Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Life Happened ❯ Delusions ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. I am not making money. I am totally penniless, so please don't sue me.

Life Happened 1/??

Author: shinigami2174

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Relena's POV, yaoi, yuri, het, language

Pairings: Past R+1, 3x4x3, 1+2+1, 4x5x4, future 1x2x1

Timeline: After Endless Waltz

Spoilers: None.

Genre: Romance.

Feedback: Yes please! shinigami2174@Argentina.com

Thanks to CleverYoungThief my wonderful beta reader.

Life Happened

Chapter 1: Delusions.

Once I was a fool. Please, don't get me wrong. It's not like I'm the wisest person in the universe. However, time has been benevolent to me. It made me… how can I say it? More intelligent? No, it doesn't sound right. Less stupid, that's fair.

Before you jump into conclusions, I have a valid excuse for my behavior (I was young… too young, if you ask me.) I was a teenager, barely fifteen years old. I didn't deal very well with reality back then.

As I told you I was young, among other things. You see, I was a different person then. Picture it. I used to love pink, pink dresses, pink cars, pink stuffed animals, you name it. Hell yes! I admit it, pink underwear too. Did I tell you I was tasteless?

In those days, I thought I was in love. Who was the object of my affections? Heero Yuy. He was perfect for me. He was a hero. I was a princess. What else was needed? The guy threatened my life several times and just couldn't pull the trigger. Do you need a better proof of his undying love for me? I didn't.

Hey, don't blame me! If you'd been in my place, you would have been totally attracted to him. Let's face it, the man is gorgeous. I worshiped the ground he walked on. He had me wrapped around his finger, lucky me he's a gentleman.

I was sure I loved him, and even more sure he loved me back. I had pictured the perfect future for us. We were going to get married, be happy forever and have two little perfect children, a boy and a girl. We were going to live a perfect life. Did I tell you I was a dreamer?

Yes, I know what you are thinking. Nobody lives a perfect life, but I was a dreamer, remember? I also used to have another quality. I was just too damn stubborn. I didn't take a "no" for an answer.

I used to chase Heero like a hunter to his prey. I was a relentless… stalker. I just ignored the fact that he ran away from me every time I managed to find him. Good grief I had no dignity!

Dreaming is not a crime, you may say. I agree. If dreaming about my perfect future had been everything I did, it would've been ok. Unfortunately, I couldn't stop. I also planned the perfect life for the rest of the Gundam pilots, my brother and my closest friends and enemies. Did I tell you I was a control freak?

My next target was Duo Maxwell. Why him? Because he was Heero's best friend. They were always together. They shared missions. They had a special connection. They could communicate very well with each other. Hell, they would die for each other if necessary. It should've been enough to give me some clue about their true feelings, but it wasn't. Did I tell you I was blind?

In my pink little mind, Duo needed to find a good girl to settle down with. Any ideas about who was my candidate? Of course it was Hilde. They were also going to get married and live a perfect life. Their children would play with ours, and we would share weekend activities for the rest of our lives. Yeah, right.

At that time, Quatre Winner and Trowa Barton were a couple, so their future was pretty much covered. They would be happy forever, and maybe adopt some children. They were going to be our "gay friends", the eternally happy couple who never fights and always knows how to throw the best parties.

My dear and newly found brother was going to marry Noin. Wufei was going to settle down with Sally Po. Dorothy and Une would surely find two gorgeous, loving men to share their lives.

Well my friends, I think I need not to say another word. I was absolutely, completely freaking delusional. Nothing came out as I expected. Nothing. Nada. Not a freaking single thing.

First of all, I could not marry Heero, because he obviously didn't love me that way, and I didn't love him, either. Not only that, there was a tiny little detail I didn't know back then. I don't even think he knew it himself. Heero Yuy is gay. Yep, he's as gay as gay gets. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but as you can see, it made our marriage a bit impossible.

Heero being gay was not the only obstacle to my little picture perfect future. There was also the fact that he adored Duo Maxwell. He used to think it was a best friend kind of love. He was in denial, poor little thing.

After the Mariemeia incident, I still had hopes on my perfect little planned future. Heero agreed to be my head of security. I was sure it was out of pure love. The first months, everything seemed to be ok. He was my shadow, always protecting me, always by my side.

The poor guy had to act as my date in every single freaking social event for one year! He almost died of boredom. Each time, it took more and more of his proverbial self control to stand the situation. I was the silent observer of his internal fight between his sincere desire to protect me and his need to do something really useful to keep our recently gained peace, instead of watching grass grow during one of my garden soirees.

During that year, I realized that not everything in the world is about my desires or my needs. I think I became a more mature human being, and then I knew I never loved Heero, not romantically at least. I love him like a brother, nothing more.

Once I accepted we were never going to become a couple, I knew I had to let him go. He needed to prove to himself he could live a "normal" life, do what he wanted and be happy. So one day, I stood in front of him and simply told him.

"Heero, we need to talk."

"Hn," was all I got for an answer. How ironic for someone considered "perfect" to have such a lack of social skills. I became aware I needed a strong hand to handle the situation.

"Heero, you're fired. Pack your things and go whenever you want to go to do whatever the hell you want to do."

"I can't. I need to protect you," he answered. You see, no "I can't leave you because I'd die without you". Just his duty. Nothing else.

"I don't need more protection Heero, you trained a fucking army of bodyguards."

That got a reaction from him. Well, maybe it was the swearing, but I got what I wanted. That was my cue, so I pressed a little bit more.

"Go ahead. Get a life for God's sake."

"But…"

"No buts… Get the hell out of here."

"You… are you sure?"

Was it hope what I saw in his eyes? I can't tell. I just know I saw something different from the icy glare I was so used to watching.

"Hell yes!"

He didn't need any more encouragement. He packed in five minutes. I have to give him some credit, he stopped to say good bye. He gave me a sweet kiss on my cheek and said he would keep in touch. I couldn't stop a tear from rolling down my cheek. I'm a sentimental gal, so sue me. He went through the door and I could not stop myself. I ran to him and gave him a big hug. Finally, I told him:

"Heero…"

"Yes…"

"Take care and be happy."

"I will…" was his answer. Without another word he walked out of my life. We kept in touch. I received several postcards from different cities around the world. One day the postcard flow stopped. He called to tell me he had just joined the Preventers. I was happy for him; it seemed he had finally found his calling in life.

I kept track of his life without him knowing. Let me tell you, letting Heero go was a turning point in my life. It was the moment when I left my childhood behind and became an adult. It didn't matter I wasn't eighteen yet. It was the first time I actually began to think about other people's needs and true desires instead of only being worried about mine, and damn it, it was not easy.

Nevertheless, real changes sometimes take time and I hadn't completely given up on my dream future. At that moment, I really believed everything else in my picture perfect future vision was going to come true.

After Heero became my head of security, Duo went to L2 to live with Hilde and work in the savage yard, and I was still really waiting for the wedding invitation, little delusional me! It never arrived. A month after Heero joined the Preventers Duo left L2 and Hilde and followed Heero. He must have been dying of boredom too!

Well, strike two for Relena. Another prediction failed miserably. Around that time, my dear brother came back from Mars. In our six-hour-heart-to-heart talk he told me he and Noin were nothing but friends. Was I disappointed? Maybe a little bit. Not too much, I was already used to failure.

Meanwhile, Wufei and Sally weren't even dating. Dorothy and Une were so immersed in work that they didn't even think about love and I… well I was lonely. I knew I was not lonely because of Heero, but because I still wanted a special someone in my life.

Years passed by. I was still working as a vice foreign minister and had no life. Heero and Duo continued working together, they even lived together, were partners at the Preventers and guess what… they weren't a couple. That was the moment when I began to doubt their human nature. They weren't a couple, they didn't date other people and I couldn't help to suspect that they never got horny. Hell, even I get horny! I'm only human and I have a healthy libido, thank you very much. So their lack of love lives or even the apparent lack of sex lives of theirs really got me worried.

I still didn't know what to do about their situation when something shattered the rest of my delusional dreams. During all those years, there had been one constant relationship that I believed rock solid. Trowa and Quatre had been a couple for eons now, or so it seemed. I really though they were going to go on forever. Well, that just showed me what I knew. They broke up and suddenly I sensed that from that event many things were going to change. Guess what?

I was finally right about something.

tbc