Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Kaja the Vampire Slayer! ❯ And so it begins... ( Prologue )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Kaja the Vampire Slayer and her slayerettes...and Camera crew...
A parody and total cock up of Gundam Wing, Buffy, Angel, A1 and the A2 girls, including the mascots.

Tasha pops out of nowhere, and lands (hovering cross-legged) above the G-boy's dinner table, carefully set with sushi and delicately polished. It also happened to be propped up by books but never mind.(Also, to avoid confusion between trowa, and myself I am named K (or possibly Klus?) in this sketch)

Q- Aiyee! (Dives behind Wu-fei who sharply elbows him)
D- Somebody tell me I'm dreaming. Heero, pinch me.
H- No.
D- Why not?
H- Coz next you'll ask me to spank you!
T- (aside to Duo) he's been reading too many yaoi fics on FF.net, ignore him and it'll pass
K- Is no-one going to ask why I'm here?
Q- No! Just go away! I wanna go home! (Begins snivelling. Blows nose On Wu-fei's shirt)
W- Geez, I just had this dry cleaned, genderly challenged, and now look at it! (Quatre bawls even more)
T- Just ignore him and he'll shut up.
K- That's your answer to everything, isn't it?
T-...yup.
D- Will you go away if I ask you why you're here?
K- Erm...yeah sure...(aside)...god these guys are slow...
H- I'm not, it's just him. Ice cream on the brain. The rest of them, well, they're lost causes.
D,W,Q,T- WHAT DID YOU SAY? (Glare at Heero)
H- (carelessly) Omae O Kosuru.
D,W,Q,T- Fair enough. (Return to positions.)
K- OK guys, I have a biiiiig acting role 4 u, if u care 2 take it on...
Q- (suddenly beaming without a sign or side effect of crying) Did you say acting, coz I'm a great actor!
K-(sweat drops) sure you are...
H- (spams himself)
K- Neway, If your up to it, you can play the lead roles in a certain TV drama series I'm re-enacting... (Passes round scripts and photos)
H- (Eyes boggle) I'm playing that?(A look of horror and disgust appears on his face)
D- Easy tiger, don't get to keen, hehe...whoops(suddenly finds the barrel of a gun poised against his forehead.)
Q- (Blows large pink bubble) I don't think I'm tall enough for this part...
D- Quatre, we are all the same height!
T- I'm taller than you are. I'll switch. (Quatre and Trowa switch cards.)
Q- Eek! I'm not sure...
T- Hey look on the bright side, the guy you play doesn't have any violent scenes.
D- This role is so me. I think about sex the whole time as it is!
H- Correction, Duo, you think about Ice cream all the time.
W- ...That and food...
T- ...And possibly Tofu.
Q- Isn't Tofu food?
K- Not where I come from, Ick!
D- Can we just stop mocking me for one moment and focus on the task at hand? (Everyone blinks blankly at him.) THE ACTING!?
K,H,Q,W,T- Oh right (resume conversations) (Duo sweat drops)
K- so you'll do it then? (General nodding) GREAT! I'll go consult you co-stars!

a1 are seated, if you can imagine, around a poker table at Paul's batchelor pad. They are playing Poker (would you believe?) and Paul is winning easily. Suddenly, Tasha (Who is renamed in this skit) pops into the scene, landing on Paul's blue armchair, which is filled with cuddly toys. Cue a girly scream...

B- Argh! Ah Ah Ah! AHHHHHHH!
T- OK, that's enough with the screaming, I'm not that...
C- AHHHHH!
T-...hideous...
M- ARGH!!
T-...OK, maybe I'm not perfect, but I'm not that scary... (Paul's lip trembles) Don't you dare...
P-...mmmmmmmAGHHHH!
T- OK, now I'm pissed.
C- Please, oh great appearing one, do not be offended by our brutish cries...
B- Wow, I didn't know he knew that much English...
T- Chrissy, babe, I'm not a god, stop honouring me like one. (Chris shuts up)
P- Who the fuck are u and what the fuck are you doing in my house!?
M- Nicely put, Paul.
P- Thankyou.
T- Well those were two rude, but very important questions, gentlemen, which I will be happy to answer.
B- OK, shoot.
M- Ben, shut up man.
T- (groans) Anyway, I'm Tasha.
M,B,C,P- HELLO!
T- Hiya! (Giggles) Anyway, and I'm here to offer you the chance of a lifetime!
P- (Suddenly looks horrifed again) ARGH! My precious toys!
T- (Floats off the chair, and looks down. A rather squashed monkey with a butt print in it is clearly visible. Paul's eyes well up with tears.) Whoops...
P- Mr Monkey! A fan gave me that! (Glares at Tasha.)
T- (Laughs embarrassedly.) Well look, Paul, it still works...(picks up the monkey and pull's the cord coming from its back. A Strange whirring noise is heard, followed by some even stranger noises. The monkey whirs to a standstill. Paul bursts into tears.) God you pop stars are such wusses!
B- I'm not a wuss! I'm not crying!
T- Ben babe, you're scared of your own hair for Pete's sake (who's Pete?), you're the ultimate wuss. (Ben pouts)
C- Aren't you going to do something? (Tries to console a snivelling Paul. Mark has dozed off.)
T- Fine! (Clicks fingers and the Monkey reinflates. Tasha pulls the cord.)
MM- ooaa hehehe I'm monkeying around today! Heeheehee, hoohoo!
T,C,B- (raised eyebrows as Paul grins dopily and clutches the monkey, hugging it tight and beaming tearfully)
T- I never thought I'd say this Paul, but you are sooooo whipped. (Paul ignores Tasha. Mark wakes up.)
M- So what's this big gig you've got for us? (Tasha beams and hands out scripts and pictures. Mark and Chris grin.)
M,C- ALRIGHT! We're the camera people!
C- Do we get to sing the theme song too?
T- Yeah...sure...it kinda goes dunnadunnadunnadunnadunna dunnadunnadunnadunnadunna (continues until finished theme. Mark and Chris pout)
B- (Looking stunned) You mean to say I have to play THAT?
T- (Looks at picture) Yeah, ya kinda do. Personally (puts on obviously cheesy sarcastic voice) I find that character totally hot...
B- Ya do?
T- No. That's why I'm soooo not playing any corresponding roles.
P- OK, I'm blondey boy, so who the heck do you play?
T- I was thinking 'Faith, retro Vamp killer', but I'm in consideration.
M- Who the heck is Xander then? She bonks his brains out, and spits at him.
B- EW!
T- ...On second thoughts, I'll let Ruth be Faith.
C- So what are we supposed to say?
T- Yes we'll do it would be nice.
B- I'm in. Tell me this guy morphs into some cool vamp guy.
T- I would, but I would be lying.
P- Well, I have got some bleach in my bathroom...I'm in.
M- I don't have to go on stage at all!
C- I get to push buttons!
M,C- YAY!
T- the simple-minded are easily pleased...OK, guys, enjoy you're poker and I'll get back to you. (Winks and disappears with a resonating Pop!)

Tasha walks into the form room (ie the original one where we belong!) where she spots KJ, Tammy, Ruth and Caz. (ps- Coz Tammy's name begins with T, I'm S becoz KJ is K. )

K- Hiya Tassia-babe!
S- Hewwo. (General hugging commences)
C- Why oh Why am I here?
S- Cazy, you'll see. Look, I have a major proposal that will make us all rich!
T- Rich? Huh, did someone say money?
S- R u skint again, babe?
T- Totally and utterly. I spent my money on a new biro after someone wrecked my favourite one...
S- Tammy, you chewed the end off in German!
T- Point taken.
R- Get to the point already!
S- Ok, Ok! Keep you're knickers on!
R- I intend to keep them on in public until I hit 16, thank you. (Fits of giggles, Ruth keeps a straight face.)
S- I'm being metaphorical!
K- Ow, head, big word!
T- Look what you've done now! (Hurries to ask KJ if shes OK.)
C- Can you just get on with it?
S- Ok, people, we are going to act.
T- Really, we are? Cool!
K- I can't act!
R- Sure you can, you 'acted' that you'd left your homework on you bedroom table this morning to Miss Lovell just a minute ago!
K- Point taken. (Tasha hands out scripts and photos.)
R- Why oh why am I slut girl?
T- Why oh why am I bimbo? Hello, I do Tae Kwon Do, I should be lead role-ish!
K- Oh, Cool, I play lead!
C- I can't read this writing...
S- Yeah I rushed, so what! You can either play a lead part or you can play Camera girl!
C- Who else is camera-ing?
S- Only a couple of mega hot guys...(whispers in Caz's ear)
C- Oooohooohoo! This sounds fun! I'll be camera, as long as I get to do minor roles.
S- Sure! That's what I offered them too!
K,T,R- (look pouty)
K- Why all this whispering?
T- I heard cute guys, I know I heard cute guys!
R- Can I go now?
S- (groans.) Look, read your scripts, develop your character, and Caz...
C- Yes?
S- Go back to your own school! Your gonna miss first period! (Tasha clicks fingers and Caz disappears with a pop.) I love being a muse...