Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Ironic ❯ Shadow of a Doubt ( Chapter 5 )

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A/N: The last scene of Chapter IV was altered and added on, check it out!

Ironic

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Chapter V - Shadow of a Doubt

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Heero nearly collided with Dorothy as the same time as he departed Relena's hospital room. He could have sworn he heard Dorothy mutter a curse or something of that sort, but somehow he didn't care.

'I'm going out of my mind.'

Drowned in his thoughts, and as his eyes wandered around, he spotted Quatre scowling. His face was downcast, and it was lowered down on the ground, and it seemed as if Quatre wanted to sink into it from the way he looked at it. His affable comrade appeared so glum that he did not even bother to look up and offer a friendly smile.

'Telling the truth is always the right thing to do, no matter how painstaking the truth is…but once everything's been said, what is there to do?'

Heero mused as he looked down on his colleague wondering if Dorothy did finish telling him the truth or left him with another lie that she deemed would hurt less than the truth.

'Your lies are as agonizing as the truth, Dorothy.'

But he had other problems now.

Walking away, without looking back, Heero punched the elevator button and a few seconds later, it opened and he stepped in.

'I never did learn to dominate my being…I was made to be cold…but the question is, if I keep inflicting pain upon her, then how can I say I love her? If it's not love that I feel in here, what the hell is it then?' he asked himself.

As he turned around, he punched a random number and saw the elevator doors close. He couldn't care less where he ended up.

Tragically for Heero, no one could supply the answer for him - not even himself.

He had to wait and see what lies ahead to find out.

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His head sunk lower to the ground as he carried his head in his hands wondering why fate chose such a difficult situation for him.

'Sometimes, I would wonder why she had to leave me like that, and then I ask myself, what did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong? What could it possibly be?'

Sure this meeting was more than a blessing, and he came not only hoping for Relena's good health, but to hope that she would show up to see Relena as well.

It was no chance meeting…

'Did she really mean these things or was she laughing the whole time knowing I was helplessly in love with her? If this is true, I know I walked right into her trap, not just once…but twice… wanting to be caught…the stupid imbecile that I was…'

Or maybe it was just so difficult because fate never meant them to be. It probably was never destined to happen. It was like swimming against a current instead of flowing with it.

He never really did understand what made him love her so…

…What he wanted to know so desperately was if she loved him so as well…

'Or is there someone else?'

He felt his chest contract in pain at the thought of this.

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'I can't bear to face him again…'

Dorothy entered Relena's room and easily faked a signature smile, but failing to take her mind off of her problems.

She saw that Relena's face was buried in her hands, muffled cries, and sensed a dilemma as she nearly rammed into Heero.

"Relena, what did Heero do now? How inconsiderate of him…"

Relena looked up, and her hands dropped down on the sheets, noticing her hands were as pallid as the white blanket. She smiled faintly from the tears, and then looked down to reply.

"The little thief…he stole my heart and broke it yet again…Fairy tales were never true…all my life I believed someday my prince will come like it is written in story books…but this prince was no prince at all…and I still long for that happy ever after…"

"Relena, you're not a girl anymore…you know better than to live a fantasy," Dorothy replied irately.

"I do not know what to believe anymore."

"I have to be in Milan a couple of hours from now…I hate to leave you…Nicholas will understand if I postpone…"

Relena's eyes widened.

"It was supposed to be today…Oh, I just remembered…how stupid of me…"

"I just wish that you would consent to be my maid-of-honor."

"How can I be your maid-of-honor when I know a cherished friend of mine who loves you dearly and I can't tell him about this? How can I possibly be a maid-of-honor to your marriage to the man you do not love?"

"Dorothy Catalonia cannot give love to any man."

"You love Quatre."

"A man I can't have?"

"A man you can have, but are sacrificing for the sake of politics."

With this statement, Dorothy was short of a reply. Nothing, absolutely nothing could come out from her mouth.

"Dorothy," Relena continued, "I've learned not to let politics interfere with my personal life. I've poured out my sweat and blood for politics, to fulfill everybody's expectations, and Heero has restrained himself from the truth because of politics, and that only paved the way for distress."

Relena opened her mouth to speak. Even in such an indisposed state, she felt loquacious.

"Do not marry Nicholas…you'll be unhappy…I had to put up with this for the longest time, and now, I'm asking you to do this not for your sake, but for Quatre's. His heart is weak enough already. I know now that you should do this for him, and not for you. You make sacrifices easily…your heart is no soft, sentimental heart…"

Dorothy's lip quivered at Relena's words.

'I could have him…and I have him, but circumstances disapprove of it,' Dorothy thought.

"But…it's too late…there's no turning back now…"

"What do you mean there's no turning back now, Dorothy?" An audible voice asked from behind that was not clearly hers or Relena's.

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'Why can't I just live up to her expectations and do what she expects of me? After all, she is asking for just one simple thing!'

"Why the hell can't I just offer her that then? Why the hell was I acting like such an idiot, walking away, in denial never believing that I actually could do what she wanted of me, only if I gave myself a chance to?"

'You were always in denial…and you knew it!'

He broke her heart one too many times.

…but then she would welcome him back with open arms, every single time…

She soiled her dignity and grandeur because she loved him…how could he not meet her halfway?

How could he always succeed saving her life and being her savior but always failed at telling her the straight truth and living up to his emotions?

Now isn't it ironic?

He told himself to realize that she loved him unconditionally and denying himself of her was the real root of the problem.

He referred back to Dorothy's words…

"…I wanted her to be happy, even if it wasn't you she was with, but her happiness only meant you…"

He contemplated what made her keep feeling the same way about him, forgiving him all the time…

'Now I see why I lie to myself saying her happiness is mine, but when I see her with those suitors, I find myself wanting to kill them…

…it's because she was never happy with them…all I could see was the façade she so wanted me to see to realize what I really felt…'

The unfamiliar ring of the elevator doors opening stirred Heero out of his reflection.

His head bobbed up to see the empty, eerie hall in front of him.

He took a deep breath and pressed a button.

He now knew what to do.

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Dorothy's eyes met a pair of lovely, but very forlorn blue eyes that told her he heard all as she spun around. Quickly, she looked down, avoiding his gaze, rummaging her mind for a reply.

This time, no cool, straightforward lie escaped her dry mouth.

Relena remained frozen in her bed, gripping her blanket.

"…I, it's too late to turn back now," was all that came out from her lips. She could do no better.

"Do you think I'm too weak to take it?" Quatre retorted, flailing his hands and the bouquet he carried, making wild gesticulations in frustration. He had this desperate desire to know what she really was keeping from him.

"I'm ashamed to admit that I'm not going to Milan for a business meeting."

Dorothy's answer raised several questions in Quatre's head. He preferred to ask the one that did matter the most.

"Would you please just try to answer a question honestly? Milan doesn't have to do anything with this matter!"

"Oh, I assure you, Quatre, it has to do with everything," Relena cut in quietly.

He looked at Dorothy.

"Honestly tell me, what are you doing in Milan?"

She only looked at him.

"You have lied one too many times…why can't you just answer truthfully…just once?"

"I'm marrying Nicholas Cambers," she replied hesitantly.

His eyes became suddenly empty, barren, and he dropped the bouquet of flowers he meant to give to Relena.

A butcher's knife has just been plunged through his already wounded, bruised heart.

"Is he richer than me, Dorothy? Did he offer you a larger diamond ring? Or was it the pre-nuptial agreement you just couldn't refuse?"

"No, no it's not that--…"

"Do you love him?" as much as it pained him to ask, it had to be asked anyway.

"I can't lie to you Quatre-"

"Go ahead and lie Dorothy…but this time I don't want to hear it. He must be the man you sought for so long… remember? The man I tried to be to please you?"

'But the man I wanted you to be was you,' she wanted to say, choosing to keep her notion in her head where it belonged.

It was exceedingly difficult, but it had to be done.

It just had to be done.

"I bid you and Nicholas a happy life..." He took one last, angry look at her, and finished his sentence.

"…together," he muttered dryly, before turning around and walking away.

"I don't love him…"

He stopped in his tracks. He wanted to smile…and turn back…

Smile and turn back…it seemed so easy.

'…But…'

Without turning around, he said: "You've used up every chance I was willing to give, Dorothy. As much as it hurts me to walk away, the reason behind my actions is the fact that I can't resist your lies …it kills me to see you knowing that to see you is all I can get…nothing more."

'But I know that I will never stop feeling the same way I do about her…'

Quatre stalked away, furious that she dared to accept another man's proposal, but cannot dare to tell him she already has when he offered his whole being to her…

He could remember what he heard from Relena's door that was unnoticeably open.

"You love Quatre." He heard Relena say.

"A man I can't have?"

"A man you can have, but are sacrificing for the sake of politics."

Quatre heard a long, shaky pause.

"Dorothy," Relena continued, "I've learned not to let politics interfere with my personal life. I've poured out my sweat and blood for politics, to fulfill everybody's expectations, and Heero has restrained himself from the truth because of politics, and that only paved the way for distress."

"Do not marry Nicholas…you'll be unhappy…I had to put up with this for the longest time, and now, I'm asking you to do this not for your sake, but for Quatre's. His heart is weak enough already. I know now that you should do this for him, and not for you. You make sacrifices easily…your heart is no soft, sentimental heart," he heard Relena finish.

"But…it's too late…there's no turning back now…"

"Dorothy, what am I to do with you?" He murmured quietly to himself, realizing he found his resolve, the resolve he so longed for that diminished all his doubts.

'...Dark victory...with a price...'

…but he couldn't help but ask for more than that…

'It's so true that we do seem to get everything except for what…we really do want…ironic…' he thought sourly, taking a huge intake of air.

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"You just had to end it did you, Dorothy?" Relena asked, looking at her troubled friend.

"I-There was no other way, I was promised to Nicholas, and that promise cannot be broken," she replied, on the verge of tears.

"Does Nicholas love you?"

The question provoked Dorothy and caused her eyes to grow wide open.

"If you must know, the affections of poor Nicholas belong to Natalia, the daughter of the family chauffeur, but his dear mother could not take that."

"Your grandfather no longer lives, and I see no obligation to this marriage now that he is gone and the fact that this marriage will mean nothing but misery."

"His mother still lives."

"…That old wretched woman?"

"Grandfather and Lady Cambers have agreed to this arrangement long ago, just after my father died, Nicholas and I were children and had no idea whatsoever. And you must understand Lady Cambers is a very demanding woman, she cannot take anything except what she wants."

"Dorothy," Relena said, "marriage is for life."

"I know that Nicholas does not love me, and I don't love him, but he will take care of me, and perhaps..."

"Perhaps what, Dorothy?"

Dorothy sighed, picking up the dropped bouquet of flowers, and placed them on her lap.

"Perhaps love will come later…perhaps I will learn to love him," she managed, "someday."

"But what will you do if it never happens? What if Quatre decides to move on and love another woman and you are tied to a man who you never learned to love?"

"I have no control over his affections…I know it's absurd but I know I will never love like I loved him…"

Just as then, Heero burst in the room.

"Heero!" Relena said, nearly bolting up from her bed.

"If it is possible, I am asking you not to startle us like that again," Dorothy remarked, hoping he did not hear what she just said.

"I need to talk to Relena, alone."

Dorothy glared at Heero.

"If anyone needs me, I will be in the restroom, powdering my nose," she darted out of the room in annoyance.

He looked down.

"I'm sorry," he started, embarrassedly.

"I've forgiven and forgotten too many times."

He winced like a shy little boy.

"But how can I not forgive again?"

He looked up, and she saw that there was half a smile etched on his face. He sat on her bedside and held her in his embrace.

"…I'm sorry…I'm sorry," he murmured, "it was wrong of me and I knew what I was doing but I was a fool…a coward."

Relena decided to let the comment in her head slide by. And they just sat there, holding each other and savoring the moment.

No words were spoken for a moment, and he broke their embrace.

"We should get you out of here. It's too miserable for you," he smiled, rubbing her cheek with his calloused thumb.

"You're right, Heero," she smiled.

Dorothy peered in, smirking, and saw Relena and Heero reconcile.

'Relena, you were always the girl who had everything,' Dorothy mused as she looked at them.

'You did get the happy ever after you so longed for…' she thought, believing that even though she could not get hers, Relena did.

Maybe it was enough.

Then, she thought of him.

She tried to convince herself that it was enough…

'It is…it is.'

…However, she could not help but ask for more.

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Have any comments, suggestions, or death threats?

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Send them to me!

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Craziereggie392@aol.com

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Chapter VI already in the making! Thank you so much to all the reviewers! You compel me to write more, and strive harder every time!