Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Justitia ❯ Chapter 18

Justitia 18: conflict- Psychology. A psychic struggle, often unconscious, resulting from the opposition or simultaneous functioning of mutually exclusive impulses, desires, or tendencies.

Trowa stared at the body at his feet, shaking his head. He had tried to tell them they should cooperate and let him in on their plans but they had only wanted Wufei. Trowa was not about to argue with that, since it was pretty much all he wanted at that point in time too. He wondered what Wufei would think if he knew how popular he was.

Stepping over the body of the extremely uncooperative terrorist, Trowa made his way through the garage to where what Wufei called a car was sitting in the dark, just begging for someone to wash it. Trowa dusted one finger through the dirt caked all over it and sighed. He really did need to have that garage sale and get rid of everything Wufei owned. It just wasn't healthy.

Sighing heavily, forcing himself to concentrate on the job at hand, Trowa wrenched the door open, spilling the terrorist on the other side into the side of Wufei's car. Frowning, a carefully aimed hit to the back of the head had the terrorist sprawled out on the hard cement and left the doorway clear. It really was too easy, in Trowa's opinion.

"I'm in," he said softly into the radio by his ear.

"Status?" Heero barked predictably and Trowa sighed. The guy needed to lighten up, just a little.

"It's dark, dirty and there are a whole bunch of unconscious people just lying around in the hallway. I think maybe we missed the party?"

"Not funny Barton," Heero ground out and Trowa could almost see the way he was grinding his teeth.

The shadows were easy to navigate and except the idiot guarding the stairs at level six there was no one to resist Trowa's infiltration, which in itself was not strange as Trowa did not think there could be that many people involved, but it was still odd. Trowa liked there to be a higher level of difficulty; he longed for the challenge of actually having to try.

Level six was abandoned, the light by the door the only sign anyone had been anywhere near the place. Even the footprints had been erased, though Trowa thought that might have been a little more recent and not necessarily the work of the terrorists.

He listened carefully to the rise and fall of the dull air, straining to pick up the minute currents that would indicate he was not alone but there was nothing tangible until he felt the knife at the back of his neck, at which point he relaxed and turned slowly, expecting to find Duo grinning at him, some snide remark on his lips. He found Duo, but there was no grin and no snide remark.

"You owe me one hell of an explanation."

"Duo," Trowa winced, wondering exactly what Duo knew but having no illusions what he was talking about. "This is not the time."

The knife now at his throat only dug deeper into his skin, threatening to break the surface.

"Oh, I think now is definitely the time." There was that tone in his voice; the one no one actually liked, not even Duo himself. The one you knew wasn't going to go away until it was satisfied. Not even death surpassed that voice and Duo was its master. Many things changed in the world, in their lives, in the way they perceived both, but that voice was the one thing Trowa thought might just manage to be eternal, because one day it would be passed on, snatched from Duo's dying hands and thrust into the hands of another, just as defeated and furious soul in need of a thirst for vengeance. It didn't mean Trowa liked it; he had never liked the things that lasted forever, just the ones that lasted a lifetime. The ones that knew how to live.

"Duo…this is not for me to tell." The very reason he didn't tell him to begin with. Besides, Trowa could not see what there was to say. If you knew, you knew, if you didn't you didn't have to ask. There was no answer to the question save the one no one wanted to hear.

"Is it true?" So silent and deadly. Trowa had always wondered what lay beneath that surface. Certainly he knew the circumstances, the story behind the pain, but he wondered nonetheless. What did Duo think of that? What did Duo think when he lay down at night and heard his dead whisper to him through the long corridor of time? What did he feel? Trowa hoped they were good things, nice things; that he remembered the way they lived and not how they died even as he knew the answer to his ponderings was not what he wanted to here. People are not equipped to remember the good things when the bad are so close at hand.

"Yes, it's true." Most things are true, when viewed in the right light. Most things are also untrue. But some things are neither, and just are, without needing to be true or false, without need of anything. They simply are, no matter how much you might like to take it back.

The knife at his neck shuddered, or rather the hand that held it did and the knife merely copied the action. It was sad, in Trowa's opinion, that the knife did not live yet it could take the life from something that did. He had never liked that. It was part of the reason mobile suits had been invented; a killing machine that even if it didn't live, could be made to look like a man; to look as if it breathed. But it was still just a machine, it still didn't live and it still took lives from those who did. And he helped them do it. Piloted them, helped them, drove them to it. And enjoyed every minute of it. He idly wondered if Duo would enjoy cutting his throat, but the knife dropped away and he guessed his day had not come. Yet. It would, eventually.

"You should have told me!"

"It was not mine to tell! He did not want you to know!" Something in Trowa was angry, but he could not tell what. He had never yelled at Duo before, never felt the need. Whether you yelled at Shinigami or the mask that hid him, it really made no difference, you still were not yelling at Duo Maxwell so there was never much point to it. Only Heero Yuy was ever given the chance and Trowa doubted he took it. Doubted he ever wanted to. So why was Trowa yelling now? He did not know. He knew only that he wanted to, and on some level needed. To yell. To scream. At anything.

"It was mine to know," Duo spat and the fury scrawled across his face was a thousand small tales rolled into one; was a million small pains combined to create whatever they were. Trowa could not name it. Something terrifying and insecure. Not weak, but not really strong. Something else, in between, not bad. Not wrong.

"Why?" It was the question Trowa most wanted to ask, the question with too many answers and none of them what he wanted to hear. Because he was guilty of the same mistakes.

"Because he is my friend!" And yet, the look in Duo's eyes told Trowa all he needed to know; that they both knew. Both understood they had at some point given up that right, perhaps had never had it, and while Trowa had earned it back, somehow beyond his comprehension for he did not feel himself worthy of any sort of forgiveness, Duo would have to walk that path for himself, one lonely step at a time and the first step would be the hardest.

Trowa didn't bother to state the obvious. Wufei had no friends. He lived in an apartment no one had ever been to that was barely lived in. Owned a car that was never driven, worked in an office no one knew about and took missions that were never reported with results that were never questioned. He was a ghost, an enigma, an impossibility. With no friends.

"When…" Duo nearly choked on that one word; did choke on those that might have followed. There were no tears, but there was pain nonetheless. Trowa wondered when they all forgot how to cry.

"Before Christmas. A mission to Russia." The coldest time of the year and red had a whole new meaning.

"God Damnit!" Duo's fist flew at the wall and Trowa almost wished it was his face, because he was not sure what to think or feel or say or do. What kind of friend was he, that he did not know these things? "You should have told me."

"It was not my right! God, Duo, just think about it a moment. What would you have had me do? Betray Wufei's trust in me? Is that what you wish I'd done?"

Duo deflated, shoulders slumping in defeat as he collapsed against the wall. Trowa didn't move, just waiting, knowing something would come and feeling it would be important, as so many decisions are. Like the fact he knew he had, at some point without even realising it, chosen Wufei over Duo; chosen to see pain in Duo's face rather than Wufei's. Betrayed his friendship with the one for the dream of friendship with the other. For the dream of something more with Wufei.

"No," Duo finally exhaled. "I don't…I wouldn't want that. But, the things I've said. The things I've done. I hurt him. I didn't mean to, but…I did it anyway, and you…You let me."

Trowa moved, stepping forward, offering the shoulder that he knew was needed, smiling slightly, sadly, as Duo collapsed against it. Still no tears, just the pain, somehow cleaner, sharper for the lack of salt rubbed into the wounds. But at least it was shared. In the end, that was what frightened Trowa the most; that they might suffer alone, in silence, without names.

"Would it have made a difference?" Trowa asked quietly, curious.

"What?" Duo looked up, meeting his gaze, eyes wide, confused and tainted with the old anger, the old hatred. The old pain. Trowa wondered if there was anyone left in the world without that pain; the old one that never faded, never lessened, just dug its way in and set up forever in your soul. Was there really a way to take that away? To share it, dull it, hide it away in a box and forget about it?

"If you had known, would you have done differently? If it hadn't happened, would you still regret the things you have done? You had reasons, Duo. Good reasons and Wufei knows that. He knows better than anyone what reasons lead to."

Duo stiffened, arms coming up to clutch at Trowa's shoulders as his gaze turned inward, looking no longer at Trowa but at himself, and Trowa watched, saw the lights there dimming momentarily before coming back, laden with the knowing that Trowa was right. And they just shared their smile, and the things hidden beneath.

"I want to take it back, but I can't, can I." It was not a question, but Trowa thought that maybe, just this once, there was an answer that might do someone some good, though he was not really sure who.

"No, you can't. But if you want to, then I think you are more like Wufei that either of you realise."

Duo looked sceptical at that, but he was also calmer, so Trowa stepped back and toward the door, just waiting, without pressure though he wanted to run, knowing he had wasted precious time. But it was time well wasted.

Duo stalked out the door, not a sign of any thought of emotion on his face save determination. Trowa did not dawdle wondering what had been determined, grabbing Duo's pack off the floor, swinging it over one shoulder and striding down the back stairs to level seven.

They came out in a place Trowa did not immediately recognise. There was dust thick in the air, and loose rubble under their feet. They were in a hallway somewhere, but there were no lights, just the eerie glow of their torches as they scrounged through the mess toward a slight alteration to the darkness ahead.

The closer to the light they got the more recognisable the area became until Trowa realised they were on the other side of the collapsed corridor. He had not taken the time to take a closer look but he could only assume there was a way through the collapsed area. Or the terrorists had made one. Either way, it did not really matter. What was done was done.

"So, at the party," Duo whispered, not bothering to look over his shoulder to see that Trowa was even nearby. "Wufei was off with Marie because they're…friends?"

Trowa smiled at that, not really sure what to call Marie and Wufei's relationship. Guardian, brother, friend, they all fit. He thought family was closer to the mark.

"Yes."

"So Wufei is like the big brother to the daughter of the guy he spent most of the war trying to kill. That's so weird."

Trowa chuckled at that. Somehow, Duo always managed to point out the ridiculous side of any given situation. It generally made for interesting mission planning and fun parties, but sometimes it hit a little close to home. Still, Trowa wouldn't trade it for many things in the world.

"And now he's living with a guy who spends half the year letting a madwoman through knives at him for fun and the other half of the year pretending to be someone else," Duo continued to muse. "Must make for interesting dinner talk."

Trowa chuckled at that. It had always been something he had teased Duo about; that dinner with Heero must be an interesting affair. It was typical, to have it turned back on him now, but also soothing somehow. `Accepted' was the word his mind supplied.

They made it through the rubble and into the main corridor. There were three guards by the stairway, but they were not difficult to deal with. Trowa led the way down the corridor to Wufei's office, slowing only a little as Duo paused to stare at the mural on the wall. They shared no thoughts on it, for which Trowa was glad, for he had his own opinions of all the meanings underlying that particular painting and he did not wish to share them.

The office was a mess. Trowa wished he had a mop, because the blood would be almost impossible to scrub off the floor once it dried. He studied the room carefully, looking for any sign of where the bomb might be but there was nothing. And there was no sign of Wufei.

Apart from the obvious, of course. Trowa studied the bodies and idly thought they had gotten off light. Had it been Heero, they might have scored a bullet in the head, a cleaner death. But Duo would have been crueller, and Trowa would have been subtle, with more pain. Quatre would have taken them to Une, and after threatening Marie she was perhaps the most dangerous of them all. Yes, Trowa mused, they had gotten off very lightly.

"The girl isn't here," Duo noted, staring at the empty doorway.

"Girl?"

"He was talking to a girl after he killed them. I think it was in the hallway, but there is no body."

Trowa frowned. It was unlike Wufei to let anyone go, dead or alive. At the very least he would have expected to find a body unconscious or tied up. That there was nothing was more than a little disconcerting.

"What were they talking about?"

"Right and wrong, I think," Duo shrugged, moving off down the hallway, completely silent. If Trowa could not see him he doubted he would have believed there was anyone there. Even now, dressed all in black, he looked little more than a wraith.

Right and wrong. Or just right. Trowa supposed it didn't really matter, because either way the girl, whoever she was, was gone, and so was Wufei. He just hoped it didn't end up as foreboding as it felt.

Duo had a map of the original layout of the level, but he barely glanced at it as they slipped through the dark, hugging the shadows. Trowa guessed he had it memorised. Not unusual, if you were Duo Maxwell, but anyone else and that might have worried Trowa.

Trowa was just starting to wonder if maybe they were headed in the wrong direction when they came across a discarded pistol and a few splashes of blood. It looked like someone had been shot, but there was no body. Frowning, Trowa let Duo continue to lead as he studied their surroundings.

It was colder, the air lighter than he expected and lacking the taste of dust common to the other sub-levels. There was a familiar, wet scent to the place and as he trailed his fingers along one wall he could feel the water rushing through the pipes on the other side.

Duo stopped, sudden and completely, Trowa almost walking into his heels, plastering himself to the wall instinctively as Duo snuck a peek around the corner. Trowa listened, but heard nothing save Duo's heavy sigh as he slipped around the corner. Trowa exhaled heavily and followed, wondering how Duo could even know there was someone there. Especially when all the people were dead.

They studied the bodies carefully, deciding silently between themselves that the man on the left had been the one shot in the corridor before while the other two had been guarding the door, which was slightly ajar.

Duo rolled inside, following whatever sounds he was picking up from the inside while Trowa took the more direct approach, slipping in through the door and trailing his gun on the first figure he saw.

Duo was on the floor beside a table, gun aimed at the same person as Trowa's; a woman Trowa vaguely recognised. An Archivist, his mind supplied and he knew instinctively this had been who Wufei was talking to. Trowa had liked her, thought her a nice enough young lady, even felt a little sorry for her having to work in the archives. It had to be boring. Right now, however, he felt no mercy or pity. Because she was holding a gun to Wufei's head where he sat crouched beside the bomb, the timer in his hands.

"Put the gun down," Duo snarled and Trowa sighed because Maxwell was gone again, replaced with his nastier persona. Whatever internal anguish might be there, Trowa knew it would not influence Duo's actions now. If the gun didn't go down, someone would.

"I'll kill him," the woman threatened, but there was a sob in her throat and as Trowa slipped around the side of the table for a better look he realised there were tears in her eyes. He almost felt sorry again, but not quite.

They stayed like that for too long and Trowa saw Duo's finger itching the trigger, stroking back and forward minutely. He was about to intervene when Wufei did it for him, onyx eyes fixed on the timer in his hands, thumb caressing the hard metal.

"Does it hurt, Sarah?"

Sarah. She had a name. That would make it harder, for Wufei, Trowa knew. But it made it no harder for Trowa. Names had never really been important to him. Lack of a name had made him insecure, but the name he had taken had almost made him a monster. In the end it had been Duo who helped him understand. Names were things other people gave you. Wufei was just giving her back a small piece of humanity; showing her she was not alone; reminding her she had something to hold on to. Trowa doubted she understood.

"Yes."

It seemed that was the answer to a lot of questions today. Trowa wondered if the answers had actually helped anyone, but doubted it. No one was really asking; they already knew. They were just reaffirming.

"Then maybe it's right." Trowa watched, horrified, as the slender, scarred fingers continued to work on the bomb, disconnecting the wires, taking it apart piece by piece, fast and efficient while the gun wavered at his temple. If the woman was even half as unhinged as Trowa suspected Wufei was going to be shot and regardless of what that might do to Wufei, Trowa couldn't even begin to think what he himself would think, what he might do. The last thing he wanted to see was Wufei's death. Ever. Never.

Trowa didn't wait to see what would happen, slipping forward, bringing one hand down on the back of her head, the other snatching the gun from her hand effortlessly. She was a clumsy gunman, her hold on the weapon loose and rather useless. Her form slumped to the floor and he left her there, moving to the table and Duo's side as he tore open the side panel and began disassembling the bomb, taking back the parts that had been stolen.

His hands moved of their own accord, his eyes only half watching what he was doing, the other half watching Wufei. He looked tired, weary, but there was little sign of pain. His hands were clumsy on the wires, slower than usual, but not dangerously so, so Trowa left him to it until his own work was done.

Duo waited, parts in hand, staring down at Wufei, but he didn't seem to know what to say, and eventually he just left, taking the essential components upstairs to Une. Trowa wondered how long before Heero showed up.

He took the moment to tie Sarah's hands behind her back, though he doubted she would wake for a few hours yet, and carefully packed the weapons away in the corner.

Trowa leant a hand down to Wufei, waiting for him to take it, but after a minute he had to frown and kneel to take a better look. Wufei just frowned at him, lips pressed hard together in a thin line. He seemed to be concentrating very hard on something. Trowa looked at the way he was sitting and realised it had to be uncomfortable, and then realised what was bothering Wufei.

He didn't say anything, didn't give Wufei a chance to argue, just took his hands and wrapped them about his neck, then lifted him as carefully as he could and headed back toward the office. He felt warm again, with Wufei right there, where he could feel the pulse, steady and strong, hear the breath slowing inhaled and exhaled. He was stronger this way; not weak. Not afraid.

"I'm sorry," Wufei whispered close to his ear, so softly trowa almost didn't hear. Trowa's hold tightened marginally.

"I don't mind." Trowa was more than willing to carry them both for as long as he had to, though he doubted Wufei would let him get away with it for longer than today.

"I'm sorry," Wufei repeated, louder, surer. "For making you afraid." Not weak, or strong, just afraid. Trowa could not help but smile.

Heero was striding around the corner when they reached the door to Wufei's office. He cocked a thumb at the wall and had the strangest little smile on his face. Trowa just nodded in agreement and motioned for Heero to get the door for him.

"Duo get back okay?"

"Yes. Une's sending Quatre down after me with a team," Heero said softly, kicking on the bodies away from the chair and wheeling it around in front of the desk so Trowa could put Wufei down.

They both studied Wufei's face then, looking at the dark red tint of embarrassment, along with the pale colour, the dark circles under the eyes and the smears of red blood that only made him look small. Trowa was more than a little surprised when it was Heero who knelt in front of him, grabbing one leg and starting at the knee began to massage some life back into the nerves. Wufei's eyes were wide as he looked down on the head of dark hair, then across at Trowa, as if asking what the hell was going on. Trowa just shrugged and grabbed the digital camera off the top of the main computer monitor, quickly taking the photos they needed to take before they could move the bodies out.

"You need to tell Quatre," Heero said softly and Trowa looked up to see him with his arms resting across Wufei's knees, looking up at him expectantly. "He's the only one who doesn't know."

An odd look passed across Wufei's face and Trowa could see the way she shoved the momentary cowardice off, see him steel himself to the idea of telling someone himself, and he made a mental note to make sure he was there when it happened.

"Okay," Wufei said softly and Heero just nodded, hands moving down to the ankle, eyes still on Wufei, almost as if asking permission. Wufei just nodded, waving a hand, eyes searching the room and quickly landing on Trowa as calloused, far from gentle hands slipped the boot off his foot and trailed across the thick scar. Trowa could tell Wufei couldn't feel it; he seemed barely aware of anything except their presence.

He was dragging the bodies out into the hallway when Quatre arrived with his team, who hurried on down the hallway while Quatre paused.

"You're alright?"

"Yes."

Quatre cocked his head to the side, a faint smile on his lips, palm of his hand tapping lightly against his chest. There was a light in his eyes that was more than a little frightening to Trowa, because it knew things. Things no one else knew. But that was Quatre, and his wife liked him that way. Trowa grinned at that thought.

"You know, that's the first time I think I actually believe you." And with that Quatre headed on down the hallway, leaving Trowa to stare after him, unsure what to think.

There was a grunt behind him and Trowa turned to find Heero dragging the other body out into the corridor, dumping it against the wall. Trowa felt a little sorry for whatever poor guy who got stuck dragging all the bodies upstairs.

"Sometimes he scares me," Heero noted, shaking his head as he watched Quatre disappear around a corner. Trowa couldn't agree more. "Did Chang Wufei really just let you carry him?"

Trowa laughed at that, looking up the corridor's other end to see Sally hurrying around the corner. He hoped she had enough sense not to say `I told you so' to Wufei, because he thought Wufei just might smack her for it.

"Yes, he did," and Trowa couldn't keep the goofy grin off his face, because it was a sign of sorts, of just how far they had all come.

Heero was staring at him, face completely blank and Trowa wondered if maybe he was sinking through the floor, or if he had grown another head, or something just as strange.

"You scare me too then," Heero noted, shaking his head as he stepped back to let Sally into the office. They both watched her, listened to the soft argument that broke out inside and shared a knowing glance.

"Scary." Unison, and for some reason that seemed right to Trowa.