Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Gundam Wing and the Gods of Thunder ❯ It's Not Our Fault ( Chapter 12 )

Chapter 12: It's Not Our Fault

Roku bounded into the tiny one thousand square meter cave Trowa and Quatre were sharing and shook furiously, showering them with snow.

“Jotunheim is fun, Mama!”

“And cold!” Quatre squealed. He quickly sat up and brushed melting snow off his face. “Geez, Roku! I finally managed to get the temperature in here to something slightly above freezing and you fling ice cold water all over us.”

“Sorry!” He licked Quatre's face.

Quatre patted his head. “What have you been doing?”

“I've been playing tag with the little ice giants.”

Trowa rubbed sleep out of his eyes. “How do you do that?”

Roku giggled. “I hide in the snow until they go by and then jump out and bite their toes. Then I run away and they chase me. It's really fun.”

“Sounds like it.”

“So when are you getting up? The sun's been up for hours.”

“How can you tell when the sun comes up? We're in a cave underground and it's always snowing outside.”

Roku shrugged. “I always know where the sun is. How can you miss it? It's huge.”

“Some of us have trouble noticing it when there's a planet in the way,” Trowa remarked wryly.

“I guess.” Roku grabbed their blankets in his teeth and tugged. “So are you getting up or what?”

“Yeah, yeah!” Quatre grumbled. “Quit pulling.” He stood up and stretched.

“Is anyone else up?” asked Trowa.

“Mister Loki and Papa Duo are. We had breakfast with King Kuffrit and Queen Baumgrit. I like Queen Baumgrit. She's funny.”

“What about the others?”

“Papa Heero and Papa Wu-Fei went with some ice giants to get more mead at one of the human villages. Mister Zechs and Mister Treize are still in their cave. I think Mister Zechs doesn't feel well again.”

“I should check him,” Quatre said. “If he's getting close to term, I'll need to do something about delivering his baby.”

“It hasn't been that long,” Trowa said. “Could he really be almost due?”

“He's getting really big. And who knows how traveling through time affects a magically implanted, gestation accelerated pregnancy?”

“Good point.”

“I'm hungry,” said Roku. “Can we have breakfast now?”

“I thought you said you already ate breakfast!” Quatre exclaimed.

“I did, but that was hours ago. I'm hungry again.”

“He was playing in the snow,” Trowa noted.

Quatre waved a hand. “All right, let's go. What's on the menu?”

“Fried whale blubber, polar bear sausages and crab cakes made with ground nuts and a berry sauce.”

“That sounds interesting,” said Trowa. “Where do they get the nuts and berries?”

“Queen Baumgrit says they go to Midgard at night and pick them. Ice giants see really well in the dark.”

“Hm.”

Back in the main hall, King Kuffrit greeted them heartily. “Good day, my friends! I trust your cave was not too warm for comfortable sleeping?”

“It was fine.”

King Kuffrit lifted them up onto the table, where food was still set out. “Please enjoy a bite to eat. The crab cakes are a specialty of ours.” He indicated a flat round cake about the size of a truck tire, covered in a bright red sauce. “Baumgrit likes them bite size.”

Trowa and Quatre exchanged a look. Then they pulled out their belt knives and carved off human-size pieces.

Trowa bit into his. “Wow! This is great!” He quickly ate the rest of his piece and cut off another portion.

“This is good!” Quatre agreed. He finished his almost as quickly.

Roku skillfully sliced off a chunk with his sharp claws and gulped it down.

Queen Baumgrit appeared beside the table. “Look who I have.” She had Treize and Zechs each nestled comfortably in the crook of an arm.

Zechs looked a little green.

“You don't look too good, Zechs,” Trowa remarked.

“I couldn't sleep. The baby was pummeling my internal organs all night.” He glared at Quatre. “Please tell me this is almost over.”

“Well, we don't want to take the baby out too soon…”

Zechs groaned. “I'm the size of a shipping container! The baby has to be big enough by now. Pretty soon she'll be talking.”

“You exaggerate,” Quatre said calmly, “but I'll examine you after breakfast.”

Zechs grumbled something unrepeatable under his breath.

Baumgrit put them carefully on the table. “Have a little crab cake. It will settle your stomach.”

Zechs eyed the giant wheel of food uncertainly, but he got out his knife anyway.

“Hey guys!” Duo came bounding across the floor of the cave and leaped up onto the table by way of the nearest bench. “About time you got up!” He immediately helped himself to a sizeable chunk of crab cake.

“What have you been up to?” Quatre asked suspiciously.

“Nothing,” Duo replied cheerfully.

“That doesn't sound like you.”

“I've just been exploring the caves. Hey Roku, catch this!” He tossed something through the air that glittered brightly.

Roku caught the object between his paws. It was a chunk of pinkish-white crystal with a streak of dark orange zigzagging through it.

“Oh!” said Baumgrit. “You found one of the wishing rocks.”

“Wishing rock?” Trowa questioned.

“Yes, the children make wishes on them. Sometimes they come true.”

“My knife says it has magical properties,” Duo added. “I thought I'd give it to Frey as a thank you gift for putting up with us.”

“That's surprisingly thoughtful of you, Duo.”

Duo winked at them and stuffed more crab cake into his mouth.

“Perhaps we should give something to Odin as well as an apology,” Treize said.

“That's right,” Kuffrit said. He blinked at Quatre. “You enchanted him. What did you do?”

“Oh, it was nothing…” Quatre muttered.

“It was hardly nothing,” Trowa said brightly. “Turning Odin into a woman was high sorcery.”

Kuffrit's mouth dropped open.

Baumgrit sucked in a sharp breath. “You turned Odin into a woman?”

Quatre's face turned red. “Well… yes… temporarily.”

“Is he still a woman?”

“Maybe. I don't know. He was when we left.”

Baumgrit began to giggle. Then her giggle became a laugh. Then her laugh turned into a loud guffaw. She slapped her knee with delight. “I have to see this!”

Kuffrit suddenly slumped onto a nearby bench, his shoulders shaking. Tears began to stream down his face. “Odin as a woman?” he wheezed. “Blessed be! I would give my right arm to see that. As soon as the others get back with the mead, we'll all go to Asgard and have a look.”

“Is that a good idea?” Quatre said worriedly. “Do ice giants normally visit Asgard?”

“Well, no,” Kuffrit admitted, “but I think this occasion calls for it.”

“Absolutely,” Baumgrit agreed. “Odin as a woman! I have to go tell everyone.” She trotted away, still giggling.

“I am really sure this is not a good idea,” said Quatre.

“Probably not,” agreed Trowa. “But if we explain why the giants are there to Odin, no harm should come of it.”

“Famous last words!” Duo quipped.

“You're not helping, Duo.”

Duo just grinned and kept eating.

Meanwhile, in Midgard, Heero and Wu-Fei rode on Boomrath's shoulders as they approached a small settlement. Blowing snow made seeing difficult, but there wasn't much to look at. Several dozen buildings were clustered on either side of a muddy road, with a few outlying farms further out.

Boomrath pointed. “See that inn there? They make excellent mead. That storehouse next door should be stacked to the rafters with fresh barrels.”

“How do you know that?”

Boomrath grinned. “Scrying. No point wasting time drinking bad mead when a little magic will tell you exactly where to find the good stuff.” He lumbered toward the storehouse with several other giants. He and another giant gripped the edge of the roof and ripped it off with one sharp pull. The sharp crack of the rafters snapping echoed over the sound of the wind.

“Someone will have heard that inside!” Wu-Fei shouted to Heero.

“You're right! Look!” He pointed at the side door of the inn, where several terrified faces could be seen looking out, the firelight turning them into silhouettes.

Boomrath let out an echoing roar and the faces disappeared. Frightened screams could be heard from inside. Boomrath laughed. “Let's get the mead!” he shouted.

Several giant hands dipped through the open roof of the storehouse and lifted out the barrels. A few other giants slipped off to knock holes in barns to look for sheep, cows and goats.

“Hey!” Wu-Fei called out. “Someone's come back outside!”

They all looked to see a tall skinny man in a long robe standing in the street. He held a long staff in one hand and lifted it threateningly.

“Begone, evil giants!” he squeaked in a high-pitched voice. “Leave these honest people in peace!”

“Should I step on him?” a giant asked.

The skinny man squeaked again.

“Nah,” Boomrath said. “It feels weird when they squish up between your toes.”

“That's true.”

“Cursed giants!” the man squealed. He waved his staff and a sparkle of light appeared at the end. It crackled through the air and singled the toe of the nearest giant.

“Hey!” the giant exclaimed. “That tickles!”

“You call that fire?” Wu-Fei snorted. “This is fire!” And he shot a long stream of flame in the direction of the skinny wizard. The wizard shrieked in terror and dove into the nearest snow bank.

The giants all stared at Wu-Fei.

“How did you do that?” Boomrath asked nervously.

“I, uh, had a run-in with a dragon a while back and picked up some dragonish traits.”

“A dragon?”

“A fire-breathing lizard that flies.”

“Oh.” Boomrath eyed him nervously. “We giants get a little edgy around hot flame, you understand.”

“I understand,” said Wu-Fei. “I never breathe fire at my friends.”

Boomrath cheered up. “That's good to know. Let's finish up and head back. I could use a tall cup of mead right now.” He tucked several barrels under his arms and trudged away. The other giants followed him, carrying barrels, cows, sheep and a few struggling goats.

They hadn't gone far though when giggling among a trio of young giants made him look back.

“What's going on there?” Boomrath demanded.

One of the giants promptly displayed the skinny wizard grasped in one hand, where the hapless man was struggling futilely, his frightened squeaks barely audible over the wind.

Boomrath rolled his eyes. “And just what were you planning to do with that?”

“Play with him. He's funny!”

Boomrath sighed. “This is what I get for bringing youngsters on a raid. Well, you have to look after your pet and clean up after it.”

“Yes, sir,” the three giants chorused.

Boomrath shook his head. “You wouldn't believe what turns up in the caves when we let the youngsters play in Midgard,” he said. “They do like to pick up little toys everywhere.”

“Ah, yes,” said Wu-Fei. “We know how that can happen.”

“At least Roku keeps his toys in his storage space when he's not using them,” Heero noted.

“He's a good boy.”

When they returned to Jotunheim, they found the caves in an uproar.

“What's going on?” Boomrath asked the nearest giant.

“We're going up to Asgard to see Odin. Apparently the young human sorcerer turned him into a woman and we all want to go see.”

“A woman?!” Boomrath's eyes opened wide. “That would be something to see. When are we leaving?”

“Soon, now that you're back. Kuffrit wants to have a celebratory toast before we go.”

“Good idea. Maybe we should eat, too. Raiding is hard work.”

The other giant nodded. “I wouldn't say no to a bowl of lobster stew.”

“We'd better go find the others,” Heero said. He and Wu-Fei scrambled down Boomrath's arms. They found the others clustered not too far from the entrance.

“What's this about going to Asgard?” Wu-Fei demanded. “Isn't that how Ragnarok starts?”

“Maybe not,” Quatre said defensively.

“Probably,” Duo said cheerfully.

“I am starting to get a little worried,” Trowa acknowledged.

“I hear they're planning to have a toast with a few rounds of mead before they go,” Heero said.

“Somehow, the idea of a crowd of drunken giants barging into Valhalla demanding to see Odin sounds like a recipe for disaster,” Treize said calmly. “Maybe we should go back to Asgard ahead of them and explain the situation before things spin out of control.”

“That might not be a bad idea,” Trowa agreed. “Where's Loki?” They looked around. “Oh, there he is, with Kuffrit.” Trowa led the way over to Loki and the ice giant king.

“Say, Loki, we thought it might be a good idea if we had back to Valhalla now and mention to Odin that the giants are planning to call on him for a friendly little visit. We wouldn't want him to misinterpret why they're there.”

“Why not?” Loki's eyes sparkled impishly. “Can you think of anything funnier than Ragnarok starting over a total misunderstanding?”

“I can see why the gods don't trust him,” Quatre muttered.

“Nevertheless,” Treize put in, “we would feel better if we made an attempt at averting disaster.”

“Oh, very well,” Loki said. “If you insist. But I think you're missing out on a great opportunity here for some serious fun.”

“You think mayhem and slaughter are fun?” Zechs said.

“Well, certainly, as long as it's not me.”

So they bade the ice giants farewell, promised to see them again soon and gathered up their belongings. Then they hiked back out into the snowstorm and Loki spoke the incantation to return them to the Asgard plains.

Where they immediately shed several layers of clothing.

“Man, it sure feels hot here now,” Duo exclaimed. Then he paused. “Hey, something doesn't look right about Valhalla.”

The others all looked.

“You're right,” Wu-Fei said. “It looks, well, gnawed.”

They hurried over to the great hall. As soon as they stepped through the mighty doors into Valhalla, they were deafened by Odin's roar.

“LOKI! Where have you been? Do you know what your savage brute of an offspring has been up to?”

“Oh!” Loki said innocently, “has Fenrir been playing again?”

“Playing?! PLAYING?!” Odin's face turned beet red. “There are holes dug all over the plains of Asgard. You cannot walk anywhere without stepping in piles of wolf droppings or lakes of wolf slobber. The walls of Valhalla have been gnawed from top to bottom and did you not smell the reek on the door posts as you entered?”

“Is that what that smell was?” Wu-Fei murmured. “I just assumed the heroes hadn't been bathing.”

Odin marched up to Loki and glowered at him. “We have been trying to catch him for three days!”

Loki tried to return Odin's glare, but his eyes kept straying to Odin's still rather generous chest. He smirked. “Of course I'll return him to his meadow at once, Lord Odin.” A snicker escaped him.

Odin's glare darkened. “Do you find something amusing?”

“Of course not, mighty Odin.” Another snicker escaped him. “Did you recently cut your hair? I recall it being quite a bit longer a few days ago.”

“Be silent!” Odin thundered and his voice went up an octave.

Loki bit his lips, but his cheeks quivered. “I'll just… go catch…” He stifled a laugh and tried again. “I'll just go catch Fenrir.” He turned quickly and hurried for the door, but he did not make it out before gales of laughter burst from him. He was doubled-over and staggering as he went out.

The Gundam pilots faced Odin expressionlessly.

“Did you enjoy your visit to Jotunheim?” Odin asked graciously.

“It was quite pleasant, Lord Odin,” Treize answered. Of the group, he appeared to be the only one who trusted his voice. “We had intended to stay a few more days, but something came up that prompted us to return early.”

“Oh? What might that be?”

“Well, you see, unfortunately your current, ah, predicament, sort of slipped out during conversation and the ice giants expressed an interest in… well… observing the situation.” Odin's expression began to darken and Treize spoke quickly. “You know the giants have a strong affinity for magic and they are most interested in viewing a spell powerful enough to affect the mighty Odin.” He favored Odin with his most disarming smile.

Odin wasn't buying it.

“The ice giants are planning to invade Asgard?!”

“I think invade might be too strong a term…” Treize began.

“They just want to drop by for a quick look,” Trowa added hastily. “In and out, you'll hardly notice them.”

“They're giants, Trowa,” Duo reminded him.

“How dare they even consider coming here?” Odin roared. “If one ice giant sets foot on the plains of Asgard, the wrath of mighty Odin shall be unleashed and all the worlds shall tremble!”

“He's getting really worked up,” Wu-Fei remarked.

“I was afraid this would happen,” Quatre said.

“Well it is kind of your fault,” Duo pointed out. “The giants wouldn't be coming if you hadn't turned him into a woman.”

“He irritated me!” But Quatre's lower lip trembled a little. “You're right, it is my fault. But it's too late to change him back. The giants might already be on their way.”

“Be silent, all of you!” Odin cried. “It is time to plan the defense of Asgard! All noble heroes of Valhalla! Take up your swords! Now is the time to prove your valor!”

“Ok, this is really not good,” Trowa said.

“Ouch!” Zechs exclaimed. He clasped his big tummy.

“What's wrong?” Treize asked worriedly.

“The baby's really moving around!” Zechs stared at Quatre. “You have to do something about this! She's tromping all over my spleen! And I'm positive there's a foot-shaped depression in my liver!”

Quatre put his hands on Zechs' tummy. “Let's take him back to Frey's house.” He looked over his shoulder at Odin, suddenly all business. “Odin, you idiot, don't start any wars you may not want to see finished! I'm busy right now, but I promise I'll put you back to normal when I'm done.”

But Odin ignored him. He was busily issuing orders to his generals and sending out scouts.

“Sheesh!” Quatre exclaimed. “Heero! Wu-Fei! Duo! Stay here and make sure Odin doesn't do anything irrevocably stupid. Trowa and Treize, help me with Zechs. I'll deal with Odin later.”

Duo grinned as they left. “Notice how Quatre always takes charge when the situation gets dicey?”

“Yeah, he's special that way,” Heero agreed grudgingly.

“Now if he just quit causing so many of the situations!”