Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Orphan Stage ❯ Stage Fright ( Chapter 6 )

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Gundam Wing Characters, blah blah blah

Pairings: 1x2, 3+4, 5+?

Warning: SELF INJURY, Angst, Lil Heero torture, emotional Heero torture. Poor, poor Heero!

Summary: Duo Maxwell is put into a protection program after his father gets out of jail and goes missing. Duo finds himself in a situation where he can finally find his brother that was adopted ten years ago.

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Stage Fright

As we set out for school, all cleaned up and Heero now smelled like my citrus shampoo, I noticed that he was doing 'it' again! The whole 'I will look at you weird until you ask me why I am looking at you' thing. Heh, pretty long description for one look right?

Thankfully, as we walked down the steps, the cigarette box was gone. Someone must have thrown it away when leaving for work. Thank you thank you. I didn't need to be paranoid so early in this lovely morning! Why was it so lovely you ask? Why… because Heero was walking with me to school! What could be better?

About halfway to the Lowe High school I gave up and said, "Heero, your giving me weird looks again." I guess I caught him off guard with that statement. His eyes widened slightly and he looked a little… embarrassed? I plastered a big grin on my face. "You gonna tell me what's on your mind? You know you're the only one who can read peoples thoughts, so I am actually clueless as to what goes on in that head of yours."

He smirked, breaking out of his embarrassed state from my little joke. "It's nothing." He said coolly. while picking up his walking pace. He was avoiding my question and now trying to make a run for it!

"Like hell its nothing!… I thought we got past the whole 'secrets' part of our friendship!" Whoops, I said the friendship word. Stupid, Stupid. I looked down, hiding my eyes under my messy bangs as he stopped in his tracks.

"Secrets? You're the one who has secrets." I could feel his eyes burning into the top of my skull but I still refused to look up. "While were on that subject, why don't you tell me why you have been stalking Trowa's boyfriend." Ok, now I looked up.

Wide eyed I starred at Heero in disbelief. Oh yeah… I forgot he had seen me. Though I still don't know how… I thought I was being rather sneaky in my little hunt for information. Apparently not.

"I…" I couldn't say it… I know I could trust Heero, but…

"Then, I'll tell you what I'm thinking when you decide to tell me about Quatre." He started to walk ahead again, only looking back once to say, "But don't let Trowa catch you, he can get surprisingly jealous."

I smiled at Heero's back as it rounded the corner to the school. I know Heero would never tell my secrets, and maybe someday I would actually confess to him about my cute little brother… but for now, I'll just keep stalking Quatre while trying to see how Heero managed to catch me. The whole 'jumping in a tree to get away from Quatre' act the other day probably really had Heero going crazy with curiosity. And I know what he does when he's curious, he damn well looked into my police file, at a police station where he could have been caught and… damn, he was really crazy sometimes.

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You ever just want to shoot your teacher to get 'em to shut up? But of course we cant, we'd all go to jail and the nice little government would pat themselves on the back saying 'another bad one put away, we are so good.' Heh… well, something like that.

Here I was in History, listening to an old guy named Howard go on about the wars. He always wore Hawaiian shirts, freaky, a different color every day! It made me wonder how many trips that guy took to Hawaii, if any. But that wasn't really what was on my mind, I just wanted him to stop talking or the bell to ring and dismiss us from this hell hole. There was still twenty minutes left of class and I 'just' realized that looking at the clock for thirty minutes only made the hour slower.

Yeah, his lecture was probably important, something about gundams and their help in changing history. But I already knew everything I needed to know about our damn past wars. Its not like I was going to go out in the job field saying, 'Hey, hire me because I know who all the rulers of the world are!'

'Sigh'… Usually I liked history, and Howard always has good stories, but the damn people just 'had' to put me in this class right before lunch. Luckily, no one could hear my stomach growling over the loud voice of the teacher. Food… what I wouldn't give for a slice of pizza right now. I bent my head on my desk and dreamed of all the things I would love to put in my stomach. I didn't even realize the class had gone quiet as I mumbled to myself. "Pizza, chocolate cake… maybe they have taco's today. Hilde's fudge bar… she always seems to have at lunch… could steal it from her, no?"

Howard was now clearing his throat in front of my desk trying to get my attention. For some reason I could hear him, but my brain chose to ignore it and continued its little day dream of food.

"Maybe Heero will give me his rice bowl and I…"

"Mr. Maxwell!" Howards deep voice right next to my ear, startled me from my thoughts. I looked up to see the class snickering at my little show. The teach just stood there with his hands crossed and foot tapping slowly on the ground. "I would really appreciate it if you would pay attention!"

"Ah… I was paying attention?" I tried, well it was pretty obvious that I wasn't listening, but I didn't want to get in trouble and miss some of my lunch. Gah, I really hoped he didn't…

"Please see me after class." NOOOOOOO!!!

There was only ten minutes left, and I couldn't even last that long without getting into trouble! How pathetic! I slouched in my seat and looked away pouting. Fine, if he was going to make me stay after then I would at least not be bothered with the gruesome task of paying attention until then!

The bell rang, dismissing all but me! How very, very sad. I walked slowly up to Howard's desk with an annoyed expression plastered on my face. He was sitting there, feet propped up on the desk and a smirk set upon his lips while watching me make my way forward.

"What were we discussing today in class?" He asked, leaning his chair back and crossing his arms.

"About the revolutionary Gundam wars that happened… oh I don't know… three hundred years ago?" I said, hoping that my answer was enough for him.

He grinned slightly, "Fine." Opening his desk, he pulled something out. Gya! In his hand he held one of the chocolate fudge bars that they keep in the vending machines scattered around the school. I snatched for it, but he pulled it away quickly.

"Tomorrow… you are going to eat a big breakfast so we don't have to repeat today's incident, right?"

"Yes, yes!" I said while successfully grabbing the bar. I didn't really want to tell him that the reason for me being so hungry was because I had a big Heero breakfast. My stomach must have stretched and made me hungrier then usual.

"Hey!… I didn't say you could have that!" He yelled to my retreating back.

I tore out of there making my way to the lunch room, the yummy fudge bar already halfway gone. I was fully intent on pilling my plate full of food today, and I didn't care how much it would cost me! Well, that thought left as our lunch table came into view. Everyone was already there, eating there yummy looking lunches. With one addition to the table. Across from Heero, right next to Trowa was Quatre.

Of all the times for Quatre to be sitting with us, it 'had' to be the one day I was starving! I wondered if there was anywhere I could sit where they wouldn't notice me? But seeing as the food line was right next to their table, they would probably see me anyway. Gah, why me?! My stomach growled as I turned away from the cafeteria. I was almost out the door when Heero looked in my direction.

Caught… Damn. At least it was only Heero seeing me leaving. Not Hilde, she would have jumped and hollered at me for running off again. Heero just raised an eyebrow then looked to Quatre and back to me in question. He already knew that I was running away from Quatre, and I bet he was just dying to find out why. Hah… I'll just let him hang in his curiosity.

I ignored Heero's angry glare and walked outside to go sit under a tree. Quatre couldn't stay all lunch could he? Maybe I could get something at least before the bell rang.

Laying down on the soft grass I looked to the sky, squinting slightly at the brightness. The sun was hanging overhead and the heat made me relaxed. The Sister always said that sunshine made a person feel better. Probably had to do with the vitamins its suppose to give off. I laid there, soaking in the vitamins when all of a sudden a shadow fell over me. Opening my eyes, I stared up at the person blocking out my sun.

Heero was standing over me, cold eyes bearing into mine. "H-hey Heero, what's up?"

"You ran away again." He snorted while moving to sit down beside me. I sat up slightly, leaning on my elbows in order to see him better.

"Obviously." I said, a little sarcastic. He just glared while pulling out something from his backpack.

"Well, guess you wouldn't be wanting this then." He opened up a bowl that had tin foil over it, inside was some fried rice mixed in with little pieces of beef.

"Ah!" He pulled out a fork and started to eat it right in front of me. "Wait!" He ignored my little stutter and continued to eat. "F… Wa… Heeerrroooo!" I put on my best puppy dog face while trying to stop his fork from descending on the food.

"What? Did you want this?" I could tell he was amused at seeing my 'drooling pleading' face. Nodding my head up and down quickly I reached for the bowl. "Are you sure you want that? I already ate out of it." He asked, letting me take the bowl from his hands.

"Food… good… yum." I mumbled between bites of the rice. It was really good! I wondered where Heero had gotten it. He obviously didn't get it from home, since he spent the night at my place. "Where'd ya… food?"

"I skipped fourth hour to go down to the Chinese restaurant a block away." He answered, eyes fixed amusedly on me shoving the food quickly into my wide mouth. I guess he thought my eating was pretty weird after always seeing his Aunt eat like a damn picky queen.

"Don't you get in trouble for skipping so much?" I asked, looking up from my food for only a second.

"No." He didn't give me an explanation. Jeez, he always wants to make me work, now doesn't he?

I stopped the fork just long enough to ask, "Why not?"

"I usually hack into the school system and change it so they forget about it. They all run off of computers now, if it isn't in their little box then it never happened." Heero laid down on the grass like I had done earlier, eyes closed, taking in the warm rays.

I snickered slightly at his answer. "One of these days your going to get caught doing all that illegal stuff."

He smirked, eyes still closed. "No I wont."

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The school day went by pretty fast after lunch was over. After all, I only had two classes. Heero's whole hacking thing got me thinking how I didn't get called into the office for skipping… he must have changed my record also. It made me glad to have someone like him for a friend.

I stood outside after school, dreading going home to my empty apartment and too afraid to ask Heero to come over. After a couple minutes of arguing with myself, I decided to stay after and maybe watch Wufei's karate club thing. The only problem was, I didn't know where it was. Turning back into the building I made my way through the maze of hallways.

So here I was a half hour later, walking around the school lost in one of the buildings. The long hallways all looked the same to me, and I could barely tell which ones held my classes! No wonder I easily got lost. I thought it would be in the athletics building, but Wufei had said something about it being in a second gym by the freshman classes. Of course, I didn't even know where the freshman were suppose to be! Stupid Duo!

I was just turning around from a dead end I had ended up in, when I heard voices coming from one of the classrooms. Maybe it was the karate club! I decided to investigate the voices that were getting louder as if yelling. Walking towards the door, I pressed my ear against the cold metal. I could hear two voices, one was really close to the door and the other was a little hard to hear so the person was probably across the room.

"Why'd you do that?!" The one closest to the door yelled. I couldn't really hear the response from the other person too well, it was a little low but it sounded like a sarcastic 'sorry'.

"You klutz! Do you always run people over like that?" The first voice was getting louder which made me realize that he was now right next to the door.

The low voice, which I could make out as a males now, got a little louder. "You know I didn't do it on purpose, just chill out. I only tripped you, its not like it's the end of the world!"

"Your always tripping you freak! What is it? Your shoes?"

"Knock it off Alex!"

"Why should I? You're the one who tripped me!"

"You know it was an accident, stop making it sound like it's a big deal! God, to think you actually got pissed off over that. Did you get an 'owie' on your knee?" The second voice asked tauntingly.

This was pretty amusing, I decided that I wanted to help stop the argument. Yes, yes… I am now a peace maker! I opened the door quickly, successfully hitting the kid 'Alex' who was close to the door and he ended up falling sprawled out onto the floor with a big yelp.

I smirked inside, but put on my best 'annoyed' look. "What the hell are you doing standing in front of a door like that?" I asked.

He just looked up at me with wide eyes. Oh yeah, I must have been in the freshman section. Woohoo… I was on the right track! Maybe they would know where Wufei was. The freshman 'Alex' apologized to me before quickly exiting the room. I smiled and looked to the other kid, intending on asking him for directions.

The words never left my mouth as I saw who the other kid was.

How stupid could I get? How could I not recognize Quatre's voice? He stood there in front of me now, with a raised eyebrow and his hands folded carelessly across his light blue shirt. My mind told me to run, to get out of there before I'd actually have to speak to him. But I just stood there frozen, eyes never leaving the face that was looking at me curiously.

"Who are…"

I interrupted him, "Ah… I was just looking for the karate room… do you know where it is?" I asked, nervousness showing in my voice. Finally finding movement in my limbs, I slowly started to back away.

"Mh… I could show you if you want." His eyes were squinted slightly as he looked me over. My heart was pounding so quickly you'd think I'd been jogging a marathon. I could barely think straight, all my thoughts were occupied trying to control the screaming in my head.

"No… no its alright Quatre, I can find it by myself." As I felt the cold metal of the door behind me I blindly searched for the handle, eyes still trapped in Quatre's light blue orbs.

A startled gaze fell over the blonds face, "How'd you know my name?"

Shit, shit… couldn't think straight and already screwed up! The door was now open and I hesitated for just a moment before leaving, finally able to pull my eyes away from my little brother.

I could hear him calling as I moved down the hall, it sounded like a soft plea for me to wait. I didn't run, more liked walked very, very quickly through the school and out one of the doors. Amazingly enough, I ended up back in front of the school.

My breath was rasp from my panting and I bent over, hands clutching knees while I collected my thoughts. Quatre… he didn't recognize me… That thought made something twist painfully inside of me and I just wanted to scream at something. Of course he wouldn't remember me! I was crazy to ever hope for that. But why did I keep running away, like some coward afraid of human contact! Now… I was afraid of two people, both family, Hall and Quatre.

Sure, Quatre would not hurt me in a physical way like Hall, I knew that. And I should not have been as afraid as I was. I had no reason to run away…

Scared of rejection? That was it, that is why I ran.

He was happy here… I know that. With Trowa and his rich family to look after him… why wouldn't he be? What if my presence only reminded him of the pain and suffering he had forgotten. What if after seeing me… he changes and becomes unhappy?

Once again, I felt like a total idiot.

Why did I ever come here?

I knew the answer… to find my brother… but that doesn't necessarily mean I had to show myself to him, right? I made sure he was fine, I should be happy with just that! All my worries had disappeared when I watched him, smiling and laughing, from my place in the shadows. I was not going to be so cruel as to reveal my presence at this school to him.

Plus, I still had that Hall incident. What would happen if Hall found out Quatre was here? I would never forgive myself if I managed to get him involved. I don't want his life to be ruined!

I stood there, outside of the steps, limbs shaking against the cold wind. My breath had long since calmed down but I still did not move from my position, eyes facing downward, not really seeing anything. My heart was crying out in sadness, and I clutched my knees tighter trying to will my tears away. They just kept falling, softly down my cheek, moist rivers of my pain.

Warmth enveloped me and I turned towards it instinctively, burying my head in something soft as I sobbed. Clinging to the soft fabric of someone's shirt, my hands began to tremble. I was moving now, being directed from the door to a near by bench. It all went by in a daze as we sat down and I was crying like a baby… is that what I've become? So weak and emotionally unstable that I couldn't even make sense of what was going on around me?

I think it was a while before I calmed down enough to realize that I was still firmly held in a warm embrace. I dared my eyes to look up, first seeing the black shirt… my shirt? My gaze rose up and I stared into dark blue eyes, no longer cold and now had a soft gleam of emotion swirling inside them. My heart jumped slightly… Heero.

I was seated, leaning against him, his arms clasped tightly around me as I calmed down. My tears stopped as I found his comfort. He always seemed to catch me in my weakest moments, it was almost freaky how he was always there to help me… just like the other day when he stayed at my apartment to lessen my fright. How could he be so amazingly strong?

"What's wrong?" He asked, hand coming up to wipe away some of my stray tears.

My eyes never left his, and my lip twitch slightly before I gave a pathetic smile. "How can you be so strong?" I was startled I had actually said that out loud, but Heero seemed to be even more shocked then me. His eyes went wide in confusion as the words left my mouth.

We sat there just staring at each other for a while outside the school, before Heero finally turned his head away to speak, face once again emotionless and not showing the feelings he had been just moments ago. "Come on, lets get you home." Pulling me to my feet, he dropped the embrace and I swayed a little before fully getting my balance.

Did I say something wrong? Heero seemed disturbed for some reason as we walked down the street towards my place. He didn't even turn to look at me until we were upstairs and he was done looking around my apartment. There was a note from Kemp on the counter, but I ignored it. My full attention resting on the Heero's weird behavior.

"Heero…?" I hesitated slightly upon seeing his cold eyes on me. "Is… did I…" The words were choked up in my throat and I was a little afraid that if I did get them voiced, I would not like the answer I received.

Heero stared at me a little more before sighing and pulling his hand through his hair. "I am not strong." He said. I felt my eyes widen slightly at this statement. Was he mad because I had said that?

"How could you not be? After all that has happened to you?" I asked, looking at his bowed head.

We stood there, in the kitchen of my apartment, silent, until Heero could find the words to say, "I'm weak…you're a lot stronger than me, you just don't see it."

I snorted at that, obviously he had forgotten my little outburst back at the school. "Yeah, right."

He continued, "Do you know how hard it is… for me to… express how I feel?" Heero eyes showed some sadness lurking in their depths that had me standing there, amazed. "You make it seem so easy, you don't care what people think and just act like yourself… I see you… acting so friendly, able to show yourself to everyone without worrying about how they are going to see you… showing yourself freely… not afraid of people… I cant…" He gave up his little rant with a frustrated sigh, sitting down abruptly on a kitchen chair, head down avoiding my startled gaze.

My mouth hung open as I processed what Heero had just said. Does he really think so highly of me? How can he see that as strength? "I don't… that may be my strong point, but… I'm a mess! You saw me today, when I came out of the school like a total idiot, crying on your shoulder even!"

He stood up, walking slowly over to me while speaking, "Being able to live knowing that someone wants you dead… Moving to a new town and having to live by yourself… How are you not seeing that? Are you blind to yourself? Do you only pick out the flaws you have and not see all your strong points?! I don't know what other people would have turned out like if they lived like you have… being an orphan, growing up without parents… and yet you are still happy and so full of…" His voice grew louder and he was now standing only a foot away from me. "Take me for example… any normal person in a situation similar to yours… would be like me! Weak!" His eyes, almost angry, pinned me down where I stood.

"Do you still think you are weak now?" Heero held out his arm, showing me the scar he had under his elbow. "Look at this." He then lifted up his shirt and I could see a long scar on his stomach. "And this… these are weak Duo. Do you know why?"

Was he trying to say that…he… "You d-didn't…" My voice was so low, almost like a whisper compared to Heero's.

"I did!" He was now yelling slightly, looking at me with desperate eyes. "These are all self inflicted! I did them to myself! I did them because I was weak and hated myself!" He closed his eyes as if fighting off tears that did not fall. Hands shaking, he walked past me, taking hold of the door knob. It seemed to turn slowly, maybe he was waiting for me to say something to him before he left. But all I could do was stand there, too in shock at his outburst of emotion.

The door closed quietly. Heero was gone, and I was still too stunned to even move my gaze from the closed door.

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Yay! Another chapter done! Please tell me what you think!