was expecting him to be able to read between the lines and know what I wanted. I felt pretty stupid, and like a jerk, but I was hopeful again. Heero wanted me. He wanted me for more than sex. I think. Life was good. Now I just had to figure out a new game plan. Oh yeah, baby. Shinigami lives!

[It's like no matter what I do]

[I can't convince you]

[For once just to hear me out]

I apologized to Heero that evening. He kept ignoring me, but I had expected as much. It's not like I thought I'd say, "Sorry Heero," and he'd confess undying devotion to me. Okay, so I didn't think it for more than a few minutes. The point is, I knew it wouldn't happen. Anyway, I apologized, and I tried to open a conversation with him about what was going on, but he left the room right in the middle of the speech I had planned so carefully. Things were not working like I had hoped. After watching his backside disappear from the room--yeah, I was still watching his backside, I couldn't help it--I had to struggle for a minute to control my irritation. It was a close thing, but I managed to *not* throw his tank tops out of the window. After a while, everything was cool. I just had to think of a way to make him listen to me.

[So I let go]

[Watching you]

[Turn your back like you always do]

[Face away and pretend that I'm not]

Making Heero Yuy listen when he didn't want to was easier said than done. Hell, making a duck wear ballet shoes to put on a production of `Swan Lake' would have been easier. Hey, I wonder what Heero would look like in a tutu? Ack--bad mental image. Sorry, I stepped to the side. Where was I? Oh yeah, getting Heero to listen to me. Wasn't happening. It didn't help that we had a couple of missions, back to back, right after that. I mean, I could have talked to him over the coms in our Gundams while we were fighting, since he would have been a captive audience and all, but I didn't think it was the time or place. Yeah, I could just see it: "Hey, Heero, there's a Leo behind you. By the way, you're the frosting on my cupcake. Can I lick you off?" Nope. Even I know better than that. Besides, I'd rather not talk to him about it while he has access to a buster rifle. He's dangerous enough with just his bare hands, thank you very much. I put it off, but I didn't forget. I knew there would be time later, and there was.

[But I'll be here]

[`Cause you're all I've got]

After the missions ended, we were split up from the other guys. Quatre was off doing whatever he did in the sand during downtime, Trowa was with him, and none of us knew where Wufei was. I guess he was on a mission. I've never asked. Heero and I went undercover as we usually did, at a school. Happy happy joy joy. I just love school--not. This time I didn't mind so much, though, `cause I always got to share a room with Heero. I knew Heero wouldn't deviate from this, either, because sharing a room made it easier for us to discuss missions without being caught, and you know Yuy was all about the missions. I knew I'd be able to corner him now, and I could do it without the other guys bugging me about it. It was perfect.

[I can't feel]

[The way I did before]

Okay, did I say it was perfect? Well, I was wrong. Not that it was disastrous or anything. I mean, nobody bled, but it was far from the resounding success I'd hoped for. The first night we were there consisted of me trying to talk, him telling me to shut up, and then silence. I could have plowed on ahead and talked anyway, like I always did, but this was important. I didn't want it to be like always. I wanted him to *want* to hear what I was saying. Unrealistic, I know, but it seems that I wasn't too good at all that emotional crap, either. I chickened out. Yes, I'm ashamed to say, Death turned coward. Yay, me.

[Don't turn your back on me]

[I won't be ignored]

Another week of silence and numerous "shut up, baka" statements, and my courage was coming back due to sheer desperation. I tell you, I was close to the breaking point. If I couldn't get his attention soon I knew I would do something insane like grabbing him in chemistry class and kissing him senseless. I didn't want to go that far, even though it would be a riot to see the look on the uptight teacher's face. Ms. McCurdy was her name, and she looked perpetually constipated. I thought about giving her some advice on adding fiber to her diet, but decided against it. Somehow I had the feeling that she wouldn't appreciate my helpful nature like she should. But back to Heero. I decided to just get it over with, once and for all.

[Time won't heal]

[This damage anymore]

[Don't turn your back on me]

[I won't be ignored]

I had already decided that if Heero *could* walk out on that particular conversation, he would, so I came up with a plan where he couldn't walk away. Yes, you are about to recieve a perfect example of how frustrated I was. I was about to do something drastic. I was going to kidnap the Perfect Soldier. Put the damned straightjacket down and let me finish, will ya? The plan was genius. Besides, it was all I could think of. I had already tried the more sane methods, and look where that got me. Nowhere, that's where. Damn it.

I sent Heero a message on his laptop during class to meet me behind the gymnasium to discuss "important information about the mission". I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong. I did *not* lie. I didn't tell him *which* mission, and the information was certainly important, at least to me. He recieved the message, and, to my relief, I recieved his "Accepted" as answer a few minutes later. Alright! It was time to put Operation Tell Heero Yuy How You Feel into motion.

[No]

I wanted to chloroform him. I really did. Don't get me wrong--it wasn't out of any sadistic desire or anything. My sadistic desires ran along different lines than chloroform, hehe. Seriously, that whole chloroform on a rag thing is just so cool, man. However, since it would involve sneaking up on a boy with better reflexes than a rattlesnake, I decided to pass on the chloroform and settle for a nice, boring mickey slipped into his drink. Phenobarbital, my friends, can knock out an elephant, and, slipped into one of those disgusting health drinks Yuy favors, should be unnoticable. Yes, I'm a bad, bad boy. Get over it. I was also a desperate boy.

So, it was time for me to execute my brilliant, masterful, amazing plan. The drink was ready, and I was waiting behind the gym with what I hope was an apologetic yet innocent look on my face. Not too innocent, mind you. That would have made him suspicious. He knows me well enough to know that I *always* have something up my sleeve. Anyway, he showed up right on time. As usual. Punctuality, apparently, is important to him. Huh. I offered him his drink with a few paltry words about how I was thirsty and thought he would be, too. He looked at me a little funny, but he drank it, all the while getting impatient about what the information was that I'd called him out here about.

Yeah, the information. I hadn't thought to actually think of something to tell him, so I stalled like crazy. He took it for a few minutes, then apparently got tired of listening to me babble, because he started to take off. I noticed, however, that his movements were a bit slower than usual. Good. The phenobarbital was starting to take effect. I called out to him to get him to turn around. After all, I didn't want him conking out where people could see him. It would interfere with my plan, ya know. "Heero, about why I called you out here," I stalled.

"What?" He replied. His voice was a bit slurred, and he had to steady himself against the wall of the gymnasium. This was a Good Thing.

"I think you should sit down first," I told him gently.

His eyes were glazing over at this point. I stepped a bit closer to him. "Doushite--why?"

Yep, he was definitely fuzzy. He was reverting to Japanese. I smiled at him, hoping he was far gone enough not to kill me. "Because if you don't you'll fall," I told him.

Of course he asked me why. I was happy to tell him. "Because your drink was drugged, baka." Nope, he didn't appreciate that at all, but there wasn't much he could do about it at that point, seeing as how his face was on it's way to a close encounter with the ground. Being that I kind of liked his face, I saved it and caught him before he could collapse completely. I pretended not to hear his muttered "Omae o Kuroso". After all, the great Heero Yuy was now at my mercy. Life was good.

[Hear me out now]

Don't ask how I got him back to our room. Just know that he looks small, but weighs enough that my back still hurts when I think about it. I got him there, and that's all that matters. I still had to wait for him to wake up, though. I didn't know how long it would take, but I hoped it wouldn't be too long. Since it was Friday afternoon I wasn't worried about running out of time, but I'm an impatient sort of guy, and I hate waiting. I really hate waiting in silence. Really. So after I made sure I had him in enough rope that he couldn't get loose without giving me time to run, I talked to him. And talked to him. And talked...well, you get the picture. I couldn't help it, though. I finally had him there and he wasn't going anywhere, so I think I poured out an entire year's worth of aborted conversations on his unconscious head. I even told him my life story, something I just don't do. Of course, he couldn't hear me, but that's not the point, now is it? Besides, if he ever wanted to know, I'd tell him. I trust him. I just don't *like* having to answer questions about my past. It wasn't bad, though, especially since no questions were being asked in the first place.

It was the middle of the night and I had just launched into tales of my training with G when I noticed that he was awake. I didn't know how long he'd been awake, because he wasn't making any noise. He was just glaring at me, and his eyes shining in the moonlight that spilled in from the window unnerved me. I remember chuckling nervously, watching his eyes narrow even more. Needless to say, Heero was pissed. It was too late to back out at that point, though, so I just flashed him my trademark grin and made some smartassed comment about how good it was for him to join me.

I recieved no comment, so I plunged onward.

[You're gonna listen to me]

I'm not completely insane, so the first thing I did was apologize to him for drugging him and tying him up. Geez, it sounds really bad when I say it, doesn't it? Um...yeah. Anyway, I tried to explain that I'd let him go as soon as I said what I needed to. He seemed to relax a bit at that, but he still didn't speak. I couldn't really blame him, and I was glad, anyway. I had something to say, and I didn't want him interrupting. I took a deep breath and dove right in.

I told him I knew he had gotten the wrong idea before, and I apologized for the misunderstanding. I tried to explain what was going on, but I don't think he was getting me. He just kept giving me that glare. Finally, I figured in for a penny, in for a pound, so I decided to just blurt out what I was thinking--at least some of it. I wasn't going to tell him I loved him, you see. Not yet, anyway. I didn't want to scare him off. I'm not stupid. So I opened my mouth, preparing to give him my nice speech about how I liked him as more than a friend, and how I'd like for us to get together and see if anything could come of it. At least that's what I meant to say. What I really said was--hey! How did you know? Yeah, you're right. I opened my big mouth, and out came, "Heero, damn it, I love you!"

[Like it or not]

Well, as you can guess, I was just as surprised as he was. Too late for regrets, and I didn't want to take it back once I'd said it. Besides, it would have been a lie if I told him I didn't mean it. I was stuck. All I could do was wait miserably for his reaction. It was exactly what I expected.

"Untie me," he said, his voice as menacing as his eyes.

What the hell. I couldn't keep him there forever, as much as I would have liked to, and I had already said more than enough. I untied him.

[Right now]

I knew I was in for it as soon as he was untied. I should have ran, but my feet suddenly seemed glued to the floor. He began advancing toward me, eyes never leaving my face. I couldn't stand it, so I squeezed my eyes shut as tight as I could, expecting the beating of my life. Imagine my surprise when I felt, instead of a punch, the feel of Heero's lips ghosting over my own. Hell, I can't even imagine my surprise--it was that shocking. My eyes flew open, and there he stood, his face inches from mine, a tiny smile--I think it was a smile; you never can tell with Heero--lifting up one corner of his mouth. "Duo no baka," he whispered before kissing me again. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

Well, fuck. Yeah, why didn't I? Sheesh--go figure. On the bright side, at least Yuy listens when I want to talk now. Of course, now I have more interesting things to do with...to...Heero most of the time. But that's a whole other story. Ja ne!