Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Razors on his Bathroom Floor ❯ Sweet Dreams Weren't Meant to be ( Chapter 5 )

         &nb sp;                         &nb sp; Razors on his Bathroom Floor: Ch 9 Disclaimer: I don’t own em…but that doesn’t mean I don’t play with them and use them for my own evil purposes Mwhahaha!            &nbs p;  For once he sleeps without nightmares or vivid dreams—for you always dream when you sleep whether or not you remember—but of course his heavenly slumber is disturbed. And this time its’ not because of the damn cat.             “Duo.” The same damn whisper he heard at the club that night, Duo thinks blearily, groans, and then turns over to push his head deeper into the pillow.             A hand reaches over and gently shakes his shoulder “Wake up; I want to take you somewhere?” It’s a sweet request that sounds alien on the lips that he knows they’re falling from.             “Take me somewhere?” Duo says with a yawn and struggles to sit up in bed.             He rubs his eyes, looks up at Heero, and instantly notices that he’s staring at him with a strange expression on his face.             Duo looks down and blushes fiercely when he sees what he was sleeping in. Pretty much nothing. Thankfully his sheet his still wrapped around his waist, the last thing he needs is a reason to feel even more embarrassed around Heero. ‘Ah well’ Duo thinks with humor ‘It’s nothing he hasn’t seen before, and I mean that two ways.’           &n bsp; “Mind turning around so I can get dressed?”            ;  It’s Heero’s turn to blush, but he tries to hide it with a nod and the turn of his head.             “So, Where we goin’?” Duo asks as he throws on a pair of jeans and a loose cotton t-shirt.             “There’s a really nice park nearby that I want to show you.”           &nb sp; “A park?” Duo thinks for a moment “Yeah ok, a park sounds…fun.”         &n bsp;   He sees the side of Heero’s mouth turn up into a small smile “That was my reaction too.”           &nb sp; “You’re reaction?” Duo asks as he takes off the shirt that makes him look far too scrawny, and switches it with a darker one that still makes him look thin, but at least he looks a little more…dangerous?           ;     “Quatre had found it one day when he was looking around. He’s the one who bought this place so he explored the area for a while. He said we had to see this place because in the morning it was…amazing.”         & nbsp;   “Amazing, huh?” Duo says thoughtfully “All done, you can turn around now.”           &nb sp; And he does. He seems unsure of what to do so he just sort of stares at Duo.             “Tada…?”              Heero blinks, but then breaks into a smile, and Duo can’t help but think without really meaning to that Heero looks even more handsome when he smiles.             On the way out they grab two apples and two oranges to eat on the ride over, it’s a good ten minutes drive. So the whole way over Duo crunches his apple, drips his orange, and fiddles with the radio until it’s blasting some loud, admittedly crappy band, while tapping his foot relentlessly against the dashboard where his legs and feet are stretched out.             If Heero’s annoyed, which anyone in his position would be, he hides it expertly. Instead he busies himself with his own apple in one hand, and his other hand on the steering wheel, concentration completely on the road.             Duo watches with awe as the scenery whizzes by, he is always aware that L2 is pretty shitty, but its drawbacks are always more glaring in the light of the other colonies. He doesn’t like the fact that deep inside there’s a part of him that’s happy to be away from his run down neighborhood, the thieves, rapists, and drug dealers that lurk in the shadows, his failed business and his lost dreams. It’s hard to wake up every day and see that what you sacrificed your youth for is a load of crap. Still though, L2 will always be his home no matter how crappy. His whole life has been there; even fighting in his gundam was to help his colony. However, it’s undeniable that here is rather pleasant and he is, admittedly, less lonely with Heero around.     Since he almost missed the turn, Heero makes a sharper one than they both anticipated, and Duo hits his arm hard against the car door and his legs flail from the dash board as he tries to regain some balance. Heero parks the car and turns to Duo as he’s rubbing his arm. Before Duo can protest Heero has his hand on his arm and is apologizing, asking if Duo’s ok.             Duo flushes and shrugs off Heero’s hand as he turns his head away. ‘I really need to get around to having a discussion with Heero about being weird.’           & nbsp; They get out of the car, Duo fully intending to say something to Heero until he takes a look at his surroundings. He has to admit the park is beautiful. Empty, silent, and lovely. Duo is instantly drawn to the shimmering lake that reflects the morning sun in the most flattering way. If the sun were a woman she would, for once, have no complaints. Heero follows slowly behind him, admiring the trees, the flowers, the sky, the colors and anything else that he sees.             For the first time in a very very long time—too long—Duo feels at…peace. Somehow the sun’s rays seem brighter, stronger, more painful to his eye when he tries to look up at them for all the wondrous, exquisite beauty they are. Whether the sun is lovelier from space or from earth, Duo doesn’t know. The colonies don’t even compare because there, after being on earth and in space seeing the sun in all it’s glory, it feels fake. When you know someone is controlling it all, limiting it, it feels unreal. It just doesn’t even come close to the real thing.             He sits himself down on a bench that’s right next to the lake, so close that it almost blends in if you’re looking from afar. Duo almost missed it except being Duo he just had to get right up close to the lake and he has an extremely trained eye so to speak. Plus, it is admittedly hard to miss a bench when it’s right there next to you, he just likes to believe he’s special.             He tries to ignore the odd, warm sensation that tickles his insides when Heero sits down close beside him so that they’re almost, almost touching. So close that it’s achingly hard to bear. Duo wants to edge away, but fears hurting Heero or causing suspicion. When people get nervous they tend to try to cover it up by blurting something out that’s been on their mind. A lot of times, it’s the thing that they’ve been too nervous to say, so this seems as good a time as any just to get it out since you’re already feeling pretty damn edgy, twitchy, scared, flighty, or whatever, just then. And since Duo is no exception out comes “I can’t believe how much you’ve changed.” It’s not that those words themselves are bad it’s just his tone of voice sounds sort of accusing and his follow up words don’t help matters too much “I know you weren’t ever emotionless or anything, but this isn’t you at all. How could anything or anyone have changed you so much?” He desperately wants to continue on to say ‘I haven’t changed this much, you may think so, but I haven’t. Have the others changed this much? Has Quatre changed more since I’ve seen him last? Has everyone moved on?’ But he can’t say these words because for some inexplicable reason he’s lost his nerve, maybe it’s because he voiced the main issue on his mind. It could also be because of the tightening of his throat, but then again who can tell these things.             Heero blinks at him, thinking this over, eyes dark and intent. “You’re right, I was never…without emotions, but I knew that they could get in the way and be a liability. The war needed to be fought without my feelings interfering, for me at least. Of course, no human being can fully repress everything and some of what I felt for you four showed through, even in some of my decisions…”         &nb sp;   “Like when you didn’t kill me? You were going to, but then you saved me?” The last part isn’t really supposed to be a question, but it comes out like one in a sort of hopeful way. Duo hopes that to Heero it doesn’t sound pleading.             ; Heero nods slowly, trying to find his train of thought again “You’ve changed too you know.”           &n bsp; “Not really.”              “Yes really, you were happier before. Weren’t you?”           &nb sp; Duo scoffs “No, I just tried to make these easier for everyone around me. No one wants to put up with another shitty ass attitude.” Heero’s right though, battle, adrenaline, and being with all of them fighting together as a team made him happier. He misses those days. Not the prison cells, not the pain, not the feelings of loss and hopelessness…well maybe sometimes he misses some of the pain, because it made the good things that much better. He misses the times when they sort of forgot about things and were just five guys hanging around together.             ; Rare times but he misses them.             It’s like he wishes he could go back and fight in that war knowing for sure they would win, just so he could really enjoy things. Maybe that would have been their downfall though. Things are too complicated and he always has to ruin them with logic.              After thinking those things he feels oddly lonely and empty, and he has this faint, but undeniable wish that Heero would hold him right now, that he would have some comforting human contact, and that he wouldn’t have this empty feeling coursing through him. Instead, he lifts his knees up so that his chin is resting on them, and wraps his arms around his legs. He looks as much like a child as he feels.             “Are you happy now, Heero? Have you suddenly been able to drop all of your old defense mechanisms and your old habits?” For some reason he desperately needs an answer, there’s something he needs to know so he can have some peace, some satisfaction. Something to rid him of this restless anxiety.             “I don’t know,” Heero replies honestly “I think I’m happy, but there’s always this feeling that something is missing.”            ;  There’s something in the tone of Heero’s voice and the way he looks at him, his eyes intense and searching, that gives Duo the idea that there’s something he should be getting, but he’s completely missing it.             “As for my defense mechanisms…I had trouble with them for a long time, I went through some therapy to help me work through them.”           &n bsp; Duo visibly cringes and Heero insists that it wasn’t that bad.             “We really should be going soon.” Duo says quietly as the sun grows stronger and the shouts of children and the bright chatter of their mothers are heard.             Heero nods but they both stay seated, blanketed by silence for a little while until finally Heero speaks “War doesn’t let you be the person you want to. You’re just the person you need to be to survive.” And with that final piece of insight from Heero, the conversation has ended with Duo wanting something more. It leaves him wondering if he should have asked something different and if he’s lost his chance. He knows that this isn’t the last time he’ll talk to Heero or something, but it’s hard to start up a conversation like this again. Really really hard.             He sighs and walks behind Heero, and doesn’t even bother to fight off the image of himself walking beside Heero, shoulder to shoulder, lost in their own world, like the couple that just walked past him.             But Duo knows well enough that sweet dreams weren’t meant to be.              ;            &n bsp;      TBC Thanks to:             ZaKai- :) Yeah I have chapters written, I’m just scared to post too quickly because I want to always have more written before I post. Schools a bitch, it’s nice to know people understand ^_^ thanks.             Lolly sister- Thank  you! You’ve been reviewing since the start and I can’t tell you how much that means to me. You’re welcome for the quick updates and I hope I’ll be able to continue doing that!             Ahanchan- Thank you! Hope you enjoyed this one as well.             HeeroDuo4eva- :D Thanks. Yeah school work is definitely a bitch :P             Satanic-Purple-Onion – Haha I don’t know why I found that so funny :D I like random. Yes needing sleep can do that to you *pats* I hope you got your choco-chip waffles.             Deadtoast- Aww that means a lot to me since I was really hoping to achieve that. I was worried people would say “oh be done before” and not even bother with it, so I was hoping to at least put my own style to it and hope that my plot was good/diff somehow ^^ I’ll stop babbling and being happy now :DD