Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Finding Forgiveness ❯ Arrangements ( Chapter 4 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: light of nataku 
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Drama | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 02.12.2009 | Updated On: 02.12.2009 | Pages: 4 | Words: 4.7K | Visits: 202 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Drama | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 02.12.2009 | Updated On: 02.12.2009 | Pages: 4 | Words: 4.7K | Visits: 202 | Status: Work In Progress
Disclaimer: I don’t own Gundam Wing or any of it characters. All rights are held Bandai(as far as I know).
Chapter Four
A.C. 195
Wufei groaned as he felt a pressure on his chest and he cracked open one eye to see that Duo was sprawled across him. “Wakey, wakey baby.” Duo grinned. Wufei grumbled as Duo gave him a few quick pecks on the lips. “I made us dinner. I know how tired that you are from the double shift and then staying up with the plumber.” He ran his fingers playfully through Wufei’s hair.
“Tired.” He grumbled. He tried to pull the blankets up but Duo pulled them away. The pillow went the same way and Wufei laid there unmoving.
“But I made your favorite.” Duo said pressing his lips against Wufei’s temple.
“Ugh . . . Come to bed. Lets sleep.” He tried to turn over rolling Duo with him. He curled around Duo and his eyes snapped open when his bare thigh slid across Duo’s own bare skin. “Are you naked?” Instantly he was awake and staring down at his naked koibito.
Duo chuckled. “Now you’re awake.” He said as he rolled out of the bed and left the room.
“No come back.” Wufei said as he watched Duo hurry out not wearing anything more then an apron. “Duo!” He called. He debated which he wanted more. Sleep or Duo. Duo won, with a sigh he got out of bed with every intention of dragging Duo back to bed. He grinned when he stepped into the empty den and found that the room was filled with scented candles and there were blankets and pillows scattered along the floor. Duo lay in the middle of the blankets. His hair un-braided, covered in nothing but that ruffled apron. “What is this.”
“I wanted to make it up to you.”
“Duo, I waited for a tub to get put in. It was no big deal and it was my tub too.” Wufei said as he stared down at Duo with a content smile. He enjoyed looking. All that Duo wore was a small apron that he had tied about his waist. He laid half propped up on his elbows as he waited for Wufei to decide his next move
“Yeah but I had to have that tub and it made the process longer now come over here and lay down so I can make it up to you.”
“You wont hear me complaining.” Wufei said as he knelt on the blankets
“Lay down so I can give you a massage.” Duo said as he knelt on the blankets a bottle of massage oil in his hand.
“Later.” Wufei said as he tried to pull Duo to him
“No. Now.” He said as he pushed Wufei towards the pillows. With a heavy sigh to show that he didn’t appreciate not getting his way, he laid down and closed his eyes as Duo poured the heated oil over his back. Deft fingers ran over his back massaging the knotted muscles easing the stress that Wufei would let himself drown in given a chance.
“That good huh.” Duo bit his lip to keep back the smile that he hid.
“Shh. Don’t talk. You got magic hands.” He nearly cooed as Duo straddled his waist to work on his shoulders. Wufei cried out as his muscles were worked over and the tension faded. He was nearly comatose with pleasure when Duo finally stood. Wufei lifted his head as much as he could. “Don’t stop. I need your magic fingers.”
“Anymore and you’ll be of no use to me later. I got to get dinner.” Duo laughed as he ran out of the room as a timer dinged on the stove. Wufei muttered about evil shinigami and turned onto his back. He couldn’t believe how relieved his muscles felt. Usually he was so stressed. He laid there nearly dozing until Duo walked in carrying a tray. On it was their dinner and a bottle of wine. Two empty glasses were in his other hand. Wufei eyed the tray wearily as he wasn’t so sure that Duo was capable of cooking. He had a few ‘mishaps’ at his apartment in the beginning of their relationship.
“It’s fine. I’ve been taking lessons.” Duo said as he opened the bottle and poured wine into the glasses. He held out a cup to Wufei.
Wufei smiled. “Have you?” He sipped at his wine.
Duo laughed. “I can’t expect you to cook everyday now can I.” Duo asked trying to shrug as if it meant little to him. “Besides I want to cook for you.” He was almost shy when he said that. They were still a little shaky when it came to telling each other how they felt.
“I love you, Duo.” Wufei said sitting up to kiss him.
Duo froze when he heard that. As of now they had never said that phrase. Neither knew love. It hadn’t been empty from their lives so it meant more to them then others who casually threw it around. “Wufei . . . Don’t if... don’t say it if you don’t.”
Wufei set aside the glasses pulled him onto his lap so that he was facing him. His arms wrapped around Duo tightly so that Duo couldn’t pull away. He bit at Duo’s lips teasing them slowly Duo wrapped his arms around Wufei’s neck and warmed up to the attention nearly purring as Wufei’s hands slid up and down his chest. “I love you.” Wufei repeated his lips against his ear. “I’ve loved you since you decked me and left me sprawled on your carpet. Since you kissed me in that garage and forced me to face how I felt. Since you were strong enough to face the public and not be ashamed of this.”
“I-I couldn’t be. I love you too. There is no shame in that. Only in the people to narrow minded to see what we have between us.”
“You saved me.”
“I didn’t.”
“Shh. You did. Before you I was just getting by. You have taught me to live and to see. I never thought that I would have a life like this. I thought that I would be dead by now. I was just waiting but you have given me a life. A future to look forward to.” He rolled over so that Duo was flat on the floor with him above. He bit his way down Duo’s neck and sucked on his collar bone. He took his time licking the nipples watching as they changed. He breathed cool air across them taking pleasure in the way that Duo shivered.
“You did the same. I never thought that I would feel like this Fei. You have promise me something.” Duo said as he struggled to breath against Wufei’s ministrations. Wufei’s hands had strayed beneath the apron as he kissed his way down Duo’s chest and Duo was fighting to keep his brain working.
“Anything for you.”
“Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me. I don’t think I could make it without you. I was as lost as you and I can’t go back. I don’t want to. Please don’t leave me. I do stupid...” He half sat up.
Wufei shut him up by kissing him. “Stop. I’m not going anywhere. This is it for me. I love you. It’s me and you for the rest of our lives. We’ll just see how long you can put up with me.”
A.C. 205
Trowa stepped in the office and with a soft sigh stared at the friend that he hadn’t seen in nearly two years. Wufei stood in the office that he had once shared with Duo. The sky was dark and it had begun to rain. The window was cracked open so they could hear the steady fall of the rain and it brought with it the fresh spring air. “Wu.” Trowa said stepping into the room.
“I missed the rain.” Wufei said. “We got caught in the rain once on one of Duo’s good days.”
“Wufei. Where are you staying?” Trowa asked softly as he moved across the room to stand by Wufei. He had stripped from the scrub shirt and was wearing a clean tank top and Trowa spotted the tattoo that was on his shoulder and smiled at the design. Wufei and Duo had gotten tattoo’s when they were seventeen. Duo’s tattoo had been a dragon walking on the clouds that he’d had done on his lower back. Wufei’s had been a grim reaper holding two scythes. Trowa could remember how ecstatic Duo had been when Wufei had chosen that. He had chosen the dragon for Wufei but hadn’t known that Wufei would choose something so symbolic to Duo. It had put Duo on cloud nine for weeks.
“I stayed three nights at Hadika Hotel. I checked out this morning when I decided what I was going to do. I was supposed to be on a shuttle back to the colonies but I missed it.” He said tonelessly as he stared out the window. They had never had a problem communicating but now Wufei could barely make eye contact. It proved Trowa’s concern that Wufei wasn’t doing well. He’d learned enough about mental illness over the years.
“Quatre brought Heero home. Come with me Wufei.”
“Where.” He didn’t care where he was. He barely even knew where he was.
“To the house.”
“I shared that house with Duo for six and a half years. I swore I wouldn’t go back, not there.” He ran a hand through his loose hair and sighed.
“Now is the time for us to all stick together. We’ve lost.” Trowa started to speak but Wufei turned with anger burning in his eyes and cut him off instantly before he could finish.
“What! What did I lose.” He snapped.
“You loved him. I’m not an idiot. I understand that you’re hurting.”
“Damn it Barton.” He collapsed into a chair. “I swore that I wouldn’t let him hurt me again. When I came I said that I would walk away on my own my way. I gave him a decade. Ten years. I took care of him. There were days when I wanted to call it quits. I had enough of it all but then he would have a moment where he was the same Duo we all knew during the war.”
“I wish you had let us in. We could have helped.” Trowa sighed as he sat on the edge of the window sill.
“He begged me not to. He believed that he was fine it would have been a weakness that he couldn’t let you and Quat know about. He didn’t want you to see him any way other then you did. He had to keep being Duo.”
“But you two struggled.”
“No Trowa. I struggled. I did everything I could and he crushed me. I barely walked away in one piece. I spent months trying to figure out who I was because I had spent so many years being Duo’s care giver. I would wake up and I had nothing. No reason to get up. Nothing and then there he was. This last year. He just kept appearing...” He shook his head. “It feels like this is a mistake. Like I am living one of his hallucinations. I keep thinking if I just slow down it will end. I’ll snap out of this and everything will be okay.”
“Come with me. You spent all those years dealing with everything on your own. Even in the war you stayed to yourself. We are your friends. Let us be here for you. Let us help you through this. It will eat you alive if you try to get through this on your own.” Trowa laid his hand on Wufei’s shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly.
“Maybe you’re right. I’m so tired.” He rubbed his hands over his face.
“Come on. Lets go.” Trowa said leading him from the room.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Wufei stared out the windows as they drove out to the house. It had been built just outside of town and there was no one around for miles. His stomach knotted the closer they got to the house and he felt the building anxiety. When he saw the house he actually had to struggle to catch his breath. He’d had Post traumatic stress after the war but never like the soldiers he had come across. So it was ironic to him that he felt it as he came back to his home, and he could barely get his lungs to take in air and felt as if he was having a panic attack. “You all right.” Trowa asked as he pulled up to the front of the house and stopped the car.
“Hai.” He whispered but failed to move. He just kept staring at the house.
“Wu.”
“It’s almost like I’m going to go through those doors and be back there. Living with Duo ...I have to remember that he’s dead. It’s over.”
“When did it start Wu.”
Wufei sighed heavily and shook his head. “I don’t know. He was always frantic. He said he needed noise to concentrate. Those damn video games drove me up the wall. Always talking like he was hyperactive. I didn’t see through any of it until we moved here. About a month after he started changing. I think that the post traumatic stress triggered it. He was on over load and it all just started to drown him. He functioned so well though outside of the house. It was almost like when the doors shut the demons came crawling out. He held it together so convincingly that it shocked me sometimes.”
“We never knew until you left.”
“He didn’t function well with change.” Wufei said as he felt the guilt try to smother him.
Trowa shut of the car and Wufei stepped out and stared at the house with it’s wide stone porch and large bay windows. The porch light flickered on and Quatre opened the door and stepped outside. “Hey Quat.” Wufei whispered
The usually chipper Quatre looked pale and exhausted. He hugged Wufei. “It’s good to see you. It’s been too long.”
“Yeah.”
“You doing alright.” Quatre eyed him with concern. That was Quatre. All ways taking care of others. Wufei laughed to himself. Maybe he should warn the blond about where that would get him.
Wufei nodded. “What’s going on with Yuy?”
“Sally gave him a sedative. He’s out.” Even though he knew it he still looked back through the door to make sure that Heero wasn’t there.
“I’m exhausted. Which room am I taking?.”
“Your old one. Tro and I are staying across the hall. Heero is in his room.”
He swallowed. “They didn’t stay in that one.”
“No.”
Wufei sighed and walked up the stair. The anxiety was nearly overwhelming as he walked into the bedroom he had shared with Duo. He shut the door so no one would disturb him and flicked on the light to see that nothing had changed since he had left. The bed still stood against the wall between the french doors and the window seat. His katana display was still hanging on the wall. He walked to the mantle and stared at the photos that were spread across it and smiled at them. There had been a lot of good times for Duo and him too. He took a picture of him and Duo at the fair and smiled. Sally had snapped that one when they weren’t looking. They had settled on the grass to watch the fireworks. Duo was leaning his back against Wufei’s chest while Wufei smiled down at him as he listened to what Duo had been saying. Duo seemed to glow his violets eyes were bright and seemed to be alive. He was too accustomed to them being dull and listless.
He sat down on the bed and pulled out the object he had carried all night. He stared at the self-destruct button with a mixture of guilt and anger. He hadn’t known that it would come to this. He had thought that Duo was better. It had been years since he worried about Duo doing something reckless. He knew that Wufei would know that it had been his choice. There was no malfunction. Duo had designed that suit. No one could do that better then he did and he knew every function. He had set the self-destruction mechanism in the suit and had hid it so that no one knew. There was only one trigger and he now had it. Curling up on the bed he closed his eyes and tried blocking out how he was feeling. Maybe if he slept he would wake from this nightmare.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Quatre shook Wufei awake and watched as Wufei struggled to focus. He had never been a morning person. He remembered that from the war when they had shared a safe house. You avoid Wufei until he had enough coffee in his system to tolerate anyone. “Morning.” Quatre said handing him a cup of coffee.
“Time is it?” He groaned covering his eyes from the sunlight that blinded him. There was a dull ache behind his eyes and he hissed when it started to pound.
“About ten. Sally is here. I figured that you wouldn’t want to miss anything. Trowa is cooking breakfast so why don’t you head down.”
“Need shower. Better be more coffee.” He grumbled as he headed for the bathroom. He shut the door and collapsed against it. He had slept restlessly. He had dreamed of Duo. He dreamed he had been having a bad episode. He kept screaming for him to make it stop. He was rocking back and forth frantically his hands clasped over is ears and then he would just stop and got catatonic. Slowly he would look over at Wufei and his dull eyes would be accusing him. “You left.” His voice was barely a whisper. “I needed you and you left. You promised me that you wouldn’t leave me. You said that you would take care of me. You lied to me.” His clothes were bloody and his hair matted. His shirt was open showing his stomach was shredded into ribbons.
“I didn’t lie. I tried to take care of you. I stayed with you through everything.” Wufei had pleaded as Duo rocked back and forth.
“You left. You said that you would never leave.”
“You didn’t want me anymore.” Wufei had pleaded desperately. When he had tried to reach for Duo he wouldn’t be there he would disappear and reappear somewhere else. “You chose Heero.”
“I lived with you. I owned a house with you. You left me. You swore you would never leave me.”
“I couldn’t take care of you anymore Duo.” He had whispered.
“I needed you. No matter what you told me. You said you would stay no matter what. You said you loved me.”
“I did. I do.”
“Then why.” Duo snapped as he stepped forward.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered softly. “I’m sorry Duo.”
“I loved you.” Duo snapped angrily. “You made me promises and then failed to keep them. You promised me.”
“I loved you too. You turned to Heero.”
Duo had just shook his head and disappeared leaving Wufei standing alone surrounded by darkness screaming for Duo to come back. He showered quickly unsure about how long he could put up with being alone. He found everyone in the kitchen talking. Sally poured him more coffee as Trowa served food. “We should talk about the arrangements.”
“As an agent and a veteran there is a plot for him in the military cemetery.” Sally suggested as she studied Wufei. He was so quiet it worried her to see him like that.
“No.” Heero said softly. “Duo would hate it.”
“The beach.” Wufei whispered. “He should be at the beach.”
“He would have wanted to be cremated. He didn’t suffer that long to be trapped in another box.” Heero said as he nodded at Wufei’s suggestion.
“I’ll call the funeral home.”
“He needs to be given his last rites. He wanted that.” Wufei said. Heero nodded again.
“Quatre will you write the obituary. We would make it seem like stats from a file. You write better then anyone I’ve met.”
“Of course. I’ll get it done today.”
“We’ll spread his ashes at the beach but I want it private. Only those that really knew him. No one else. They can say their goodbye at the funeral.” Heero said as he stared down at the coffee cup he had cradled in his hands. “Sally did someone check over the suit that Duo was in. Was there any signs of what went wrong.”
“No. Duo was good at what he did. There was no reason for it. Midii had scans done. Agents are still looking there is no answers yet.”
Heero nodded. “It’s just as well. If he had to go this would be the way he wanted.”
Wufei laughed bitterly. “He didn’t care. How many times did he try...” He shook his head. “You wouldn’t know.” He said softly. “I’m sorry.” He got up and headed out of the room. He ended up on the porch and when he sat down on the stone wall of the porch he saw Sally slide out of the house and walk towards him. He smiled at her. He had tried to convince himself that he loved her once. They had tried and failed at a relationship and in the end had become close friends. She sat on the wall and stared at him. “I’m sorry.” He whispered.
“Heero wasn’t spared from Duo’s problems Wufei. He’s had a hard time himself.”
“I just can’t imagine this. It’s over it’s finally over. I dreamt of him last night sal. He was blaming me. Saying these awful things.”
“Duo never blamed you. He loved you and Heero so much. He couldn’t help that.”
“I know but part of me questions my leaving. Was it because I couldn’t handle that he cheated on me or did I just finally find a way out of the mess that had become my life.”
“You can’t be blamed for wanting out. He was mentally unstable.”
“He had no one else to take care of him.”
“He had all of us but chose to force you into the solitary life that you lived. Any of us would have helped. I love the both of you. Those men inside love the both of you. All of us grieve for him. Let them in.” She laid a hand on the side of his face and smiled at him with a pained look in her eyes.
“He begged me to stay, Sal. Yesterday he begged me to stay. I told him I didn’t want anymore of the bullshit that he carried with him. I hurt him.” Wufei kept his eyes downcast. His stomach was twisted in knots and his chest felt so tight.
“No you didn’t.” Sally said it slowly as she questioned if she should tell him what Duo had told her so many times over the years. She knew it would cause him pain but maybe in the end it would help him find the closure that he would need to find later. Duo would have wanted him to know the truth.
“I did. Sally you didn’t see him.” He shook his head furiously. How could she know. They were so private about their lives. Duo was so fanatic about keeping it a secret.
“Do you know how many times Duo would come to me. Just to talk about you. He truly loved you but he couldn’t show it. The affair was intentional Wufei. He meant it. He didn’t love Heero then. He did later. He did love him but not then not when you found out. He wanted to free you.”
“He told you that.” Wufei whispered. His eyes pleaded with hers for it not to be true.
“He just wanted you to be happy again.” She shook her head sadly. She could see Wufei breaking apart. This would hurt more then she expected and she wasn’t so sure if she would be able to help him through it like she thought she’d be able to. This might be more then he could handle and that was a shock to her.
Walls started to crumble inside of him. The world seemed to begin to spin as it finally made sense to him. He had done this. He had caused Duo to believe that he needed to be freed and Duo had done it. He would have known that Wufei wouldn’t have ever left him on his own so Duo pushed him to it. They had lost almost three years. Three miserable years because Wufei had taken an out. He hadn’t questioned why. He knew Duo’s problems. He knew the signs of setback. “Wufei.” Sally said worried when he kept gasping. She watched as he held his chest. She watched as he stumbled to his feet and reached out to steady himself, something was going very wrong.
“I can’t breathe.” He whispered falling to the ground. His chest was so tight and his head was spinning. He gasped for air. He could almost see Duo standing there staring at him. Looking at him with those violet eyes. He had fallen in love with Duo’s eyes before he even knew that he loved him.
“Wufei.” Sally shook his shoulders. “TROWA! QUATRE! HELP.” She screamed. “Wufei calm down. Wufei!” She watched as his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he passed out. She could hear the footsteps as they came running even as she began to force air into Wufei’s lungs. “BREATHE DAMNIT, BREATHE”
tbc...
Chapter Four
A.C. 195
Wufei groaned as he felt a pressure on his chest and he cracked open one eye to see that Duo was sprawled across him. “Wakey, wakey baby.” Duo grinned. Wufei grumbled as Duo gave him a few quick pecks on the lips. “I made us dinner. I know how tired that you are from the double shift and then staying up with the plumber.” He ran his fingers playfully through Wufei’s hair.
“Tired.” He grumbled. He tried to pull the blankets up but Duo pulled them away. The pillow went the same way and Wufei laid there unmoving.
“But I made your favorite.” Duo said pressing his lips against Wufei’s temple.
“Ugh . . . Come to bed. Lets sleep.” He tried to turn over rolling Duo with him. He curled around Duo and his eyes snapped open when his bare thigh slid across Duo’s own bare skin. “Are you naked?” Instantly he was awake and staring down at his naked koibito.
Duo chuckled. “Now you’re awake.” He said as he rolled out of the bed and left the room.
“No come back.” Wufei said as he watched Duo hurry out not wearing anything more then an apron. “Duo!” He called. He debated which he wanted more. Sleep or Duo. Duo won, with a sigh he got out of bed with every intention of dragging Duo back to bed. He grinned when he stepped into the empty den and found that the room was filled with scented candles and there were blankets and pillows scattered along the floor. Duo lay in the middle of the blankets. His hair un-braided, covered in nothing but that ruffled apron. “What is this.”
“I wanted to make it up to you.”
“Duo, I waited for a tub to get put in. It was no big deal and it was my tub too.” Wufei said as he stared down at Duo with a content smile. He enjoyed looking. All that Duo wore was a small apron that he had tied about his waist. He laid half propped up on his elbows as he waited for Wufei to decide his next move
“Yeah but I had to have that tub and it made the process longer now come over here and lay down so I can make it up to you.”
“You wont hear me complaining.” Wufei said as he knelt on the blankets
“Lay down so I can give you a massage.” Duo said as he knelt on the blankets a bottle of massage oil in his hand.
“Later.” Wufei said as he tried to pull Duo to him
“No. Now.” He said as he pushed Wufei towards the pillows. With a heavy sigh to show that he didn’t appreciate not getting his way, he laid down and closed his eyes as Duo poured the heated oil over his back. Deft fingers ran over his back massaging the knotted muscles easing the stress that Wufei would let himself drown in given a chance.
“That good huh.” Duo bit his lip to keep back the smile that he hid.
“Shh. Don’t talk. You got magic hands.” He nearly cooed as Duo straddled his waist to work on his shoulders. Wufei cried out as his muscles were worked over and the tension faded. He was nearly comatose with pleasure when Duo finally stood. Wufei lifted his head as much as he could. “Don’t stop. I need your magic fingers.”
“Anymore and you’ll be of no use to me later. I got to get dinner.” Duo laughed as he ran out of the room as a timer dinged on the stove. Wufei muttered about evil shinigami and turned onto his back. He couldn’t believe how relieved his muscles felt. Usually he was so stressed. He laid there nearly dozing until Duo walked in carrying a tray. On it was their dinner and a bottle of wine. Two empty glasses were in his other hand. Wufei eyed the tray wearily as he wasn’t so sure that Duo was capable of cooking. He had a few ‘mishaps’ at his apartment in the beginning of their relationship.
“It’s fine. I’ve been taking lessons.” Duo said as he opened the bottle and poured wine into the glasses. He held out a cup to Wufei.
Wufei smiled. “Have you?” He sipped at his wine.
Duo laughed. “I can’t expect you to cook everyday now can I.” Duo asked trying to shrug as if it meant little to him. “Besides I want to cook for you.” He was almost shy when he said that. They were still a little shaky when it came to telling each other how they felt.
“I love you, Duo.” Wufei said sitting up to kiss him.
Duo froze when he heard that. As of now they had never said that phrase. Neither knew love. It hadn’t been empty from their lives so it meant more to them then others who casually threw it around. “Wufei . . . Don’t if... don’t say it if you don’t.”
Wufei set aside the glasses pulled him onto his lap so that he was facing him. His arms wrapped around Duo tightly so that Duo couldn’t pull away. He bit at Duo’s lips teasing them slowly Duo wrapped his arms around Wufei’s neck and warmed up to the attention nearly purring as Wufei’s hands slid up and down his chest. “I love you.” Wufei repeated his lips against his ear. “I’ve loved you since you decked me and left me sprawled on your carpet. Since you kissed me in that garage and forced me to face how I felt. Since you were strong enough to face the public and not be ashamed of this.”
“I-I couldn’t be. I love you too. There is no shame in that. Only in the people to narrow minded to see what we have between us.”
“You saved me.”
“I didn’t.”
“Shh. You did. Before you I was just getting by. You have taught me to live and to see. I never thought that I would have a life like this. I thought that I would be dead by now. I was just waiting but you have given me a life. A future to look forward to.” He rolled over so that Duo was flat on the floor with him above. He bit his way down Duo’s neck and sucked on his collar bone. He took his time licking the nipples watching as they changed. He breathed cool air across them taking pleasure in the way that Duo shivered.
“You did the same. I never thought that I would feel like this Fei. You have promise me something.” Duo said as he struggled to breath against Wufei’s ministrations. Wufei’s hands had strayed beneath the apron as he kissed his way down Duo’s chest and Duo was fighting to keep his brain working.
“Anything for you.”
“Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me. I don’t think I could make it without you. I was as lost as you and I can’t go back. I don’t want to. Please don’t leave me. I do stupid...” He half sat up.
Wufei shut him up by kissing him. “Stop. I’m not going anywhere. This is it for me. I love you. It’s me and you for the rest of our lives. We’ll just see how long you can put up with me.”
A.C. 205
Trowa stepped in the office and with a soft sigh stared at the friend that he hadn’t seen in nearly two years. Wufei stood in the office that he had once shared with Duo. The sky was dark and it had begun to rain. The window was cracked open so they could hear the steady fall of the rain and it brought with it the fresh spring air. “Wu.” Trowa said stepping into the room.
“I missed the rain.” Wufei said. “We got caught in the rain once on one of Duo’s good days.”
“Wufei. Where are you staying?” Trowa asked softly as he moved across the room to stand by Wufei. He had stripped from the scrub shirt and was wearing a clean tank top and Trowa spotted the tattoo that was on his shoulder and smiled at the design. Wufei and Duo had gotten tattoo’s when they were seventeen. Duo’s tattoo had been a dragon walking on the clouds that he’d had done on his lower back. Wufei’s had been a grim reaper holding two scythes. Trowa could remember how ecstatic Duo had been when Wufei had chosen that. He had chosen the dragon for Wufei but hadn’t known that Wufei would choose something so symbolic to Duo. It had put Duo on cloud nine for weeks.
“I stayed three nights at Hadika Hotel. I checked out this morning when I decided what I was going to do. I was supposed to be on a shuttle back to the colonies but I missed it.” He said tonelessly as he stared out the window. They had never had a problem communicating but now Wufei could barely make eye contact. It proved Trowa’s concern that Wufei wasn’t doing well. He’d learned enough about mental illness over the years.
“Quatre brought Heero home. Come with me Wufei.”
“Where.” He didn’t care where he was. He barely even knew where he was.
“To the house.”
“I shared that house with Duo for six and a half years. I swore I wouldn’t go back, not there.” He ran a hand through his loose hair and sighed.
“Now is the time for us to all stick together. We’ve lost.” Trowa started to speak but Wufei turned with anger burning in his eyes and cut him off instantly before he could finish.
“What! What did I lose.” He snapped.
“You loved him. I’m not an idiot. I understand that you’re hurting.”
“Damn it Barton.” He collapsed into a chair. “I swore that I wouldn’t let him hurt me again. When I came I said that I would walk away on my own my way. I gave him a decade. Ten years. I took care of him. There were days when I wanted to call it quits. I had enough of it all but then he would have a moment where he was the same Duo we all knew during the war.”
“I wish you had let us in. We could have helped.” Trowa sighed as he sat on the edge of the window sill.
“He begged me not to. He believed that he was fine it would have been a weakness that he couldn’t let you and Quat know about. He didn’t want you to see him any way other then you did. He had to keep being Duo.”
“But you two struggled.”
“No Trowa. I struggled. I did everything I could and he crushed me. I barely walked away in one piece. I spent months trying to figure out who I was because I had spent so many years being Duo’s care giver. I would wake up and I had nothing. No reason to get up. Nothing and then there he was. This last year. He just kept appearing...” He shook his head. “It feels like this is a mistake. Like I am living one of his hallucinations. I keep thinking if I just slow down it will end. I’ll snap out of this and everything will be okay.”
“Come with me. You spent all those years dealing with everything on your own. Even in the war you stayed to yourself. We are your friends. Let us be here for you. Let us help you through this. It will eat you alive if you try to get through this on your own.” Trowa laid his hand on Wufei’s shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly.
“Maybe you’re right. I’m so tired.” He rubbed his hands over his face.
“Come on. Lets go.” Trowa said leading him from the room.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Wufei stared out the windows as they drove out to the house. It had been built just outside of town and there was no one around for miles. His stomach knotted the closer they got to the house and he felt the building anxiety. When he saw the house he actually had to struggle to catch his breath. He’d had Post traumatic stress after the war but never like the soldiers he had come across. So it was ironic to him that he felt it as he came back to his home, and he could barely get his lungs to take in air and felt as if he was having a panic attack. “You all right.” Trowa asked as he pulled up to the front of the house and stopped the car.
“Hai.” He whispered but failed to move. He just kept staring at the house.
“Wu.”
“It’s almost like I’m going to go through those doors and be back there. Living with Duo ...I have to remember that he’s dead. It’s over.”
“When did it start Wu.”
Wufei sighed heavily and shook his head. “I don’t know. He was always frantic. He said he needed noise to concentrate. Those damn video games drove me up the wall. Always talking like he was hyperactive. I didn’t see through any of it until we moved here. About a month after he started changing. I think that the post traumatic stress triggered it. He was on over load and it all just started to drown him. He functioned so well though outside of the house. It was almost like when the doors shut the demons came crawling out. He held it together so convincingly that it shocked me sometimes.”
“We never knew until you left.”
“He didn’t function well with change.” Wufei said as he felt the guilt try to smother him.
Trowa shut of the car and Wufei stepped out and stared at the house with it’s wide stone porch and large bay windows. The porch light flickered on and Quatre opened the door and stepped outside. “Hey Quat.” Wufei whispered
The usually chipper Quatre looked pale and exhausted. He hugged Wufei. “It’s good to see you. It’s been too long.”
“Yeah.”
“You doing alright.” Quatre eyed him with concern. That was Quatre. All ways taking care of others. Wufei laughed to himself. Maybe he should warn the blond about where that would get him.
Wufei nodded. “What’s going on with Yuy?”
“Sally gave him a sedative. He’s out.” Even though he knew it he still looked back through the door to make sure that Heero wasn’t there.
“I’m exhausted. Which room am I taking?.”
“Your old one. Tro and I are staying across the hall. Heero is in his room.”
He swallowed. “They didn’t stay in that one.”
“No.”
Wufei sighed and walked up the stair. The anxiety was nearly overwhelming as he walked into the bedroom he had shared with Duo. He shut the door so no one would disturb him and flicked on the light to see that nothing had changed since he had left. The bed still stood against the wall between the french doors and the window seat. His katana display was still hanging on the wall. He walked to the mantle and stared at the photos that were spread across it and smiled at them. There had been a lot of good times for Duo and him too. He took a picture of him and Duo at the fair and smiled. Sally had snapped that one when they weren’t looking. They had settled on the grass to watch the fireworks. Duo was leaning his back against Wufei’s chest while Wufei smiled down at him as he listened to what Duo had been saying. Duo seemed to glow his violets eyes were bright and seemed to be alive. He was too accustomed to them being dull and listless.
He sat down on the bed and pulled out the object he had carried all night. He stared at the self-destruct button with a mixture of guilt and anger. He hadn’t known that it would come to this. He had thought that Duo was better. It had been years since he worried about Duo doing something reckless. He knew that Wufei would know that it had been his choice. There was no malfunction. Duo had designed that suit. No one could do that better then he did and he knew every function. He had set the self-destruction mechanism in the suit and had hid it so that no one knew. There was only one trigger and he now had it. Curling up on the bed he closed his eyes and tried blocking out how he was feeling. Maybe if he slept he would wake from this nightmare.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Quatre shook Wufei awake and watched as Wufei struggled to focus. He had never been a morning person. He remembered that from the war when they had shared a safe house. You avoid Wufei until he had enough coffee in his system to tolerate anyone. “Morning.” Quatre said handing him a cup of coffee.
“Time is it?” He groaned covering his eyes from the sunlight that blinded him. There was a dull ache behind his eyes and he hissed when it started to pound.
“About ten. Sally is here. I figured that you wouldn’t want to miss anything. Trowa is cooking breakfast so why don’t you head down.”
“Need shower. Better be more coffee.” He grumbled as he headed for the bathroom. He shut the door and collapsed against it. He had slept restlessly. He had dreamed of Duo. He dreamed he had been having a bad episode. He kept screaming for him to make it stop. He was rocking back and forth frantically his hands clasped over is ears and then he would just stop and got catatonic. Slowly he would look over at Wufei and his dull eyes would be accusing him. “You left.” His voice was barely a whisper. “I needed you and you left. You promised me that you wouldn’t leave me. You said that you would take care of me. You lied to me.” His clothes were bloody and his hair matted. His shirt was open showing his stomach was shredded into ribbons.
“I didn’t lie. I tried to take care of you. I stayed with you through everything.” Wufei had pleaded as Duo rocked back and forth.
“You left. You said that you would never leave.”
“You didn’t want me anymore.” Wufei had pleaded desperately. When he had tried to reach for Duo he wouldn’t be there he would disappear and reappear somewhere else. “You chose Heero.”
“I lived with you. I owned a house with you. You left me. You swore you would never leave me.”
“I couldn’t take care of you anymore Duo.” He had whispered.
“I needed you. No matter what you told me. You said you would stay no matter what. You said you loved me.”
“I did. I do.”
“Then why.” Duo snapped as he stepped forward.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered softly. “I’m sorry Duo.”
“I loved you.” Duo snapped angrily. “You made me promises and then failed to keep them. You promised me.”
“I loved you too. You turned to Heero.”
Duo had just shook his head and disappeared leaving Wufei standing alone surrounded by darkness screaming for Duo to come back. He showered quickly unsure about how long he could put up with being alone. He found everyone in the kitchen talking. Sally poured him more coffee as Trowa served food. “We should talk about the arrangements.”
“As an agent and a veteran there is a plot for him in the military cemetery.” Sally suggested as she studied Wufei. He was so quiet it worried her to see him like that.
“No.” Heero said softly. “Duo would hate it.”
“The beach.” Wufei whispered. “He should be at the beach.”
“He would have wanted to be cremated. He didn’t suffer that long to be trapped in another box.” Heero said as he nodded at Wufei’s suggestion.
“I’ll call the funeral home.”
“He needs to be given his last rites. He wanted that.” Wufei said. Heero nodded again.
“Quatre will you write the obituary. We would make it seem like stats from a file. You write better then anyone I’ve met.”
“Of course. I’ll get it done today.”
“We’ll spread his ashes at the beach but I want it private. Only those that really knew him. No one else. They can say their goodbye at the funeral.” Heero said as he stared down at the coffee cup he had cradled in his hands. “Sally did someone check over the suit that Duo was in. Was there any signs of what went wrong.”
“No. Duo was good at what he did. There was no reason for it. Midii had scans done. Agents are still looking there is no answers yet.”
Heero nodded. “It’s just as well. If he had to go this would be the way he wanted.”
Wufei laughed bitterly. “He didn’t care. How many times did he try...” He shook his head. “You wouldn’t know.” He said softly. “I’m sorry.” He got up and headed out of the room. He ended up on the porch and when he sat down on the stone wall of the porch he saw Sally slide out of the house and walk towards him. He smiled at her. He had tried to convince himself that he loved her once. They had tried and failed at a relationship and in the end had become close friends. She sat on the wall and stared at him. “I’m sorry.” He whispered.
“Heero wasn’t spared from Duo’s problems Wufei. He’s had a hard time himself.”
“I just can’t imagine this. It’s over it’s finally over. I dreamt of him last night sal. He was blaming me. Saying these awful things.”
“Duo never blamed you. He loved you and Heero so much. He couldn’t help that.”
“I know but part of me questions my leaving. Was it because I couldn’t handle that he cheated on me or did I just finally find a way out of the mess that had become my life.”
“You can’t be blamed for wanting out. He was mentally unstable.”
“He had no one else to take care of him.”
“He had all of us but chose to force you into the solitary life that you lived. Any of us would have helped. I love the both of you. Those men inside love the both of you. All of us grieve for him. Let them in.” She laid a hand on the side of his face and smiled at him with a pained look in her eyes.
“He begged me to stay, Sal. Yesterday he begged me to stay. I told him I didn’t want anymore of the bullshit that he carried with him. I hurt him.” Wufei kept his eyes downcast. His stomach was twisted in knots and his chest felt so tight.
“No you didn’t.” Sally said it slowly as she questioned if she should tell him what Duo had told her so many times over the years. She knew it would cause him pain but maybe in the end it would help him find the closure that he would need to find later. Duo would have wanted him to know the truth.
“I did. Sally you didn’t see him.” He shook his head furiously. How could she know. They were so private about their lives. Duo was so fanatic about keeping it a secret.
“Do you know how many times Duo would come to me. Just to talk about you. He truly loved you but he couldn’t show it. The affair was intentional Wufei. He meant it. He didn’t love Heero then. He did later. He did love him but not then not when you found out. He wanted to free you.”
“He told you that.” Wufei whispered. His eyes pleaded with hers for it not to be true.
“He just wanted you to be happy again.” She shook her head sadly. She could see Wufei breaking apart. This would hurt more then she expected and she wasn’t so sure if she would be able to help him through it like she thought she’d be able to. This might be more then he could handle and that was a shock to her.
Walls started to crumble inside of him. The world seemed to begin to spin as it finally made sense to him. He had done this. He had caused Duo to believe that he needed to be freed and Duo had done it. He would have known that Wufei wouldn’t have ever left him on his own so Duo pushed him to it. They had lost almost three years. Three miserable years because Wufei had taken an out. He hadn’t questioned why. He knew Duo’s problems. He knew the signs of setback. “Wufei.” Sally said worried when he kept gasping. She watched as he held his chest. She watched as he stumbled to his feet and reached out to steady himself, something was going very wrong.
“I can’t breathe.” He whispered falling to the ground. His chest was so tight and his head was spinning. He gasped for air. He could almost see Duo standing there staring at him. Looking at him with those violet eyes. He had fallen in love with Duo’s eyes before he even knew that he loved him.
“Wufei.” Sally shook his shoulders. “TROWA! QUATRE! HELP.” She screamed. “Wufei calm down. Wufei!” She watched as his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he passed out. She could hear the footsteps as they came running even as she began to force air into Wufei’s lungs. “BREATHE DAMNIT, BREATHE”
tbc...