Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Flower Fields and Chestnut Hair ❯ Please don't love me. ( Chapter 11 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Author: Makiko Igami
Title: Flower Fields and Chestnut Hair
Rating: NC-17 (for more upcoming lemons)
Pairings: 1x2/2x1 (HeeroxDuo), very slight 1xR
Archive: - fanfiction.net: http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=156634
- Wildfire's Flame: http://www.angelfire.com/gundam/RoninWarriors/
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. (Wish I did... $.$) But I don't so I am a poor person who has to live from her parents' money.
Warnings: Crossdressing, yaoi, Lemon (Non-Yaoi and Yaoi in later chapters), sap, fluff, or whatever it's called...
Summary: Heero is sent on a mission to meet a girl. Duo is on a mission too... What will happen after they find out that their missions will bring them together?
Notes & comments: This is the first story I post while I do not really know what will happen in upcoming chapters. I just noticed, I suck... It doesn't come out like I want it to... But I'm still in training... *sigh*
I still tend to write on train... I apologize for *any* misspelling or misunderstanding.
And for everybody who likes this story, here's chapter 12.

"..." spoken words
/.../ Duo's thoughts
[...] Heero's thoughts
*...* emphasis
{...} Author's comments
______________________________________________________________ _________

Heero watched in horror as Duo's eyes filled with tears. Suddenly the disguised boy jumped up, leaving his unfinished meal were it was and started to run away.

"Wait!"

Heero avoiding carefully to shout out loud Duo's real name, though he loved it as much as he loved the person, but he had to say *something* to hold him back. Still the waving mass of chestnut locks moved away from him and he felt his heart ache like it never had before. But he didn't follow Duo.

[I must have done something incredibly wrong.]

Instead of preventing the other boy from crying he just made things worse. Now Duo had no shoulder to cry on anymore because the shoulder he had cried on last night was the reason he was crying this time. Heero suppressed the urge to cry out his frustration and anger, collected their trays and headed back to the cafeteria.

~z~

Meanwhile Duo was still running away. He had left the school yard and was now heading towards the nearby park although he didn't care where he was going to. Tears blurred his sight and he was lucky not to run into a person or something worse. Salty streams were floating out from beneath his clenched eyelids and he tried to rub them away only causing more tears to follow. He sobbed uncontrollably.

/Why? Why me? Why did he have to fall in love with me?/

Duo tumbled over a root and fell flat on his face. It made no sense to stand up again so he just lay there and cried out his pain. He didn't want to be loved. By no one. He didn't deserve it. He was just a mere street thief, a killer and a nobody. Everybody who had ever dared to love him had died before his very eyes. Solo, Sister Helen and even Father Maxwell, he couldn't protect them although he did everything he could do. They died. And he was the cause. He attracted death like light attracted moths.

Deep in his heart he knew that wasn't true. It was not his fault. Solo died because of a disease and he knew he did everything to help him but it had been too late. And Sister Helen and Father Maxwell died in the Maxwell massacre while he was away to get a mobile suit. Those were the only people he knew that had loved him and they had died eventually. Because they loved him. He didn't want to see Heero die as well!

/Please don't fall in love with me. It's for your own sake.../

He still could see Heero's face as he looked at him, flushed from the breath-taking kiss and with love in his eyes.

"Suki da, Duo."

/Don't! Leave me alone! I don't want to be loved! You will die if you love me!/

Duo didn't want Heero to die. He hadn't wanted him to die when they first met. Though Duo proclaimed himself as the God of Death he didn't want *anybody* to die. Death was horrible. You had to leave the people you loved and those who loved you behind, making them sad. Duo didn't believe in rebirth and knew that death was the final end. No one could return after crossing the line of death. On the other hand he had never seen any other person wriggling out of Death's grip more often than Heero...

How many times had he been sure that Heero was dead for good? And how many times had he seen him walking away after that? Exactly the same number of times. That guy must have an guardian angel watching over him. Maybe he *could* be the one that was able to survive long enough to love Duo...

/NO! Even Heero couldn't survive my curse... and I don't want him to die! I care too much about him to let him love me!/

Duo dug his fingers deeper into the earth he was lying on and cried out his pain. He didn't want to see any more people dying than he already had to. The number was uncountable and most of them had died by his own hand. He almost killed Heero before! But their friendship had grown within the last years despite all the death threats between them. In fact he had his own little theory about Heero's favorite quote "Omae o korosu." But to see it confirmed scared hell out of him. He didn't want to believe it. It could *not* be true! It meant Heero's death!

He remembered their kisses, the first one as well as the little ones on the top of his head last night when he had cried as well as the one on his forehead this morning as well as the one a few moments ago. They were special to him, little signs that Heero cared for him. He liked the way Heero treated him during the past few days but he had taken it as gestures of friendship. He never thought it would be love. He always thought that Heero loved Relena. That guy was just too serious to be gay.

/Maybe he isn't. He might be as well bi.../

Duo didn't consider *himself* to be gay. He had had a crush on Hilde, sure, that is why he returned to her after the Mariemaia-incident as soon as he discovered that he had nowhere else to go. He felt he owed her something and thought it was love but it was mere friendship. She had helped him so much when they first met... He had kissed her, yes, but it didn't fulfill him. It was like kissing the sister he never had. The girl was very surprised when he had wrapped his arms around her and so she kissed back with all her passion but it was nothing compared with Heero's kisses. Those kisses made his heart beat faster and harder and he just knew that Heero had felt it as well as he had felt Heero's heartbeat when they pulled closer. He couldn't believe that Heero had never kissed before. He was just too good to be inexperienced.

Slowly his sobbing subsided. When he was able to see again he rose from the dirt he was lying in. Duo wiped away the streams of tears on his face. He sniffled away the rest of them and looked around to figure out where he was while he patted his clothes to get rid of some dirt.

He found out that he could get back to school just in time for the second class after dinner. While he walked back he slightly wondered if Heero was worrying where he was.

~z~

"Hey, Yuichi! Where'd you leave Diana?"

Heero looked up to see Jean leaning on his desk. The tall blonde looked honestly concerned.

"It's none of your business."

Heero was worried about how Duo reacted to his kiss. Finally he got over his crisis of not knowing how he felt for the usually braided baka and when he found out and confessed his love the only thing he got out of the beauty was tears. And now Duo had skipped classes. Where did he go? Was he hurt so much by something as simple as a declaration of love?

Okay, maybe it wasn't *that* simple. If he was just a little bit like Heero he was as confused now as one could be. Heero tried to bring up some understanding for his situation. How would he have reacted if his best friend just said "I love you?"

A few days ago his answer would have been "Omae o korosu!" but now he was sure he would hug Duo as tightly as he could. But did Duo feel the same? Obviously he did not or he wouldn't have run away. But he responded to the kiss, didn't he? So he must have felt *something* to put it carefully.

"Hey, you! I'm talking to you!"

Heero snapped out of his thoughts to look at Jean again. Why is that idiot still talking to him?

"Hn?"

Jean sighed.

"I said, what have you said to her? Are you breaking up or what?"

Heero glared at him, surprised that this jerk was talking to him after he had been trying to make Heero look like an idiot in front of all the people he knew here.

"Why do you want to know?"

Jean shrugged.

"I'm just curious. And if you did, she'd be free for me."

Heero almost smirked with Jean. But he was to sad to do so. Instead he just bowed his head.

"I just said I loved her..."

Duo chose that moment to come back into the classroom. He must have lain on the ground for his complete front was dirty. One could see where the streams of tears washed away the soil that stuck all over the beautiful face.

"Sure doesn't look like it," Jean commented.

Heero was about to stand up and cross the room to hug Duo but froze where he sat as he looked into glaring blue violet irises. Those beautiful eyes held so much pain that he was shocked. Did *he* do this to Duo? Was he the cause of his pain?

All the way from the door to his seat Duo was followed by every pair of eyes in the classroom. When he sat down in silence his classmates needed some more time to continue their conversations. He sighed and wiped away the dirt on his face with his sleeves. It had taken him all his willpower to glare at Heero. And he did it good for the Japanese boy stayed in his seat, watching him in barely disguised shock. Duo was mildly surprised to see Jean by his side. The two boys seemed to be mortal enemies and fought for him the whole last week. Was it Heero who surrendered? Not likely. Maybe the kiss on Olivia's party had made Jean reconsider his behavior towards them. It looked like the two boys were slowly becoming friends.

Duo smiled sadly.

/At least he has a new friend.../

He still didn't want Heero to love him, it would be suicide, but the walk had helped him to calm down a lot. He knew he couldn't prevent Heero from loving him. Instead he could make things only worse if he refused him. So he sighed and tried not to think about the consequences. Yet he remained silent towards Heero and they didn't speak another word the rest of their classes.

~z~

They still hadn't talked a bit when they got home that day. Duo barely spoke at all making Heero really worried. He missed Duo's voice, his real as well as his fake girly one. He *had* to make him talk to him again. But first he went to his room to find out how.

He absentmindedly checked his emails finding one from Noin.

Heero, Duo,
Just continue your work, you seem to be doing fine. Just make sure you contact me as soon as you hear of anything more specific about the senator's war plans.
N.

If he didn't know any better he would say that Noin wanted them to lead a normal life with the senator as long as they could. And he would have smiled if Duo hadn't been in such a grief. More time together in the best time of the year, with the most beautiful flower fields surrounding them and the best food he had ever eaten in his whole life.

Yes, Heero was a gourmet. He hadn't been during the war, accepting every food he could get but when war was over he started to try different foods, some of them being suggested by Duo. That boy might not know how to cook but he definitely knew what tasted good. Heero ended up liking as well pizza as Wiener Schnitzel and foie gras. The chef of senator Secunda's kitchen was superb. Heero had never tasted anything better than that.

[Stop thinking about food and concentrate on Duo!]

If he'd been as unhappy as Duo what would cheer *him* up? Besides Duo, that is. He looked out of the window and suddenly got an idea.

He stormed into Duo's room where the American was working on his homework, grabbed his wrist for the second time that day and dragged him out of the house, almost running.

"Hey! What's up? Wait, where do we go? Could you please release my hand? Yuichi!"

Heero ignored Duo completely and pulled the protesting boy with him until he found a spot in the big meadows that was totally deserted. Nobody would find them here. No guards were in range, no civilians either and surely nobody would hear them. Still a little insecure he looked around and instantly found himself reminded of his first dream here. Then he looked at Duo who pouted and squirmed his hand out of Heero's tight grip.

"Why did you take me here?" he demanded to know.

Heero gathered all his courage to look into his beloved's face.

"Tell me what is bothering you! Why did you just storm away without saying another word when I said I ..."

He couldn't repeat it again. He had said it once, he even told Jean about it but he couldn't repeat it while looking into Duo's eyes that were full of pain.

"You will die!" Duo blurted out.

"Nani?" Heero asked in surprise.

"Everyone who ever dared to loved me died," Duo mumbled while his eyes filled with tears again. "Please don't love me..."

"Duo..."

Heero caught the collapsing figure before it could touch the ground. They landed amongst beautiful flowers, flattening most of them and Heero tried his best to kiss all the tears away, tasting the salt in them. He again let Duo cry into his shirt, soaking it while he whispered reassuringly.

"Hush, Duo... it's okay... I promise I won't die... please don't cry anymore. Duo, please..."

The boy in his arms looked up at him, tears still welling in his eyes. He looked as if he wanted to believe Heero but his mind told him that he would die as well. He wanted to believe it with all his heart but he couldn't do it.

"Don't love me... it'll be your death... please don't..."

Heero watched in horror as the sobs became stronger and louder. What could he do to make Duo believe he won't die when he loved him?

To be continued...
______________________________________________________ _________________Okay, I posted this one quickly. And this chapter was definitely angst. I will stop within the next chapter but one day I realized something when I read another bio of Duo. It always seemed some kind of weird to me that he was the one to start a relationship as if nothing had happened in his past. So I let my mind wander a little around and out came this little chapter. Hope you agree with me... Please R&R.