Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Growing Up Girl ❯ Chapter 3

I remember our first Saturday together. I came to Heero's room dressed in the only clothes I owned, save for my uniform, that weren't meant for those with a female body: A pair of old, faded blue jeans and a plain black t-shirt. I wore a pair of worn-out Fila tennis shoes. They were only slightly too small for my feet. My toes were scrunched.

When I got there, Heero opened his door and came out, immediately shooing me down the hall. I didn't get to see his room, like I'd hoped I would, but he seemed pretty eager to get started. We went to the weight room in the back of the gym. It was pretty empty, but there were a few of the football players there. I lowered my eyes, hoping they wouldn't notice me walking in with someone like Heero. The last thing I wanted was to cause him problems.

We went to the punching bag. Heero went around the other side of it and held it steady. I stared at him blankly.

"Well?" He widened his stance and held the bag a little tighter. I stared at the large, beat-up, vinyl bag in dismay. Was I supposed to hit it?

"Well, what?"

Heero sighed. "I wanna see how strong you are right now. Just give it a good punch."

I'd never thrown a punch in my entire life. I'd never even thought of punching someone or something. The very thought of trying scared me. Girls didn't punch things, did they? Heero's intent stare was the only thing that made me draw back my fist over my shoulder and hurl it forward, straight into the bag. My wrist bent at an awkward angle. A few of my knuckles cracked and stung. The bag didn't seem to be effected, and neither did Heero.

His stare was blank. "O... kay. You've never punched a thing in your life, have you?"

I lowered my eyes again and shook my head, embarrassed. I felt very out of place, here. I felt ashamed to even be in the presence of such abundant masculinity, like I was invading the personal space of men. I knew I didn't belong. I wanted to leave. "Tell you what... we'll go outside and I'll teach you some really basic moves."

I felt ready to cry. I didn't want to learn basic moves. I didn't even want to be here. For some reason, though, I felt it necessary to please Heero. We went outside.

Heero knew karate. He had a brown belt. He showed me a few kicks, and how to make a real fist, and how I should aim at targets-aim at a place behind the actual target, so you can follow through. He told me to come at him, to attack him. I had no idea what I was doing, so I simply raised my fists and ran at him. Somehow, he put my face into the ground before I even realized what was happening. My arm was pulled up behind me as he pressed on my shoulder. "Eventually, you'll learn how to not let this happen."

It was then that I realized just how weak I was. How could I ever expect to defend myself against anyone or anything if I was this weak? How could I ever expect to survive all of the horrible things that I knew were soon to come? I made a promise to myself to become stronger-just strong enough that I couldn't be pushed around so easily. And not just to make Heero proud, but to keep myself safe.

I returned to my room sore and dirty. I had grass in my hair and grass stains on my jeans and my face was smudged with dirt. Quatre stared at me as I walked in, probably not expecting a sissy boy like me to ever have dirt on my face or clothes. I silently grabbed my pajamas and wandered into the showers. Another boy was inside. I immediately turned to go, but he must have noticed me. "Well, if it isn't Duo-fucking-Maxwell."

My heart clenched in my chest. He recognized me. He knew me. I prepared to get beat up again. And by a nude man, no less.

He couldn't have been much older than me. His voice wasn't that deep. But he towered over me in height. He came towards me. My body tensed in anticipation, but my eyes traveled away from him. I thought that maybe if I didn't see his fist coming at my face, it wouldn't hurt as much. I was surprised when he walked past me, grabbed his towel off the bench to wrap around his waist, and left the room. In fact, I was more than surprised. I was completely stunned, but exceedingly happy.

The lessons with Heero continued for months, all the way up until summer break. School let out, and all of the students were sent home for a little over two months. There was no great welcome at home. My parents were disappointed in me and that would never change. I was only home because I couldn't stay in my room at the school while it was closed. My father gave me a silent nod as I walked through the living room, down the hall, to my own room. It was exactly as I had left it. I put my single bag on the floor and sat down to open it.

It had been a long time since I'd seen Hilde. I knew what I wanted to do. The clothes I'd bought during school were taken out and laid on the bed-a black baby doll t-shirt and a pair of hip-hugging jeans. Black might not exactly be a feminine color, like pink, but I found out that it was my favorite, mainly because it was so slimming. Wearing a black t-shirt helped to hide the fact that my shoulders were a little too wide for a girl my age, and the fact that a girl my age should be getting breasts sometime soon.

I was eleven. I knew puberty was not far off. I dreaded it with every ounce of my being.

I took off my school uniform and stood in front of the full-length mirror. My body scared me. Where once there had been soft, pale skin that looked strikingly feminine, I now had soft, pale skin stretched over defined muscle. I nearly fainted, shocked at how masculine my young body had become in only four months time with Heero. I began to cry, hating myself.

I still put on the clothes, though, and it made me feel a bit better. They hid my traitorous body from me. My shoes on, I tied up my hair, opened my window, and climbed out. I ran for three blocks until I came to Hilde's house. I hoped that she still slept in the same bedroom. She and her sister had a tendency to switch every now and then. I went around behind her house, crouched below her window, and tapped on the glass timidly.

A boy who had to be at least fifteen opened the shade and pushed the window open, peering down at me. I stared at him, eyes wide. "Can I help you?"

I gasped, mouth opening and closing. I was shocked. "I... is Hilde here?"

I heard Hilde's voice behind him and nearly sighed in relief. "Who are you talking to, Mitch?"

He glanced back. "Some girl. She's asking for you."

I did not even bother to try and hide the outrageous smile on my face. "Some girl." I whispered it over and over again to myself in my head. It had always been "are you a boy or a girl" before. Now it was "some girl." Life could be so kind sometimes. Hilde came to the window and smiled at me. "Well, if it isn't Duo Maxwell."

Mitch walked away from the window. I grinned up at Hilde. "Hey girl... you got some time to talk to me? I just escaped from military school for the summer."

"Yeah, I was surprised when you got sent there. I didn't even know what had happened."

"I would have called and told you, but we can't call anyone who's not family. Or at least, I can't." She nodded thoughtfully. I peered around her to try and get another glance at Mitch. "So who is he, anyway?"

Hilde blushed. "My boyfriend."

I was taken aback, but I didn't show it. He was much too old for her, I knew it. "He's... cute." I tried to act happy for her. In all honesty, I was a little jealous, because he was so cute. Because she had one, like any normal girl. And I didn't. I wasn't a normal girl, was I? I silently faced that fact. "Well... do you have time for me, or what?"

Hilde nodded and retreated into her room. I waited outside. A minute or two later, Hilde was climbing out her window and dropping down to meet me. "I told him my old friend was back in town and to go home." She laughed and stood up to brush off her pants. I did the same.

She finally noticed my attire and gasped. "Oh, Duo... why the hell are you wearing girls' clothes?" She seemed upset.

I tried to shrug, act like it was no big deal. "It just feels more comfortable." How could I be honest with her? How could I tell her that there was something wrong with me, something not clicking right between my body and my mind? A normal person could never understand, could they? I didn't even know if there was anyone else like me. I didn't know if I was just crazy. I tried not to think about that. Every time I did, I felt incredibly alone.

"I saw something on tv about boys like you." My eyes widened. I wanted to know more. I couldn't contain my anticipation. "They said you were perverts who dressed like girls for sexual stuff."

My excitement deflated like a popped balloon. That most definitely was not me. That did not describe me. But it did sound similar, and if there were people similar to me, maybe I wasn't the only one like me. "I don't think that has anything to do with me, Hild. I just do it because it feels natural. She seemed to accept that. We walked.

Hilde and I wandered around the neighborhood. We ran over to the railroad tracks and put pennies on the rails. We crossed over them, to the overgrown field of weeds taller than we were. We lost and found each other over and over again before collapsing together in a heap. I stared up at the sky and imagined I could reach up and touch it; grab the clouds and pull them down there with me.

"What're you gonna be when you grow up, Hild?"

She seemed to think a minute. I glanced over at her and she was smiling. "I wanna get married and have kids. But most, I think I wanna be a teacher." Hilde loved school. She loved her teachers. I could understand why she had such dreams. "What about you?"

"I'm gonna be a girl someday... and I'm gonna get married too. But I don't know what else." Hilde stared at me strangely, but nodded all the same. I don't think she was old enough yet, nor was I, to truly understand the implications of what I was saying. Neither of us knew yet what was causing me to say these things.

All I knew then was that I wished the summer would never end, and that every day I could spend it with Hilde like this. She was my best friend. She was my only real friend.