Series: Gundam Wing

Inner Torment: Missing

Lyrics by: Evanescence

Story written by: Tiasha

Disclaimers: standard disclaimers apply. In other words: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS!!! Except Richard Morii and Delegate Patterson, and any other character unfamiliar to the show. Do not sue me for anything but my imagination, which will not get you far in the courtroom. If there are any similarities between my story and another, I apologize but all I have to say is, I guess great minds think alike after all. Ja na! Enjoy!

//Please, please forgive me
But I won't be home again
Maybe someday you'll have woke up
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"//

Relena half-heartedly ate her turkey, mashed potatos, carrots, yams and dressing. It was Thanksgiving and as she sat in the silence of her apartment, she only felt more alone than she had when she had gone to the supermarket to pick up dinner from the take-out section. She should have been with her family, or her friends at least…yet she was alone.

With a sigh, she put down her fork and looked around the room sadly. She couldn't go back, she reiterated to herself for the thousandth time that day. While she felt alone here on such days, she knew that if she went back she would be nothing…

So every night, she told her family and friends in her prayers that she wouldn't be home for a long while… She asked them to be able to forgive her she did ever return. And inevitably her thoughts would stray to a certain young man…

She wondered if he had even bothered trying to search for her, for she knew that if he tried hard enough he would be able to find her. Her luck may have been good, but it wasn't that good… Had he bothered to try? Did he ever think about her and whether she was all right or not? Did he ever wonder if something was missing? Like she did…?

//You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?//

With a growl of frustration, she pushed back unwanted tears as a depression hovered over her, barely touching her, as if waiting for a moment of weakness so it could descend upon her and make her a pitiful creature. She would not succumb to it…would not allow it the chance to entice her to succumb to it… And so she forced those dangerous thoughts aside, focusing once again on her meal as she picked up her fork and speared a few carrots with it.

'He doesn't care,' she told herself. 'You know that. He doesn't miss you, or care for you the way you want him to. He's most likely forgotten all about you by now.' Her attention was effectively drawn towards the television as the re-run she had been watching cut out and was replaced with a "Special Announcement."

'Ha! Special Announcement my ass!' she thought derisively as she watched the President approach the podium all cameras seemed to be focused on. If she had stayed, Relena would be following the President's speech with one of her own, but this year… No, the people would hear no speech from her about the 'specialness' of the holiday. She smiled and chuckled at the new word she had created… If she was back in her old life, she most likely never would have thought of it…

She half-listened to the President's speech about how wonderful it was to be able to spend Thanksgiving with loved ones. Her thoughts turned inward as she wondered if any of her friends were worried or missing her. Was she really that easy to forget? That insignificant to their lives? Wasn't there someone out there who was missing her?

//Even though I'd be sacrificed
You won't try for me, not now
Though I'd die to know you love me
I'm all alone
Isn't someone missing me?//

A frustrated sigh escaped her lips as she stood and gathered her dinner to take into the kitchen. She dumped the food into plastic Tupperware and placed them in the refrigerator before placing her plate in the sink. She started filling the sink with hot water and liquid dish soap, trying to get her mind off of the disturbing path it had taken.

If she were to suddenly show up again and then something were to happen to her, where she would end up being sacrificed…would he bother to come save her? After she had abandoned them the way she had, would they try to help her?

"No, why would they?" she asked aloud, only to be greeted with silence. 'Get off this Relena! You're stronger than this!'

She was successful for all of five minutes; her mind was wandering once again as she mechanically went about cleaning the dishes. Had he ever cared? If not the way she did for him, then what about as a friend? Wasn't she worth something to him? Oh, what she would give to understand that man's reasoning it came to saving her. All the times he had protected her and saved her from kidnappers…she couldn't figure out why he had.

There had been a time when she had thought that he had done it out love…but those days were gone, only to be replaced with the notion that he cared for her as a friend. And sadly, those days had dwindled in their numbers to be replaced with the cold, stoic notion that he protected her because she was important to the peace. He saw her as the symbol everyone else had… She was the personification of peace to everyone…including him.

It had hurt… It still hurt… "Why can't I get over you?"

Again, silence answered her. God, she felt so alone right now… 'Doesn't someone miss me?'

//Please, please forgive me
But I won't be home again
I know what you do to yourself
Shudder deep and cry out:
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"//

A small, sad smile graced her lips as she surmised what her brother's reaction had been upon him being informed of her disappearance. He must have been furious! He must have been furious at her, the Preventer Organization…and at him.

She had never been able to understand her brother's…well, she didn't really know what to call it. She knew that Milliardo respected Heero as a fellow soldier and pilot; but when it came to her, Milliardo was always reluctant and wary in the giving the young man a chance. Though it was not like he could do anything to Heero since one was on Earth and the other was on Mars… Milliardo was just protective of her, she guessed; in fact, the more she thought about, Milliardo had always been wary of anyone she dealt with or attempted to have some kind of relationship with. He had been that way towards Richard, her bodyguard!

'Oh, he must have been livid…' she thought, still smiling that sad smile of hers. Then she frowned. 'I hope he's doing all right…He and Noin always did come back to Earth for the Holidays…I wonder if they know that I miss them…'

//Even though I'd be sacrificed
You won't try for me, not now
Though I'd die to know you love me
I'm all alone
Isn't someone missing me?//

'Do they miss me? Have they given up already?'

A sardonic smile graced her face at the sudden thought that occurred to her. 'Has he killed Heero yet for having let me slip by him?'

//And if I bleed, I'll bleed
Knowing you don't care
And if I sleep just to dream of you
And wake without you there
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something... //

Relena cursed and yanked her hand out of the soapy water, blood tripping from her hand to turn the soap suds a sickening pink. She shouldn't have let her thoughts wander like that…and she should have known better than to be so careless with searching for the silverware in the water.

Still cursing herself for her stupidity, she grabbed a few paper towels and raced for her bathroom, turning on the water once she reached the sink. While holding the cut digit under the cold water, she searched under the sink with the other for the First Aid kit that she kept there. Once blood had stopped flowing and began to clot, she examined the wound and frowned. It wasn't too deep, thankfully. She'd had worse injuries from her stitching!

With a sigh, she bandaged her wounded finger. Her eyes fell to her wrist, the thin pale scar contrasting against the rest of her skin greatly. She normally wore bracelets to help conceal the scar due to its tendency to be noticeable. 'He hadn't cared about you when he bandaged it, only the symbol that you were.'

Shaking her head, she flicked the lights off and left her bathroom to return to the kitchen to finish the dishes. Not long after she found herself crawling into bed, wanting to get some sleep before waking up early to hit the stores first thing in the morning.

Before her head hit the pillow, she prayed that she would have a dreamless sleep. She was so tired of dreaming dreams that involved him and what had been possible futures, only to wake and realize, as well as remember, that she would not be seeing him or any of the others again. It was so hard in the mornings… After a night of dreaming of him and then waking to realize he would never be by her side, only intensified her loneliness. She always felt that something was missing.

//Even though I'd be sacrificed
You won't try for me, not now
Though I'd die to know you love me
I'm all alone
Isn't someone missing me?//

'Heero…do you ever think of me?'