Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Gundam Theater Presents: Hamlet (AKA How to Off Releena in Ten Scenes or Less) ❯ Act V: Scenes 1 and 2: Saying Goodbye ( Chapter 5 )

And Finally... we come to act five... scene one... “Saying Goodbye...”

Duo stands alone with a spotlight on him in the middle of the stage, ready for his monologue. “If we killers have offended, think a minute and all is mended. You came to watch Releena die...” He stops, and tries to find a good rhyme, muttering to himself... “try... fly... buy... tie... cry...” He pauses at “cry” considering. Then he shakes his head. “Nah...”

Quatra storms onto the stage, shouting, “Wrong play. Don't any of you read?” He shoves Duo offstage. “Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls.”

Trowa begins freaking out and starts looking for clown mask with an “Oh shit! I'm late!” look on his face.

Quatra sighs and ignores him. “Anyway, we hope you were entertained by our production of William Shakespeare's Hamlet and Tom Stoppard's Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead... with apparent special guest performances by Brittany Spears, The Spice Girls, and various other artists which have nothing to do with Shakespeare.” He sighs again. “Oh, who are we fooling? We don't care if you're entertained or not. The point of this play was to kill Releena. And we finally did it... without the sharks with laser beams attached to their heads that was suggested by one of our cast.” He glares at Duo, who is offstage, whistling innocently and not making eye contact. “We have succeeded in our goal.” Quatra motions grandly and spotlight shines on the ever-expanding pool of blood under curtain. “Please note that Releena was the only person who was permanently hurt during the making of this show. Oh yes... and of course... Gertrude. “He shoots an evil look at Heero who doesn't seem to care. “We hope you were at least vaguely amused by Gundam Theater. Thank you and goodnight.”

Masterpiece Theater music plays.

Quatra is surprised. “Hey, Trowa! You got it right!”

The curtains close.

And we begin act five, scene two, which is the final act (finally...) It is now two hours later, and those actors who are still alive are leaving the theater.

Lady Une is harrassing Zechs. “Won't you come home with me? No?” She pushes the button, giving him a shock. “How about now?” She pushes the button repeatedly.

Zechs jumps a little with each shock. “Ow! Ow! Ow!”

Duo is watching them, mildly disturbed. He turns to Heero. “Have you ever thought about being dead in a box, Heero?”

Heero looks at him. “Yes. Want to try?”

Duo throws an arm around Heero's shoulders. “Only if you want to join me, babe!”

Quatra approaches Troa. “So, where did you get that music, anyway?”

Trowa whispers something in Quatra's ear.

“Oh.” Quatra glances at Duo and Heero, who are walking away, with a slightly amused look. “Maybe I should let Duo borrow one of my books...”

Meanwhile, inside, Wufei is still lying on the blue material onstage, asleep in the ugly dress. Flowers are stuck in both ears with a trail of petals leading suspiciously to a Hamlet costume.

Music starts playing. “A grave man once requested me to answer questions that are key. 'Is it to be or not to be?' And I replied, oh why ask me? Suicide is painless. It—”

Wufei, eyes still closed, pulls out gun and shoots CD player. Song stops. He puts the gun away and remains motionless. “Suicide is dishonorable.”

The End

Author's note: Thanks for reading our story! We hope you liked it. Keep your eyes open, because we are hoping to add more to Gundam Theater when we get a chance. And sorry it sounds kind of stilted. Originally it was written in script format, but we had to change it to post it here. It doesn't do as well in prose. But we think the humor is still there. Anyway, just a few more things:

Anyone who wants to donate interesting swear words in different languages for use to contemplate Wufei having said to Duo in Act four, feel free to email us the words, pronunciation, language and definition. Email is on our bio page. We probably won't add it to the story, but we find it amusing that we could learn something from a story such as this...

Please review! It makes writing something like this feel sooooo much more worthwhile. Believe it or not, dumb though it is, it took time!

If you want the full impact of the humor on this, you really should read Hamlet and Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and Gundam Wing at least. All three are worth the time. And each has a great movie version... or in GW's case, anime. (Knowing the songs quoted in here wouldn't hurt either.)

Bye!