Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Seasons ❯ Conviction and Retrospection ( Chapter 2 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Lady Winner 
A chapter of judgements and reflections. One couple's POV of their commanding officer.
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama / Angst | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 12.04.2001 | Updated On: 12.13.2001 | Pages: 3 | Words: 3.7K | Visits: 183 | Status: Completed
A chapter of judgements and reflections. One couple's POV of their commanding officer.
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama / Angst | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 12.04.2001 | Updated On: 12.13.2001 | Pages: 3 | Words: 3.7K | Visits: 183 | Status: Completed
Seasons
By: Lady Winner
December 4, 2001
Chapter 2 - Conviction and Retrospection
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"Excuse me sir... um... sir?"
The young man being addressed slowly turned toward the voice, an impassive look calming his features. He didn't say a word or reprimand the person that had broken his quiet solitude, but simply stared at the young woman standing beside him, garbed in a typical preventer uniform. His concentrated gaze unnerved her, causing her to shift uncomfortably on her feet, but she calmly forced herself to keep her nervousness in check.
"I'm sorry to bother you Commander, but I... I was wondering if you'd like anything to drink."
"No, thank you," he replied sullenly. Without giving it another thought, he turned his attention back at the window, losing himself again in that vast expanse known as outer space, as if he was witnessing its brilliance for the very first time.
She frowned, slightly disappointed at his short answer. But she wasn't going to let that thwart her chances of accomplishing the task at hand. Squaring her shoulders, she decided that if she pressed him enough, she'd be able to coax him in taking up her offer.
"Are you sure Commander?" she questioned again. "We still have a long way to go until we reach Earth, and you haven't had anything to eat or drink as of yet... well since we took off anyway." He turned again and this time when he looked at her, she could clearly see the annoyance written in bold letters across his face.
`Damn woman...' he thought to himself after being interrupted a second time. He studied her a bit before realizing that if he didn't come up with something to say fast, she wasn't going to leave him alone anytime soon. "You're quite the persistent one, aren't you Miss Russell?"
Her eyes widened in surprise before a smile slowly crept its way up the corners of her mouth.
He knew her name.
"Well, I was given strict orders to make sure that your trip back to Earth was as pleasant and comfortable as possible..." she answered surely, and then added in a softer tone, "...and it seems as if you have a lot on your mind, Commander... as if you have the whole world weighing down on your shoulders... maybe something to drink will help ease you up a bit."
His eyebrows raised slightly in surprise at her observation, but then he found himself frowning at the idea of his thoughts and feelings being so easily exposed. It was something he always tried hard to keep hidden, even from those closest to him.
Sensing his displeasure, the smile slipped from her face. Thinking that she had offended him in some way, she tried her best to apologize.
"I'm sorry Commander... I didn't mean to sound so rude. I hope I haven't offended you in anyway from my comment-"
"You didn't," he cut in flatly. He sighed and briefly closed his eyes, while leaning back against the leather bound seats of the space shuttle. "And you were right... a drink wouldn't hurt."
Her smile returned. "Is there anything in particular you'd like, sir?"
He thought about it for a second before shaking his head. "No... just get me something... something to forget."
"To... forget, sir?" she asked, her face twisted in mild confusion.
"Yes," he replied quietly. "To forget." He turned and looked at her; his face expressionless and his stare vacant.
"I... see," she answered and nodded, albeit reluctantly. "I'll be right back then, sir." She turned and headed toward the back of the shuttle, where the food and refreshments were located, all the while coming up with different ideas of what she should bring him. "To forget, huh?" she mumbled to herself. "I swear I can never get a straight answer out of him..."
Moments later she returned with a heavy-set glass filled with several ice cubes submerged in a light brown liquid. When she reached his seat, she opened her mouth to speak, but stopped short when she noticed the desolate look that had once again settled on his face. She decided that having already bothered him enough for one day, it would be best to leave him alone for now. Setting the glass down next to him, she quickly turned to leave, but a voice halted her.
"Thank you."
She turned to look at him again, but his eyes refused to meet hers. She smiled nonetheless at the small gesture of gratitude that he offered her. "You're welcome Commander Chang," she replied and headed back to her own seat. She made her way down the aisle and plopped down next to a young man dressed in an attire identical to her own. "Hey," she sighed and leaned over to place a kiss on his cheek.
Without taking his eyes off the computer screen, he mumbled out a `hey' that was barely audible, even to his own ears. She quirked an eyebrow at his response, or lack thereof, and frowned. She really didn't appreciate being brushed off so easily like that.
"Is that any way to greet your girlfriend?" But she received no reply, and instead, was met with the continuous sounds of his fingers running across the keyboard. So she tried again, hoping to get his attention this time around. "Blair... Blair... BLAIR!"
"Huh? Did you say something Amy?" he asked turning to look at her. Her arms were crossed in contempt and the glare that she had on her face could rival that of his commanding officer's, who just happened to be sitting six rows behind them. He eyed her strangely. "What? Did I... do something wrong?"
Completely frustrated, she ignored the question and grabbed the closest thing she could get her hands on, which happened to be a magazine, and began flipping through it roughly, all the while mumbling angry words under her breath.
"Stupid idiot... can't even say `hello' to his own girlfriend... jerk... he's so absorbed in his work... doesn't even notice anything around him..." was what he was able to make out.
`Uh-oh, I think she's mad at me...' he thought nervously.
"Amy," he called out to her. He tried to place his hand on her shoulder, but she just shrugged it off. "Amy..."
"Fuck off Blair."
He flinched at the harshness of her voice, and realized that at this point, words were going to be of no use to him. So he decided on the more... direct approach. Setting aside his laptop, he leaned over and gripped the back of her neck, drawing her to him in one fluid motion and crushing her lips in a sound kiss. At first she tried to struggle against the rapid assault on her lips, but it was to no avail because she soon found herself melting into the kiss, and returning the gesture in equal eagerness. He pulled away after a while, much to her disappointment, leaving her breathless and craving for more.
"How's *that* for saying `hello' to my sweetheart?" he asked, a devilish twinkle in his eyes.
She wrapped her arms loosely around his neck and pressed her forehead against his. "Mmm... that's just the way I like it."
"I'm glad," he replied, placing a soft kiss on her lips. "Look, I'm sorry for ignoring you, but I had a lot of work to do and I was hoping to get most of it done on the flight. I hope you know that I didn't do it on purpose. I know I was being pretty insensitive and I apologize for that. So... I hope you're not angry at me."
She smiled up at him, lightly brushing her hand against his cheek. "I'm not mad at you...maybe a little peeved, but not anymore." She paused and kissed him again. "And it's good to know that you at least make an attempt to try and listen to me."
"So... you'll let me finish my work then?"
She nodded in compliance and he kissed her one final time before turning to recover his neglected computer. Setting the console back in front of him, he let out a serrated sigh and focused his attention once again on the screen. She smiled sympathetically at the exhausted look on his face, knowing that even though what he was doing was important, he was dreading it immensely. Noticing the way his shoulders sagged tiredly while he worked, she reached over and began massaging the back of his neck, gently working the kinks out with seasoned ease. His eyes drifted shut and his head dropped forward, as he groaned in pleasure at the delicate but firm fingers kneading his tense muscles.
"Mm... keep this up, and I'll never get anything done..."
She smiled at his comment and at the serene look on his face. Giving his neck a couple more firm tugs, she stopped what she was doing and pulled her hand away.
"Hey... I didn't say you had to stop," he griped, replacing her hand back on his neck. She laughed lightly and ran her hand down his back, stopping at his side to give it a hard squeeze.
"Freeloader..." she teased, watching as he jerked against her touch. "So, what's got your brain all in a twist?"
"A paper for Philosophy..." he grumbled irately. "You wouldn't believe how god damn hard this is. I seriously don't know what possessed me to sign up for this concurrent enrollment program. I mean going to school is hard enough, but also having to work for the Preventers on the side... that's just crazy."
"Well, at least they're paying for your expenses and giving you boarding... I'd say that's a pretty good deal."
He sighed and leaned back in his seat. "Yeah it is, but the work is just too overwhelming sometimes..." He turned his head to look at her. "...and I still don't know how the hell you talked me into doing this."
"You make it sound like I did a bad thing."
"Oh, I'm sorry... what was I thinking?" he scoffed. "What I meant to say was, `thank you *so* much for convincing me into doing this'."
She gave him a playful push. "Ungrateful jerk..." He chuckled lightly and reached over to entwine their fingers together. "Come on... it can't be that bad."
"I suppose not, but the Commander isn't making it any easier for me."
"He's just doing his job preparing us for the outside world," she answered knowingly.
He snorted disdainfully. "Please, like he gives a damn about you, me, or anyone else for that matter. I mean he's just a self-centered, egotistical, chauvinistic man who thinks too highly of himself."
"Is that how you see him?" she asked looking directly into his auburn eyes. "Do you believe that's who he really is?" Not waiting for his answer, she continued on. "Because I don't. I think there's so much more to him than what we actually see... he's just so complex... so mysterious, but at the same time he's so simple and defined... but I guess, in some weird way, that's what I respect most about him..." A small smile tugged on her lips. "...so much had to of happened in his life to have shaped him into the person he is today."
His grip on her hand loosened slightly as he gave her a questioning look. "You really hold a high opinion of him, don't you?"
"I do."
He frowned a bit at her answer. "Well... do you respect him more for who he is, or what he stands for?"
She thought about the question for a moment before answering. "Both," she finally replied. "I respect him as a whole, as a human being... and as a person who helped forge this peace we're living in with his own hands."
He let go of her hand completely this time, and crossed his arms. "Is that why you became a Preventer Amy? Because... of *him*?" He looked away, causing flecks of his charcoal colored hair to fall against the smoothness of his skin, covering the hardened look of his eyes. "You know the fact that he was a gundam pilot just makes him all the more appealing."
"That maybe so, but it's so much more than that Blair..." He gestured grandly for her to continue. Shifting in her seat, she turned until her body was facing him. "I joined the Preventers because I *believe* in the peace that they helped create and I want to be there to help maintain it. I'm not just going to sit by and watch as other people dictate my life for me."
"Well, you were never one to go about things lightly that's for sure..." he muttered. He sighed deeply and looked at her again. "I still don't understand what you see in him. The guys way too cocky and self-assured for his own good... and he's got some rampant hatred of women that even I don't understand."
"He doesn't hate women!! I happen to think the opposite. I think he respects them more than he lets on," she stated firmly.
"Really?"
She nodded. "Lately... it seems something's been bothering him... and I know it has to do with a woman."
"And how would you know that?" he asked, a bit skeptical.
"I dunno, I just do... women's intuition."
He shook his head sadly. "Look all I'm saying is that the man's not worth thinking about. He could give a rat's ass about anyone besides himself and think about it, for all the time we've worked under him, he's addressed you either as `hey you', or `you there', or `miss'. I mean, come on Amy get real... the guy is not worth it."
"How can you just sit there and bad mouth him like that? He's not at all like you said he is. And for your information, Blair, he does know my name."
"Well, whoop dee fuckin' doo Amy. You must feel *so* god damn special," he spat out bitterly.
"What's wrong with you, Blair? Why are you getting so worked up about this... and why the hell are we arguing about the Commander??!"
His eyes narrowed dangerously at her. "I don't know, why don't you tell me Amy, since you're always defending him. You put him on a fuckin' pedestal like he's better than anyone else. In your eyes, the man can do no wrong."
"What, that's not true!"
"Yes it is Amy!! All I *ever* hear is how the Commander's this, and how the Commander's that. You are at his every whim and command and I can't stand it anymore all right!! I hate it!!!"
She stared at him incredulously. "Why are you so angry??!"
"Well how the hell am I supposed to react when my own girlfriend's got the hots for her fuckin' commander!!" he threw at her accusingly.
Silence followed as her mouth immediately fell closed while a look of shock spread across her face. "What... you think...that I... that I *like* the Commander??"
"YES!!" he yelled, completely frustrated. But before he could say any more, the surrounding area was suddenly filled with her laughter. He watched her, confused as to why she was laughing. He didn't find anything he said at all amusing. "I really don't see what the humor in this situation is."
"Oh Blair... you idiot..." she replied, finally able to settle herself down. She wiped away the tears of mirth that had gathered at the corners of her eyes.
"You know, insulting me isn't exactly helping you here Am-" he replied, but was cut off by surprise when she reached over to grasp his hand in her own; pulling it up and tenderly kissing it.
"You *are* an idiot Blair. You know I could never love anyone as much as I love you." He looked into her eyes and saw the unquestionable warmth they possessed. Her voice, holding so much emotion in them that it was difficult to doubt her words.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah... it's just that I respect and admire the commander a lot, that's all..." She squeezed his hand reassuringly. "...and anyway, there's already somebody that holds his interest, and it certainly isn't me. You have absolutely nothing to worry about."
He broke into a smile, his uncertainties mollified by her assurance. Giving her hand a gentle tug, he pulled her toward him. "I'm sorry," he whispered and captured her lips again in a sweet kiss. She smiled against his mouth and looked up at him again after they pulled apart.
"That's all right, I understand how you feel..." she said, gently at first and then added seductively. "...but you know... you're kinda sexy when you get all jealous and stuff..."
He raised a piqued eyebrow at her. "Is that so? Hm... just don't go and make it a habit now. I'm not sure how much more of you I can take. I swear, one of these days, you're gonna wear me out for good."
She smirked. "Well then, we'll just have to remedy that now, won't we?" But before he could reply, she tangled her arms around his neck and kissed him, intoxicating him thoroughly with her lips, allowing no more words to pass between them.
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He sat with his eyes closed, silently meditating and calming himself; clearing his mind of any unwanted thoughts and images. But the one thing that he tried hardest to forget at that moment, he just couldn't erase from his mind.
Her.
All his thoughts centered on her, continuously plaguing his mind. But it wasn't her smile that he remembered, it was her tears, her hurt...
Another two months had gone by since he'd left Earth... left her... and everyday he found himself forgetting more and more: like the way her mouth moved when she spoke, the look she gave him every time he did something to make her angry, and most of all... the feel of her touch. What he would give to feel her nimble fingers run endlessly through his hair, once again making him forget all his troubles.
But now, pieces of his memories were steadily fading like shadows. And no matter how hard he'd try to catch them, they would always end up slipping right through his hands.
He took in a deep breath and slowly expelled it. Opening his eyes, he glanced down and noticed the untouched glass next to him. He picked it up carefully; testing its weight in his hands. He rotated his wrist back and forth, causing the melting ice to swivel in the drink and clink against the sides of the glass. The moisture that had gathered around the cup was now dampening his fingers, giving it a slick feel.
He lifted the glass up to take a sip, but stopped halfway when the sound of a woman's laughter reached his ears. He let the glass suspend in midair for a bit before setting it back down, untasted. He knew who the owner of the voice was; the familiar pitch and tone resonating around him. But just as quickly as the laughter began, it disappeared, melting into hushed murmurs. He had caught bits and pieces of their conversation, but most of it fell on deaf ears. For the most part, he really didn't pay much attention to their bickering, he could care less about their problems... hell, he already had his own to deal with.
He sighed and moved his eyes toward the window again. The stars streaked across the limitless boundaries of outer space, glistening against the darkness. He always thought that outer space was where he belonged. It had been his home for so long. It was where he was born; where he was brought up and taught. But when he came back, he felt that something was missing. This wasn't the place that he had remembered so vividly, it felt too different. Everything was just so foreign and alien. And for the first time in his life he realized what it was to be truly alone. The emptiness he felt was unnerving... and it scared him.
So where did he belong then? That very question vexed him tirelessly, day after day, and was the reason why he was returning to Earth. He needed to find out where he fit in this world, where he belonged. It's true, no one could live in this world alone successfully. Everyone needed someone or something to hold them together, to protect them, and he was no exception to that fact. His sanity, his strength, his whole worth was resting in the hands of one woman. The one person who he held a higher regard for more than anything else, maybe even more than his own life.
But he had been a fool, a complete fool for letting something like that escape his grasp. He had made a mistake, and he knew it. But he hoped in earnest that he'd be able to fix it before it was too late. He was going back to retrieve what he had lost and possibly, gain within himself something worth living for.
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***A/N: Okay, I know I posted that note asking you readers which was better, a shorter chapter or a longer one. As you can see, the former won... this time. I realized that if I kept going, then the chapter would be EXTREMELY long, and I just didn't want to bore any of you, BUT I do appreciate the few of you that did give your opinion, thank you very much. :) Okay, just so you know, the two new characters aren't really important to the story, I just thought adding them in would be cool. I don't think they'll appear again in the story... unless you guys want so otherwise... :) All righty then, sorry this chapter was so short and nothing much happened... it's really just a chapter of reflection. So yea, PLEASE read and review!!!! I'd love to hear more from you guys... um if you want, you can email me at dcatalonia_04@hotmail.com. :) Thanx again and I'll post up the next chapter soon! :)
****Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing BUT I do own Amy and Blair :)
By: Lady Winner
December 4, 2001
Chapter 2 - Conviction and Retrospection
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"Excuse me sir... um... sir?"
The young man being addressed slowly turned toward the voice, an impassive look calming his features. He didn't say a word or reprimand the person that had broken his quiet solitude, but simply stared at the young woman standing beside him, garbed in a typical preventer uniform. His concentrated gaze unnerved her, causing her to shift uncomfortably on her feet, but she calmly forced herself to keep her nervousness in check.
"I'm sorry to bother you Commander, but I... I was wondering if you'd like anything to drink."
"No, thank you," he replied sullenly. Without giving it another thought, he turned his attention back at the window, losing himself again in that vast expanse known as outer space, as if he was witnessing its brilliance for the very first time.
She frowned, slightly disappointed at his short answer. But she wasn't going to let that thwart her chances of accomplishing the task at hand. Squaring her shoulders, she decided that if she pressed him enough, she'd be able to coax him in taking up her offer.
"Are you sure Commander?" she questioned again. "We still have a long way to go until we reach Earth, and you haven't had anything to eat or drink as of yet... well since we took off anyway." He turned again and this time when he looked at her, she could clearly see the annoyance written in bold letters across his face.
`Damn woman...' he thought to himself after being interrupted a second time. He studied her a bit before realizing that if he didn't come up with something to say fast, she wasn't going to leave him alone anytime soon. "You're quite the persistent one, aren't you Miss Russell?"
Her eyes widened in surprise before a smile slowly crept its way up the corners of her mouth.
He knew her name.
"Well, I was given strict orders to make sure that your trip back to Earth was as pleasant and comfortable as possible..." she answered surely, and then added in a softer tone, "...and it seems as if you have a lot on your mind, Commander... as if you have the whole world weighing down on your shoulders... maybe something to drink will help ease you up a bit."
His eyebrows raised slightly in surprise at her observation, but then he found himself frowning at the idea of his thoughts and feelings being so easily exposed. It was something he always tried hard to keep hidden, even from those closest to him.
Sensing his displeasure, the smile slipped from her face. Thinking that she had offended him in some way, she tried her best to apologize.
"I'm sorry Commander... I didn't mean to sound so rude. I hope I haven't offended you in anyway from my comment-"
"You didn't," he cut in flatly. He sighed and briefly closed his eyes, while leaning back against the leather bound seats of the space shuttle. "And you were right... a drink wouldn't hurt."
Her smile returned. "Is there anything in particular you'd like, sir?"
He thought about it for a second before shaking his head. "No... just get me something... something to forget."
"To... forget, sir?" she asked, her face twisted in mild confusion.
"Yes," he replied quietly. "To forget." He turned and looked at her; his face expressionless and his stare vacant.
"I... see," she answered and nodded, albeit reluctantly. "I'll be right back then, sir." She turned and headed toward the back of the shuttle, where the food and refreshments were located, all the while coming up with different ideas of what she should bring him. "To forget, huh?" she mumbled to herself. "I swear I can never get a straight answer out of him..."
Moments later she returned with a heavy-set glass filled with several ice cubes submerged in a light brown liquid. When she reached his seat, she opened her mouth to speak, but stopped short when she noticed the desolate look that had once again settled on his face. She decided that having already bothered him enough for one day, it would be best to leave him alone for now. Setting the glass down next to him, she quickly turned to leave, but a voice halted her.
"Thank you."
She turned to look at him again, but his eyes refused to meet hers. She smiled nonetheless at the small gesture of gratitude that he offered her. "You're welcome Commander Chang," she replied and headed back to her own seat. She made her way down the aisle and plopped down next to a young man dressed in an attire identical to her own. "Hey," she sighed and leaned over to place a kiss on his cheek.
Without taking his eyes off the computer screen, he mumbled out a `hey' that was barely audible, even to his own ears. She quirked an eyebrow at his response, or lack thereof, and frowned. She really didn't appreciate being brushed off so easily like that.
"Is that any way to greet your girlfriend?" But she received no reply, and instead, was met with the continuous sounds of his fingers running across the keyboard. So she tried again, hoping to get his attention this time around. "Blair... Blair... BLAIR!"
"Huh? Did you say something Amy?" he asked turning to look at her. Her arms were crossed in contempt and the glare that she had on her face could rival that of his commanding officer's, who just happened to be sitting six rows behind them. He eyed her strangely. "What? Did I... do something wrong?"
Completely frustrated, she ignored the question and grabbed the closest thing she could get her hands on, which happened to be a magazine, and began flipping through it roughly, all the while mumbling angry words under her breath.
"Stupid idiot... can't even say `hello' to his own girlfriend... jerk... he's so absorbed in his work... doesn't even notice anything around him..." was what he was able to make out.
`Uh-oh, I think she's mad at me...' he thought nervously.
"Amy," he called out to her. He tried to place his hand on her shoulder, but she just shrugged it off. "Amy..."
"Fuck off Blair."
He flinched at the harshness of her voice, and realized that at this point, words were going to be of no use to him. So he decided on the more... direct approach. Setting aside his laptop, he leaned over and gripped the back of her neck, drawing her to him in one fluid motion and crushing her lips in a sound kiss. At first she tried to struggle against the rapid assault on her lips, but it was to no avail because she soon found herself melting into the kiss, and returning the gesture in equal eagerness. He pulled away after a while, much to her disappointment, leaving her breathless and craving for more.
"How's *that* for saying `hello' to my sweetheart?" he asked, a devilish twinkle in his eyes.
She wrapped her arms loosely around his neck and pressed her forehead against his. "Mmm... that's just the way I like it."
"I'm glad," he replied, placing a soft kiss on her lips. "Look, I'm sorry for ignoring you, but I had a lot of work to do and I was hoping to get most of it done on the flight. I hope you know that I didn't do it on purpose. I know I was being pretty insensitive and I apologize for that. So... I hope you're not angry at me."
She smiled up at him, lightly brushing her hand against his cheek. "I'm not mad at you...maybe a little peeved, but not anymore." She paused and kissed him again. "And it's good to know that you at least make an attempt to try and listen to me."
"So... you'll let me finish my work then?"
She nodded in compliance and he kissed her one final time before turning to recover his neglected computer. Setting the console back in front of him, he let out a serrated sigh and focused his attention once again on the screen. She smiled sympathetically at the exhausted look on his face, knowing that even though what he was doing was important, he was dreading it immensely. Noticing the way his shoulders sagged tiredly while he worked, she reached over and began massaging the back of his neck, gently working the kinks out with seasoned ease. His eyes drifted shut and his head dropped forward, as he groaned in pleasure at the delicate but firm fingers kneading his tense muscles.
"Mm... keep this up, and I'll never get anything done..."
She smiled at his comment and at the serene look on his face. Giving his neck a couple more firm tugs, she stopped what she was doing and pulled her hand away.
"Hey... I didn't say you had to stop," he griped, replacing her hand back on his neck. She laughed lightly and ran her hand down his back, stopping at his side to give it a hard squeeze.
"Freeloader..." she teased, watching as he jerked against her touch. "So, what's got your brain all in a twist?"
"A paper for Philosophy..." he grumbled irately. "You wouldn't believe how god damn hard this is. I seriously don't know what possessed me to sign up for this concurrent enrollment program. I mean going to school is hard enough, but also having to work for the Preventers on the side... that's just crazy."
"Well, at least they're paying for your expenses and giving you boarding... I'd say that's a pretty good deal."
He sighed and leaned back in his seat. "Yeah it is, but the work is just too overwhelming sometimes..." He turned his head to look at her. "...and I still don't know how the hell you talked me into doing this."
"You make it sound like I did a bad thing."
"Oh, I'm sorry... what was I thinking?" he scoffed. "What I meant to say was, `thank you *so* much for convincing me into doing this'."
She gave him a playful push. "Ungrateful jerk..." He chuckled lightly and reached over to entwine their fingers together. "Come on... it can't be that bad."
"I suppose not, but the Commander isn't making it any easier for me."
"He's just doing his job preparing us for the outside world," she answered knowingly.
He snorted disdainfully. "Please, like he gives a damn about you, me, or anyone else for that matter. I mean he's just a self-centered, egotistical, chauvinistic man who thinks too highly of himself."
"Is that how you see him?" she asked looking directly into his auburn eyes. "Do you believe that's who he really is?" Not waiting for his answer, she continued on. "Because I don't. I think there's so much more to him than what we actually see... he's just so complex... so mysterious, but at the same time he's so simple and defined... but I guess, in some weird way, that's what I respect most about him..." A small smile tugged on her lips. "...so much had to of happened in his life to have shaped him into the person he is today."
His grip on her hand loosened slightly as he gave her a questioning look. "You really hold a high opinion of him, don't you?"
"I do."
He frowned a bit at her answer. "Well... do you respect him more for who he is, or what he stands for?"
She thought about the question for a moment before answering. "Both," she finally replied. "I respect him as a whole, as a human being... and as a person who helped forge this peace we're living in with his own hands."
He let go of her hand completely this time, and crossed his arms. "Is that why you became a Preventer Amy? Because... of *him*?" He looked away, causing flecks of his charcoal colored hair to fall against the smoothness of his skin, covering the hardened look of his eyes. "You know the fact that he was a gundam pilot just makes him all the more appealing."
"That maybe so, but it's so much more than that Blair..." He gestured grandly for her to continue. Shifting in her seat, she turned until her body was facing him. "I joined the Preventers because I *believe* in the peace that they helped create and I want to be there to help maintain it. I'm not just going to sit by and watch as other people dictate my life for me."
"Well, you were never one to go about things lightly that's for sure..." he muttered. He sighed deeply and looked at her again. "I still don't understand what you see in him. The guys way too cocky and self-assured for his own good... and he's got some rampant hatred of women that even I don't understand."
"He doesn't hate women!! I happen to think the opposite. I think he respects them more than he lets on," she stated firmly.
"Really?"
She nodded. "Lately... it seems something's been bothering him... and I know it has to do with a woman."
"And how would you know that?" he asked, a bit skeptical.
"I dunno, I just do... women's intuition."
He shook his head sadly. "Look all I'm saying is that the man's not worth thinking about. He could give a rat's ass about anyone besides himself and think about it, for all the time we've worked under him, he's addressed you either as `hey you', or `you there', or `miss'. I mean, come on Amy get real... the guy is not worth it."
"How can you just sit there and bad mouth him like that? He's not at all like you said he is. And for your information, Blair, he does know my name."
"Well, whoop dee fuckin' doo Amy. You must feel *so* god damn special," he spat out bitterly.
"What's wrong with you, Blair? Why are you getting so worked up about this... and why the hell are we arguing about the Commander??!"
His eyes narrowed dangerously at her. "I don't know, why don't you tell me Amy, since you're always defending him. You put him on a fuckin' pedestal like he's better than anyone else. In your eyes, the man can do no wrong."
"What, that's not true!"
"Yes it is Amy!! All I *ever* hear is how the Commander's this, and how the Commander's that. You are at his every whim and command and I can't stand it anymore all right!! I hate it!!!"
She stared at him incredulously. "Why are you so angry??!"
"Well how the hell am I supposed to react when my own girlfriend's got the hots for her fuckin' commander!!" he threw at her accusingly.
Silence followed as her mouth immediately fell closed while a look of shock spread across her face. "What... you think...that I... that I *like* the Commander??"
"YES!!" he yelled, completely frustrated. But before he could say any more, the surrounding area was suddenly filled with her laughter. He watched her, confused as to why she was laughing. He didn't find anything he said at all amusing. "I really don't see what the humor in this situation is."
"Oh Blair... you idiot..." she replied, finally able to settle herself down. She wiped away the tears of mirth that had gathered at the corners of her eyes.
"You know, insulting me isn't exactly helping you here Am-" he replied, but was cut off by surprise when she reached over to grasp his hand in her own; pulling it up and tenderly kissing it.
"You *are* an idiot Blair. You know I could never love anyone as much as I love you." He looked into her eyes and saw the unquestionable warmth they possessed. Her voice, holding so much emotion in them that it was difficult to doubt her words.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah... it's just that I respect and admire the commander a lot, that's all..." She squeezed his hand reassuringly. "...and anyway, there's already somebody that holds his interest, and it certainly isn't me. You have absolutely nothing to worry about."
He broke into a smile, his uncertainties mollified by her assurance. Giving her hand a gentle tug, he pulled her toward him. "I'm sorry," he whispered and captured her lips again in a sweet kiss. She smiled against his mouth and looked up at him again after they pulled apart.
"That's all right, I understand how you feel..." she said, gently at first and then added seductively. "...but you know... you're kinda sexy when you get all jealous and stuff..."
He raised a piqued eyebrow at her. "Is that so? Hm... just don't go and make it a habit now. I'm not sure how much more of you I can take. I swear, one of these days, you're gonna wear me out for good."
She smirked. "Well then, we'll just have to remedy that now, won't we?" But before he could reply, she tangled her arms around his neck and kissed him, intoxicating him thoroughly with her lips, allowing no more words to pass between them.
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He sat with his eyes closed, silently meditating and calming himself; clearing his mind of any unwanted thoughts and images. But the one thing that he tried hardest to forget at that moment, he just couldn't erase from his mind.
Her.
All his thoughts centered on her, continuously plaguing his mind. But it wasn't her smile that he remembered, it was her tears, her hurt...
Another two months had gone by since he'd left Earth... left her... and everyday he found himself forgetting more and more: like the way her mouth moved when she spoke, the look she gave him every time he did something to make her angry, and most of all... the feel of her touch. What he would give to feel her nimble fingers run endlessly through his hair, once again making him forget all his troubles.
But now, pieces of his memories were steadily fading like shadows. And no matter how hard he'd try to catch them, they would always end up slipping right through his hands.
He took in a deep breath and slowly expelled it. Opening his eyes, he glanced down and noticed the untouched glass next to him. He picked it up carefully; testing its weight in his hands. He rotated his wrist back and forth, causing the melting ice to swivel in the drink and clink against the sides of the glass. The moisture that had gathered around the cup was now dampening his fingers, giving it a slick feel.
He lifted the glass up to take a sip, but stopped halfway when the sound of a woman's laughter reached his ears. He let the glass suspend in midair for a bit before setting it back down, untasted. He knew who the owner of the voice was; the familiar pitch and tone resonating around him. But just as quickly as the laughter began, it disappeared, melting into hushed murmurs. He had caught bits and pieces of their conversation, but most of it fell on deaf ears. For the most part, he really didn't pay much attention to their bickering, he could care less about their problems... hell, he already had his own to deal with.
He sighed and moved his eyes toward the window again. The stars streaked across the limitless boundaries of outer space, glistening against the darkness. He always thought that outer space was where he belonged. It had been his home for so long. It was where he was born; where he was brought up and taught. But when he came back, he felt that something was missing. This wasn't the place that he had remembered so vividly, it felt too different. Everything was just so foreign and alien. And for the first time in his life he realized what it was to be truly alone. The emptiness he felt was unnerving... and it scared him.
So where did he belong then? That very question vexed him tirelessly, day after day, and was the reason why he was returning to Earth. He needed to find out where he fit in this world, where he belonged. It's true, no one could live in this world alone successfully. Everyone needed someone or something to hold them together, to protect them, and he was no exception to that fact. His sanity, his strength, his whole worth was resting in the hands of one woman. The one person who he held a higher regard for more than anything else, maybe even more than his own life.
But he had been a fool, a complete fool for letting something like that escape his grasp. He had made a mistake, and he knew it. But he hoped in earnest that he'd be able to fix it before it was too late. He was going back to retrieve what he had lost and possibly, gain within himself something worth living for.
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***A/N: Okay, I know I posted that note asking you readers which was better, a shorter chapter or a longer one. As you can see, the former won... this time. I realized that if I kept going, then the chapter would be EXTREMELY long, and I just didn't want to bore any of you, BUT I do appreciate the few of you that did give your opinion, thank you very much. :) Okay, just so you know, the two new characters aren't really important to the story, I just thought adding them in would be cool. I don't think they'll appear again in the story... unless you guys want so otherwise... :) All righty then, sorry this chapter was so short and nothing much happened... it's really just a chapter of reflection. So yea, PLEASE read and review!!!! I'd love to hear more from you guys... um if you want, you can email me at dcatalonia_04@hotmail.com. :) Thanx again and I'll post up the next chapter soon! :)
****Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing BUT I do own Amy and Blair :)