Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ My Thoughts to You ❯ Heero's Journal ( Chapter 1 )

Here is a little one shot that I thought up when writing the next chapter to Midnight Love, and I just could not resist the idea of writing it. It is written in the form of Heero's journal, and it is obviously from his point of view. Please don't worry all you nice peoples, I will have the next chapter to one of my stories (not so sure which one) soon. Well that is all for now, so please read this and tell me what you think....I love review, or constructive criticism. =^.^=

Disclaimer: I don't own, so don't sue....if ya do all I got for ya is that fluff stuff that somehow manages to get into my pockets. hehehe.

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Dear Wing, December 24, AC 197

The war is finally over, and everything that I have worked so hard to accomplish is reality. I gave up my humanity for this cause, and now...maybe I can be human, can live like a normal teenager. Oh, but Wing, I am afraid. All I have ever known, all that I was trained for was war, and now that there is nothing to fight I feel lost. I watch as the others slowly leave to go their own ways, all having someone who loves them, and I feel sad. The fact that it bothers me so much, almost shocks me, I have lived for so long ignoring these feelings...simply seeing them as completely irrelevant. Now, it hurts as any wound could. I realize that I have nothing, no one to turn to, no one to comfort me, or help me through the pain that has settled in a thick blanket over my soul. For now, the only thing that I want out of life is to enjoy, and live....the only thing I can give back to all the people that I have murdered in my need to fulfill my missions. And I hope with all of my being that I will never have to kill again.

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Dear Wing, January 13, AC 198

I am sorry that I have not written to you in a while, but I have been busy trying to find a place to settle down in. I have finally chosen a small apartment in California that suits all my needs. But, as Duo would say, It needs a hell of a lot more junk, and a big enough mess to cover the floor. Heh, if that braided baka thinks I could leave the messes that he does, then maybe he did hit his head a little too hard at one point or another. That is another thing Wing, I find it easier to smile now, and I can even joke when I feel in the mood. But it is still hard, don't you see? I do try, I try to let myself live, and experience everything this world, this beautiful place that millions call home, has to offer. Still I feel so lonely, the only thing that I have ever wanted was to have a family...and Wing I think that I hope for too much, but still it never hurts to wish. That is a human thing to do right? I am human, and perhaps more a child then I ever really though. So far California seems like a really nice place, my home is right on the ocean, and everyday I wake up early enough to walk on the silvery white dunes right as the sun rises over the water. I have always loved sunrises, they remind me that the day is new, and I have another chance to live. I think it was Duo that got me into the sunrises and sunsets like this, every chance we had during the war we would go out and just watch as the sun worked its way through another of its magical cycles. Oh Wing, I miss the others, when we were together we were like our own little family. We all suffered together the terrible things the war had to offer, we all understood what the pain was like, and we all had a sense of peace within our group. But I think that it is Duo that I miss the most. I miss his cheerful laughter, and the jokes that always seemed to lighten the mood, I also miss the confidence that he gave me, how somehow he managed to lighten up my day a little with his cheerful antics. And I look back, I think I fell in love with him. That is all gone now, I don't have Duo, and I don't have the others, all I have is me. That is not so bad perhaps, it gives me more a chance to learn, to become human a little more. Still I think that I miss him, and I miss the way his smile always makes my heart seem a little lighter.

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Dear Wing, January 28, AC 198

I was surprised today when I got a call from Relena, wanting me to come to Sank for a small Valentines reunion. At first I wanted to say no, but somehow I ended up saying yes that I would be come, though I did not miss the look in her eyes when I agreed. Did she not realize that I felt nothing for her, other then perhaps a close friend. I desperately hoped she would not ruin things between us over some silly crush, when I tried to make it all to clear that I was not interested. Unfortunately Relena is not one to give up so easily, and it scared me slightly that this was going to be a Valentines party. I quickly reasoned that at least I would get to see my beloved Duo, but an ache settled over my heart, when I thought of the fact that he would probable be with Hilde. But anything is better then nothing right, Wing? I have been pleasantly pleased with how much I love it here in California. I have decided to go to a small school until I become truly legal, though I do not think that for me it would matter that much, and that I could easily join the Preventers. Still, I think school would be a wonderful experience. Though I do know it will not be easy, especially since Duo will not be there to help me through the more social parts of it, however, feel confident that I can manage. I plan to join a small local high school a week after I get back from the party in Sank...hehe I wonder what the others will think when I tell them. Well that is all for now, I will talk to you soon when I have more to say.

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Dear Wing, February 2, AC 198

Today has been a wonderful day Wing. I received a call from Duo, who wanted to know if I was going to the party. When I told him that I was, he offered that maybe we could travel together, since it would be on his way. I did not really believe him about California being on his way, but I was happy that we would be together. When I asked him about Hilde, he just laughed at me, and said that she could not come because she was pregnant, and it was too close to her due date for her to risk it. He laughed even harder, when I sullenly asked him if the child was his, saying that she had married some French dude from their local Preventers office. Oh, Wing, you could not imagine the relief that I felt when he said that, It was like a weight had been lifted from my heart. Even if I knew that Duo would never love me, never care for me as I did for him. I know in my heart that I would give anything for my braided angel. I would kill, even die for him if I could, just so that I could hear him laugh, see him smile one more time. If that is not love, then I think that it is the closest that I could ever get to it. Duo, my angel, Ai Shiteru....I just hope that one day I can tell you these words in person.

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Dear Wing, February 13, AC 198

Duo and I have been on the shuttle for about two hours now, and I could not resist the chance to write to you, my dear Wing. My braided angel is asleep beside me, and I think that is why I decided to write. I don't think I would have risked him seeing what it is that I have been telling you. He is so beautiful when he sleeps, from his slightly parted cherry lips, to the way his gorgeous chestnut colored hair falls into his closed eyes, which I know when they are open shine with violet fire. I wish that I knew how I could fall in love with an angel, why Duo of all people was the one that I found myself dreaming of. How can I explain my love for him Wing? It is the most amazing feeling in the world, and I have come to except it as a fact, not questioning it. As much as I love him it is so hard sometimes though, watching him, watching as others make him smile... And knowing that he could never be mine and all I have is watching him in peaceful moments like this. Well that is all I can say today, Duo is waking up, and I don't want him to see this. Until next time, I s'pose this is good bye.

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Dear Wing, February 14, AC 198

We arrived in Sank a couple of hours after I last talked to you, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that all the others were there and waiting for us to arrive. After several minutes of greeting, and hugs from everyone (who were surprised that I let them perform such a simple gesture) we went inside the large mansion of a home that Relena had set up for our visit, and had dinner. It was a nice surprise to learn that Trowa and Quatre were planning to get married, and WuFei was now head of a large branch of Preventers Headquarters. Relena was still on her never ending search for full peace, is playing a major role in creating order and understanding with the earth and colonies. And you know what Wing? I am proud of her. Not in the way that most might think, it is more like being proud of a best friend for doing something fantastic, and you know that they were meant to do it. Things did get a bit awkward, however, when they asked how things were with me. I may be working on becoming more open, but it was still hard. I simply told them that I was immensely enjoying the freedom, and the fact that I could live like I was meant to. I think that my answer surprised them slightly, but they all smiled encouragingly at me and said that they too were happy for me. When they spoke these words, I did not miss the look on Duo's face... It was pride, and... Wing, I think it may have been something else. Well I have to go now Wing, I was supposed to have been at the party ten minutes ago. Thank you my friend for once again listening to my endless rambling. Hehe, who would have though, me rambling, I guess it is possible to change and I hope with all my being that it is for the better.

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Dear Wing, February 15, AC 198

The party was fantastic, but I expected no less with Relena in charge. She of coarse took the opportunity to try to get me to fall for her. I asked her then to take a walk with me, and I told her that it was not her that I love, but someone else. She must have looked at me a half an hour, before saying that she understood, and that she hoped we could still friends. I think I may have surprised her greatly when I told her that she would always be more to then a friend, more like the sister the sister that I could never have. After I said these words to her I kissed her on the cheek, and she took that opportunity to smile and tell me that she hoped those things would go well with Duo and I. I was so shocked at her words, that I did not even realize that she was gone until several minutes later. Of coarse I was content, and I took that time to think, wondering all the while if it was that obvious that I had feeling for Duo. And Wing, you will never guess what happened next. I was sitting on one of the outside banisters of the large mansion, when Duo appeared. We just stared up at the stars for a long time, just as we had done over and over during the war. Then he looked at me, and smiled at me, with a look in his eyes that I had never seen there. It was a look of utter seriousness, and something more, something like a promise. Without a word he handed me a single red rose, and..... Wing, he kissed me. I was so shocked, I had never been kissed before, and here was Duo kissing me as I only had ever dreamed of. It was the most magical feeling in the world, and I felt like I was floating amongst the very stars that we both loved so much. When he pulled away, I could barely stand, my legs had taken on a sudden weakness, and I found myself falling against him as if he was the only thing left in the universe. He looked at me with such love, such protectiveness, almost as if I were the most fragile thing in the world, and I think in his hands, I am. His exact words to me then were, "You are my universe, my reason to live, to breathe, and without you I would be nothing. I am never letting you go Heero, my fallen little cherub." I then let him carry me to his room, and I spent the night lying in his arms, for the first time in my life feeling utterly and completely content and safe. Perhaps, someone can love me... Maybe, just maybe, I can truly live now that I have Duo to guide me, to help me, to be there for me, to make me happy, to make me smile.... To love me.

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ONE YEAR LATER

Dear Wing, February 20, AC 199

It has been one year Wing, since I have been with Duo, and I don't think I could ever have been happier. He is everything to me, and I love him with every breath in my body. In the last year, I have been able to smile almost as easily as Duo, and I find that I have so much in this world to enjoy. Guess what my friend? About a month ago Duo and I were out for dinner at some rather expensive restaurant, and Duo, taking my hand proposed to me. It was perhaps the most shocking thing that has ever happened to me, and I said yes in a heartbeat. You should see the ring on my finger Wing, it is beautiful. It has a large heart shaped diamond in the middle, and an amethyst on one side of it, and a sapphire on the other. I know now that I am loved, that I will have someone there for me always, and that now I will truly be able to live my life to its fullest potential. I have Duo, I have a home, and everything that I could ever want or need. And Wing I am finally truly happy, I have something that I thought I would never have.... A family.

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Well what do all you nice people think? If enough people want I can do a second chapter of this with Duo's journal....so any thoughts you have on this would be great.

Here are the lyrics of the song that inspired this story:

TRULY MADLY DEEPLY

By Savage Garden

I'll be your dream

I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy

I'll be your hope I'll be your love

Be everything that you need

I'll love you more with every breath

Truly, madly, deeply do

I will be strong I will be faithful

'Cause I'm counting on



A new beginning

A reason for living

A deeper meaning



I want to stand with you on a mountain

I want to bathe with you in the sea

I want to lay like this forever

Until the sky falls down on me



And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky

I'll make a wish to send it to heaven

Then make you want to cry

The tears of joy for all the pleasure in the certainty

That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of



The highest powers

In lonely hours

The tears devour you



I want to stand with you on a mountain

I want to bathe with you in the sea

I want to lay like this forever

Until the sky falls down on me



Oh can you see it baby?

You don't have to close your eyes

'Cause it's standing right here before you

All that you need will surely come



I'll be your dream I'll be your wish

I'll be your fantasy

I'll be your hope I'll be your love

Be everything that you need

I'll love you more with very breath

Truly, madly, deeply do



I want to stand with you on a mountain

I want to bathe with you in the sea

I want to lay like this forever

Until the sky falls down on me

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Well there it is folks, I hope that you enjoyed this.... And once again thank you for any comments that you might have on this.