Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Loneliness is not for me! ❯ When I think ( Chapter 6 )

This chapter is made for the nice people that emailed me. I had made the decision to let this fic die and it did, but now with a few taps on the keyboard, the fic is once again alive! Mwhahaha!! *Cough*, well, on with the chapter.

The chapters that I have written earlier are filled with grammar/spelling errors, but I don't really care about that now.

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Chapter five: When I think.

How long have I been standing here? I think it must have been hours since I ran from you. I don't know where the heck I am, but I don't really care anymore. I have thought and thought, but I can't come up with a decision. Should I give you another chance, or not?

GOD! I have waited for you for many years now, and you have given up on finding me and sold yourself to others! Was it an attempt to forget about me? Did you search for a new lover, one that could replace me? Please, I need answers.

The night is really rainy and cold. I should seek shelter, but I won't. I don't want to move. I m afraid that if I move, I'll forget my problems. I usually do. Man, I wish I had brought my jacket with me, the wind is chilly around this time of the year. I hug myself just to gain warmth. I must seek shelter, I need to stay alive to decide what I'll do with you… Endless Blue.

I listen to my own foot steps as the rain begins to fall. I still curse the fact that I forgot my jacket. If this had been years before, you would have been beside me and covered me with your warm coat, shielding me from the rain. But you aren't here. Why? Because I wanted to alone. Curse!

I don't really feel the pain in my abused foot as I kick the dumpster that were resting peacefully by the brick wall of the bar before I came along. My ears pick up the noise the dumpster makes as it hits the ground. Screaming in anger and rage, I fall to my knees, more pain spread from my knees and up. I bang my fists against the brick wall, screaming and tearing up my own flesh.

"CURSE THIS! WHY THE HELL CAN'T I MAKE UP MY MIND?!" I scream, breaking down in tears. The warm salty drops slides from my eyes and mingle with the rain. I stop my banging and just rest my forehead against the wall, a pathetic whine slips through my lips. "Why… why…?"

"I m sorry"

I don't react as a warm coat is laid on my shoulders. I knew that you would follow me, Endless Blue. You always do. How do you know that I don't want to be alone even if I say I want to be? I m so confused, frustrated and cold to come up with an answer. "Why are you here?" I know I sound cold, Heero, but that is how I feel. Cold and alone. I only turn my head a bit to look at you. I don't muster the strength to move.

You have been crying. Your eyes are red from all the crying, bet mine are as well. I see that you have changed the horrifying suit to my own cloths, that I m grateful for. I can look at you without feeling disgusted. "I see you borrowed my cloths. That is a sweet thought if it weren't for the fact that you sold yourself to others. I don't know if I can be with you" `Gomen Nasai', is that how you say `I m sorry' in your mother language?

You cast your eyes to the sidewalk. I know that I have hurt you with the last sentence. But… you hurt me earlier with the truth of what you have been doing during your absent. I close my eyes, I don't was to see, hear or talk any longer. I sigh as the rain continues to fall on my frozen body…

I don't know how fast you moved from your position, but I know that not even my well trained reflexes caught your move. Your arms are warped tightly around me, pressing my damp shirt against my skin. I can hear your breath in my ear as you sob. Why are you crying? You sold yourself freely, why do you cry? You can't be regretting your decision, right? "Heero…" Was that me? Why do I sound so… so… weak? Lame, right? Weak…

"Forgive me, Duo... I can't go on without you! I need you! I lied to you earlier! I never gave up the hope of finding you! That thought was the only thing that kept me alive! You don't know what happened back then, but I'll tell you in detail if you just promise me that you won't leave me! Please, Sweet Eyes… please…" You are desperate, aren't you Endless Blue? I have never seen you cry like this, not even in my apartment.

Your speech was really touching, I must admit that. I think I want to hear the thruth. It may help me with my decision.

"Let's head back to my apartment"

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There, another chapter done. I must find a beta reader for this fic! I already have a beta reader, Dragonheart287, but I don't want to overload her with work since she is going to work on two of my fics: My Suru Lover 2: Never Ending (DBZ) and Black and white wedding bells (GW).

If the reviews keeps coming, this fic may live or I'll kill it once again!