Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ My Thoughts to You ❯ Duo's Journal ( Chapter 2 )

Upon popular request I have written the second chapter of Heero's Journal. But this time it is not Heero that is telling the story, This time I present to you Duo's Journal...and I hope that everyone enjoys this. And please read and tell me what you think, I never intended to write a sequel to this, so any comments on it would be greatly appreciated. =^.^=

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< br> Dear Solo, December 25, AC 197

The war is over Solo, and now, maybe no one will ever Die as you did...murdered so brutally. You were the reason that I went through everyday of my training to become a Gundam Pilot, and now, maybe my sacrifice has paid off. My friends, the other Pilot's always saw me as a joker, they never took me seriously, as long as I always made sure the mission was complete they tolerated me. But I think that I gave something more to them, my only friends and my family. I think I gave them salvation through my jokes and smiles, and even despite their insults to me, I think that I was the only one keeping them sane. Just like with you Solo, ne? You always said that my little jokes could always put a smile on your face, even through the hardest of times. Sometimes it was so hard my friend, trying to keep the horrendous images that I had seen out of my mind, to try to hide from the stench of blood and death that wound it's way through every fiber of my being. I may have called myself The God of Death, but sometimes it was so very hard to keep the images of the people that I had murdered out of my mind. It was always their eyes, they always reminded me of your eyes when I saw you die. Pleading, begging to for me to let them live, even though the words rarely fell from their lips. Lately your words have been echoing through my mind: 'Everyone has a right to live Duo, and if you can be the one to give them life, then you shall have given them a gift that they can never forget. Only God kills indiscriminately, and it is not our place as humans to take another's life" I do remember Solo, but what I did saved so many more lives then the ones that I have taken, right? What I did was for the best? I know that I shall never get an answer from you, my brother, and if you were here you may not have answered anyway, telling me only that you can not tell me how to feel, that I alone can decide that. Sometimes I just wish I knew if what I did was right, if the decisions I made were the right ones. Sometimes I wish that I 'did' actually believe in fate, but it is hard to except that I can not control my own life. That no matter what I do, it will not change what happens to me, what will happen to me as I slowly learn to grow up, to live. Oh, Solo, I wish you were here to give me answers, but I s'pose that as much as I wish to see you one last time, that I wish in vain.

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Dear Solo, December 30, AC 198

It has finally started to settle into my mind that I have no reason to fight anymore, that I can give myself a second chance to live. So, pulling my resources, I have taken enough money to bye a small home on L2, so very near where you were murdered. I still have yet to go to that exact spot, but it has only been two days since I have moved in. I just can not find the courage to go to that place. Since the war has ended, it feels almost like the adrenaline rush is finally soaking out of me, leaving me feeling so open and vulnerable.

Do you want to know the strangest thing, the thing that I do miss the most now that the war is over, Solo? You may find this funny, though every time the thought has run through my mind these last couple of days, I find it harder and harder to laugh at myself for it. I miss Heero. It is like an ache settles on my heart every time I imagine seeing him sitting at the desk in my room, typing on his laptop. I miss the way he used to look at me, and glare at me when I would come up with some silly joke, but I think he needed the relief that I offered the most. Most of all, I miss his rare and beautiful smile, I think I would die just to see his face soften, and his lips curl up into a face that could make my heart want to leap out of my chest. As the war was drawing to a close, he began to soften up to me alone, and I relish the moments that I spent with him, simply talking. I know now that underneath that cold hard soldier mask he wears, he is just a small child that needs as much love as any child. Solo, do me a favor, please watch out for him for me, he needs someone to keep an eye out for him.

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Dear Solo, January 3, AC 198

I did it today, Solo. I went to that place where you were so brutally taken from my life, and do you know what I found my friend? I found a rose bush growing in the exact spot it happened. I think a piece of my soul finally went quiet then, knowing that somehow, that bush was for me, so that I could be at peace with the past. I remember more of your advice to me, the words you said only a day before your death, and I think as I look back that somehow you knew what would happen. You said, ' Duo, you must not dwell on the past. You can not get so caught up on what was, that you forget to live in the here and now. What happens happens, and it is beyond your capabilities to change it, so play with the cards dealt you, and never forget how to live.' And, Solo, I did forget to live, if only for a moment. I promise you, my Solo, that I will never forget again, and I will never forget the things you taught me, all the wonderful memories that you gave me, and all the love.

When I stood on that spot, I knew something else too. I knew that I was in love. I knew that I would give my heart to Heero, and that I would do anything for him. As I was his salvation during the war, he was mine, and I do not think I could ever live without him. I wonder how I could have been so blind to have not seen it before, and even if he rejects me, I shall spend eternity watching over him, feeling his every pain and joy.

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Dear Solo, January 11, AC 198

There is nothing on L2, and I am thinking about moving back to earth. There is nothing here for me anymore besides memories, and I know that I need to move on. I have been given a second chance, and I know that I owe it to all those that I have killed, to live my life to its potential. Guess what Solo? I am writing a book, a book about my life and the life of the other pilots. I think that the earth and colonies need to see the things we saw, through our eyes. I think that maybe I alone have the power to give these people memories, and teach them all the lessons that I have given my innocence to learn for myself. I have been staying up every night for almost two weeks till dawn, working on it, and I pray that it will make people see, to make them understand what war truly is.

I have not been able to bring myself to talk to Heero lately, though I yearn to hear his voice, to once again look into those oh so jaded cobalt eyes of his. I hope that he can smile now, that with the war over, he can grant himself that small little pleasure that is coming even more freely to me now. I find that I can not help but smile as I run through the streets early in the mornings, feeling the wind whip past my body as I move with such speed. Sometimes memories pass through my mind like a movie at this time, and instead of seeing only blood and death, I see the people that were able to live and survive because of my actions, and the actions of my companions. I find it so much easier to find the silver linings on the clouds now, and I wish that I was able to spend these times with Heero, but at least I have you Solo, I will always have you.

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De ar Solo, January 28, AC 198

I was a bit surprised when I got a call from Miss. I am Queen of the world, and all bow in my presence, but, for once she was actually quite pleasant with me. She simply said that she wanted to hold a Valentine's reunion, with all of the pilots, and some of the other more prominent people of the war. I barely though about it before saying yes, I miss the others Solo, and I was more then happy to be invited. As we were saying our good-byes, she stopped, staring at me for a few silent moments. 'You love him, don't you?' she asked. Oh, Solo, I was so shocked when she asked that I think I must have stayed silent for a full five minutes. I was about to respond when she said good-bye, and hung up. When I thought back to her face, I know that she was was.. almost understanding. I think, now that she must have known for sometime, but if she excepted it, then I say nothing. I just hope that she says nothing to Heero. I will tell him Solo, but now is not the time. When that time finally does come, I think that I will know with the same certainty that I know that I love him. For now, I am content to just watch him, my beautiful little cherub that has taken my heart and soul.

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Dear Solo, February 2, AC 198

I called Heero today, and asked if he would like to go to Relena's party together, and surprisingly he said yes. Oh, you should have seen his face Solo, he seemed so at peace with himself. His eyes, which have always been so expressive shone with a light that I rarely saw there during the war, and, he actually smiled at me. I think I might have had a heart attack then, when his perfect pouting lips curved up into the most beautiful smile. Now, I hope that I can get him to laugh for me, to show such emotion to me. Maybe in these last several weeks, he has been able to find his own peace, and somehow I know that he spends his nights looking at the stars, as we did together what seems like an eternity ago. And I wonder Solo, does he look up and find L2, wondering about me, as I spend all my time wondering about him. I hope, and somehow even know in my heart that he does. That he looks up at my home, and wonders how I am. I think that his comment about Hilde and I, surprised me today. When he asked if she would be coming with me, there was such pain in his eyes, and I may have been mistaken, but I think I saw longing too. I gave him my classic smile, and told him that Hilde was pregnant and happily married to some French dude from my local Preventers office. He seemed to except that, and then that so wonderful light once again filled his eyes. We made arrangements to meet two days before we had to be there, and I don't think that he really believed me when I told him that California was on my way, but ah well. I know that I will be content as long as I get to see him, to be near him, and be able to breath in that intoxicating scent that is all his own. Well that is all the time I have for now, my dear Solo, and I hope that you are smiling down at me from wherever it is that you are.

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Dear Solo, February 14, AC 198

We arrived today Solo, and it was wonderful to see all of my friends again, and after making sure to give a big bear hug to everyone, including Relena, we went inside. Guess what Solo? Even Heero hugged everyone, and I think that in that moment I was not the only one shocked. He even hugged WuFei, and boy, you should have seen the look on WuFei's face. It was so nice to be with Heero again, and now he was acting so open, so trusting with all of us, and only the slight tension in his shoulders gave away the fact that he was nervous. Oh, Solo, I wish you could know how truly proud I was of him then, and the temptation to go up to him, and place a kiss on his pouting lips was almost unbearable then. It took all of my willpower to stay standing where I was, a proud smile gracing my features, my eyes, I knew shining with light.

After we greeted each other, we went inside, and I was astounded at how elegant the mansion was. It seemed almost like an enchanted castle, with lights made to look like candles lining the walls, and intricate painting on all of the walls. After we all got settled into our rooms, we had dinner, and I was surprised to learn that Quatre and Trowa were getting married. But, I think the thing that shocked me most, was the fact that Heero was planning to go back to school. I guess I should not have been so surprised knowing Heero, but I think we all understood the full implications of what exactly Heero was saying. Well that is all I have to say for now Solo, I am already late for the party, so I will leave you. I promise to write tomorrow to tell you all about the party.

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Dear Solo, February 15, AC 198

I don't think I could ever have expected what the events of the party would reveal. It started of fairly slowly, and I found myself greeting, shaking hands, and hugging more people then I cared to count. After what seemed forever, I was able to escape the endless amount of people, and I went in search of Heero. I somehow knew that now was the time, that now was when I had to tell my little cherub how I felt. In my hands I held a single red rose, after a few moments of searching I found him leaning on the banister if one of the small little balconies in the mansion. He was just staring at the stars, his eyes far away. I went to stand next to him, and I too began to watch the brilliant little pinpricks of light, and we stood there for a small eternity, like we had done for the war. After a while I turned, and Heero turned as well so that we were facing each other. I could see doubt shining in his eyes then, doubt and uncertainty. After we stared at each other for a few moments I handed him the rose, then placed a chaste kiss against his lips. His eyes opened in surprise, but when I started to pull away, he brought his arms up and around my neck, coaxing me to deepen the kiss. Oh Solo, it was such a magical moment, as he looked at me, passion clouding his stunning eyes, and then he collapsed against me, as I whispered sweet words of promise into his ears. I am not sure what happened next Solo, I know that I picked him up and held him in my arms, then carefully brought him to my room. We just lay there, my arms encircling his thin waist, both of us completely content to just be next to each other. The last thing I remember him saying to me was Ai Shiteru, which I knew meant that he loved me. And I knew in that moment that Heero was mine, always and forever mine. And that I loved him with every part of my being. Oh, Solo, it is the most amazing feeling in the world to truly love someone, and know that they love you equally in return. Heero is my other half, he is my heart as I am his, and I know Solo, that I will love him, even when our existence is only a blink of an eye in the past.. in forever.

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ONE YEAR LATER

Dear Solo, February 19, AC 199

I am planning on proposing to Heero tomorrow, and I cant even begin to describe the feelings that are racing through my mind. I know that it is the right thing to do, I can feel it in my heart. Now we can truly spend eternity together in an unbreakable bond of body mind and soul. It is so truly amazing how much emotion Heero is showing, not only to me, but to everyone. He laughs so freely now, and not a day goes by where he does not smile that beautiful smile of his. I know that I can never get enough of him, he is intoxicating in a way that nothing else is, and I know that I will never leave his side. We are one, two hearts, two pulses beating as to the same age old rhythm.

Solo, this is my last entry to you..it really is my time to move on. Even by holding this journal to you, it is simply one more way to live in the past, and now I don't need to. Now, my dearest Solo, I have a family, I have a future.

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Well what does everyone think? Was it worth it that I did Duo's journal? Please leave feedback with your thoughts on this, and thank you to everyone who has read this.

TO THE MOON AND BACK

By Savage Garden

She's taking her time making up the reasons

To justify all the hurt inside

Guess she knows from the smiles and the look in their eyes

Everyone's got a theory about he bitter one

They're saying, "mamma never loved her much"

And, "daddy never keeps in touch, that's why she shies away from human affection"

But somewhere in a private place

She packs her bags for outer space

And now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot to come

And she'll say to him

I would fly to the moon and back if you'll be..

If you'll be my baby

Got a ticket for a world where we belong

So would you be my baby?

She can't remember a time when she felt needed

If love was red then she was colorblind

All her friends they've been tried for treason

And crimes that were never defined

She's saying, "love is like a barren place,"

And reaching our for human faith

Is like a journey I just don't have a map for

So baby's gonna take a dive and

Push the shift to overdrive

Send a signal that she's hanging all her hopes on the stars

What a pleasant dream

I would fly to the moon and back

If you'll..

If you'll be my baby

Got a ticket for a world where we belong

So would you be my baby?

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and that's all there is folks. *deep breath* I feel so proud of myself hehe, that is two stories finished in a week. Well once again, please review and tell me what you think of my story. Hopefully I will be able to have chapter 8 out for Road to love within a couple of days *crosses fingers* well that is all there is, there isn't any more, so I will see you in my other stories.