Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ It's a Gundam! ❯ One of many reasons, NOT to piss off a Gundam Pilot ( Chapter 3 )

This story is Dedicated to my friend Enna. Without her it wouldn't exist. Mainly because we sat and watched GW anime together and it is actually amazing the sheer amount of times those enemies utter the words "It's a Gundam!" It infuriated her, and I must admit I found it grating as well, and it kind of gave me an idea. She has been a great muse.

Please be gentle, this is my first attempt at Humour and will be posted in a few parts.

The pairings are all implied nothing really explicit: 1x2 and 3x5

Disclaimer : Don't own em, wish I did, but they wont let me buy them for 3 dollars, and I cant spare anymore cash.

Anyway hope you enjoy, if you wish to archive this story or be on the mailing list to find out when I update then please email me arithkenshin@yahoo.co.uk and reviews are always welcome, pleaded neeeedded!!!

It's a Gundam: One of many reasons, not to piss a Gundam Pilot off

Heero's head snapped up, embarrassment forgotten; Quatre tried to snap out of his laughing fit but failed miserably because everything just seemed so fucking hilarious to him; Trowa's expression returned to normal and Wufei laid his plans for revenge on the back burner as they turned to watch Duo's reaction.

It was as if they heard an audible snap when Duo lost all control and screamed.

"DDDDIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE"

With a blur of speed that none of the other Gundams could match, Duo brought his Scythe down, cleanly slicing two Aeries in half, all the while still holding a somewhat irate conversation. "Now I am sure I asked you all nicely, but hell, no more Mr. Nice Guy now… no siree bob!!!" And the humming of that infuriating fucking tune, resumed. Whoever said that multitasking was actually scientifically impossible for men to accomplish had obviously never met Duo, who could do anything while he spoke or hummed. For example, annihilating the enemy whilst being witty and or musical.

Heero sighed and shook his head, only just realizing what that pulsing vein in Duo's forehead meant; that the braided baka was about to lose it on a humungous level. He watched in a rather detached way as his lover carved up a fair size of the troop in front of him, he became aware of Quatre's hysterical laughing over the intercoms. Trowa and Wufei were probably waiting for some sort of directions from Heero. The pilot of Wing make a split second decision.

"Wufei, attack the OZ troops. Quatre stop fucking laughing and help him. Trowa help me restrain Duo." The unibanged pilot raised an eyebrow, and Heero could feel Wufei's glare. "Chang, not now… and no, don't bother… You and Quatre are needed to finish the mission." Quatre was now gasping for breath again as all attempts to stop laughing were definitely not working. "And for fuck's sake, get him to stop laughing."

Which of course, made Quatre laugh even harder.

Locking that out of his mind Heero signaled Trowa to follow his lead. Carefully he rounded the maniacally decimating Deathscythe pilot, quite certain there would be a partially insane gleam in the oh `never sadistic' Duo's eyes.

Actually it was quite amusing watching his lover methodically work his way through the entire Aeries and Leo ranks. To be quite honest he probably could have handled this mission all by himself, provided that they had known he would go into an insane, homicidal rage which would allow him to react with even better dexterity than usual.

Evaluating the possibilities, ie, how the hell he could restrain Duo and live to tell the tale without actually having to kill the Deathscythe pilot himself, Heero realized that Duo had probably taken out about half of the mobile suits; that Trowa had matched his position on the opposite side of Duo; that Wufei was trying to find a way to join in the fight without getting decimated himself and that Quatre was successfully still laughing.

Seeing his opening, Heero moved Wing as fast as possible and only just managed to pin Deathscythes arms to the side with his own, waiting for Trowa to come and take one of them.

"AUGH! Let me the FUCK go!"

"Duo, settle…" which Duo promptly chose to ignore and instead made Deathscythe writhe in the grip of the others. Wufei took that chance to jump into battle, and Quatre who was still laughing hysterically let out a "Weeeeeee kill everyone…" and continued to laugh as he cut easily through the mobile suits that faced him.

Mentally noting to have Quatre seen to as well at some stage, Heero tried again.

"Come on Duo, snap out of it."

Silence… unless you counted the humming of that same fricking song.

Suddenly a laugh emerged from Duo's cockpit. "Awww sorry Hee-chan, I worried you…" Heero blushed not liking how close he had come to the truth.

"I promise I'll be good… don't know what came over me…Sorry man…"

Heero and Trowa were that stunned and relieved that they involuntarily loosened their hold for a split second. Which it turned out was all that Shinigami needed.

Wrenching himself free Duo laughed. "HAHAHAHHA, suckers!!! Like hell I'm fucking sorry." And Deathscythe began to prowl back towards his prey, uh, the enemy he was supposed to be taking out for the mission… yes, that's it.

"Heeeeerrrrreeeee little kitties… Come out come out wherever you are!!!" A high pitched cackle emerged from his throat as he once again jumped into the fray. Wufei dodged the scythe and Quatre's laughter that had just been about to die down reemerged in full force as he somehow found the situation extremely hilarious.

"Kitties…" The blond snickered. "little kitties…hahaha…" and happily the blond went about dicing and carving the stragglers without mercy. This of course gave lie to Duo's introduction from before and made all of the enemy present completely scared shitless of the usually sweet blond pilot.

"Shit." Heero was being really expressive. Using words for him was like a monologue for someone else. Usually it was just so easy to get things done with a look and the occasional `baka' or `Hn' inserted into the `conversation'. Why couldn't Duo just be like Trowa sometimes and communicate with eyebrows?

For the second time, Heero and Trowa approached their quarry and pounced at the same time. Although Duo saw it coming and one part of his mind registered that he should probably do something to get out of the way that other part of him, the extremely insanely blood thirsty revenge part, was too intent on causing as much death as was possible in the remaining time he had, to pay any attention to it.

And so it was, that Deathscythe was once again restrained. Not only did Deathscythe (please note the frequent use of the names of the pilots and/or the Gundams due to not wishing to offend either party) kick and scream at his captors; but the partially coherent Duo in the cockpit was doing exactly the same.

"LET. ME. GO." He was starting to plead. "Please, please… you have to let me go…kill kill mmmm blood… blood is pretty… nice red colour… really… come on guys… I was getting the mission accomplished… kill kill…If we run we might end up dead… " hysterical cackling followed.

"Duo, get a grip."

The voice changed to sultry and almost distracted Heero, almost. "Oh yeah Hee-chan, get a grip, of you? Mmm yeah, that I can handle…well ne? Hand or mouth Hee-chan, how tight?" Deathscythe started to struggle again, but although Heero's face once again had that clashing red colour to it, he had not let himself be distracted enough to let his lover escape again. Still slowly being dragged away from the fighting Duo gave out a howl.

"NNNNooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!" He was almost sobbing. "You can't do this to me, you cant you can't you can't!! Kill them… kill them alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll" Of course Duo was so busy screaming that he didn't notice that they had stopped, nor did he notice that Heero had gotten out of his own Gundam and was grimly making his way to the Deathscythe pilot's cockpit. Because if he had seen that, and seen the thunderous look on Heero's face, he probably would have asked Trowa how he managed to almost sink through the floor of his Gundam. Because even in a homicidal rage one should be a little bit majorly scared shitless of Heero Yuy on the warpath.

But as we were saying, Duo didn't notice, because he was too busy screaming. Didn't notice in fact until Heero was standing in the now cramped cockpit, hauling Duo out of the seat and holding him up by the back of his neck, somehow effectively immobilizing Duo with that knowledge that only the perfect soldier seemed to have.

Of course that was something that even Duo couldn't overlook in his current state. Meeting Prussian blue really pissed off eyes Duo just gulped. And then he grinned his usual partially insane grin, which really didn't help his cause at all.

"Ooops Heero… fancy seeing you here…um so how are you buddy old pal old…"

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Duo."

Duo gulped again…oops Heero used more than one word or two,… he had even expanded the usual shut up. Knowing he was in trouble Duo tried to downplay it.

"So yeah, did you um see how I lulled them all into a false sense of security…" Now if he could wiggle free somehow he might be able to get back in time to kill more of those stupid naive imbecilic morons, but he didn't have to let Heero know that. "Yeah, was a brilliant plan ne Hee-chan."

Narrowing his eyes, Heero seemed to look through him and grunted before speaking again. ""Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Duo."

And Heero exerted pressure to that spot on the back of Duo's neck reserved solely for rendering a person unconscious and had the braided pilot sag into his arms. Carrying his unconscious lover out of his Gundam and ignoring the hentai thoughts his mind kept throwing to him about a very flexible unconscious body, he climbed easily into his own Wing Gundam.

"Trowa take Deathscythe to where he belongs. Meet you all back at the safe house."

Trowa could be seen to nod, Wufei answered with a fervent "By Nataku…" and Quatre, who was still giggling responded with "Aye Aye captain." And burst out into laughter once more.

Frowning as he turned Wing around Heero decided he was going to have to have a long chat with Quatre and lecture Duo on not getting the blond to laugh so much.

#*#

Something was wrong. Duo was slowly waking up and was completely uncertain as to his surroundings. He remembered that he had been having a fucking awesome time carving the shit out of all those fuckwits who couldn't even define a Gundam after an extremely easy lesson; that was until Heero and Trowa had interfered. But for the life of him, he couldn't figure out why he was well… apparently tied to a chair.

Had he and Heero decided to experiment again? Well that would be ok, as long as Heero hadn't gotten his hair knotted again, but then that was another story for another time, because it was damn long.

No, no, that wasn't it… his hands were cuffed…he tested the cuffs and the fucking things were gundanium. Slowly he opened his eyes and looked at his surroundings.

Four pairs of eyes were watching him.

"He is awake, can I exact revenge now?"

"No, Wufei, you can't… I want him to tell me more jokes!" Quatre's voice still had that slightly insane happy tone to it.

Heero eyed the other two carefully before turning his attention back to Duo, who was looking, well to be honest, a little too bright eyed.

"How are you feeling Duo…"

"Oh swell. Really! Sorry I fucked things up back there…don't know why… but did we accomplish the mission?" Kill, must kill, not let them suspect…his mind cackled… imbeciles must die lest they be allowed to procreate. Duo heartily agreed with the voice in his head.

Heero's eyes narrowed. "You really are feeling ok then?"

"Oh yes Hee-chan." His eyes were still too bright, almost fanatic.

Quatre bounced up and down. "See, he's ok, let him loose, come on, come on…"

Heero eyed the bouncy blonde warily, making a mental note not to let his sexy, tight…*mental cough * not to let Duo and Quatre alone for a little while, till he knew what was wrong with both of them. For Quatre's part, Heero just though he had caught a little of the insanity that seemed to be possessing the long haired boy.

"I think we need to make sure you're ok Duo."

"Sure thing Hee-chan…anything you want." Yes, his plan was working. He was a great actor, he could pass any test they threw at him.

Eyeing Trowa and Wufei in a conspiratal look, Heero gave the signal.

"It's a Gundam!"

Oh no! Anything but that. And as the laughter tumbled forth from Quatre once more while the blond bounced and clapped his hands; Duo saw red.

" AUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH, Fucking DDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE"

Smugly Wufei looked at the bound boy as Heero sighed. "Not cured ne Yuy?"

"I'd say not Chang…"

In his rage, something inside Duo examined his confinement, picking out the one fault, the one weakness in that which bound him.

There was an audible snap.

Duo raised his eyes and looked at his friends and lover, the expression on his face was nothing short of predatory.

Wufei, Trowa and Heero began inching back from the boy on the chair, while Quatre continued giggling in his corner.

"Um… Heero, you did remember that Duo can dislocate his joints at will didn't you?" Wufei's voice was unsure.

Heero blanched as his lover stood and starting stalking towards them, that look still in his eyes. "I didn't want to rub his hands raw…" His voice was almost a whimper.

"Great Yuy, you guys are fine with handcuffing each other tightly in the bedroom but when it comes to a serious matter you don't want to hurt him… great…"

"How did you…"

Heero didn't get any further.

Duo was speaking… sort of… "Eenie, meanie, miney, mo… catch a Gundam pilot by the toe…"

The other three didn't wait to hear the end of the rhyme; they ran.

With a leap of pure predatory glee, Duo followed them humming that same fucking song under his breath.

Quatre stayed in the other room, considering he was laughing that hard he couldn't get off the floor.

~~**~~

Is this the end?

Should I leave it at that or write more…

I was thinking I might need to resolve Duo and Quatre's issues.

But I don't want to push the story, because I would prefer not to over use the concept, so I think I may leave this as the end. But please if you think it wouldn't be overusing the concept to take it a little further please tell me and I will happily oblige and take it further hehe

~Arith