Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Male or female? ❯ Chapter Four ( Chapter 4 )

Author's Warning: Lemon, LEMON! & Yuri. YURI! Do I need to repeat myself? LEMON & YURI!!! Still don't understand? It means SEX BETWEEN TWO WOMEN.

So if you're against either of these PLEASE DO NOT READ!!!

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or it's characters and if I did, would I be writing this story?

Male or Female?

Chapter Four

What do you want me to say that I woke up the next morning feeling like shit? Yeah, well it happened.

I managed to avoid everyone last night. I'm good at hiding from myself, from them. You'd think I don't know that Quatre has been searching for me or that he worried about me? Yeah I knew.

But I couldn't go back.

I didn't want to go back.

Yet here I still am because I didn't want to leave.

I snorted, what a joke.

To me I see myself as pathetic but each day that I wake up there was always something inside of me that says everything will get better. It's probably why I don't kill myself. But that so called optimism was beginning to dwindle to the point where I wasn't hearing it anymore. Where are you when I need you?

Silence.

It wasn't there and I was scared. Shit! Shinigami was scared. Scared of what? Death? No. What then? I was scared of the unknown. Of me. My uncertainties. I didn't know what was wrong with me. My mind was a mess and my body was even worse.

I lay in bed, cold. Even though it was summer, I was cold.

I smiled but it didn't feel like that of amusement. My stupid body and its stupid problems. I was shaking, trembling as a cold sweat began to emanate from my body and all I could do was huddle in an attempt to get warm.

Stupid endless operations once a female, then male now a female. Make up your fucking mind! I yelled at myself. But then I didn't know what I am anymore. Male or female? Shit! Who gives a fuck?

I needed to get out of bed and into a hot shower. I shakily dragged myself out of bed even though I didn't want to. It felt like I was in freezer and a blast of cold air hit me. God! It was so cold!

I began to strip, trembling even more. Damn! My fucking useless body!

But I got into the shower and turned the hot water full blast. It felt as if my skin was burning but at least inside I was warm. The warmth began to spread through out my body until I was prepared to add the cold water. Now it was warm but on the hot side and I stayed under it for a long time.

I needed this I realized. The warmth.

I leaned against the shower stall letting the water assault my body. I couldn't move, the trembling has stopped and I was only raked by it once every now and then. I closed my eyes, tired and slowly sat on the tiled floor. Letting the hot, warm water soak my body.

I felt boneless and for just a moment I could relax.

I don't know how long I stayed in the shower but it must have been a long time since it felt like my skin was going to prune but I didn't want to leave.

Slowly I dragged myself out of the shower and pulled a towel around me. At least I wasn't cold anymore.

~/~

I left my bedroom once I got dressed and walked down to the kitchen, I was hungry and anyway I couldn't stay in my room all day. I'd probably been seen as petulant child just because I wasn't aloud to kiss Relena. I never liked her that way. I just saw her as someone who hung onto Heero's coattails.

Pity though a lot of people would like her better if she got over her childish ideals.

I shrugged, why worry over her? She can look after herself.

Everyone probably thought I had a crush on Relena or something. Damn, that would not be good. Oh well, it was not like I can't do anything about it.

The kitchen was filled with cooks and assistances as they danced around preparing lunch. I shrugged, might as well eat with the others and left not bothering to get anything to eat.

I heard a commotion out in the hall and walked towards it. My curiosity over who was yelling was niggling at me. It sounded very familiar. I perked up.

Hilde!!!

I ran bursting from the corridors and there she was. Standing there and yelling at Wufei for the chauvinistic pig that he was.

"Hilde!!" I yelled excited at finally seeing her after so long.

"Duo!!' she shrieked before throwing herself into my arms.

I picked her up and she wrapped her legs around me before kissing me. It had been a long time since I've kissed her and a long time since I've held her in my arms.

Her lips were plum and ripe as I suckled her bottom lip. She tasted like mints. She was so incredibly soft and warm. I flicked my tongue against hers, playing with it. Taunting her tongue into my mouth. I needed this I realized. Hilde was great at getting me to forget my anger.

I pulled away and set her back on her feet. She grinned at me, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

I chuckled at her before picking her up and throwing her over my shoulder. "Duo!!" She shrieked "What about my luggage?!"

I laughed, "Quatre's people will get it!" and winked at Quatre who was watching me; amused at my behavior and probably relieved that Duo Maxwell the joker was back.

I walked quickly to my room and locked the door before throwing her onto my bed.

She laughed and stood up so that she was out of my reach.

"No fair!" I said causing her to laugh even more.

I grinned, I couldn't help it. Her laughter was infectious.

I slowly began to unbutton my shirt and shook it off. Hilde's eyes following my movements with anticipation as I slowly undid the ties on the corset and letting it drop around my feet.

She licked her lips, that pink muscle slipping in and out leaving a wet trail on her lips and grinned at my stripping. Her eyes following the sway of my breasts, she sat down on the bed, sitting lotus style and leaned back so that her breasts were straining against her shirt.

I breathed in slowly watching her movements before unzipping my jeans and pulling my boots off. I stood there and for a second watched her as she was watching me.

I smiled amused before reaching for my jeans.

"No Duo, come here and let me do it." She demanded, sliding to the edge of the bed. How could I refuse her?

I walked and stopped before her. She grinned before inching forward until her breath was brushing between my breasts. Her hands pulled my jeans slowly off. Down my jeans went, past my hips, past my bottom and stopped at my thighs.

"Balls Duo?" Hilde asked her eyes glittering with laughter as she ran her finger against the false bulge. "But it really must go." She pouted regretfully and pulled me onto the bed so that I was lying flat on my back with my legs hanging over the side.

She leaned over me and ran her pink tongue across my lips. I captured it with my teeth and pulled the rough muscle into my mouth, sucking it as I played with it. It was a hot cavern and unbelievable good. I ran my hand down her back and towards her bottom that was incased in those tight blue jeans and squeezed them.

Hilde pulled away and chuckled before moving down towards my navel. Her lips brushed against my belly button before moving further down and slowly pulling my jeans off.

I relaxed staring down at her dark head as she worked on my jocks. I began to breathe in slowly, watching in anticipation as her head moved ever so slowly towards my center. Finally they were off and Hilde crowed with triumph, running her hands up my legs. I arched as a sexual tension hummed in my body as her hands moved ever higher, ever closer.

I grunted in disappointment when she pulled away, laughing at me. I growled playfully and lunged towards her until she was lying flat underneath me. She squealed with laughter and I smiled.

Hilde could always make me laugh and forget the things that were bothering me. I needed this. To forget. To forget and enjoy.

I leaned down and captured her lips hoping that somehow her laughter would flow into my body, to make me feel as she does and for a moment I had what she had. Real laughter.

I pressed my body against her, feeling her heart beating against my chest and pushed myself between her legs, rubbing my stomach against her. Hilde arched and panted before frantically pulling off her shirt. Her breasts heaving and straining against her bra.

Her hands reached out and massaged my breasts, pinching my nipples until they hardened to little buttons. I smothered my gasp and buried my head against her neck. I could smell her. My tongue flickered out and licked, tasting her hot sweaty skin as I reached down and pulled her jeans slowly down.

Hilde moved and shifted until her jeans were off and she wrapped her legs around me, rubbing her very core against my pelvis. I could feel her wetness soak through her underwear. I could smell her, husky with arousal.

I leaned down and pulled her bra down before taking her nipple into my mouth. Sucking strong and hard, my tongue darted at the hardened button. God! I could smell her and I wanted more, so much more.

I could hear her little pants and gasps as my hand teased and tugged her nipple, as my hot mouth sucked and laved her breasts. Yet it wasn't enough. I wanted to taste her, bury my mouth in her wetness and drink in her salty arousal.

Hilde repeated my name over and over again. The sound echoing repeatedly as I pulled my lips away and ran my hot mouth down towards her pelvis. Licking her hot sweaty salty skin. Smelling her arousal and mine mingled together.

There was only one goal in my mind and I was determined to reach it. I moved down until my face was level with her very center and breathed in deeply. God! Her scent was overpowering.

My tongue flickered out and laved the wetness through her silk panties. Hilde arched wildly and cried out. Her hands buried into my hair. I winced. Ouch!

I caressed her hips and slowly pulled her panties down, passed her long, shapely legs until they were free. And then I tasted her. Her salty wetness played on my tongue and I wanted more. More.

I thrust my tongue into her, feeling her hot wet walls soak my tongue. Hilde's cries were becoming loud and frantic, her body twisted wildly as it searched for its climax.

I sucked, my teeth grazing that tip, that pleasure button that always brought pleasure.

My heart pounded in my chest in exhilaration as Hilde almost reached her goal. My index finger slipped into her hot center, touching her clenching walls before slipping and joining with my middle finger. In my fingers went and out they came. Faster and faster they slipped in and out as my lips and tongue drank the nectar that fell from her.

Hilde panted and clenched the sheets around her. Her legs wrapped tightly around my shoulders as her pelvis pressed itself against me, opening herself wider for my access. And still I drank.

Hilde screamed, her walls throbbing with release and she arched wildly. She breathed heavily, whispering my name.

I got up slowly and watched her as she relaxed against the black satin sheets and realized that I felt nothing. Not when she opened her eyes at me and smiled, and not when she reached for me. I moved away and Hilde's eyes frowned in concern.

"What's wrong, Duo?" she asked watching me as I picked up our clothes and placed them carefully over a chair.

I stood still for a moment. "I'm sorry Hilde." I said quietly.

"What do you have to be sorry about?"

"For using you."

She sighed, "You don't have to be sorry Duo, I understand."

"I don't think you do Hilde. I can't go on like this anymore."

"What are you saying Duo? That this sexual relationship of ours is over?"

"Yes."

Hilde smiled and sat up. "Look at me Duo." She commanded softly.

I looked at her. "What ever happens we're still friends." She told me, her eyes full with understanding.

I gave her a small smile, she could never understand. I have always known that I could never lose her friendship; it's why I told her about my real gender. Hilde had understood and our friendship had grown from there to a sexual attraction but that was five years ago and now I realize that I couldn't do it anymore. Because I loved her. Stupid me. I have been denying it for years.

Friends. Could we really be friends? She was the reason that I ran away and yet here I am. I couldn't stay away, I knew that now. I looked at her eyes soft with understanding and felt as if something was squeezing my heart. I couldn't breathe.

"God, Hilde. You don't. You don't understand." I whispered, looking away.

"Duo . . . " she said softly reaching out towards me as if to comfort me.

'No!" I whispered harshly, "I-I can't,' I swallowed hoping that somehow the lump in my throat would disappear. "Do you know why I left?" I demanded abruptly.

Hilde eyes flashed with pain and shook her head.

"It was because I couldn't stand to be around you anymore."

Hilde gasped and pulled the sheets around her tightly to her chest. Her eyes showed me the torment of what my words were doing to her but I had to go on, I couldn't stop.

"Five years of being someone I wasn't! I was a spy! My body wasn't mine anymore! I was lying, Hilde! The one thing that I promised I wouldn't do and I did it!" I reached desperately for my braid and held it, like a child holding onto a teddy bear. "God! How I hate myself!" The self-hatred evident in my tone. A sob escaped but I managed to control my rolling emotions.

"Duo . . ." I heard from Hilde.

"No!" I yelled and I looked at her before bursting into tears "I've loved you so much, I still do, Hilde. I-I came back because I couldn't stay away any longer." I missed her so much and now, now I was admitting it because I wanted to be near her, to feel, this need to feel happy again. I abruptly sat down and just cried, I needed this. To finally let go of my hatred.

Arms wrapped tightly around me, rocking me gently whilst a voice whispered words of comfort. Hilde.

"Look at me Duo," she demanded, cupping her hand over my cheekbone and turning my face towards hers.

I looked at her. I could barely see through my tears, she reached out and whipped the tears from my eyes. I could see that she was crying as well.

"I-I always thought that you simply saw me as a sex buddy and nothing more but if that was all I was getting then that was what I was going to take." She whispered, stroking my hair. "I loved you for so long and when you left without a word. It felt as if someone had taken my heart and crushed it." She looked at me, tears slowly falling down her cheek. Her eyes expressed her love to me, I couldn't believe it. She loved me.

"Hilde . . ."

"No, Duo let me finish. I love you and I will always love you." She grabbed me and kissed me. Our tears mingled together so that I could taste the salty tears as our mouths clung together in a desperate need to know that the other was there and that this was not a dream. We pulled away and stared at each other.

"Hilde" I breathed. "I-I promise that I won't leave again."

"Oh, Duo. We have each other, now don't we?"

"Yeah we do."

"You won't have to lie anymore Duo. You tell them tonight."

"Tonight?"

"Yes."

I hesitated, "Okay then."

"Good, now how about coming back to bed with me? And this time it is my turn." She asked mischief, grinning at me.

I couldn't help it, I grinned. Hilde. The woman who could make me really laughs again and who loved me.

I chuckled. "Forget the bed, the floor is just as comfortable." I whispered seductively and pulled her down. We both laughed softly. To me it was real laughter.

~/~

That night I changed into my ordinary black clothing but minus the jocks and chest binding. I had Hilde and it was time I told the others the truth. I looked at Hilde and she smiled at me encouragingly.

I was ready.

It was dinner, Hilde held my hand and we walked to the dinning room together. She squeezed my hand as we entered the dinning room. A silence was met with our entrance and I looked at my four best friends. It was best if I get over it as fast as possible.

"I'm a woman." I stated bluntly and loudly so that everyone could hear it and I wouldn't have to repeat myself.

I looked at Wufei who smiled at me, pride shone in his eyes. Quatre smiled at me, there was no shock or censure but a look that was similar to Wufei's. Trowa didn't smile nor did he appear shock, in fact, it appeared as if he wasn't surprised in the least. Heero smirked at me. And then I understood. They knew.

I couldn't believe it! I wasn't supposed to be the person with their mouths opened wide with shock, they were! Damn it to hell.

"How?" I chocked.

"Heero." They chorused.

My eyes darted to Heero in disbelief, he smiled wryly. "I've been keeping track of you through the years Duo. Making sure you did your missions without getting badly hurt. There were a few times when I helped out." He looked at me his eyes as serious as they ever were. "We cared Duo and we don't give a damn if you're a woman or not."

I didn't know what to say. I pulled a chair out and sat abruptly down. They have known for so long and they didn't care! I perked up and grinned. They didn't care! I leaped out my chair and shouted out with joy before grabbing hold of them and hugging them. They each hugged me and I knew that they were my brothers, my family and the fact that they accepted me for who I am, made this precious friendship all the more cherished. I was happy.

Relena stood at the archway. "OH MY GOD!" She shouted, attracting everyone's attention. She looked positively green and gasped. "Duo's a woman?!"

Finite`

Author's Note: That's it! The story is finished! I hope you liked it!