Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Gundam Wing and the Knights of the Round Table ❯ Tell Me You Didn't Do That! ( Chapter 4 )

I know there are people reading this story, so please review and let me know what you think!  Thanks!

Just so you know, there are non-English phrases in this chapter.  There are translations for the French at the end of the chapter, if you're not a French speaker and want to know what's being said.  You can either read it at the end, or skip ahead and read it as you go. 

Updated: Guess what! A very nice person gave me some corrected phrases for the French, so now it should not be so offensive to your ears! 

(BTW: I'm still not translating any of the Latin phrases that Quatre uses in this story, because I can't have you all running around invoking spells and causing chaos!  And besides, I totally made it up.) 

Oh, yeah, and don't take any of the jokes personally, ok?  This is a work of fiction and is not intended to impugn the reputation of any person or people, living or dead.  So don't freak out.

Chapter 4: Tell Me You Didn't Do That

Duo and Wu-Fei wandered through the market place.  Dozens upon dozens of stalls crowded each other in the wide square in the center of the town of Camelot, which stood a short quarter mile (upwind, fortunately) from the castle itself.  All manner of goods were for sale, such as could be had at the height of the tenth century.

"Oh, man, I need money!" Duo groaned.  "Look at that brush!  It's got an ivory handle and everything!"

Wu-Fei, however, was not listening.  He was staring transfixed at a stall selling soap.  He grabbed Duo's sleeve and pointed.  "Soap!" he breathed.  "Actual soap!  I must have that!"  He turned to Duo.  "We must get money."

"Yeah, but how?"

"I don't know!  Steal it?"

"Nah, I got no interest in finding out how they treat criminals in a place like this."  Duo put his hand on his chin and stared off into space, deep in thought.  Then he brightened.  "I know!  Those knights are almost always drunk and they like playing dice.  It should be like taking candy from a baby."

"You sure you can win?"

"Absolutely!  We'll try after dinner tonight."

Drunken knights did make bad gamblers.  Unfortunately, they also made sore losers.

"Damn your eyes!" shouted one knight.  "No man has that kind of luck!  Those are loaded dice!"

"Now sir!" Duo tried to look innocent.  "These are the dice you were using when my friend and I showed up."

"Maybe so!  But you've jinxed 'em for sure.  I've not had a decent throw since you arrived.  My purse is empty!"

"Mine too!" shouted another.

"I think I deserve something for getting skinned!" exclaimed a third.  He looked at Duo and licked his lips.  "That long hair makes you look a might womanly to me."

"Aye! And his friend is quite exotic with those tilted eyes and fine black hair."

Wu-Fei and Duo exchanged a worried glance.

"Now gentlemen," began Wu-Fei, "we cannot be held accountable for your losses simply because we gained from it."

"Yeah!" agreed Duo.  "Dice is after all a game of chance."

The knights had surrounded them and were moving closer.  Duo and Wu-Fei backed up until they were trapped by the wall against which they had been throwing the dice.

"Less chance for you, though, it would seem," a leering knight remarked.

"But that's all right.  Just don't squirm too much, and we'll agree that you just had more luck than we did."

"Dammit, Duo, this was your idea!" Wu-Fei cried.

"We are gonna be so sore in the morning," Duo muttered.

The knights moved in on them and there were way too many hands for the boys to fight.

When they entered the suite a long time later, they were both walking very stiffly.  Heero looked up at them from the book he was reading.

"What the hell happened to you?  You look like you got gang-banged."

"Um, well…" Duo mumbled.

"It was like this…" Wu-Fei started, but trailed off.

Heero stared.  "You did get gang-banged!" he exclaimed incredulously.

Wu-Fei flushed deep scarlet.  "It was his fault, dammit!" he pointed accusingly at Duo.

"Yeah, but tomorrow we're going shopping!" Duo dangled a fat coin purse in front of Heero and grinned at Wu-Fei.  "Keep focused on the real goal, my friend.  Soap!  Hair brushes!  Clean underwear!"

Wu-Fei continued to frown for a moment, but then a grin crept across his face.  "Soap!" he whispered reverently.  "By tomorrow afternoon, this whole ugly incident will just be a memory."

"Oh, yeah!" agreed Duo enthusiastically.  "Supermarket, here we come!"

The next morning, Quatre and Trowa watched Duo and Wu-Fei depart through the castle gate.

"Where are they going?" asked Quatre.

"Shopping, I think."

"Oh.  Well, I have some reading I want to do.  Merlin gave me a book of spells that looks very interesting."

"All right.  See you at lunch."

Quatre entered the castle and went to a study that was down a long passageway from the main hall.  The large room had several bookshelves standing against the walls with fine tapestries hanging in between.  A handful of chairs and a few couches allowed visitors to sit comfortably and read, but apparently hardly anyone used it, judging by the dust that had coated the place when Quatre first entered it.  The cleaning staff didn't seem entirely happy that Merlin had suggested it as a good place for Quatre to practice his spells.  But subsequently, it was a good place to be alone so he could concentrate. 

Quatre was therefore quite surprised when a handsome knight in exquisitely maintained clothing (patches and stains were fairly common on knights clothing) appeared in the doorway.

"Good morning, petit sorcier," he said.  "I am Sir Lancelot, knight extraordinaire of the Round Table."

"Good morning." Quatre rose politely.  "May I help you?"

Lancelot entered the study and closed the door.  "I would be most pleased for the opportunity to speak with you."  He smiled sweetly.  "Parlez-vous le français, par hazard?"

A shiver of excitement trickled down Quatre's spine.  "I recognize that you are speaking French, sir, but I'm afraid I don't know that language."

"Eh bien."  Lancelot came closer.  He towered over Quatre. "I will try to speak as much English as I can, mais je préfère le français pour dire des mots d'amour."

"Oh, I'm sure I'll manage," Quatre answered dreamily.  "Will you sit down, Sir Lancelot?"

"Merci beaucoup."  Lancelot sat and Quatre sank down beside him.  Lancelot put his arm on the back of the couch and leaned close.  "Vous êtes le plus beau jeune homme que j'ai vu depuis longtemps. Je voudrais longuement toucher de mes doigts vos cheveux dorés et caresser votre peau soyeuse de mes lèvres."

Quatre slumped against the back of the couch and lowered his eyelids.  "Please, go on."

Lancelot leaned close.  "Mais tout d'abord, j'aimerais savourer vos douces lèvres."  He touched his lips to Quatre's.

Quatre closed his eyes and moaned softly.

In the courtyard, Trowa watched with dismay as one of his tumblers missed his mark and landed, not on his feet on the shoulders of two other men, but on his ass somewhat behind them.  Tobias winced.

"That will leave a mark."

Trowa shook his head.  "You are still over-rotating, Andrew," he called.

"Perhaps Andrew should catch, rather than leap," Tobias suggested.

"I think you may be right," Trowa agreed.  "Let's try something different, shall we?" he said to the three men who had been attempting to learn to form a tower by having one man leap onto the shoulders of the other two.  "Andrew, you and Horace trade places.  Horace, I want you to try the jump."

"Yes, Master Trowa!" Horace dashed to the beginning of the runup lane they'd made.  He waited until Andrew and the other man, Thomas, were ready, and then raced toward them at full speed.  He jumped into a series of back flips and then did a full somersault, rotating into the air and landing, a little unsteadily but successfully, on Andrew and Thomas' shoulders. 

The watching troupe burst into applause.

"Well done!"  Tobias cried.  "Well done, indeed!"  He clapped Trowa on the shoulder.  "I'd say we've made a good beginning, wouldn't you, Master Trowa?"

A small smile touched Trowa's lips.  "Yes, I would."

Horace hopped down from his perch and swaggered up to Trowa.  "Have I done well enough to deserve a reward yet?  You've no idea how hard this is with a boner the size of what I've got."  He grinned at Trowa.

Trowa sighed.  "I can see you are not going to forget this, are you?" Horace shook his head, still grinning.  "Very well.  I'll see you tonight, but I'll expect twice the work out of you tomorrow."

Horace clasped his hands together with a look of joy.  "Oh, happy day!  I swear I won't disappoint you, Master Trowa!"  He danced off, doing a little jig, and stuck his tongue out at Bernadette's glare.

"You don't have to do that, sir," Tobias said.  "You've already done more than your share for us."

Trowa shrugged.  "I don't mind.  At least he asked, unlike the knights who keep trying to get into my pants.  They certainly are a randy lot."

"Well, it's all that praying they have to do, I suppose.  Gets a man to thinking about what he's missing, I guess."

"I guess."

"Well, if you want my opinion, the one to watch out for is Lancelot.  He's French you know.  They don't call him Lance-a-lot for nothing.  There isn't a boy between the ages of twelve and eighteen in all of Burgundy who hasn't been on the pointy end of his lance, if you know what I mean."

Trowa was surprised.  "I have heard of him.  But I thought he was supposed to be the most pious knight in England."

"Nah, that's Percival.  Anyway, piety in France just means you're not doing it with women or yourself.  I bet his page could tell you a story or two."

"I thought a knight's page was supposed to clean his armor, tend his horse and sharpen his sword."

"Heh-heh!  True enough!  But a knight's got more than one kind of sword that needs sharpening!  You just watch yourself around the castle and don't go bending over to pick up any coins Lancelot just happens to let fall."

"I'll keep that in mind." Trowa looked thoughtful. "But perhaps I'd better go mention this to my friend Quatre.  He tends to be very trusting.  Keep them working.  I'll be back shortly."

"Aye, Master Trowa."

Trowa entered the castle to look for Quatre.  The study Quatre used to practice his spells seemed like the most logical place, so he started there.  As he walked down the long passageway, he saw a knight just leaving Quatre's study.  The knight nodded courteously in greeting as he passed by, a contented smile on his handsome face.  Trowa frowned.  He entered Quatre's study and found him lying on a couch on his stomach with a dreamy smile on his face, one arm trailing off onto the floor.

He was stark naked.

"Quatre, what have you been doing?"

"Hmmm?"

"I asked, what have you been doing?"

"Oh, I was just talking to Sir Lancelot."

"Talking?  In the nude?"

Quatre smiled at him.  "French is such a pretty language, don't you think?"

Trowa put a hand over his face.  "You let him have his way with you because he spoke French?  Quatre, I speak French!"

Quatre brightened.  "Do you really?  Say something!"

"Tu es un imbécile!"

Quatre sat up and held out his hand.  "Why don't you come over here and say that?"

"Tu as trop baisé pour pouvoir encore penser," Trowa growled, but he joined Quatre on the couch.  "What am I going to do with you, silly boy?"

"Keep talking?" Quatre suggested.

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Translations for the French, in order of appearance:

Little wizard

Extraordinary (he's got JUST a bit of an ego problem!)

Do you speak French, by any chance?

Well

But, I prefer French for speaking words of love

Thank you very much

You are the most handsome young man I have seen in many a long day.  I long to trail my fingers through your golden hair and caress your soft skin with my lips.

But first, I think I would like to savor your sweet lips.

You are an imbecile.  (This one should be obvious.)

(Ok, this last one I got from the kindly person who sent me the corrected phrases, so my translation of what it means is extremely loose.)

You're too fucked to think!