Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Gundam Theater Presents: Hamlet (AKA How to Off Releena in Ten Scenes or Less) ❯ Act IV ( Chapter 4 )

And we finally make it to Act four. There is blue material onstage to represent water. Two chairs are set up in front. Lady Une sits in one as Claudius. Gertrude's chair is still empty. Lady Une periodically pats that chair suggestively when males and females all wearing pants (except for Wufei) walk by.

Wufei comes out with Quatra, and is once again in a distinctly ugly colored dress. He stares at Quatra. “I don't dance.”

Duo comes out right after them, and says brightly, “But you also said you don't wear dresses, and see how pretty you look!” He starts putting flowers in Wufei's ear.

Wufei growls, “I am not pretty, you stupid-- (he rambles out swear words in an unknown alien language.)

Duo looks at Wufei. “That's not very ladylike.” He ducks and runs away as Wufei attacks.

Quatra glares at both of them, but especially Wufei. “Wufei, would you just come over here and drown?”

Wufei stops and sends the director an indignant look. “I will not die in such a dishonorable way. I'll have you know that I'm an excellent swimmer!”

Quatra looks like he wanted to beat his head against something in frustration. “It's a play! A play! It isn't real. Anyways, maybe Ophelia is an excellent swimmer. We don't knkow. But we do know that she's crazy now, so she drowns.”

Wufei sends Quatra a suspicious look. “Are you saying I'm mentally unstable?”

Quatra smirks sarcastically, still trying to keep his rising temper in check. “Wherever would I get that idea?”

“I'm not crazy.”

Quatra finally loses it, grabbing Wufei by the shoulders and shaking him. “Listen,” he says through clenched teeth. “Take your flowers, skip around Claudius, and drown, or so help me, I'll drown you myself.”

Sufficiently scared, Wufei takes his flowers and skips.

The song “Toxi” starts playing in the background. No one speaks.

Quatra sends a death glare at Trowa who stops the CD and slinks away.

Lady Une, bored, pushes the button again.

“Ow!” Treiz exclaims.

“I told you it hurts,” comes Zech's voice from backstage. “Now give it back.”

Wufei throws flowers and other random objects at Lady Une, hoping to at least knock her out. “I'm crazy, right?” he asks when Quatra sends him a sharp look.

Quatra decides to let it slide, as Wufei is actually skipping in a dress.

Wufei finally skips to the “water” and lies down as stiff as a board.

“That doesn't look like drowning,” Duo complains. “Haven't you ever drowned anyone before?”

“No,” Wufei replies. “Have you?”

“'Course not, but I've watched Heero do it.”

All eyes turn to Heero who shrugs. “My gun was wet.” Suddenly he realizes new advantages of the sword.

“Wufei,” Duo continues, “you're too stiff.”

“Dead bodies are stiff.”

“Not during the dying process,” Duo states.

“Oh, just let him die how he wants,” Quatra pleads.

Trowa jumps out onstage out of nowhere wearing his Player costume. “As long as there's blood! Blood's compulsory! They're all blood!”

Quatra sighs. “Once again... wrong play.”

Duo looks confused. “You don't bleed when you drown...”

“Depends,” Heero says.

“On what?”

Heero raises an eyebrow. “If I stab you first.”

“Aw, our relationship has finally progressed to threats of death by close-range weapons. Should I write up the invitations?”

“That's it, you two,” Quatra snaps. “I'm separating you. Heero, go stage right. Duo, stage left. Let's just get on with the duel. I feel the need to stab one of you anyway.”

Duo laughs nervously, unused to the easygoing pilot losing his tempter like this. “Funny, Quatra.”

“I'm Laertes this scene,” Quatra replies grimly. “Un Guard.”

Duo runs. “Where'd you get a sharp sword? Heero had the only sharp sword, and that was only to make him agree to lose the gun.”

Heero suddenly realizes something and looks around. “Hey, where is my sword?”