Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Relena CAN'T Cook ❯ Chapter 5

Relena CAN'T Cook! Part: 5
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gundam Pilots... : ( But I like to pretend I do!
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It's Thanksgiving! What's going to happen to our Gundam boys? Let's find out!

Heero: *in bandages* Ohhh the pain! I can't get up! I can't eat! Ouuuuch!
Duo: *same thing* Oh! Same here! Ouchie!
Trowa: *also in bandages* Ooooh! I can't get up! Too bad I won't be able to eat Relena's great Thanksgiving dinner!
Quatre: *with the UFO dolls in bandages too* OUCH! Can't get out of bed!
UFO Wufei: We are weaklings! We can't even stand up to a weak onna!
Relena: *comes out of no where* Well I can always give you guys my special soup!

Suddenly by a miracle everyone is ok!

Duo: Well by god it's a miracle! I can walk! I guess I can pass on that soup, Relena!
Heero: Same here.
Trowa: Me too.
Relena: Hmmm....
Quatre: *undoing the bandages on the UFO dolls* We're ok now aren't we?
UFO Duo: YEP!
Hilde: What's going on?
Duo: Hilde! You can't be serious about us eating Relena's evil toxic food are you?
Hilde: DUO! How can you say something like that?
Duo: Because it's a known truth that eating Relena's food can nearly kill a man, such as myself. I know from personally experience!
Hilde: That still doesn't give you a right to say something like that about Relena's cooking!
Duo: Well don't come crying to me when you nearly are killed by her evil turkey dinner!
Heero: Relena... I was wondering...
Relena: What Hee-chan?
Heero: Who else are you going to kill? I mean who else is coming?
Relena: *ignoring the first comment* Oh um... Sally, Wufei, Dorothy, basically everyone we know!
Duo: Anyone else besides me don't mind if Relena kills Dorothy with her food?

Duo, Trowa, Heero, and the UFO dolls (somehow) raise their hands.

Quatre: That's a mean thing to say!
UFO Duo: No it isn't!
Quatre: Yes it is!
Duo: *to Heero* You think in Quatre's mental state he has some how in some weird way become attracted to the evil cockroach?
Heero: To soon to tell...
Duo: We should lock him up somewhere so he can't do any harm...
Heero: Good idea... and while we're at it we should lock Relena in there! Duo you are soooo smart!
Duo: I know I am!
Heero: I was kidding about that last part...
Duo: Oh...but I'm still smart!
Heero: No your not...
Duo: Geez! You hurt my feelings! Damn you Heero!

Just then Wufei is bringing dragged by Sally through the door.

Wufei: ONNA! You have no clue what her food has done to Yuy! Much more Winner!
Sally: Aww come on Wufei it can't be that bad!
Wufei: Hah! Fine! But before I die I would like to say I'm very much in love with you!
Sally: Aww how cute...

Meanwhile Relena in the kitchen is trying to cook but neither Heero or Duo wanted to leave the room.

Relena: Heero...I told you the food won't be done for awhile.
Heero: I know that's why I'm keeping an eye on you to make sure you don't try to poison the food...
Relena: Heero! How about you and Duo go watch TV or something?
Duo: OK! *grabs Heero and runs out the door to sit on the couch and watch TV*
Quatre: HEY! I was watching Sailor Moon with Dorothy!
Duo: Toooo bad! *thinks about the last part Quatre said* D-Do-DOROTHY?!?!?!?!
Dorothy: What's wrong Mr. Maxwell or should I say Duo the god of idiots...
Duo: Hey! Don't speak to the God of Death that way!
Heero: I'd shut the hell up if I were you, Duo.
Duo: Why?
Quatre: You know now would be a nice time to say.... WE SHOULDN'T BE FIGHTING!
Duo: ...Whatever
Wufei: Hah! Like I thought you weaklings are all here....and so is that ugly onna...
Dorothy: Humph!
Duo: Wu-man I don't think she deserves to be called an onna...
Wufei: You know Maxwell your actually right for once!
Quatre: Hey! Stop being so mean to people!
Heero: What happened to the UFO dolls, Quatre?
Quatre: Oh...well they umm... kinda go me mad and a burned them 'till not on thing was left....
Duo: HEY! I happened to like those things!
Quatre: And one of them called Dorothy an ugly whore so she destroyed that one...
Heero: I can see why...

Just then Zechs and Noin walk through the door.

Duo: Hey Zechs-Mill!
Zechs: Shut up...
Heero: *stares at Zechs*
Zechs: *stares at Heero*
Heero: Hello....Zechs
Zechs: Hello....Heero
Noin: Hi Heero! *looks at Zechs* You behave...
Zechs: Ok...*stares at Heero* So who's cooking?*starts to drink a glass of water*
Heero: Relena...
Zechs: *spits out the water on to Heero* WHAT?!?!?
Duo: Yeah, Relena's cooking
Zechs: YOU IDIOTS! Don't you know she can't cook for shit?
Duo: Oh, we knew that, but Heero still doesn't...
Heero: And what does that mean?
Duo: Nothing....
Wufei: It means you can't stand up to your woman.
Heero: I'll ignore that...
Zechs: You guys haven't been eating her food have you?
Duo: Uh...yeah...
Zechs: I'm surprised you're not dead yet...
Heero: Why?
Zechs: Well, when Relena was little she always wanted to cook.... Even with her 'pretend' food she could knock out a person for a day....
Wufei: Hummph! I'm not afraid of some stupid onna's food!
Zechs: *grabs Wufei* You idiot! You don't know how dangerous it is to put her in a kitchen!
Wufei: I care why?
Zechs: I haven't told you the entire story yet! She's the real reason the Sanq Kingdom was destroyed! She set the entire Kingdom on fire with her cooking!
Duo: Whoa...

Meanwhile, in the kitchen....

Relena: *sniff* Hmmm....what's that smell? It smells very familiar... Nevermind it's probably nothing...

Meanwhile Heero and Zechs are yet again giving each other death glares.

Zechs: You better hope Relena's cooking kills you before I do...
Heero: Humph...same to you...
Quatre: Can't we all just get along?
Duo: Why don't you ask the cockroach over there?
Dorothy: I have a name...
Duo: I know...
Wufei: It would be ugly weak onna!
Dorothy: WHAT?!?!? *starts to beat Wufei up*
Quatre: ....WE SHOULDN'T BE FIGHTING!!!!!!!!!
Heero: I'm going to kill you, Zechs...
Zechs: Then do it!
Heero: Ok.... *another fight starts up*

Back in the kitchen...

Noin: Hi Relena!
Relena: Oh Hi!
Sally: What's up?
Relena: Nothing just cooking my Hee-chan some food!
Noin: That's nice of you.
Relena: I just know Hee-chan will love it!

At that moment a Chinese boy with a katana in hand is running from a blonde girl with a machine gun in hand with the pilot of Sandrock following behind them telling them they shouldn't be fighting. A few seconds they run as quickly as they had appeared in the room out of it in a big dust cloud. Heero comes in while throwing punches at Zechs and passing by the kitchen. Suddenly Relena and Noin get into cheerleader uniforms and start cheering on their men.

Relena: GO HEERO! HURT HIM! But not too bad....
Noin: GO ZECHS KICK HIS LITTLE CUTE ASS! But not too hard you have to leave something for Relena to look at.... ^-^
Relena: *blush*

Both men just look at the two women...

Zechs: We shall finish this later...
Heero: Agreed... *walks out the room*

No sooner did they leave the kitchen was suddenly in a black thick smoke.

Relena: Haven't I been in this kind of situation before?
Noin: You mean you don't know what's going on?!?!?
Relena: Nah It's happened before...I just can't remember what to do incase of a fire...
Sally: ...WHAT?!?!?!
Relena: Well I'll sit here and wait for my Hee-chan to save me like he always does!

Heero and all the other GW boys are sitting in front of the TV watching a crappy movie.

Heero: For some odd reason I feel Relena's in trouble..
Duo: Ah well she can wait...
Heero: I guess so...*starts eating some popcorn he made!*

Back in the kitchen Noin and Sally were trying to find either a door a window the sink or a frying pan to knock some sense into Relena.

Relena: Any time now! Watch Heero will come!
Sally: Relena! HEERO IS NOT COMING!!!!
Relena: Watch he will! I mean what else could he be doing?

Meanwhile, Duo had suggested that they play some strip poker before they die from Relena's horrible food.

Quatre: GO FISH!
Duo: *sigh* Quatre...we are playing poker...
Quatre: Oh...sorry... I never played poker before...
Heero: I have this strange feeling that I forgot something...
Duo: Nothing can be that important to you Heero...
Heero: Good point... *continues playing*

Back in the kitchen...

Relena: *cough* Any time now!
Noin: Relena I think that you've either lost it or you are just plain stupid. Heero is not coming to save you!
Relena: Yes he will!
Noin: No he won't! Zechs will save us! You watch! Any time now he will bust through that door and save me!
Relena: Riiiiiiight...

Zechs and Heero were arm reselling and Duo and Wufei had places their bets on the two.

Duo: I tell you Heero's gonna win!
Wufei: Stupid Americans! A person like myself can plainly see that Yuy is weak and Marquise will win for sure!
Duo: Uh huh... sure!
Heero: *arm falls to the table* ... There's something I have to do but I can't remember what...
Zechs: Haha! I-- *sniff* What the hell is that smell?
Heero: *sniff* Don't know...
Duo: *sniff* OMG! SHE BURNT THE TURKEY! What a waste of good precious food!
Heero: *thawap* Ahem... Let's go see if Relena burnt down the kitchen...
Zechs: Ok...
Duo: *on the floor* Owchie...

Heero and Zechs run in the kitchen and look around. They find no one in sight. Suddenly Relena glomps Heero as does Noin glomp Zechs.

Relena: OH Heero! I knew you would come!
Heero: RELENA! THE ENTIRE KITCHEN HAS BEEN BURNT DOWN AND YOUR ACTING ALL NORMAL?!?!?!
Relena: Well I tried to--
Heero: THAT'S IT RELENA! YOU CAN'T COOK FOR SHIT! YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE MENTAL HOSPITAL INSTEAD OF QUATRE!

The last words that came out of Heero's mouth hurt Relena a lot. She stares at him and starts to cry.

Relena: Heero...*sniff* you don't like me?
Heero: Just your cooking...

And from that day on Relena never even went in the kitchen without someone watching her. But what will the Gundam boys do now? Will they keep ordering out for food? Or will they try to cook?!?! That is another story! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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*sniff* Whaaa! The last part of Relena CAN'T cook! Oh well... Lets see if the Gundam boys can do any better on my next fic... Cooking With The Gundam Boys! Let god have mercy on our souls!

-ChibiChibi-Chan
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