Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Giving In ❯ Into The Light ( Chapter 2 )

 

<Two Years Later>

Duo awoke very slowly, tired and hurting; opening his eyes alone was a great effort. Looking around the room he took in the sight of his new apartment. Clothes were everywhere, tons of vodka bottles were strewn about the floor and his lone razor blade sat nearby with blood drying on it.

"Why am I still alive? Why did I have to wake back up?" Duo said, sadness growing in his eyes.

'Nothing had turned out like it was supposed to. Even with all of Heero's help support and love, I just couldn't stop cutting. No matter how hard I tried, how much I wanted to, I just couldn't. After a year of putting up with me, I guess Heero had, had enough and one day just left without even saying good bye.'

Duo started to cry just thinking about it. "How could he just leave me like that? Couldn't he see that I was trying to stop?" Duo said to the empty room, as tears were now flowing freely down his already tear streaked faced. "Yet, I suppose in the end, I am always meant to be alone."

The more Duo thought about it, the more the need to cut was growing. It had been a year since Heero left and Duo decided it was time to put an end to everything, to stop this pain inside.

Reaching over the side of the bed, he grabbed the knife and stared at it.

'Soon no more pain ever.' He thought to himself as he slide the knife over his wrist. The pain he got was a rush, it had never felt like this before, so he slide the knife over his wrist again and again till he had about ten cuts on his arm, all deeper than the last.

With his eyes glazed, Duo stared at the blood as it flowed down his arm and fell into a crimson puddle on the floor. Duo's eyes begin to droop closed and things were starting to quiver and move as if the room was alive and spinning.

A thought arose in Duo's head about what was to come, but only one thought really stuck out. 'It's all over no more pain, no more me, no more anything.' And with that last thought, Duo drifted away into the blessed darkness.

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Floating is what Duo felt as he drifted through the darkness in what felt like an eternity of bliss. But, before he could truly enjoy himself, he opened his eyes to a blinding white light. Closing his eyes again, then reopening them Duo tried to adjust to the bright light that was shining at him and figure out where he was.

When his eyes finally adjusted, he found himself in a large white hospital room, with no windows and machines everywhere.

"Damn." Duo breathed to himself, hating to be awake again plus on top of that, he felt like shit.

'What the fuck? I'm supposed to be back in my dark place floating, but noo I'm back here in the real world feeling like shit and now they're probably gonna put me in a damn crazy house! Fuck who ever found me I swear I'm gonna rip there fucking heads off!!!'

Then the reality sunk in, that he was still alive and his pain was still gonna be there and Duo begin to cry.

'Why me? Why?'

Duo's pity on himself was cut short as the door to his room opened.

Wiping his eyes and looking up he was ready to fuss at the doctor. The person who stepped into the room wasn't the doctor.

Duo's eyes widen as he saw who the person was. "You." Was all he could say.

"Hello Duo."

 

“Heero…” Tears begin to stream down duos face again. “Heero why are you hear after all this time

after you left me?”

 

Heero came closer looking at Duo he hated to see Duo cry and he felt even worse because he was the one who cause those tears but what could he say how could he begin to explain and then it hit him he knew exactly what to say.

 

“Duo,” Heero begin when he was close enough to wipe away Duos tears, “I love you and I was so selfish to leave you when you need me the most. I up everyday so scared that I would lose you because first you weren't eating and then you started to cut a lot again I…”

 

Heero paused tears now welling up in his eyes threatening to spill over. He looked Duo in the eye and saw a swirl of emotion but he was saddened to see so much hatred in them.

 

I was a coward and couldn't stand watching you waste away so I left hoping that I might be able to get on with life…

 

“So you felt I was holding you back?” Duo questioned “You only felt love for me when I was happy and in bed with you, you couldn't take the good with the bad.”

 

“No its' not that…”

 

“Its' not then what is it Heero?” Duo said voice hardening, “why is it you really left other than the fact that you're a coward, why did you desert me when I need you the most when you were the one that was keeping me from cutting an inch to deep why Heero!? And if you cannot answer that then why are you here?

 

Duo was partially screaming by this point and all Heero could do was stair.

 

“Maybe I was wrong to come back…” Heero said feeling down feeling guilty duo was right why was he here when he had left duo all alone.

 

Heero begin to turn around but stopped at duos words.

 

“That's right Heero run away again get the fuck out of here be a coward.” Duo said voice hard eyes dry yet he continued to wipe his tear streaked face.

 

Heero turned around to face duo again tears now flowing freely down his face. “Duo I'm not gonna run away this time,” Heero said not only to Duo but to himself as well, “Duo I love you and yes it is true I cannot explain myself to you I'm not even sure what was running through my mind at the time, but I do know this I love you and I don't want to see you get hurt again.”

 

Even after all this Duo still stared at Heero eyes hard. “Look Heero I don't believe you for one second you come in here say all this shit and think that I'll be like ooo Heero I love you too well buddy…..

 

Duos sentence was cut short as Heero leaned in and kissed him. The kiss didn't last long because about as soon as there mouths touched Duo broke away with a scowl on his face.

 

“Look”, Duo Started, “If you want me back you cannot do that every time I tell you how I feel, yes its true I am not to sure about you but I still do love you no matter how much I don't want to.

 

Heero begin to say something but Duo cut him off.

 

I'm not done if you really want to make it up to me come see me after I leave here got it do not come back to my room after this alright.” Duo ended his sentence with more of a command rather than a question.

 

“Ok.” Was all Heero said as he turned and walked out the door.

 

After Heero left Duo relaxed into his pile of pillows with all this conflict going on the urge cut was so strong he needed some release. Duo tried to move to find something sharp but found he was to exhausted to move so he just lied there looking up at the plain white ceiling until he fell into a dreamless sleep.

 

The next day Duo was sitting up in bed watching a rerun of the Simpson's when Quatre and Trowa walked through the door.

 

“Duo!!” Quatre exclaimed as the little blonde ran over to him and gave him a big hug.

 

“You had me so worried, when you didn't show up to our lunch date I went to check on you and when I found you…” Tears begin to flow out of Quatras big blue eyes as he trailed off.

 

Duo couldn't help but cry now. “Q I'm sorry but I just couldn't stand being me anymore I feel so alone.

 

Well you don't have to I'm always here for you to talk to and if you ever do anything like this again I will hurt you myself ok?”

 

Duo just looked down at the light green shirt Quatre was wearing. He wasn't sure if he wasn't going to try again and he really didn't want to lie to him.

 

Quatre just let it go for now and just talked about everyday things that were going on as Duo looked like he was paying attention and Trowa just sat in a chair and listened to the conversation.

 

After a month of being in the hospital Duo was finally able to go home a thing he was both dreading and grateful for.

After dressing in loose t-shirt, red hoody and loose black shorts he was ready to go home.

 

Quatre was waiting for him outside his room. They walked out to the car and drove in silence.

 

 

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After getting out of the car and walking up to the house that Duo would soon be sharing with Quatre and Trowa, he took out his key and unlocked the front door. Sliding his bag off his shoulder and onto the floor, he searched around for a light switch of some kind, to Duo's relief he found it right by the door.

 

Switching it on, light flowed through the whole room; finally letting Duo see what this first part of the house looked like.

 

It was nice sized living room with, as Duo looked farther into the house, a kitchen through the door way on the right and a bathroom through the door on the left.

 

Wanting to see more of the house, Duo walked up the stairs where a lone door stood and then another set of stairs.

 

Duo was just about to turn the knob, when a voice from behind it him stopped him.

 

"That's going to be my room."

 

Turning around, Duo looked to find the one person he did not want to see. Heero.

 

"What the hell are you doing here? What do you mean this is gonna be your room?" Duo said in a harsh tone, looking Heero straight into his blue eyes.

 

"Well," Heero began, trying to think of how to tell Duo what Q thought should be done, "Quatre thought it would be best to face the thing you're running from and just deal."

 

"Well Yuy, I have some news for you. I'm not the one who started to run first ya know!" Almost yelling now, Duo's thoughts began to turn frantic.

 

What the hell why would Q send him here now. What the hell could he be thinking? I can't just forgive him and get over my problems with him, even if I love him more than anything.

 

 

"I know Duo and I'm sorry that I left, but I thought it was for the best. You weren't getting any better while I was there. So I left, thinking maybe you would be better off without me there." Heero told him sadly, looking at Duo for any reaction out of Duo.

 

"Well that didn't help me, did it? You abandoned me and let me become even worse than I already was. You didn't care that I loved you and wanted you to help me. All you did was think of yourself and decided to leave me." Duo choked out.

 

He was so close to crying, but clamped down firmly on his emotions as they threatened to overwhelm him. I will not cry in front of him. I won't. I can't let him see me cry. I want to just be wrapped within his arms again, but I can't show him any weakness. I won't cry! I will Not Cry!

 

"Duo, I know I have been selfish, but that's why I'm here now. I know I can't take back what I did, but I want to try to be close to you again. I love you, Duo. I have always loved you. I couldn't bear to see you suffering, but I want to help you now. Quatre told me to stay here with you and them. We'll all be living here together, whether you like it or not. I am staying here with you. I won't leave you this time. I promise." Heero said, his eyes pleading to make Duo see that he meant every single word.

 

"You promised me last time that you would help me and you still left. Your promises are hollow Heero." Duo said softly, his control crumbling. His eyes starting to burn as the tears filled his eyes. He clamped his eyes tightly shut to stop them from slipping down his cheeks.

 

I thought I wouldn't cry but I guess I was just kidding myself. Tears flowed freely down his face, but he refused to look at Heero.

 

Heero moved towards him the ache, that built in his chest from seeing Duo this torn, hurt him to the core. He approached Duo and wrapped his arms around Duo, hugging him lightly so he could get away if he wanted to.

 

A few seconds past by and hesitantly Duo wrapped his arms around Heero and buried his face in his chest, letting the fabric soak up his tears.

 

Heero just held him knowing that when Duo came back to his right mind, he might pull away from Heero again. Heero decided he would enjoy this moment while it lasted.

 

And just as Heero thought, it was only a few moments before Duo pulled away, turned and walked up the stairs, tears still lightly flowing down his face.

 

Once up stairs and in his room, Duo shut and locked the door again breaking down.

 

I want him so bad, Duo thought as his body racked with tremors and he slid down the door. What do I do? I want to be in his arms again so bad, but I don't want to get hurt again.

 

The same familiar want to cut, came creeping up on Duo like so many times before, but he wanted this time to be different. He fought it. He was tired of everyone being so worried and if it meant giving up cutting for a while, he would try his best.

 

This will show everyone that I'm better and show Heero that I don't need him, no matter how much I want him. Duo's thoughts began totrail off at the last thought.

 

Planting his hand firmly on the floor he got up and headed to the bed. Striping off his clothes, down to his boxers, he then rolled back the covers and got into the bed, ready for much needed sleep.

 

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After a long day of moving things into the house, Quatre and Trowa were taking off their clothes and getting ready for bed.

 

"Quatre do you think it was a good idea to invite Heero to stay here? Don't you think that it should have been Duo's choice to want to see him again?" Trowa asked, not to sure of his blonde lover's choices.

 

"Well," Quatre started, "I think it was a good idea, simply because they would have had to face each other sooner or later and it's better to do it now since we're here and can stop anything bad that might happen." Quatre finished looking at Trowa.

 

"Well if you say so." Trowa said, still not too sure.

 

Sometimes Quatre needs to just back off, but maybe this will work, Trowa thought as he was folding the covers for the bed back. Like he said, we will be there to break up anything that might go bad, so maybe, just maybe it will work.

 

"It will work," Quatre cut in, "I know it will."

 

"You know I really wish you wouldn't read my thoughts." Trowa said, looking at Quatre on the other side of the bed.

 

"Well if you would just tell me everything, I wouldn't feel the need to find out what your really thinking." Quatre said matter-o-factly.

 

Trowa just looked at him, not sure what to say, so he just climbed into bed with Quatre. Turning off the light, they snuggled closer together, with Trowa's thoughts still circling around Duo and Heero.

 

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The next few days passed with Duo trying avoid Heero and Heero trying to get Duo to talk to him about anything.

 

By the third week, Quatre had, had enough, neither one was getting anywhere and he was just tired of having Duo hide behind him and Trowa.

 

Walking into the living room where Duo was watching TV and Heero was reading a book secretly looking at Duo every few seconds.

 

Walking up to the TV, Quatre turned it off, this bringing cries of protest from Duo.

 

"Q, what are you doing? The movie was just getting to the good part. Duo whined and was about to open his mouth to protest more, but he was cut off.

 

"I have an announcement," Quatre said calmly. Heero stopped reading his book and look up at him. "Trowa and I are moving back to our old house tonight."

 

This brought on more protests from Duo. "You can't just leave me here with him! I won't stay! I refuse!" Duo yelled, feeling a little betrayed that his best friend was going to leave him high and dry with that damn bastard, A.k.A Heero Yuy.

 

"Look, I think it's for the best," Quatre began. "You and Heero have something you'll need to work out eventually and with me and Trowa being here, its not getting done. Now, we will stop by at least everyday to make sure you guys haven't killed each other or anything, so we'll still be here, just not living here." Quatre finished looking everyone in the eye.

 

Duo just sat there and pouted, he knew that once Quatre got something into his head he didn't let up.

 

Tugging on his black hoody, Duo stared moodily at Quatre.Damn it! Now I'm stuck with him! Fuck! This is not going how I planned it to go!

 

Yet on the other side of the room, Heero felt the opposite.

 

Maybe this will help. He has been hiding behind them a lot. Yet he seems so reluctant to even look at me. Maybe I did blow my chance. Heero thought as he stared into his lap, the fabric on his sweat pants becoming suddenly very interesting.

 

That night after Quatre and Trowa moved out, Duo went straight to his room not wanting to even look at Heero.

 

What am I gonna do with Quatre gone? I don't have anyone to keep me distracted from him! A sudden knock on the door snapped Duo out of his thoughts.

 

Looking at the door with a longing, then quickly changing it to a stern look, knowing who was behind the otherside of the door. "What do you want?" Duo called to the door in a very icy tone.

 

"Look Duo, I just want to talk." Heero pleaded to Duo, "Please?"

 

Sighing, Duo got up from his bed and walked across the large room to the door. Opening it all the way, he looked Heero dead in the face. "Talk," he commanded, "and make it fast."

 

"Ok, I promise it will be quick." Heero agreed.

 

"Don't promise me anything, just say what you have to say." Duo said tiredly, he was already getting tired of this.

 

"Well, I just wanted to say: that Duo, I really do love you and I really want you to at least talk to me. I know that I wronged you and made you not trust me anymore, but can I to at least try to get some of that trust back?" Heero pleaded with Duo. "Please?"

 

Duo looked at Heero, his eyes narrowed a bit. "I will give you a chance." Duo paused and looked Heero in the eyes, which had a relieved look in them. "But, you only get one chance to try to earn my trust back. If you fuck up in anyway, I will never talk to you again. No matter what you say, got it?"

 

"I understand." Heero said right after finished his sentence.

 

"Good, now could you leave my room? I'll see you downstairs for dinner," Duo said simply.

 

Heero just nodded and walked to the door, grabbing the knob and closed the door behind him.

 

Finally, Heero sighed, he'll talk to me again maybe I can earn his trust back and I'll finally be able to have my Duo back. Heero's thoughts trailed off as he went to the stairs, deciding he was going to make Duo favorite food for dinner, instead of ordering out for pizza.

 

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Around six o'clock, Duo came wondering down the stairs to the smell of Teriyaki chicken and rice and then something else he could not quite place, filled the house.

 

Walking into the kitchen, the sight before him was the funniest thing he had ever seen. Heero was standing with his back to him, but Duo could see there was flour in his hair and a hot pink apron on, no doubt it was Quatre's.

 

Not being able to hold in his laughter anymore, Duo burst into fits of giggles, catching Heero's attention he turned around to see Duo with one hand clinging to wall and the other holding his side.

 

"You find something funny?" Heero said in a light tone.

 

At this, Duo fought down his laughter and looked at Heero, only to begin laughing again because Heero had flour on the very tip of his nose and the apron had the figure of a woman in a bikini on it. "Yes." Duo choked out as he tried to get his laughter under control again.

 

Heero looked down at himself. "It's the apron isn't it?" He asked in all seriousness.

 

Finally finding his voice, Duo laughed out, "It's the whole scene, you with a pink apron, no make that with the hot pink apron with the body of a woman on it, and you have flour everywhere else on you. It's just too much." Duo said arms wrapped around himself, holding his sides.

 

Confused Heero got serious and said, "I have flour on me?"

 

Finally calming down Duo answered, "Yes, you do. Here, let me get it for you."

 

Walking over to Heero, Duo gently brushed the flour out of Heero's hair then took his thumb and got the little smudge off of Heero's cheek and nose, but being this close to him was driving Duo crazy.

 

Why am I feeling like this? He left me, I shouldn't be getting all googoly over him just cause we're this close. I should still be hating him, never mind the fact that he is making my favorite dish. Duo thought as he stared at Heero his hand that had some how made its way back over to his cheek.

 

Heero just stared at him not sure what was going on in Duo's mind.

 

What's going on? I mean this is great and I wish I could be this close to him all the time, but why is it he's looking at me with longing then with hatred. There must be a war going on behind those beautiful eyes of his.

 

Before Heero knew what was going on and before Duo knew what he was doing he leaned in and kissed him.

 

First the kissed started out slow but then became more fierce and full of need. Before they knew it they were drowning in each other, neither wanting to let the other go.

 

Pushing Heero back into the counter Duo searched for the hem of Heero's shirt, finding it, Duo's hands began to roam all over Heero's chest, making Heero give out a small moan as Duo pinched one of Heero's nipples.

 

Parting for air, Duo looked into Heero's clear blue eyes.

 

What am I doing?! Duo thought as he continued to look into Heero's eyes. Fuck it, I don't care right now. I just want him so bad I can't bring myself to let go.

 

Heero saw Duo's hesitation and decide to make the next move and started another kiss that Duo went along with.

 

Walking backwards and pulling Heero out of the kitchen they made it over to the couch, lips still searching the others and made it onto a couch in the living room.

 

The back of Duo's knees hit the couch and he fell back onto it with Heero right on top of him, never missing a beat.

 

Before they knew it, all of Heero's clothes were on the floor and Duo only had his boxers on.

 

So to make things even Duo took his boxers off and they 'played' a while, but were interrupted by the smell of burning rice.

 

"Shit!" Heero cursed hoping up to get the rice while Duo just sat on the couch.

 

Maybe I shouldn't be doing this. Its too early and even though a good fuck is a good fuck. I can't do it with him.

 

Deciding that the smart thing to do was just to eat with Heero and not let it go any farther. Grabbing his clothes and putting them back on, then picking up Heero's clothes, he walked towards the kitchen.

 

"Here Heero." Duo said, handing Heero his clothes when the Japanese boy turned around.

 

Heero took the clothes right away, even though he was a little upset that Duo changed his mind. Yet, he was still hopeful that things were moving in the right direction.

 

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Dinner passed by smoothly, neither talked about what almost happened earlier. They just ate in silence for the most part, but talked in between bites every now and then.

 

After they finished eating, Heero began to collect the dirty dishes and Duo got up to help.

 

"Look Heero, about what happened before we ate," Duo started, "I guess well... look don't take this the wrong way, but just because I did that, does not mean you got anywhere on my scale ok."

 

Sighing Heero stopped putting a dish in the dishwasher and turned to look at Duo. "Duo I understand, because I know what I did was wrong and I..."

 

Before Heero could finish his sentence Duo kissed him again.

 

What the hell?! Heero thought to himself. It's not that I'm not enjoying this, but talk about mixed fucking feelings.

 

Along with Heero's mind, Duo's was also racing.

Why do I keep doing this? I mean come on, its like having the hormones of a 14 year old boy again. I swear I take one look at him and I can't help it I can't seem to fight it anymore. I want him so bad no matter how many times I tell myself it's wrong. With each thought that passed through Duo's mind, the kiss deepened until they finally withdrew for air.

 

"Duo?" Was the only word Heero said as they parted. He was so confused, he wasn't sure what to do.

 

Duo looked down at the floor his breath coming in pants. "Heero I'm sorry, but I just can't help myself. I don't know what to do." Duo looked so lost Heero wanted to take him in his arms but he wasn't sure how Duo would react.

 

"I mean, I know I'm supposed to hate you and I want to because you left me all alone when I needed you, but when I look at you I can't hate you. It feels like I'm trying to fall in love all over again." By now Duo was near tears.

 

Heero couldn't take it anymore he didn't care how Duo reacted. He reached out and pulled Duo into his arms.

 

"If I would have known you would end up like this, I would have never left you in the first place." Heero whispered more to himself then to Duo.

 

How could I have just left like that? I should have stayed. Its all my fault he's this broken. Heero thought wearily to himself.

 

Deciding on a plan of action, Heero picked up Duo still slightly sobbing in his arms and took him up to his room.

 

Opening up the door and shifting Duo so that he could roll back the covers, he laid Duo down.

 

As soon as Heero started to let go, Duo held on and wouldn't let go.

 

"Heero stay with me tonight?" Duo asked in a soft voice.

 

Feeling no need to answer Heero just slid right into bed next to Duo. Pulling him close so that they were fitted together just like puzzle pieces.

 

Closing his eyes, Heero began to hum a soft lullaby to Duo as he drifted off to sleep.

 

I hope we can stay like this forever, were Heero's last thoughts as he felt his body get heavy and drifted off to sweet dreams.

 

While Duo was thinking just how nice it was to be sleeping next to Heero again.

 

I never noticed just how much I missed this. I don't ever want this to go away, I love him so much more than I want to. Duo thought as his eyelids became heavy. I've finally realized that I really don't want to lose him again. Duo's thoughts eased away as he drifted into a dreamless peaceful sleep.

 

 

Fin...

 

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