Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Gundam Wing in the Wild Wild West ❯ You brought this on yourself, Duo ( Chapter 1 )

This story is number seven in my Gundam Wing adventure series. The previous stories are, in chronological order: Gundam Wing and the Knights of the Round Table, Gundam Wing and the Quest for the Holy Grail, The Magicians of Gundam Wing, Gundam Wing and the Men of Sherwood Forest, Gundam Wing and the Gods of Thunder and Gundam Wing on Mount Olympus. If you read this story without reading the others first, it might not make a lot of sense. But of course you, the reader, have total control!

Disclaimer: This is an original work of fiction, but the characters of Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Wu-Fei Chang, Trowa Barton, Quatre Reberba Winner, Zechs Merquise and Treize Kushranada are borrowed from Gundam Wing AC by Hajime Yatate and Yoshiyuki Tomino and produced by Sunrise. Roku, on the other hand, is totally my creation and so is Alexa. Other Gundam Wing characters, like Sally Po and Lucretzia Noin, who might appear or be mentioned are also borrowed from Gundam Wing by Yatate-sama and Tomino-sama. Everyone else is made up by me, the author.

Warnings: This is a comedy, but you'll have to watch out for implied yaoi, not-so-implied yaoi, sexual innuendo, adult situations, occasional swearing, a general lack of respect for “decent” behavior and a noticeable tendency toward mayhem and destruction. I'm also not too interested in presenting an accurate representation of history or any known groups or people who might appear.

Random Thought Before Bed: “Is it possible for a boy to be too pretty? I'm thinking no, but I'd sure like to meet the guy who inspires that conversation.”

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Chapter 1: You brought this on yourself, Duo

The Gundam pilots were managing to live a fairly normal existence, if one overlooked the occasional odd magical phenomena that insisted on cropping up every now and then. And then over dinner, about a month after their return from Mount Olympus, Roku made an announcement.

“Mama, Miss Allen wants to talk to you.”

“Who's Miss Allen?” Heero grunted.

“The principal at my school.”

Quatre paled. “What does she want to talk about?”

“She says it's probably time for me to start going to the university. She said the teachers all feel bad because I know more than they do.”

“But she said you needed to learn more modern history! What about that?”

“I took some books with me on our last trip. I memorized everything from the time of King Arthur until now.”

Everyone stared at him.

“Everything?” Quatre asked in a strangled voice.

“Pretty much.”

“Oh… well… I guess she's right, then.”

“The university is in the main dome,” Duo pointed out. “You're not going to freak out if Roku goes there by himself are you?”

“I don't freak out!” Quatre exclaimed indignantly.

Utter silence greeted this statement.

Quatre's cheeks turned red. “Not all the time, anyway,” he amended sourly. “Anyway, it's only a short train ride and Roku could go with us in the morning.”

“That's true,” Duo grinned. “And you could always ditch work to escort him home later.”

Quatre scowled. “I am not that overprotective!”

“Oh yeah? Then how come you went all postal when I took Roku with me to the South Pole for the day? It's not like we left the planet.”

“I did not go postal! I was a little concerned because I didn't know he'd gone with you!”

“So the emergency dome repair I heard about was not caused by you?”

“You're getting on my nerves, Duo,” Quatre growled.

“You've got to learn to watch your temper,” Duo continued sagely.

Quatre glowered at him.

“You know, Duo,” Trowa interrupted, “I don't have to be a mind-reader to suspect that you're treading on dangerous ground.”

“All I'm saying is Quatre should try to avoid blowing any more holes in the dome.”

“I did not blow a hole in the dome!”

“A large crack is not that much different from a hole.”

Quatre muttered something under his breath. There was a small pop and a cloud of bluish smoke briefly obscured Duo from view.

“Quatre, what did you just do?” Trowa demanded sternly.

“Nothing.”

“Don't believe him!” Duo exclaimed. He waved his arms to clear the smoke away. Then he looked down. “Oh, crap! I got boobs!”

“They're pretty small,” Heero observed clinically.

“Yeah, Quatre's were bigger when he was a girl,” Wu-Fei agreed.

“Well, Quatre's a little more effeminate than Duo,” Heero noted. “Perhaps that contributed to meatier breasts.”

“Possibly. A higher level of female hormones does sometimes promote breast growth, especially in men.”

Quatre glared from Heero to Wu-Fei and started muttering again. Trowa clapped a hand over his mouth.

“Gentlemen, unless we want even more new women at the table, I suggest we change the subject right now.”

Heero and Wu-Fei blinked at Trowa in surprise.

“We were just saying…”

“Shut up!”

Duo stuck an exploratory hand between his legs. “Hey, this is kind of interesting…”

“Quit playing with yourself at the dinner table,” Wu-Fei said archly.

“But my dick's gone and I've got…”

“We know what you have!” Wu-Fei interrupted loudly.

“Wanna see?” Duo giggled gleefully. He grabbed Wu-Fei's hand. “Let's go try out my new equipment!”

“Wait just a minute! I'm in the middle of dinner!”

“You're no fun,” Duo pouted. He leered suggestively at Heero. “Hey Heero, interested in a trying it with a girl again? I promise not to tell Relena.”

Heero paled. “Don't say that name. She'll hear you.”

“Come on! Let's go fool around. I'm getting excited!”

“You're always excited.”

“Please?” Duo made big puppy eyes.

“You're not gonna shut up until I do, are you?”

“No.”

“Oh, fine! Let's go!” Heero surged to his feet and trudged dutifully toward their bedroom. Duo scurried after him, giggling delightedly.

“Were his hips swaying just now?” Trowa asked.

“He's a complete slut!” Wu-Fei muttered. He glanced after the departed couple. Then he sighed. “I suppose I better go too and keep Duo from wearing Heero out.”

“You're a true friend, Fei,” Trowa chuckled, but after he was gone, he made a stern face and turned to Quatre. “Well, young man, what have you to say for yourself?”

“He pissed me off!”

“Apparently. How long is he going to stay like that?”

“I don't know.”

“You should change him back.”

“He'll change back on his own, eventually. Probably.”

“You're not sure.”

“Odin changed back.”

“That took weeks. And he had both sets of equipment for a while. Do you really want a hermaphrodite-Duo running around the house for a couple of weeks?”

Quatre snickered. “It could be kind of funny.”

“Papa Duo smells a little different as a girl.”

“Really? But you can still tell it's him?”

“Yeah.”

“That's interesting.” Quatre rubbed his chin and the gleam of scientific curiosity lit his eyes. “Maybe I should run a few genetic tests before he changes back. I'll take him to my lab with me tomorrow.”

“After you see Miss Allen,” Roku reminded him.

“Of course. After that.”

“Umm…” Hadeya, who had watched this entire exchange in wide-eyed silence, finally spoke up. “Does this sort of thing happen very often?” He regarded Quatre worriedly.

“Only to Duo,” Trowa chuckled. “Don't worry. You're much too nice to get turned into anything.”

“That's… reassuring.”

“Can Hadeya go to the university with me?” Roku asked. “He's too old even to go to the high school.”

“I don't see why not,” Trowa said. “It would give him something to do. After we talk to Miss Allen, I'll take the two of you over to the university to register.”

“I hope Alexa doesn't get lonely.”

“Treize will still be around when she gets home from school. He seems to be enjoying himself as a stay-at-home dad.”

“That's true.”

Quatre suddenly scowled. “It just occurred to me that those three skipped out on cleaning up. And it was Duo's turn to do the dishes.”

“You should have thought of that before you turned him into a girl.”

Quatre glared at Trowa. “You want to try it?”

“No!” Trowa quickly held up placating hands. “I'll do the dishes.” He hurriedly began clearing the table.

“I'll help you, Uncle Trowa.”

“Thanks, Hadeya.”

In the morning, Heero and Wu-Fei both had dark circles under their eyes. Duo was grinning from ear to ear while consuming an unusually large breakfast.

“Man, whoever said women are dainty eaters was just plain lying! I'm starving!”

Wu-Fei hung his head in his hands. “It's not fair!” he groaned. “You shouldn't be able to move. I can barely walk!”

“Quit whining!” Duo laughed. “I let you go on the bottom when you started grumbling about your hips being tired. And anyway, Heero did it more than you because you passed out before it was even the middle of the night.”

“It was 3am!”

“That's kind of the middle of the night.”

“You mean you made me keep going after 3am?!” Heero exclaimed. “You said it was just past midnight!”

“3am is just past midnight.”

“You lying sack of s…!”

“Heero!” Quatre interrupted him sharply. “Finish your breakfast. Remember, we need to stop off and see Miss Allen on the way to work.”

Heero grumbled under his breath as he ate his cereal.

“Anyway, Duo,” Quatre continued. “I'd like you to come to the lab with me this morning. I'd like to run a few tests on you while you're genetically female. Comparing the results to your normal genetic pattern should be quite interesting.”

“Sure.” Duo grinned cheerfully. “I better call in sick though. I don't think I want to explain what's going on to my boss. Besides, he's got a thing for long-haired chicks. He might jump me.”

“Like you'd complain!” Wu-Fei muttered.

“I prefer to choose my own partners.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Let's get going,” Trowa spoke up. “We're gonna be late.”

As they stepped out of their house, they were greeted by Treize, Zechs and Alexa.

“What the hell happened to Duo?” Treize demanded instantly.

Duo twirled in a circle. “Quatre turned me into a girl. I'm pretty, aren't I?” He batted his eyes at Treize.

“Well...”

“Quit flirting with my husband,” Zechs growled.

“I'm not flirting!” Duo winked at Treize. “But I wouldn't say no to a quickie later.”

Zechs glared balefully at Duo.

Duo winced. “Oh, now that was a painful image! All right, all right! I'll quit flirting!”

“I wonder what he was thinking,” Wu-Fei speculated. “Duo backed off pretty quick.”

“Zechs is just a little possessive,” Treize said with a smile and he put an arm around Zechs' shoulders. “That's one of the things I like about him.” He returned his attention to Duo. “But are you planning to go to work like that?”

“Nah. Quatre wants to study me.”

“That seems vaguely unethical,” Zechs remarked, “creating your own scientific curiosities to study.”

“I didn't do it on purpose,” Quatre shrugged. “He just ticked me off.”

“I see.”

“We need to get moving,” Heero interrupted. “We need to stop at the elementary school to talk to the principal.”

“What for?”

“Roku's graduating to the university.”

“That was quick.”

“He's bright.”

“So it would seem.”

Alexa sighed. “I want to go to university, too.”

“In a few years, sweetheart,” Zechs assured her gently. He took her hand. “We better get going too.”

So everyone went to the elementary school together. Miss Allen was relieved that no one argued with her recommendation, so after a brief discussion, Treize left Alexa at school and went home and everyone else left for the main dome. Once they arrived, Trowa took Hadeya and Roku in tow and set off for the university. Heero and Wu-Fei went to work and Quatre took Duo to his lab.

“First, I want to get an assortment of tissue samples, in addition to some DNA material. Then I want to test your reflexes to see if there are any differences in your response times.”

“Are you going to test my sexual responses, too?” Duo grinned suggestively.

“What?!”

“It'll be fun. Besides, aren't you curious?”

“No, I am not curious!”

“Aw, c'mon!”

Quatre shoved Duo into a chair. “Just sit there and be quiet. I'm going to draw some blood. And I want a hair sample.”

“It won't be a thorough test if you don't…”

“Just be quiet!”

But when Trowa showed up later to check on the progress of the testing, he found the door to the lab locked. He knocked.

“Quatre? Are you in there?”

“Uh, one second!” came the muffled response.

“Quatre, what's going on? Are you all right?”

“I'm fine! Everything's fine! Gimme a second!”

Several muffled groans echoed through the door.

“Quatre!” Trowa pounded on the door. “Open the door right now!”

“I said one second!” Quatre shouted. There were several muffled cries, a few loud moans and a banging sound. Then dead silence fell. A moment later, Quatre opened the door. His face was flushed and he was breathing hard.

Trowa stared at him suspiciously. “What were you doing?”

“Nothing!” Quatre blinked innocently.

Trowa's gaze moved to Duo, who was sitting on the edge of a table with his legs crossed, leaning on one hand with a look of wide-eyed innocence on his face.

“Oh really?”

“I was… ah… just testing Duo's… ah… reflexes.”

“I'm very responsive,” Duo informed him.

Trowa scowled. “Just what reflexes were you testing?”

“Um…” Quatre flushed. “Well…”

Duo hopped off the table. “Don't be so suspicious, Trowa.” He looped an arm through Trowa's. “We're finished here. Why don't you escort me home so strange guys don't hit on me on the train?”

“I guess…” Trowa frowned at Quatre. “But I think I want an explanation later.”

“Of course,” Quatre said brightly. “I'll show you my test results.”

“Good.” Trowa continued frowning all the way to the train.

Duo snuggled up against his side. “Why don't you come back to the house with me? I'll get bored all by myself.”

“You're a grown man.”

“No, I'm not!” Duo giggled. “I'll show you!”

“Quit hitting on me.”

“Are you sure you don't want to try it? As I recall, you had a lot of fun when Quatre was a girl.”

“That was different. It was Quatre.” Trowa sighed wistfully. “He was so cute!”

“I'm cute, too.”

“You're ok, I guess.”

“Just ok?” Duo blinked at him sweetly. “Heero thinks I'm cute.”

Trowa sighed. “I guess you're kind of cute. But don't get any ideas.”

“Of course not.”

But much later, when the rest of the family returned from the main dome, the living room was empty.

“Trowa?” Quatre called. “Are you home?”

Duo appeared out of the back, grinning broadly. “Yeah, he's home. He just got out of the shower.”

“Why was he in the shower?”

“He was all sweaty and stuff.”

“Sweaty and stuff?” Quatre stared at Duo suspiciously. “Does this have anything to do with you?”

“Who, me?”

“You horny bastard!”

“You should talk,” Duo replied calmly.

Heero lifted an eyebrow at Quatre. “Do you have something to tell us, blondie?”

“No!” Quatre turned bright red.

“I think Duo is worse as a woman,” Wu-Fei said.

“You liked me last night.” Duo lifted his eyebrows. “And I bet you'll like me again tonight.”

Wu-Fei blushed. “Isn't it time to make dinner?”

“I'll cook!” Hadeya quickly volunteered. He escaped into the kitchen.

Roku followed him, still in his human form. “I'll help.”

“Thank you.” Hadeya glanced back toward the living room. “Doesn't that bother you?”

“Nah,” Roku shrugged. “It just shows how much they like each other.”

But how long will Uncle Duo be a… a girl?”

“Oh, I could change him back anytime,” Roku chuckled, “but he's having fun.

Hadeya stared.

“Even grownups like to play.”