Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Lies ❯ Worthless ( Chapter 1 )

Yo! This is my first Gundam fic, so go easy on me! Plus I've never actually seen one episode of GW, either - just read a lot of fanfics, so please tell me if anything's wrong. Plus the characters will be very OOC in this one and in any fics to come most likely! Comments are vastly appreciated! I love reviews so please please please review for me! :D Thanks!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. Hell, I aint even seen the show! Plus the song `away from me' belongs to Evanescence.

Pairings: eventual 1+2

I hold my breath as this life starts to take its toll

I hide behind a smile

As this perfect plan unfolds

But oh god, I feel I've been lied to

Lost all faith in the things I have achieved and I...

I've woken now

To find myself

In the shadows of all I have created

I'm longing to be lost in you

Won't u take me away from me?

(Away From Me, Evanescence)

Chapter one:

The blinking light of Duo's clock happily informed him of the time - 1.46am. One minute after the last time he checked - which seemed like one hundred minutes ago. Add that to the other seventy-three elongated minutes he'd spent staring at the ceiling made for a very boring night, something that was becoming much too familiar to this particular braided menace.

He sighed and rolled over facing away from the unmoving form of the `perfect soldier' in the bed across from him. He didn't want Heero to see the fresh bout of tears stinging the corners of his eyes on the off-chance that he actually noticed he was awake… for once. He gave the room one last look over with a pair of lifeless violet eyes before his head was buried between his knees. If anyone ever bothered to pay attention they would see the bags adorning his pretty porcelain face - yet a very pale and sickly face that was. A unique colour that was usually only acquired by the dead. If anyone ever bothered to look closely they would see that his idiotic cheerfulness was just a carefully constructed mask. A disguise to conceal how he really felt. If anyone ever bothered to notice they would see that the mask hides a broken child, whose dying inside.

"If only they could see me now…" he mumbled. " They wouldn't be so quick to write me off as happy-go-lucky fool would they? Maybe they… Nah. Who'm I kiddin'? They wouldn't care… They Wufei'd probably just start ranting `bout how weak I am. And Heero… Hah. I'm just pathetic."

Another wave of tears threatened to spill but he managed to keep them at bay by repeating his familiar mantra `boys don't cry, boy's don't cry' over and over and over… but his well used phrase was beginning to lose its potency each time it left his lips.

"Why would anyone care `bout a worthless street rat like me?"

­­

Each night Duo head to bed later and later, only to catch a few hours sleep before being woken, whimpering, by a painful nightmare. The insomnia was beginning to take its toll on 02, though he wouldn't admit it - even to himself.

Although this `illness', of a sort, was plain on his face - none of the other pilots, or even his mentor G, had any idea of the torture he was putting himself through every night. The thoughts of self-worthlessness were wearing him down and the contemplation of suicide had become more than just an idea. The scars decorating his wrists were more than enough proof of that, although he always made sure they were well covered. From himself as well as they others.

Each time he saw them he felt sickened. It reminded him of his weakness, of how easily he gave into the lure of sweet release from this world, even when he still had a purpose to fulfil. Revenge for the people that had died - for Solo and Sister Helen and everyone that had perished because of the war and the unfair treatment of the colonies. That was the only thing that kept him alive; the desire for vengeance. He could not die until Shinigami's wrath had reached all that it needed to. Only then would he let death finally take him too, once the ghosts of the past had been put to rest and no longer haunted his dreams filled with blood and pain. After that the tortured eyes would no longer be as accusing and the whispered words no longer as damning.

Of course he knew that only place he would be allowed was hell (if even they could dare to take him), but at this point he was past caring. Maybe even welcomed the thought of living in the fiery pits of the underworld, after all one so stained with the blood of others would be a bit out of place in heaven and he knew he did not belong there. And besides that, anywhere would be better than here, his own personal Hades. At least in hell he would be able to feel - even if only pain. Because in his life now, he was numb.

Time passed, the sun rose and settled into the morning sky. And as the first rays of light stretched into the dusty windows of the ramshackle safehouse, Duo sighed and prepared for another day. His mask firmly in place, he bounced out of bed and strode into the corridor. Shouting to Quatre, cheerfully dumping water onto a spluttering `Wuffles' and trying his hardest to get a rise out of Heero. Another day, another deception.

So much for `I run, I hide but never tell a lie'. His whole life was a lie.

End Chapter One

And that was chapter one! What did you think?? Please tell me, even if it is a flame! Chapter 2 and 3 should be coming out soon so if you (by some amazing chance) actually liked this thing, wait patiently for the next chapter. :D