Series: Gundam Wing

Inner Torment: Farther Away

Lyrics by: Evanescence

Story written by: Tiasha

Disclaimers: standard disclaimers apply. In other words: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS!!! Except Richard Morii and Delegate Patterson, and any other character unfamiliar to the show. Do not sue me for anything but my imagination, which will not get you far in the courtroom. If there are any similarities between my story and another, I apologize but all I have to say is, I guess great minds think alike after all. Ja na! Enjoy!

Author's Note: Sorry for the lack of updates. My muses were on vacation…

//I took their smiles and I made them mine.
I, I sold my soul just to hide the light.
And now I see what I really am,
A thief, a whore, and a liar//

'I can't believe that I thought it was even remotely possible…'

A small sad smile graced her lips as she watched the young couple greet her with such formality and civility that it was almost sickening. There was no familiarity in it, nothing that hinted at the friendship she had shared with them nearly six months ago. Had they really been that upset at her for disappearing?

She supposed that they hadn't known her all that well, but then how could they have? She had played her role so well that everyone had believed that the Relena Dorlain they saw on the television was what she was truly like. Even those whom she had considered friends had not been able to believe that the pressure was getting to her… She had hid herself so well…

The sudden realization was absolutely and utterly nauseating; she had hid her soul from those she had so desperately wanted to call 'her friends,' and had taken their 'friendship' for granted so easily when they had given it to her…

'I'm a thief…a whore…I've lied to them and myself…'

Her stomach churned at that thought and so she distracted herself by glancing about the room, driving her attention away from the fraud that she was. Her eyes rested on a painstakingly familiar figure, his uniform tapering his slim, built body so beautifully that her breath caught in her throat.

//I run to you,

[Far away from this town]
Call out your name,
[Hearing nothing, giving in]

I see you there, father away//

Surely he would acknowledge her the same as he always had, albeit indifferent and somewhat cold, but the same as before nonetheless. Her hopes rose at that thought and so she moved through the crowd of the party, excusing herself as she went. He had yet to notice her moving in his direction, which was somewhat odd. He had always been so observant, or so she had remembered him to be… And she was not gaining any distance it seemed either, yet she was moving, she realized with a glance over her shoulder.

Turning back around, she called out to the young man when he seemed to be leaving. She began to force her way past others, heedless of their surprised remarks and startled gasps. She called out again and again for him to wait for her, crying out that she needed to speak with him.

Yet he seemed to hear nothing, and she felt the first tendrils of defeat ease around her heart. He could not hear her…he could not hear and he was leaving her… It left her heart aching, an icy vice squeezing it harder with each minute as the distance between them grew larger and larger.

Defeat finally grasped her and she stopped pushing her way past people. She stood there, watching him stop to speak with Lady Une and Chang Wufei. They seemed so much farther away than they actually were… Especially him…

//I'm numb to you - numb and deaf and blind.
You give me all but the reason why.
I reach but I feel only air at night.
Not you, not love, just nothing//

She felt numb as she watched him, wondering if he had truly not heard her…or if he had been ignoring her. Well, she would show him, she thought determinedly and once again made her way towards him. She had just passed a few people when someone grabbed her arm and she glanced over her shoulder. It was him… She frowned, trying to yank her arm free and ignore him.

"Where the Hell have you been?" he demanded harshly and she blinked, trying to figure out if he was speaking of the past six months or past six minutes. She opted for the former since that would explain his anger. She was about to answer but he continued on; "The Colonies have been suspicious of Earth ever since you left and the peace has been deteriorating ever since! How could you be so reckless and careless? You shouldn't even be here; you should be overseeing negotiations between the Earth and Colonies, not attending a party."

She felt her skin grow cold, that old feeling of icy numbness just beneath the skin but penetrating all the way to one's soul. He was so concerned about the peace…not about her but about the peace… Why? Why couldn't he just tell her why he was so worried? Why couldn't he just say the reason why he'd stopped her now?! The real reason! That was all she wanted! No, all she wanted was for him to say that he needed her… But he did not need her; apparently he never had… The peace was all he needed to survive…

'Heero…you truly are killing me aren't you…' she thought to herself as darkness crept into her peripheral vision and slowly surrounded Heero's figure. Eventually, even Heero's figure succumbed to the darkness, a darkness that was much like the dark of night and his voice faded to nothingness. And she felt so numb…

"Heero…why…?" she whispered, reaching out to the spot where his figure had been only moments before. Icy cold air seeped between her fingers, causing her to shiver for loneliness to creep into her being. She was alone in this darkness, oh so alone and she felt nothing, oddly enough. There was no warmth or love here in this dark place that she had come to; there was nothing. And that disturbed her slightly…

//I run to you,

[Far away from this town]
Call out your name,

[Hearing nothing, giving in]
I see you there, father away//

She shivered, looking around her for a means to escape this frigid darkness. She saw none. Desperately, she ran through the inky blackness, her legs feeling oddly heavy. There had to be a way out! There just had to be! "Someone help me!" she cried out, panic gripping her. Her breathing was becoming labored when she finally heard something. She pulled to an abrupt stop, nearly tripping as her body wanted to continue with momentum it had gained, and looked around her desperately.

"This way."

"Heero! You're going to be sorry when I find you!" she shouted, knowing that it was an idle threat as she took off running. It was more to keep him talking so she could follow him. "Heero!!!"

"This way."

//Try to forget you,
But without you I feel nothing.
Don't leave me here, by myself.
I can't breathe//

"This way," the voice said again, almost monotonously. She frowned as she suddenly felt numb again. She knew that voice… She knew she did…but why could she not place a name to it? She could a few minutes ago… She shook her head; that did not matter. What mattered was that if she followed it, she could be free.

"This way," it said. She had to escape from here; she just had to because it was so frightening. This never-ending void was frightening.

"Come this way, Relena."

'Just keeping talking, please! I can get out of here if you keep talking! Whoever you are, please…' she thought, her breathing labored once again. She could not tell how much distance she had covered but it was beginning to feel like miles, her body growing tired with each stride.

She stumbled finally, her body exhausted and she lay there on the black ground-no glass floor, she realized as she saw the barest hint of a reflection where her hand was pressed against it. She lay there, staring at the almost-non-existent reflection of her hand with the side of her face pressed to the cold glass. Where was she? Did it even matter anymore? She would never escape here, not if she couldn't run…

"You can't give up. You're not a quitter…"

She blinked at the voice. She knew it from somewhere… But who… She flexed the hand that lay in her line of vision, her fingers curling against the glass. Who was it? She knew it-she knew him…

"Relena…"

Her eyes slowly widened as she remembered, the tone triggering her memories. A young man-a handsome young man with unruly moss-brown hair and piercing Prussian blue eyes and a steely glare. His voice was deep but with an angered yet indifferent tone to it.

"Heero," she whispered. She grunted as she pushed herself up with shaky arms and swayed slightly on even shakier legs. She had to escape from here, to show him that she wasn't helpless. She began to run again, crying out to him to keep speaking and he did, continually coaxing her in the same direction each time.

"This way…" his voice was beginning to fade, she realized and she frantically called to him again.

"Heero! You can't do this! You can't leave me here!!!"

"Relena…"

She felt lightheaded and her vision swayed, though how she could tell was a mystery. 'What's happening?' she thought as she once again fell to the glass floor. She gasped for air, not understanding why she couldn't get enough into her lungs. Why couldn't she breathe? What was happening?!

//I run to you,

[Far away from this town]
Call out your name,

[Hearing nothing, giving in]
I see you there, father away//

"Heero," she gasped, struggling to stand. She looked up and saw his form there. She reached out to him, still gasping for air. Why was he just standing there? Why was he not helping her?

"Heero?" she gasped again.

"Relena."

//I run to you,

[Far away from this town]
Call out your name,

[Hearing nothing, giving in]
I see you there, father away,
Farther away,
Father away,
Father away,
Father away,
Father away//

He turned away from her then, walking away into the darkness, his foot steps echoing in the empty hollowness of this place. She reached for him again, continually gasping his name and struggling to stand a follow him.

"I thought you were stronger than that," his voice echoed to her and she clenched her fists, forcing herself to stand, though it was painful to do so. Why was she in so much pain?

"I'm…not perfect…like you……So…sue me……you bastard!"

He stopped and glanced at her over his shoulder before continuing to walk away.

"Heero!" she gasped out loud enough to be classified as a shout. "Don't…you dare…leave me…here!"

He made no indication that he'd heard her. "Heero!!!" she screamed, clenching her fists and taking one painful step after another. The distance between them still grew. 'You bastard! I can't believe that you would leave me! Even after I asked you not to!' she thought to herself.

"HEERO!!!" she screamed again, and jerked, her eyes opening wide to see nothing. Why couldn't she see? And what was on her face? With a gasp she sat up and pulled her face away from where she had buried it into her pillow. Her body shook as it took much needed breaths of oxygen.

How long had she laid like that, with her face in her pillow, slowly suffocating herself in her sleep? The realization was frightening and she threw all her pillows off of her bed, staring at them as they landed in a haphazard pile in the middle of her small bedroom floor. She ran a hand through her chin-length hair, the red dye starting to lighten and give her locks strawberry blonde highlights. Her breathing was slowing now and she pulled her knees up to her chest. She rested her forehead on them, wrapping her arms around herself, and felt tears prick the back of her eyes.

It had been a dream… It had all been a dream… She allowed the tears to fall and soon she was sobbing. It had been so frightening there… She had been trapped in that never-ending emptiness… And he had left her there… Perhaps that was what hurt the most; even though it had been a dream, he had still turned away from her and left her there.

"Oh god…" she sobbed.

'Heero…would you really leave me alone like that? To die like that?'