Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Lies ❯ Hidden Ardor ( Chapter 2 )

Hi! I'm back with another new chapter! Thanks so much to everyone that reviewed my last chapter! Yey! I can't believe people like this! So thanks again for taking the time to say something.

I'd like to warn everyone that there will be definite hints of shonen-ai in this chapter - so no flames complaining to me about it! You have been warned so I will only ignore anyone that tells me about the obvious.

Oh yea - Heero is most likely going to be very OOC here…

Disclaimer: Don't Own Gundam, and all Evanescence songs belong to Evanescence!

Lies

You think that I can't see right through your eyes
Scared to death to face reality
No one seems to hear your hidden cries
You're left to face yourself alone

I realize you're afraid
But you can't abandon everyone
You can't escape
You don't want to escape

I'm so sick of speaking words that no one understands
Is it clear enough that you can't live your whole life all alone
I can hear you in a whisper
But you can't even hear me screaming

(Evanescence, Where Will You Go?)

He was destroying himself. Slowly, but surely. I could see it in his melancholy gaze as he stares outside, I can only guess as to what he is thinking however I'm certain that it can't be good. I could hear it in his voice when he cries out in his sleep.

He thinks that no one notices, and thinks that no one cares. But he's wrong on both accounts. I see everything and I care much more than I ever thought possible. I want nothing more than to reach out to him and tell him everything's going to be fine, but I wouldn't know what to do, or how to do it. It's all too new to me. So instead I sit here and hide behind the safety of my laptop. Observing. Learning all the facets of his flawless mask.

It's amazing really, no one can see what the real Duo is like. He hides it so well behind all the happiness and energy that people just take it on face value. They think, no way could some this bright be depressed. So much better than my attempt, my disguise is to be quiet and hope that people don't notice me… but that only serves to attract attention. Duo on the other hand draws as many people to him as he can, then he deflects all worries with a shield of light-heartedness. He hides himself in the middle of a crowd. So no one would notice he is dying inside, but I do. Although most people would think I would be the last person to notice that, being the cold-hearted bastard that I am. Not that that is true. Well, at least it isn't now.

Its not that I don't have emotions because I do (though not from lack of trying)… It's just that I don't know what to do with them, so I buried them. As far down as they would go. After living a life where I was constantly told that emotions were a weakness, I began to believe it. I built up wall after wall around me so that absolutely nothing could get to me. I was encased in my own personal wall of ice.

But somehow he managed to thaw my eternal winter, without even trying. And now I'm helpless against the rush of emotions assaulting me. I'm not one who likes to be vulnerable to anything but no matter what I do; my defences won't go back up. Duo has somehow wormed his way into my frozen heart and is there to stay, as romantic as that might sound - it's true.

At first I tried to ignore it, if I pretended it wasn't there it would go away - right? This childish method was below me and didn't work anyway. I couldn't ignore Duo - his exuberance, however fake, was too loud and flashy so brush to the side. I tried to bury my feelings as I so often did before, become the `Perfect Soldier' that everyone was familiar with. A robot, really. But I can feel my own mask crumbling - my cloak of perfection. I called upon every bit of training I could think of, none of it helped. I was stuck, and despite my annoyance, I didn't honestly mind.

I began to think of this foolish and ultimately pointless endeavour as a mission, though in time my mission changed. From destroying these newfound feelings into… embracing them and using them to help 02. I tried to justify it in my mind as that we couldn't have a pilot acting on less than 100% as it could not only endanger the other pilots but the success of our final mission - to end the war. Although even I was aware that these were just excuses.

I want to hate him for making me lose control. But I can't, I can't even be annoyed at him! Only at myself, for falling into this trap in the first place.

Everytime I see the pain in those stunning violet eyes, I'm overwhelmed by the desire to comfort and mumble quiet reassurances in his ear. Yet each time, I reach out my hand freezes mid-air as doubt overtakes. The words fly out of my head and I withdraw, back to the shadows. And Duo continues his downward spiral of depression.

But what am I to do? I'm no more well versed in the art of comforting than I am in living a normal life. And I know that I would be hopeless at that.

So I'm held in place by the wish to help and the worry that I will make it worse. Although as I watch I cannot help but wonder - how much worse, <i>can</i> it get?

End Chapter Two

So… What do you think? Too OOC? But I figure that maybe Heero really is like that underneath it all… And besides any of my views on the characters is completely at the fault of other fanfic writers! Hehe, not to try and shift the blame or anything…

Anyway! Same as before - tell me what you think! And the more reviews I get… I may just update sometime before the end of this week (just maybe though, because school is starting again tomorrow). Bye!