Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Gundam Wing and the Gods of Thunder ❯ The Gods Appear ( Chapter 3 )

Chapter 3: The Gods Appear

“This breakfast is great!” Duo exclaimed. He shoveled another big spoonful of blood pudding into his mouth.

Wu-Fei turned an impressive shade of green as he sipped weakly on a brewed drink that passed for tea in these parts.

“Um hmm!” Roku agreed enthusiastically. He levered another pile of boiled salt cod onto a thick slice of bread and munched it happily.

Inga smiled broadly. “It does a cook good to see healthy appetites like yours,” she said. “Eat up! There's plenty more.”

“Sure! Sure!” Horvald moaned. “Give away all my best fare.” Then he looked guilty. “It's not that I don't appreciate what you've done for us, but a man has to make a living, you know?”

“Don't worry about it, sir,” Trowa told him quietly. “We have plenty of coin and don't mind parting with it. But neither do we want to insult your wife's generosity. Maybe we'll just overpay for the mead and dinner last night.”

Horvald brightened. “You're a true gentleman, sir!”

A low rumble started outside that grew steadily louder.

“Oh no!” Inga cried. “Are the ice giants coming back?”

Horvald peeked out the window. “Worse!” he exclaimed. He turned to Inga. “I warned you not to speak ill of the gods! It's Thor's wagon! Now what shall we do?”

“Thor's wagon?” Trowa exclaimed. He, Heero, Quatre and Treize crowded around the window.

“Those have got to be the biggest goats I've ever seen!” Treize said.

“But look at the size of the wagon they're pulling!”

“It's huge!”

A massive wagon with wheels as tall as a man and tall sides rumbled to a halt outside the inn. The two shaggy black-and-white goats that pulled it were the size of oxen. The burly driver was easily as wide as two men and well over two meters tall. His bushy red beard completely covered his chest. Despite the lingering cold, he was wearing nothing but a sleeveless wool tunic that reached to mid-thigh and sturdy leather sandals that laced up his calves. The muscles in his bare arms and legs looked like steel bands. He wielded an enormous hammer as he leaped down from the driver's seat and the ground shook when he landed.

Two other men jumped down from the bed of the wagon. One was exceedingly fair with shoulder length blond hair that was arranged in artful curls. His eyes were a deep blue and dimples formed in his cheeks when he smiled, which he appeared to do very easily. The other man had dark brown hair and dark eyes and he looked around suspiciously as the three approached the door to the inn.

“I think they're coming in,” Quatre said.

“Oh no!” Horvald hung his head in his hands.

The door banged open and the big man stomped through first. The other two stepped in behind him and moved to either side, facing the room's occupants with stern expressions.

Inga glared at them. “You could at least shut the door!” she snapped. “Do you think I build a fire to heat the whole outdoors?”

The three men's stern expressions immediately changed to looks of chagrin. The dark haired man stepped back and closed the door. “Your pardon, Mistress,” he murmured.

“That's better,” Inga muttered.

Horvald looked panicked as he made a hasty bow. “How may my humble inn be of service to three lords of Valhalla?”

The blond-haired man stepped forward. “Which of you is the god who broke the ice giants' spell?”

Roku giggled and Quatre shushed him. “My son and I broke that spell,” Quatre said, “but neither of us is a god. We're sorcerers.”

“Truly?” The blond-haired man swung his hair back with an artful toss of his head. “I am the renowned god Frey and my companions are the mighty gods Thor and Heimdall.”

Heimdall stepped forward and regarded Roku with dark suspicion. “Are you sure this one is not a god? I sense great power here.”

Quatre moved between Heimdall and Roku and his brows lowered ominously. “I said he's just my son,” he growled. “You got a problem with that?”

“Uh oh!” Duo murmured.

While Quatre and Heimdall glowered at each other, Thor hefted his hammer.

“Here now,” Thor rumbled in a deep voice. “That's no way to address us gods. We're important people. Show proper respect.” He waggled the hammer at Quatre.

“That little toy looks like it might be marginally useful in a fight,” Heero drawled.

Thor lifted his hammer menacingly. “You dare to disparage the mighty Mjolnir? With this hammer, I can crush an ice giant in a single blow or split a mountain in two!”

Heero tipped his head to one side. “I suppose that's respectable.”

“Respectable?!” Thor spluttered. “I… I…” He stared around the room, as if hoping to find the words he needed hiding in a corner.

“Oh, behave yourselves!” Inga grated. She shoved a tankard of mead into Thor's hand. “Drink this.” She shoved another tankard into Heero's hand. “Now don't you go upsetting Thor. If he drops that wretched hammer, it'll crack my nice floor.”

Thor stared at her in astonishment. Heero shrugged and took a long drink of his mead. Thor blinked at him for a moment and then tipped his tankard up, draining it in one long pull. He was grinning when he finished.

“Well now!” Thor exclaimed. “That's a right sweet cup of mead, Mistress. I wouldn't say no to another.”

“I figured you wouldn't.” Inga brought him another tankard.

“Now that that's settled,” Frey said brightly, “let's get back to the discussion at hand. How is it that two mere mortals, if indeed that's all you are, managed to break such a powerful spell?”

“A spell's just a spell,” Quatre replied. He continued to watch Heimdall closely. “Once you get a feel for it, they're easy enough to break.”

“Amazing! I think you should come back to Valhalla with us. Odin will want to hear about this.” Frey glanced around the room and his eyes fell on Zechs for the first time. “In Odin's name, what creature of god-like beauty is this?” He floated across the room as if in a trance and leaned over until he was staring at Zechs from close range. “I swear you rival even myself as the epitome of masculine beauty. But yet what's this? You are with child?!”

“What?!” Thor and Heimdall exclaimed together.

“I kid you not!” Frey exclaimed. “I am certain he is a man, but here he sits with a child swelling his belly. I have never heard of such a thing!”

Inga, Horvald and the other Norsemen stared at Zechs in open-mouthed astonishment.

Zechs frowned. “Did you have to shout it to the whole room? I was trying to keep that to myself.”

“Oh!” Frey bowed his head. “My apologies, beautiful one. But now I must insist that you come with us. Everyone will want to see this. But tell me, which fine gentleman put you in this condition? Is it this handsome fellow seated so gracefully on your right?”

“He is the baby's father, but…” Zechs began, but Frey clasped them each on the shoulder with a cry.

“Forsooth! We will return to Valhalla at once! What a haul we've netted!” He whirled around to face Heimdall and Thor. “Two powerful sorcerers and a pregnant man! No one will believe us unless we plant the truth right before their very eyes.”

“You're right,” Heimdall agreed. “And I have no doubt that Odin will want to meet them.”

“Then it's settled!” Frey spun about lightly on one foot and clapped his hands. “Everyone get into the wagon. We're going to Valhalla!”

“Not us!” Inga said loudly. “We're just simple village folk.” Horvald and the other Norsemen nodded furiously. “But let me pack a lunch for our guests to take so they don't get hungry on the way.”

Frey bowed to her. “A wonderful idea, Mistress.” He winked at Thor. “Perhaps you wouldn't mind rolling a few barrels of that wonderful mead into the wagon as well?” He tossed her a gold coin.

Inga snatched it out of the air as quick as a striking snake. “With pleasure, noble lord.” She waved a hand at her husband and the others. “Get to work, you louts! Put four barrels into Thor's wagon and then come help me with the mutton roasts and bread.”

With a great deal of bustling about and shouted instructions from Inga, the Gundam pilots' belongings were loaded into Thor's wagon, along with what seemed like three sheep's worth of roast mutton, several dozen loaves of bread, a crock of honey, two foaming pitchers of fresh goat milk and four barrels of mead.

Then the pilots themselves climbed into the wagon while Inga and the others watched.

Inga shook a finger at them. “Now don't you let those gods boss you about. They'll take advantage of you if you let them.”

“Mistress, you wound me!” Frey exclaimed dramatically. “They are the guests of Valhalla. They will receive the finest rooms, food and drink we have to offer.”

“Just see that they do.”

Frey executed a graceful bow. “Good day to you all!” When he straightened up, he flung a double handful of gold coins into the melting snow.

With squeals of excitement, the Norsemen dove for the coins, but Inga still managed somehow to acquire most of them.

Frey took a seat on the wagon floor as Thor lashed the goats into motion. “Ah, the joys of simple people,” Frey sighed. “I do like visiting among the mortals. But I think we will have to get her recipe for mead. I haven't seen Thor smile over a tankard like that in a long time.”

“How long will it take to reach Valhalla?” Wu-Fei asked.

“Not long. We could get there by midday, but Thor likes to pamper his goats. We should be there by nightfall.”

Roku stood up and peaked over the side. “Oh look! We're up in the air.”

“Really?”

Everyone stood up and looked over the side.

“That's cool!” Duo said. “So will we stop somewhere for lunch or eat on the move?”

Heimdall stared at him. “You were eating breakfast when we arrived and you're already thinking about lunch?”

Duo grinned. “I'm always thinking about food. Unless I'm thinking about sex.”

“What about shopping?” asked Trowa with a smirk.

“I can shop and think about food and sex at the same time.” Duo plopped back down. “So, does either of you gods play dice, by any chance?”

“Duo!”

“I'm just asking!”

Frey grinned. “I'm not familiar with that game, but if it's a game of chance, I'd be glad to learn.”

Heimdall lost a little of his perpetual scowl. “A game of chance? That might be interesting.”

“Ok, this is how you play…” and Duo pulled the dice from his pocket.

“I'm going to sleep,” Heero muttered.

“Me too,” said Quatre.

Zechs leaned against Treize. “I feel nauseous again.”

“Have some crackers,” offered Roku.

“Thanks.”

“Papa Duo, can I play too?”

“Of course.”

“Now…” said Duo as he smiled at the two unsuspecting gods, “I noticed you have a few gold coins…”

When Thor decided later that it was time to stop for lunch, Frey was staring wistfully at the pile of coins in front of Duo. Heimdall was just glaring generally at everyone.

“That is a most interesting game, young Duo,” Frey acknowledged. “I think I shall have to teach it to the heroes of Valhalla. It will give them something to do besides drink and fight.”

“What's wrong with drinking and fighting?” Thor interrupted. “Let's open one of the barrels. I feel a powerful thirst.”

“Great idea!” said Duo.

Thor yanked the top off the nearest barrel and plunged a tankard in. He handed it to Duo. “Bottom's up!”

“To drinking and fighting!” Duo toasted.

“Aye!” Thor roared. He filled another tankard and raised it in a toast. “To drinking and fighting!”

He and Duo drained their tankards.

“Hey!” Heero said. “Quit drinking all the mead! Pass those tankards around.”

Thor chuckled. “Your pardon, sir.” He began filling tankards and passing them out.

Roku filled a mug with goat milk and offered it to Zechs. “Would you like some milk, Mr. Zechs?”

Zechs accepted the mug with a smile. “Thank you, Roku.”

“Papa Wu-Fei?”

“Yes, please.”

Roku filled two more mugs and handed one to Wu-Fei.

As they munched on mutton and bread, Frey chattered at them cheerfully.

“So tell me, friends, from whence do you hail? Your manner of speech and dress implies that you are not from these parts.” He winked at Zechs. “And a pregnant man, I warrant, is unusual in all parts of the world.”

Quatre shifted uncomfortably. “It's true that we're travelers from afar,” he said. “It's a little difficult to explain.”

“Then don't explain!” Thor rumbled. “Long explanations make my head ache. And besides, too much complicated talk interferes with proper digestion. Tales of great battles make better dinner conversation. There's nothing like talk of bloodshed and mayhem to settle the meat properly into your stomach.”

To demonstrate, he proceeded to regale them with a story of a great battle he fought with a band of gallant human heroes against thousands of fire-spitting demons from the underworld. He included graphic descriptions of head-splittings, arm-loppings, torchings, and other bloody mutilations that left everyone but Heero and Treize looking rather sick.

“All of those heroes now sit in Valhalla in everlasting glory, blessed to relive the greatest battles along with the thousands of valiant dead from other great battles.” Thor concluded his tale by striking a dramatic pose.

Zechs promptly threw up over the side of the wagon.

Heero frowned. “Wait a minute. Are you saying everyone was killed?”

“Yes! Isn't that glorious?”

“What's glorious about getting killed? Isn't it better if you stay alive and your enemy ends up dead?”

Thor scratched his head in puzzlement. “But then your enemy would end up in Valhalla and you'd be stuck in Midgard until you died of old age. Where's the glory in that?”

“I can see we have a fundamentally different view of the afterlife,” Treize said. “Although admittedly, I'm the only one who came close to experiencing our version.” He patted Zechs on the back. “Are you going to be all right?”

“Not if Thor tells another story. Roku, do you have any more crackers?”

“Sure.” Roku tossed Zechs another bag of crackers.

Heimdall stared suspiciously. “Where did you get that? I swear you just pulled that packet out of thin air.”

Roku blinked innocently. “I got it from my storage place. Do you want some?”

Heimdall leaned around Roku and looked in back of him. Then he lifted up first Roku's right arm and then his left. Finally, he patted Roku's sides. “You're not carrying anything.”

“Not in my pockets, anyway,” Roku agreed.

“So from where do you keep producing these packets of biscuits?” Heimdall demanded a little plaintively.

“I told you: from my storage place.” Roku produced another bag of crackers. “See?”

“Agh!” Heimdall cried. “You did pull it out of thin air!”

“Not really. I don't think there is air in my storage space. Although…” Roku's face grew thoughtful. “When I put live things in there, they don't die, so I suppose… But then again, they could just be in stasis, in which case they don't need air… Hmm… Maybe Mama better explain.”

“NO!” Thor was holding his head. “No explanations or I shall be hanging over the side like our expectant friend!” He groaned. “Heimdall, just accept it, as we accept that Loki is both our brother and a lying bastard.”

Frey's eyes were sparkling. “Anon! I think our young friend must be a god, or at least the child of one, to have such fascinating powers. What a delightful, unexpected surprise!”

“I told you,” Quatre said firmly, “Roku is my son and he was not fathered by any gods, just those four oversexed maniacs over there.”

Frey's eyes grew round. “You bore the child yourself? Just like our gorgeous friend here? I am all agog, I must tell you. I have fancied myself a student of nature, but I see I have barely scraped the surface of what is possible. I beg you, sir, when we are out of Thor's hearing, that you acquaint me in detail with the whole exciting process, for I daresay this must be one of the greatest tales of the age.”

Quatre shifted uncomfortably. “It's really not all that interesting.”

“Sure it is!” Duo piped up. He grinned broadly at Quatre. “Maybe you could even demonstrate. Frey might find it interesting to be a woman.”

Frey clasped his hands together and looked from Duo to Quatre with a wide smile. “I may not be the bruising fighter that Thor is, but I am no less thrilled by the thought of a new adventure.”

“I'll think about it,” Quatre mumbled. He glared at Duo.

“I will accept that as a promise, Master Sorcerer!” Frey cried. He smacked Thor on the back of the head. “Thor, you great lout, get those animals moving. I am more eager than ever now to return to Valhalla. Knowledge and adventure await!”

“You jerk, Duo!” Quatre whispered angrily. “What did you tell him that for?”

“Oh come on, Quatre. They're gods. How much harm can you do them?”

“He has a point,” Trowa said. “Anyway, Valhalla sounds like fun. Supposedly, anyone who dies valiantly in battle spends eternity there, waiting to fight in the final battle at the end of the world. During the day, they fight great battles as practice. At sunset, everyone is restored and they spend the night feasting and drinking. I suspect there's a fair bit of naughtiness going on as well. Women who died fighting could end up there too. And then there are the Valkyries. They're supposed to be pretty hot. They're the ones who bring the heroes to Valhalla.”

“You are well educated, sir,” Frey said.

“Thank you.”

“Your depiction is not too far off the mark. In fact, the nightly feasting in the great hall can get quite rowdy. A fair maiden or pretty lad seldom makes it through the night unloved.”

“This definitely sounds like my kind of place,” Duo said eagerly. “Eating, drinking and sex: the three mainstays of life.”

“Throw in fighting and you speak as my soul mate,” Thor rumbled loudly as he climbed back into the driver's seat. “Get up there, you lazy beasts! To Valhalla!”