Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Perfectly Broken ❯ Chapter 29 ( Chapter 29 )

Chapter 29

 

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It seemed my time in the hospital wasn't to last as long as I thought it would. Duo was quick to assure me that everything was being handled and that Quatre and Trowa weren't so heartless that they would never forgive me. They had come up with their own conclusions until Duo had filled them in and even then were still distrustful of me. Not that I didn't deserve their scorn after my fall from grace. I would just have to work harder to regain their friendship since Duo had already informed them of my return to their home.

 

Trowa was willing to allow it as long as he stayed there with Quatre but I knew it was more likely that he wanted to make sure Duo was safe from me as well. I couldn't blame him. If our situations were reversed I knew I would be the same way, maybe even worse. I loved Duo more than I loved my own life and if that meant it would take years to get back on their good graces then so be it.

 

S and H were captured just as Duo knew that they would be. Further investigation was sought out and the FBI even got involved with what had made up H's schemes. S decided to come clean about everything, going so far as to say that he would provide all his research for a deal. The FBI couldn't let such an opportunity pass them by and so S was half pardoned and served a lesser sentence than what he would have had. H wasn't so lucky. Being the way he was, his temper got the better of him and pointed fingers and allegations on everyone who had ever thought he was crazy. Let's just say such facts didn't hold up too well in federal court.

 

Duo was relieved when the crazy bastard was no longer aloud to speak and taken up to the funny farm as he called it. I managed to get let off the hook as it were due to their experimental treatments on me and also the danger they had put my life in. The doctors that had treated me stood as witnesses to the testimony that I could not be blamed for anything as I had no control over my actions while the drugs were in my system. They went so far as to do a trial run of them on some lab animals and the results proved that I couldn't take the blame even though I knew in my heart I was still as guilty as I felt.

 

Life with Duo couldn't be the same. He said he forgave me for what I did but I couldn't forgive myself.

 

You don't hurt the ones you love.

 

That is the truth and the only truth there could be. Even someone as damaged as me could see that. But Duo was willing to see past that and go on as if nothing had ever happened. It was costing him dearly every time he would look at me. He wasn't lying though. Not really. He meant what he said but when I looked into his eyes, I could see he was still afraid.

 

The fear of me leaving him or hurting him again was lingering in those gorgeous eyes of his. Yet, I didn't know which one was costing him more. The happy front he put on for me was just that, a front that hadn't been cracked yet but was bending at the edges. He tried to act like nothing was wrong.

 

Gods did he try. But I could see it and didn't let him know I could.

 

Weeks were passing and I finally got back into the routine that we had started once I had been living with Duo. It passed the time but it felt too stiff, too formal. Duo was his smiling self when going up to greet customers but once we were on the road again the happy banter was just too strained for his easy-going nature.

 

I think we were at a standstill for the most part. We both still enjoyed each other's company and worked well together but something was still missing. Something that I couldn't bear to start up again until Duo made the first move and I think that more than anything was what made the strain in our partnership so hard. In the weeks that I had been released from the hospital and the sentencing of S and H, Duo had yet to touch me the way he once had.

 

He touched me yes, but not in the intimate way we used to have. It was as if there was a barrier between us now that I was all right and free from the voice that was within my head for months. We loved each other. There was never any doubt about that but the easy companionship we had once shared was missing entirely.

 

I first noticed it a week after my release from the hospital when Duo was still taking such good care of me, helping me shower, and get dressed so I wouldn't pull my stitches or wounds. His touch didn't linger when he helped me, nor did he just playfully fluff my hair or pat my side when he hugged me. It was as if those touches were no longer a part of what we shared. And rather than say anything, I took what I could and savored the ones he would allow me to feel.

 

Even when we slept it was different. We curled together sure but not as close and the arms wrapped around me would fall away if Duo moved in his sleep, something that he rarely did when I was in his arms. I let it be, thinking it was just from my return to him but it was only getting worse and I didn't know how to stop it.

 

I wanted to talk to Quatre but I was afraid of what he would have to say. Maybe he would think like Trowa, that it was my fault Duo acted this way. I couldn't be sure until I asked him, but I wasn't willing to risk it. Not yet. That was my saying any more, `not yet.' It seemed like I could wait him out but the longer I waited the longer I had to go without Duo's touch and that wasn't really an option after two months of wanting to be with him again.

 

There had never been any strain between the two of us and now that there was I couldn't figure out what to do or how to go about fixing it. Howard even noticed it and was getting worried pulling me aside at work before Duo and I had to head out and asking if there was something on my mind.

 

I felt such relief at being able to confide in someone that it started erupting from me in a giant wave that probably would have overwhelmed anyone else, but Howard isn't just anyone. He let me tell him what was wrong and how I didn't think I should push. It got him laughing at my expense but I failed to see the humor in it until he explained that he had a talk with Duo about the exact same fears I was dealing with and told me to come to him after our deliveries were over so we could have a talk. I was delighted and practically buzzing all day to return to him and have that talk that I couldn't sit still. I think Duo was shocked by it but didn't joke about it like he normally would. I let it pass like most things and when we got back from our shift I told him to go home with out me.

 

Duo wasn't happy about that but I assured him I wasn't going anywhere and I just needed to talk to Howard. He sort of slumped at my answer and told me he would be in the car waiting for me. Any other option wasn't an answer.

 

As I watched him go I knew this had to work, for if it didn't Duo and I would never be able to see things like we used and that wasn't an option to me.

 

 

TBC….