Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Kaja the Vampire Slayer! ❯ Take 1! ( Chapter 1 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

KAJA THE VAMPIRE SLAYER...
And her Slayerettes...
and the camera crew.

CAST:

K-Katie-Jane Kyte:- Buffy Anne Summers (I cannot WAIT until the Angel-buffy romance scenes, heheheehehheehe)
L-Taman Lally:- Cordelia Chase (Queen C)
R-Ruth Keattch:- Faith/Syam Bailey (if I'm feeling nice and want to give Wufei a part..hehe)
S-Natasha Klus:- Willow Rosenburg (Pre Homo-sexual days)
B-Ben Adams :- Wesley Windon-Price (SORRY!!)
P-Paul Marazzi:- Spike (alias William the Bloody. Catchy, ain't it?)
D-Duo Maxwell:- Alexander Harris (Xander)
H-Heero Yuy:- Angelus (Or Angel Bailey as we have fondly nicknamed him)
Q-Quatre Raberba Winner (He has a middle name!):- Rupert Giles (sorry!)
T-Trowa Barton (Triton Bloom (Snigger)):- Riley...erm...Commando Guy? (or possibly bonder! HHAHAHAHHAHA)

And...

W- Wufei Chang, C- Caroline Andrews, M- Mark Read and I- Christian Ingebrigsten as the 'Camera Crew'...and ne minor roles.

Aaand...

1) Kerry Lawrence and 2) Stephanie Masi and introducing 3) Sara Veerama as the stage managers! ...And ne minor roles...if I'm feeling kind.

THE FIRST DAY ON SET!!

W- WHAT! U SAID I'D BE PLAYING A MAJOR ROLE!
S- Did not. I sed you'd be playing ne MINOR roles that cropped up. I also sed u'd be head cameraperson. For god's sakes u've got a team of people to work with!
W- I work alone until the day I die. I have no allies.
S- They are not frikin allies! They are Co-workers! If you're not careful I'll make u coffee boy!
W- Eep! (Button's lip and stalks off to his new friend, the camera, which he dubs 'Nataku' from the start.)
Cast- (walk onto set in friendship groups)
D- You have got like the best role! I mean, all I do is sit around and be a prat.
H- You get to make out with at least three different girls.
D- Your role sucks ass dude.
T- I'm not comfortable with this. I mean, I come off the battlefield to become an actor, and I end up playing a commando! I should have stuck with the circus.
Q- Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire. Hey, at least you don't have to play sum dorky celibate watcher guy. No one knows how it feels to be such a prat.
B- I do!
Q- Quit listening in!
B- Sorry. Anyway, I can't believe she dumped this crap part on me anyway. I mean, even Giles is better than this!
P- Wesley is younger. That's a plus side. When you get to Giles age, I don't think you can even get it up any more man!
B- The guy playing Giles is like half my age! And besides, is that all you think about?
P- Actually, I believe he's fifteen, which is three quarters your age. And if you mean old granny sex, no, I think about a couple of other things too.
B- Paul, you are one sick Bitch.
K- I cannot believe Tasha made me dye my hair BLONDE! I swear I'm losing IQ points by the barrelful.
T- (Holds up Three fingers) How many fingers am I holding up?
K- Three, duh! (Bursts into girly giggles and slaps hand over her mouth to quash the flow of bimboness)
R- Nope, ya sound the same to me (KJ thumps Ruth hard on the head) OW!
S- (Claps loudly) OI! Hey everyone, welcome to the set. (General groaning, except for the main part of the camera crew, who are having a blast on the spinny chairs) Oh cheer up everyone! This is gonna be fun, and besides, I'm paying you!
W- Really?
S- Yeah, sure! But only if You behave and do as you are told! (Groans) Look what I have to work with. (Cat shakes it's head.) Anyway, you know you're roles already, so lets get into costume and makeup!
D- But I'm a guy!
K- Could of fooled me!
D- Hey! (Everyone runs off to make up and costume. Tasha grabs Quatre's shirt.)
Q- Hey! Wardrobe, going, let go, must...go!
S- Not so fast, Quatty-boy. I need you to record the opening credit speech.
Q- WHAT! This is not in my job description!
S- Tis so, look...'I, Quatre Raberba Winner, can speak several languages including French, Arabic and English.' All I'm asking you to do is read out a bit of text. Pweeze?
Q- OK, OK, quit the whining! (Reads cue card and steps up to microphone.) Ehem, "In every generation there is a chosen one. She alone can stand up to the vampires and the forces of Darkness. She is the slayer." Was that OK?
S- Yep, now go get changed out of that god awful pink shirt!
Q- You call this awful? For gods sakes you're putting me in tweed!

ABOUT AN HOUR LATER...

Everyone is changed. Duo is wearing A Hawaiian shirt and Cut off trousers. Heero is dubbing a White vest top and black baggy trousers. He is carrying around a trench coat. Quatre is wearing a pair of glasses, a yellowish shirt with tweed tie and suit and a pair of highly polished brown shoes. Ben is wearing a black suit, his glasses, a pink shirt and a black tie. His hair is slicked back. Paul's hair is now blonde and slicked back. He is wearing a ripped black T-shirt, black leather trousers and a black leather jacket. Trowa is wearing a blue air-tex shirt (ick) and blue jeans. Ruth is wearing a maroon sleeveless T-shirt, leather trousers and a leather jacket. KJ is wearing a red long-sleeved top and a pair of blue jeans. Tammy is wearing a pair of ridiculous pink sandals, a hellishly short white skirt and a really short blouse with no sleeves and the bottom tied up in a knot. Tasha is wearing a Blue denim skirt and a woollen jumper with flowers and leaves embroidered on it. Tasha has died her hair red. The Camera crew are wearing sound equipment. That's about it. Off we go...

W- Three, two, one, action...
K- So I guess this is the school Library then? This is so much bigger and dorkier than the one at my old school. And these walls could really use a coat of paint...
Q- What are you doing here!?
K- Erm, looking around? Geez, cool it!
Q- Oh of course, right, this is a school library, open to the school public, yes, hehe, erm...right...god my lines are so dorky...
K- I'm Buffy Summers. I just transferred here.
Q- Summers!? You're...well, I was expecting something better to work with, but you'll have to do.
K- What do you mean?
Q- My name is Rupert Giles, I'm your watcher.
S- QUATRE!? WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? CUT, DAMNIT, CUT!
W- Nataku does not appreciate being bossed around. (Cut's off the film)
Q- What? I learnt my lines off by heart, and that's what I'm supposed to say!
S- No it's not! She's supposed to say, 'I'm buffy summers' and you're supposed to say that's nice and wander off behind the bookcase, then she asks if you've seen her watcher guy she's supposed to meet, and then you come out, blink in disbelief, look at her and say the 'you're?' line.
Q- HEY! DON'T BLAME ME! YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE BAD HANDWRITING ON THE SCRIPT! BLAME YOURSELF! (Storms off in a huff to his dressing room. The star on the front falls off, revealing the title 'Broom Closet'.)
S- (aside to Duo) He doesn't take criticism well, does he?
D- Nope.
S- OK, never mind, we'll film that later. Lets do the scene where Buffy is at the bronze and she meets Angel for the first time.
K- I thought Buffy and Angel met in a graveyard?
S- OK, OK, I'm a little rusty on my Buffy trivia, OK?
D- A little rusty? Geez, you're the one whose supposed to be directing this endeavour! Next thing you know Xander's gonna be gay with Giles!
S- I can do that if you really want, Duo.
D- Shutting up now...
S- Actually, I might, since I'm pissed off at Quatre...
D- I'VE DONE NOTHING!!
L- Yeah, Tash, he has a point.
2)- (whilst changing set) He can do no wrong in my eyes...(drools)
R- That is just pathetic.
S- cough cough Ruth two months ago cough cough
R- Shut up!
S- Still, I need to show Quatre 'I've got pikachu rammed up my arse' Raberba Winner who's boss... (Sniggers from all except g-boys)
T- Pika-what?
H- Is that a new model?
R- Let me re-phase that for you, Quatre 'I've got Gundam Nataku rammed up my arse' Raberba Winner. (Sniggers from g-boys (minus Wufei) and Tasha.)
W- One, quit taking the pee out of Nataku! He has done nothing to deserve you contempt! And two, I know how you could get him ticked off.
S- Do tell.
W- Tell him that Trowa's dead.
T- I don't want to die! Not now I survived all that killing!
D- Most of it done by Quatre...(Trowa slaps him on the forehead)
W- Baka, you don't have to die, we'll just tell Quatre that Monkey boy here spilt Quatre's Cappuccino over you and you died of third degree burns. (Mark looks offended (he happens to be carrying Quatre's Cappuccino))
T- He'll get pretty upset though...
D- Pretty upset? Yeah-right Trowa, he'll be bawling for days, even after he's found out you're alive!
S- Can it Duo or operation 'Make Xander a homo' goes ahead.
L- There are better ways to piss people off. After all the pranks I've pulled at training this should be easy...
1)- Hello! We've finished the set!
S- Cheers babe. Now we can get on with the scene. Heero, KJ! Get your butts over here pronto!
K- You can boss him around all you want, but don't you dare speak to me like that!
S- Chill bitch, I'm just messing! Anyway...erm...we need a couple of vamps... who are guys...Mark! Chris! Bung on the masks and fangs!
M,C- (Walk onto set, dressed like vampies)
L- Mark, take off that sound equipment! (Mark dohs and does as he's told.
S- OK, we'll start this off with a quick fighting scene. KJ, don't hurt them too bad. Mark, Chris, when you get staked, freeze up and shudder for a couple of seconds, and then fall to the floor, then crawl away out of sight of the camera. We'll add the 'poofing' effect later. Heero, hide behind that big obvious tree and watch. NO SMILING, got it?
D- That won't be too hard...
S- DUO!
D- Sorry!
S- Is everyone in their places? (Cast of scene nod) Good. Wufei?
W- Five, four, three, two, one, marker!
M,C- RARGH!
K- (Kicks em about for a bit and then they get poofied.) Phew (wipes brow)... erm... ... ...
S- HEERO!
H- What?
S- You're just standing there! You are supposed to come out and say your line!
H- You said just to stand there and not smile.
S- grrr! CUT!
W- I guessed that.
S- Heero, you stand there until KJ says her phew line, and then you come out of the shadows and do you part, got it?
H- I'm not an actor by nature, you have to explain these things. If you told me to do an attack formation, I could do it, but I'm still new to this. Pity me.
D- What a ditzy...
S- DUO!
D- Shutting up now...
S- Ok, I'll break things down in future, K? Now lets try that from the top, K? (everyone takes their places)
W- Take Two, five, four, three, two, one, marker!
M,C- Talking away! I dunno what, I'm to say, I'll say it anyway...
S- THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT! I WILL BE IN MY TRAILER, CALLING PROPER ACTORS! (Storms off and climbs into caravan. Everyone glares at Mark and Christian)
D- Well that was clever!
M- We were just messing around...
C- Yeah...(twiddles thumbs)... we didn't mean it...
H- (Pulls out gun)
M- HEY! I thought they confiscated that?
H- No, they confiscated my pellet gun, that was in my pocket, not my proper gun, which was strapped to my leg. Who wants to go first?
T- Try not to be too hard on them, Heero, they are our underlings, and their minds are weak and untrained, unlike ours.
K- Oi! Clown boy! Are you saying that us girls are a bunch of air headed bimbos? (Mutual girl glaring).
T- Err...
D- What he means, ehem, ladies, is that the guys are dunderheaded fools, but you girls have the timeless intelligence of the stars.
R,K,L,1)3)- Aw! (Smother Duo with hugs and the occasional peck on the cheek (STEPH!))
2)- That's just sick! I mean, look at his hair!? It's so crap!
W- I totally agree with you, woman, on that matter, but I agree with Trowa's first acusation on the other.
2)- Why you...(Smashes coffee cup over Wufei's head)
W- Err... nice little tweety bird...(faints)
H- (Looks in disbelief at all the girls hugging Duo. Girls leave. Heero continues to stare in disbelief)
D- (Straightens collar and sighs) What can I say, I'm great with the ladies...
H- I just think you're good at blatant lying and use of words...
D- Which is where you fall down, mute-boy...whoops! (Heero pulls out gun and begins chasing Duo with it, firing shots and making Duo squeal as they rush past his head.)
S- (re-enters) I'm back, but I'm very angry still ya know!
B- Are you replacing us already?
S- Tom wasn't answering my calls.
B- So I still get to have my big acting debut?
S- sure! I wasn't going to fire you in the first place (flutters eyelashes)
B- giggles (grins)
B,S- (stare at each other for a long time, until Duo starts trying to make himself wretch on the other side of the set.)
S- I've had enough of you! (runs over and smashes him in the shins)
D- That's... worse than Quatre going crazy in Zero ...argh...
Q- (sobbing from his dressing room) I heard that!
S- Well if that's bad, what about this? (Nuts Duo. Duo keels over.)
H- (Cue Zero Laugh)
S- (walks over to him) One more to go... (Nuts him. Heero whimpers and keels over) That will teach you to laugh at other peoples misfortune, Yuy! I told you I was angry!!

Is Quatre going to suffocate in his broom closet? Are Duo and Heero going to regain feeling in their balls? Will Tasha and Ben Hook up and will Wufei ever get over himself and grow up? Find out on the next chapter of...

KAJA THE VAMPIRE SLAYER