Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ I Need You ❯ Chapter One ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters of Gundum Wing. I also do not own the song " I wanna disappear" by Marilyn Manson. This fic is 2X1. That means it is a yaoi fic. It will be guy on guy. If you don't like that, don't read this. This fic is also rated NC-17. If you are under 17 you should not be reading this. Now that I have covered my ass... This is a songfic to "I Wanna Disappear" by Marilyn Manson. There is a bit of angst, a bit of Duo abuse and the end is a bit OCC but please bare with me, this is my first fic. I hope you enjoy it. Please review.

I Need You

By Datiye


Dou sat in front of the mirror in his room preparing to go out for the night. He was wearing very loose fitting black pants with the seams done with white tread and a black fishnet shirt. He wore his chestnut hair loose so its shiny locks hung over his back and the tops of his legs. At the mirror he was applying mascara to make his violet eyes seem even bigger than they already were. He stood up to examine himself in the full-length mirror behind his door. He spun around slowly to take in his whole appearance.
"Dammit!" He grabbed a hair tie from his dresser and pulled his hair back into a braid. He went back to the mirror and spun around again, smiling approvingly. " Now they can see how good my ass looks in these pants."
He had to look good to go to the club tonight. He smiled at the mirror one last time before leaving the room.
Once he got to the club he made a beeline for the bar and ordered a drink. The bar was the best place to meet the kind of people he was looking for. It didn't take very long at all for a man to come up to Duo telling him how beautiful he is and offering him drinks.
Duo kept up a polite conversation while accepting the offered drinks. He wasn't really interested in conversation but he didn't want to seem too easy now did he? He slightly hinted that he would like to take this away from the bar scene and bring it too more private quarters. The man quickly agreed and paid the bar tab.
Duo led the man to a hotel room that he rented out every night. As soon as they got into the room Dou closed the door, drooped to his knees and proceeded to suck the guy off. Apparently this man was one who tends to get violent when horny because he roughly grabbed Dou's hair and forced him to go down farther and faster. When he had enough of that he proceeded to throw Dou on the bed, pull off his pants and fuck Duo as hard and rough as he could not even caring to use the lube that Dou had carefully placed on the nightstand.
When the man had finished with his fun and passed out Dou crept out of the bed and searched his own pants pockets until he found what he was looking for. He went to a table in the room and poured out his cocaine and cut it into three neat lines and snorted all three of them. He had more at home.
When he was done he got dressed and climbed out the window leaving his companion of this night to pay for the room.
He wandered the streets, trying to get back to the safe house while the cocaine brought him reeling into his mind.

Look at me now,
Got no religion.

He passed a church and began to laugh. He thought about Father Maxwell. Oh, Father Maxwell taught him so much and it all went to waste. He doesn't believe in God! How could anyone believe there is a god when everyone they love dies? There couldn't be a god.

Look at me now,
I'm so vacant.

Death. Now death is something a person can believe in. Death is something you can see, something you can touch, something you can smell. Something you can bring. He could bring death so easily and with no emotion. He could have killed that man in the hotel room tonight for being so rude to him but he wanted to get fucked tonight. But you wouldn't want to see what the people who forced him look like now.

Look at me now,
I was a virgin.
Look at me now,
Grew up to be a whore.

But tonight he wanted sex. He wanted it almost every night. The first few times that he had sex he didn't really want it, he was scared to do it, but he needed the money to survive and it paid well.

And I want it.
I believe it.

Now it was just fun.

I'm a million different things,
Not a one you know.

None of his friends knew about this. They just think that he is a stupid kid who can't keep his mouth shut for more than ten seconds. Let them think that. If they knew about the men and about the drugs they would make him stop.

Hey, and our mommy's are lost now.
Hey, daddy's someone else.

He couldn't let them do something like that. To him this is his therapy. He wanted it, needed it.

Hey, We love the abuse,
Because it makes us feel like we are needed now.

He's all alone in this world and no one really needs him. If he died it wouldn't matter to anyone. But with these men, for just a little while each night, they needed him. They needed him to suck their cocks. They needed him to spread his legs. They needed him so they could forget. And he needed them.

But I know...

Duo gets back to the safe house and climbs the wall and goes through the window to his room. He goes strait to his dresser and throws all of the clothing out of the top drawer and removes the false bottom to reveal several Ziploc bags filled with cocaine and marijuana. He brings one of each bag to the table and rolls about five joints, each laced with cocaine, and then lights one up. He walks over to the mirror to examine the state of himself. He finds that his hair is loose and dripping wet and that his clothes are sticking to his skin, equally soaked. Wow, he couldn't have been so out of it that he didn't even notice it rained. His makeup was all over his eyes instead of in its designated spot. He had a large, purple bruise on the left side of his face, another one across his throat, and several bruises across his wrists. He's sure that there are more on his legs and hips but his pants are covering those. His mind flashed back to the image that was in the mirror earlier that night. He doesn't look like that anymore. Now he's just the drugged up aftermath of abuse. Still in front of the mirror he fell to his knees and began to cry.

...I wanna disappear.

He crawled back to the table groping for a new joint and a lighter when someone turned on the light. His eyes flashed to the doorway. He never even heard the door open. " Heero- "
Heero looked at the pitiful sight of Duo, looking like a drowned rat, mascara running down his cheeks, reaching for the drugs on the table. Heero frowned and said, "I saw you leave. I was checking to see if you came back."
Duo turned back to the table angry that he was caught sneaking out and angry that he was caught in the state that he's in now. Duo turned back to him smiling, "Well, now you know I'm back so you can go to bed now."
Heero walked to Duo and stood over him. "I know what you've been doing. I've followed you. Why are you doing this to yourself?"

I wanna die young,
Sell my soul.

Duo smiled sadly. No use in lying now. Might as well just throw away the façade and tell the truth. He looks down at his lap. "I want to die but I'm too chicken shit to do it myself. I'm hoping that someone out there will take care of it for me."

Use up all your drugs,
Make me come.

He picks up the joint he had been reaching for and lights it taking a deep pull. "Or maybe if I take enough of this shit, it'll happen."
Heero looks at him, face still stern and emotionless. Good old Heero. "But why?"

Yesterday I was a nihilist.
Now today I'm just to fucking bored.

Duo stands up and walks around the room, still smoking. A bit of his rush is coming back and he's getting more confident. "Did you know that yesterday when we were all downstairs in the living room I started thinking, 'Why the fuck am I fighting this war? I have nothing to do with this. No matter what the outcome my life will be the same.' I just remember how I was told, 'You will fight', but you know what Heero?"
Heero looked like he was not amused. "What, Duo?"

By the time I'm old enough
I won't know anything at all

Duo threw his hands up into the air. "I don't care anymore! I realized that what I think now won't mean two shits when I'm older. My views will change. By the time I'm old enough to matter, nothing will be the same." He lights up a new joint. "If I even live to be that old."

Hey, and our mommy's are lost now.
Hey, daddy's someone else.

Duo walks up to Heero, the pot making him bold, the coke making him horny. "Hey Heero?" he says tracing his finger up and down Heero's chest. "Have you ever fantasized about me?"
Heero says sternly, "I refuse to acknowledge that question Duo. You're high and don't know what you're talking about."

Hey we love the abuse
Because it makes us feel like we are needed now.

Duo pulls off his own shirt and tosses it away. "I may be high Heero, but I know exactly what I'm doing." He lowers himself to his knees and tries to unzip his pants but Heero pushes him to the ground. Duo looks up in shock. "I just want you to fuck me Heero."

But I know...

Heero looks down at him with angry eyes. "Well, I won't."

...I wanna disappear

Duo looks at Heero, eyes welling with tears. He just wanted someone to need him. He gets up and pours the entire bag of coke on the table and takes out a straw. Fuck the lines.
Heero grabs his wrists. "What are you doing?"
Duo pulls his wrist back and starts snorting, saying in between, "Well, no one needs me. So I'm ending it now. No one is going to miss me."
Heero takes the straw from Duo and throws it across the room and takes Duos face in his hands. "Dammit Duo, I would miss you!"
Duo looks up at hi confused," What?"
Heero says, "I need you Duo. That's why I'm here. I came to make you stop all of this because I need you."
Duo says, " Then why wouldn't you let me-"
" I didn't want it to be because you were on drugs or because you were horny. I wanted it to be because you needed me too."
Duo says, "But I do need you. That's why I was going to do it." He looked at Heero and leaned in to kiss him. Heero kissed him back, more gently than anyone had ever kissed him before.
Heero lifted up Duo and carried him to the bed. He lay him down and planted gentle kisses on his neck moving down his chest, swirling his tongue around each nipple while Duo moaned in delight. Duo pulled him back up into a deep kiss and pulled off his shirt, running his hands across the smooth, muscular chest. Heero pushed Duo back into the cushions of the bed and kissed and licked his stomach as he undid the button and the zipper of Duos pants and pulled them down to reveal the bruised flesh. Heero winced when he saw these and tried his best to avoid them as he began to swirl his tongue at the tip of Duos shaft. Duo was panting and begging for Heero to do more. Heero then took Duo into his mouth and began sucking. Duo gasped in pleasure. Not many people had done this for him before. Bucking his hips into Heero's mouth, Duo took Heero's finger and placed it at his own opening.
Taking the hint Heero picked up the lube that had fallen from Duos pants and smoothed it generously onto his fingers. He gently massaged Duos opening before pushing one of his fingers in. hearing the moan of pleasure that this caused from Duo, Heero pulled out the finger and added another one, pulling then in and out of Duo.
Duo pushed himself farther onto Heero's hand and begged for more. Heero added another finger pushing it as far as he could. The swelling in his shorts was beginning to ache tremendously. He looked down at the beautiful form of Duo writhing in pleasure. "Duo, do you want me to-"
Duo gasped out between moans, "Please Heero, I need you."
Heero removed his fingers from Duo and took off his shorts. He quickly applied the lube to his own shaft and positioned himself between Duos legs. He paused and looked at Duos face and asked, "Are you sure?"
Duo smiled up at him and said, "More sure than I have ever been."
With that, Heero placed himself against Duos opening and pushed past the tight ring and buried himself all the way into his new lover. He began to slowly move in and out of Duo but his strokes grew quicker as Duos moans grew more urgent. Duo put his arms around Heero and held him tight as he spilled his seed across both of their stomachs. When Heero felt Duos muscles tighten around him he pumped faster and harder until he had climaxed into his lover.
They lay together, still entwined, breathing heavily. After a few minutes Heero rolled off of Duo and lay beside him, still holding him.
Duo turned to Heero and said, "Heero, I think I may be falling in love with you."
Heero smiled and said, "I loved you the day I met you."
Duo smiled back. He kissed Heero and lay against him and began to fall asleep. He finally felt needed.