Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ RNDM True Stories ❯ BACK FROM THE DEAD WITH #39 ( Chapter 39 )

Tori: *yawns and stretches* We~ell.... I guess it's about time to start those RNDM fics again.
Everyone: HORRAY FOR RANDOM!
Pilots: *collective groan*
Tori: Sorry for the forever hiatus... I haven't really been feeling myself this past while-
Duo: Year.
Tori: *rolls eyes* But it’s winter break now, so we’ll have plenty of time to relax. ^__^
Heero: HA! I get it! Cause we won’t.

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Tori: LTTP, everyone!
Duo: *runs over and plops down directly in front of Tori*
Quatre: *tackles Duo from behind and wraps his arms around Duo's neck*
Wu Fei: *dives for the spot next to Duo*
Duet: *sits on Wu Fei's back and hugs Quatre's arm*
Heero: *wedges himself between Duet's butt and Quatre's*
Trowa: *leans over top of the whole pile*
Tori: ...¬__¬ ...wait for it...
Duo: ERRRGH! *shoves everybody off and falls backwards, landing between Trowa's legs* Ow... *rolls over and pushes himself up, ending up face-to-crotch with Trowa*
Trowa: Well... while you're down there...
Duet: *comes out of nowhere and full-body tackles Duo*
Both: *go flying and land on Wu Fei*
Wu Fei: YOU SLUTS! *tackles them*
Quatre: Duet it PREGNANT you idiots! *joins the kick/scratching/slapping/biting fray*
Heero: *in a high-pitched voice with a southern accent* You're not fightin' properly! *attacks them*
Trowa: ... ¬_
Tori: ...¬_¬
Both: *watch the fight*
Tori: *clears throat* ...so Trowa...How've you been?

~*~*~*~
Duo: *on AIM with Rach* Quatre says you're a loserface for not going to Warped Tour.
Rach: | . /. | Grrr!
Duo: What the hell is "| . /. |"!???!??!?!?11?/!???
Rach: My murder eyes!

~*~*~*~
Heero & Duo: *playing air guitars and wearing big plastic sunglasses, dancing around the crib and trying to make the baby smile* PEACHES COME IN'NA CAN! THEY WERE PUT THERE BY A MAN... IN A FACTORY DOWN TOWN!
Quatre: Get away from him and let hit grow up normal! *makes shooing motions at Heero and Duo*
Tori: *worried look, rests head in hands*
Adrian: *starts crying*
Duo: *leans over the crib to pick him up*
Adrian: *grabs his braid and yanks mercilessly*
Duo: O.< Heero... help...
Heero: *picks up the baby, pries the braid out of his fist, and cradles him* Shhh...Don't pull Uncle Duo's hair... Do as daddy says, not as he does...
Adrian: O.O ... O.O ...*yawns, snuggles, and falls asleep*
Everyone Else: *arches eyebrows at Heero*
Heero: ...what? ... HEY! I'm still the most badass motherfucker in this damn posse!
Tori: Don't use that kind of language around the baby!
Heero: Oh sorry! ^__^*

~*~*~*~

Avery: *starts a chat titled 'Softdrinks Are Fluids'*
Duo: ...You're odd.
Avery: I call it being observant.

~*~*~*~

Quatre: *walks into Duo and Duet's bedroom to find Duo holding Duet at knife-point with his hand up her skirt* What... SICK, TWISTED game are you playing here!?
Duo: *grinning insanely* Checkers...
Duet: *also grinning* KING ME!

~*~*~*~
August 14th, 2004Duo: *gets off phone with Rach* Apparently...the governor of New Jersey is stepping down. Something about him being gay.
Everyone Else: WHAT!?
Duo: *matter-o-factly* Yes... Apparently he hired his little boyfriend at a hundred-ten thousand dollars a year salary and the boy did nothing. Now he's trying to sue McGreevy and so McGreevy's stepping down before that scandal comes out.
Heero: Hmmm... I kinda started to wonder about him after he redecorated our DMVs...
Duet: But but but... We want FAG! Tell that bastard to get his queer ass back up there and stand proud!
Wu Fei: He stepped down because he's in trouble for wasting our tax money on his useless boyfriend's salary...not because he's gay.
Duet: *pauses* Does this mean prostitution's legal in Jersey now?
Trowa: ...when has the legality of something every troubled you?
Duet: Well... it's like pot... If it were legal, I wouldn't wanna do it… ever.

~*~*~*~
Heero: *back home from the store* What are you doing on the front porch, Duo…?
Duo: *resting his chin on his hands* Tori's mom locked me out…
Heero: …why?
Duo: NO REASON WHATSOEVER!!! She just got all angry and came chasing after me with a with her crazy Japanese fighting broom!
*awkward silence*
Heero: …I don’t think you even believed that one…
Duo: *pauses* ...yeah, I totally tried to put her python though my belt loops.

~*~*~*~
Quatre: *hears loud noises in Avery's room and, with no regard for his "virgin eyes", flings open the door*
Avery & Duet: *playing in the FFVII costumes, wearing, respectively, Yuffie and parts of Aeris, singing* 'CAUSE WE ARE LI~VING IN A MATERIA WORLD! AND I AM A MATERIA GIRL!
Quatre: *stares blankly as they grin cheerfully at him, very proud of themselves* I don't like to use this word often... but you two are FUCKING WEIRDOES.
Duet: *grins as exaggeratedly as she possibly can*
Quatre: ¬__¬ Maybe God was trying to tell us something through all those miscarriages, Duet...
Duet: *winks at him and holds up index finger* At least I'm bioengineered to procreate! You're bioengineered to waste ALLLLL your half-babies in other boys' butts!
Avery: O.O *is traumatized*
Quatre: *pauses and looks over at Avery* ...oh, don't you act all innocent. You've got Maxwell's blood in your veins.

~*~*~*~
Duo & Duet: *sitting next to each other on the couch in silence, watching TV*
Duet: ....................................poop.
Both: Hehehehehehe! XD

~*~*~*~
Trowa: *strums beginning chords to a Bright Eyes song*
Heero: *shifty eyes*
Heero & Trowa: *burst out singing* HALIGH HALIGH A LIE HALIGH!
Duet: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Heero & Trowa: *pause* YOU SAID YOU HATE MY SUFFERING!
Duet: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
Trowa: *looks at Heero* You're right. They ARE pissy at this stage of pregnancy...
Duet: I'LL RIP YOUR GODDAMN BALLS OFF AND MASH THEM IN YOUR EARS, SVETLANA!
Heero: Heh... what can I say? I'm a pregnancy MASTER now!
Duet: COME SAY THAT TO MY FACE, COCKMASTER!
Heero & Trowa: *burst out laughing*
Trowa: Heh heh... I guess we should let her out of the bathroom now...

~*~*~*~
Quatre: *washing dishes and singing* I've got a love-el-ly bunch of co-conuts! There they are all standing in a row! ^__^
Wu Fei: You know... the world only knows that song because of the Lion King.
Quatre: Actually, it's an ancient Berber coconut herding song my ancestors used to sing.
Trowa: *lifts head from folded arms and looks at Wu Fei* ...did one of you just say "coconut herding"?
Wu Fei: How does one "herd" coconuts?
Quatre: Very carefully... with sharpened babies.
Wu Fei: ...this conversation just keeps getting weirder... o.o

~*~*~*~
Duet: Wu Fei... you don't understand. I NEED this or I'll DIE.
Wu Fei: *pauses, stares hard at Duet*
Trowa: *rolls eyes and checks watch* If this were a musical, we'd be breaking into song right now...
Heero: *nods* Now how'd that one about nymphos go?
Quatre: *quietly* ...it's time for nymphomaniacs....
Quatre & Duet: And we're horny to the max! So just sit back and climax! We'll fuck 'til we collapse! We're the hyper vain-ey, totally insane-ey, sex has fried our brain-ey, nymphomaniacs!
Trowa: ... *blinks and shakes head* Tee hee! Oh, you guys...
All: *start giggling*


~*~*~*~
Duo: *plotting a joke on a friend* -or how about we wait for him to go to class and then wrap his car in saran wrap…then run away?
Quatre: Or we could, like, steal a random part off his car… you know, unscrew both mirrors and run away. o.o
Duo: Yeah! Or take his fancy hubcaps and run away!
Duet: *looks at Tori* Ever notice how all their plans are “blah blah blah AND THEN WE RUN AWAY!”?
Quatre: The running away is essential!

~*~*~*~
Quatre: *preening in the bathroom mirror, fussing with his hair* Ugh…Gimme a minute. My bangs just won’t behave today!
Duet: *a complete bedraggled mess, eyes him and roars* THERE IS A SMALL PERSON TRYING TO KICK ITS WAY OUT OF MY UTERUS! GET OUT OF THIS BATHROOM BEFORE I SNAP YOU IN TWO! I NEED TO SHOWER!
Quatre: o.o
Trowa: *watching from outside door, waves Heero over* I think… I think Quatre’s gonna talk back to pregnant Duet!
Quatre: *opens his mouth to say something*
Duet: O.O YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY, YOU LITTLE PUNK-ASS COCKSUCKING DICKJOCKEY!?
Quatre: …the bathroom is yours?
Heero & Trowa: Awww…
Tori: *storms in* ADRIAN IS SLEEPING, YOU LOUDMOUTH CRACKWHORE!
Quatre: *looks fearfully between Tori and Duet, dodges out of the bathroom*
Heero: Dude… Hormonal woman battle… *tugs on Trowa’s sleeve to lead him away*
Trowa: *turns slowly, in awe* It’s like watching a natural disaster… o.
Duet & Tori: *yelling themselves hoarse*

~*~*~*~
Heero: So are you and Tanner lovers?
Trowa: Huh? No…
Heero: *long pause* You’re his bitch, aren’t you?
Trowa: o.… -.…yes….
Heero: You little slut! You’re on the bottom! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

~*~*~*~
Wu Fei: *singing obnoxiously* LOVE IS LIKE OXYGEN! YOU GET TOO MUCH, YOU GET TOO HI~IGH!
Heero: *sings back* WU FEI, YOU SING LIKE YOUR BALLS ARE CAUGHT IN A CAR DO~OR!
Wu Fei: *leans over and taps Heero’s balls, sings* WHAAAAAAAAAAAT NO~OW, BEEEEEEEYYYYYOOOOOOTCH!?
Heero: X.x …ow.

~*~*~*~

Tori: Yeah… wow… I never update. O.o I’m sorry, guys.
Kegawa: No worries! They’ve probably all forgotten you exist by now!
Tori: o.o …sad…but terribly, terribly true.
Awa: Well, you know what that means, Tori..
Tori, Awa, Kegawa: ASSEMBLE A NEW FANBASE!
Duo: Freak… your old one’s still gonna be there. Heck, we’re still around.
Tori: o.o Yeah, but everyone hates you now and wants you to die and take your family with you to hell.
Duo: …you’re going to send me back to therapy. <.<

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