Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Share my Thoughts ❯ Chapter 1

AN: If you were following this story, I deleted it because I'm rewriting it. I'll post the new chapters as soon as they are ready. This chapter 1 is what used to be chapters 1 and 2. The new chapter is written but I'll wait until I have reposted everything. If you read the story and don't want to re read the rewritten version, wait until I post chapter 5 to keep reading where you left.

Share my Thoughts

By Misanagi

Rated: PG13

Archive: http://www.psinergy.com/dryerspace/gundaniumline/misanagi/misanagi

Warnings: Shonen ai, angst.

Pairings: 3x4, 1x2, 5xS

Summary: Quatre seems different and the other pilots would do anything to find out what happened to him.

Timeline: After the Endless Waltz.

Feedback: Yes please!

Notes: This is my first GW fanfic. I rewrote it and I'll be posting the chapters as soon as they are done. If you read this before (which I doubt) the plot is still the same, I just changed some style things.

Dedication: To Anne, for her patience. Thanks a lot for beta reading this twice. *gives her some chocolate to feed her addiction and some carrots to feed her bunnies*

"blah" = Talking

'blah' = Thought (well duh!)

================

Chapter I

"What did you say?" asked Duo, forgetting to close his mouth when he had finished speaking.

"I just said that I think that having a child is the representation of the selfishness of man kind," Quatre repeated.

"But, Quatre, you love children!" said Duo.

"Of course I love children, Duo! They are pure souls and that has absolutely nothing to do with the issue."

"How can you like children and still be against the idea of reproducing?" asked Heero, using an even tone of voice.

"I agree with Winner," said Wufei. "Stupid people shouldn't breed"[1]

"Come on, Wufei, that's not the point," commented Duo.

"No," said Wufei "but I still think you should stay away from the ladies, Maxwell, just for the good of human kind." The smile on Wufei's face showed everyone that he was only trying to change the subject to a more comfortable one.

Duo gave him one of his mischievous smirks and put an arm around Heero. "I would take that as an insult if it wasn't for the fact that Heero and I have as much fu-" His statement was cut short as a hand tugged his braid sharply. Heero smirked.

Trowa remained silent as he stood near the far wall of the room. He kept looking at Quatre with confused eyes. They had never talked about having children before. Trowa didn't actually know what the parenting thing was all about; he never had a father so his concept of family was practically non-existent. He thought that he wouldn't know what to do with a child and he wouldn't subject a vulnerable creature to his horrible parenting. He knew that he could take care of his needs, as he did with the animals, but giving his love and trust for the responsibility of a child was just too much for a former terrorist. He had fought for what he thought was right and he didn't regret a thing he had done but he hardly thought of himself as a role model.

Quatre, on the other hand, had everything he needed to be a great father. Trowa hadn't thought much about the topic but it did seem strange to hear those words coming out of the blond man's mouth. Maybe it had something to do with his own experiences. Trowa didn't know much about Quatre's relationship with his father. Quatre didn't talk much about it and Trowa didn't ask. He knew that it was a painful subject for the blond and that he hadn't truly ever stopped blaming himself for the Zero system incident.

"It's not like that either, Wufei," said the blond. "It's just my opinion. I'm not judging anyone; it's just not something I would do."

"So you don't want to have kids, Cat?"

"No, Duo."

"That's funny; I always pictured you as the father type."

Quatre just shook his head and gave them a little smile. "I'm sorry," he said after a moment, "but I'm really tired so I just think I'll go to bed early." He left the room without looking back.

"That wasn't right," said Duo as he heard the upstairs door shut behind Quatre.

"Did you guys check out his eyes? They were so sad, not like Q at all."

Heero nodded, his eyes still fixed on the door Quatre had used to exit the room.

"I think Winner is right. We are not the type of people who could have a middle class house with a noisy family and a day job."

"I know that, Wufei," answered Duo. "It's not what he said, it's just the way he said it. It was like he had a haunted (hunted or haunted?) look in his eyes. Have you ever seen him like that, Tro?"

Trowa looked from behind his bang and his eyes traveled to the door Quatre had used to leave. "I'm not sure," he finally said. "Sometimes for a split second I can see this in him but he banishes it so fast. This is the first time it has lasted so long. I think it has something to do with his father."

Trowa noticed Heero watching him and he could tell that even though his facial expression didn't change, Heero could see that he was worried. "His father," Heero said, but it wasn't a question.

Trowa nodded but then shook his head a little and Heero nodded in understanding.

"What was that? You know is not polite to have a private conversation while there are other people in the room. If you would be so kind to translate…" said Duo.

"Zero system."

"Zero system?" asked Duo. "You don't mean that Quatre is having some kind of residual problems with that."

"If you hadn't interrupted me," said Heero, "you could have heard me say that Trowa doesn't think that it is that."

Duo's eyes opened more and he kept glancing between Heero and Trowa.

"I'm worried," said the green-eyed boy, breaking the silence.

"Maybe," said Duo, "it has something to do with his childhood. I'm not an expert in the whole family department so maybe we should hear the opinion of someone who had a father."

Wufei spoke, since he was the only one on the room fitting that description. "Maxwell, you are mistaken if you think that every family works the same way. My father was a strict man who taught me honor and discipline, but that doesn't mean that Winner's father was the same. I wasn't there, there's no way for me to know anything about it."

"So that settles it," said Duo after thinking for a moment. "We just need to talk to someone who knew Quatre before the wars; one of his sisters, maybe."

"No," said Trowa. "He doesn't get along with any of them."

"He talks to them, they call here frequently," commented Heero.

"Those are business calls; they just care about the money and Winner Enterprises, not him."

"Okay, so they are out. We need someone else who knew him before, but not family. Someone he is close to, and who is trustworthy. I know there is someone. It's on the tip of my tongue."

"Rashid."

"Yeah that's the one, Heero." said Duo. "But how do you know about Rashid? Have you met him?"

"He calls here sometimes."

"I can set up a meeting," said Trowa, getting up from his chair. "I'm going to check on Quatre."

The others nodded and Trowa could hear them talking as he left the room.

"So what's on TV?" Duo asked, taking the control and looking for something to see. Wufei grunted and left the room behind Trowa, muttering something about needing sleep.

The voices faded and Trowa stopped in front of his room. He took a deep breath and went in.

* * *

Trowa woke up the next morning with the sound of one of his favorite tunes. Even though they were in a time of peace now, he awoke instantly with the smallest of noises and was completely alert from the first note. He waited a couple of moments to see if Quatre was up and would turn off the stereo so he could go back to sleep but nothing happened. Finally he turned around to face a very happy and very asleep Arabian blond. Trowa gave a smile of his own. Quatre was having a good dream and he knew that didn't happen often. He was torn between waking him up or letting him sleep. He looked so peaceful. Trowa finally pressed his soft lips to his lover's cheek. Quatre just smiled happily but stayed asleep.

'This is going to be more difficult than I thought.'

He knew from previous experience that waking Quatre was a complicated job that required expertise and very skillful person. The happy and lovely blond that everyone knew during the day was not the same when he was taken away from dreamland, unless of course he was having a nightmare.

In the beginning of their relationship Trowa had tried once to wake up Quatre by putting a hand in his shoulder and shaking him while calling his name. It turned out that was the wrong way of doing it. Very angry aquamarine eyes had stared at him while Quatre cursed him in every way he could for waking him up and in such a horrible way. That was the day that Trowa met "Cranky Morning Cat", as he baptized him, and since that day he had tried to avoid him as best as he could. "Cranky Morning Cat", or CMC for short, disappeared as soon as Quatre took a bath or some caffeine entered his body in the form of tea, coke or on, rare occasions, coffee.

Trowa had no intentions of meeting CMC that day so he began petting Quatre gently and giving him soft kisses from time to time. That was the only way CMC wouldn't make an unwanted appearance.

Quatre slowly opened his eyes. Trowa could tell that the blond was debating between staying in dreamland or answering the call of the sensations the real world was providing him. Trowa hoped he was doing a good job convincing Quatre that waking up wasn't so bad.

Quatre's eyes finally focused on the green ones staring back at him and Trowa smiled after he saw the contented look on his lover's face.

"Good Morning," said Quatre, while he rubbed his eyes.

"Hi."

"Mmm what time is it?"

"7:00."

"Seven?" asked the blond as he jumped from the bed, suddenly completely awake. "I'm late!" he announced as he dashed to the bathroom.

"You are always late," commented Trowa. "But somehow you always manage to get there on time…"

His only answer was the sound of the water running. Trowa smiled and closed his eyes again. It was way too early for him to wake up.

* * *

Quatre gave his lover a soft kiss and left him sleeping pleasantly in his bed. He dashed down the stairs and towards the kitchen, pausing only to grab a coke can from the fridge. There was no time to make tea or coffee but he still needed his caffeine. When he turned to go to the garage, he ran into someone with such force that he would have hit the floor if it wasn't for the strong arms keeping him upright.

"Good morning, Heero," said Quatre when he finally looked at the person who was holding him.

Heero nodded in acknowledgment and released Quatre after he was sure that he wasn't going to fall.

"Why are you up this early?" asked Heero who, having met CMC before, was not looking forward for another encounter.

"I have an early meeting today. I tried to reschedule. You know me; normally I am not in the office before ten, but there was nothing I could do."

"And where are your body guards?"

"Oh there is no need for them," said Quatre dismissively as he headed again for the door. "They are okay for those colony meetings and important events but I'm just going to the office…"

"Quatre, you are an important figure as a colony representative and as the head of WEI. You can be a target anywhere."

"Well that's true," he said, stopping again. "But you and I know that I'm not the defenseless rich boy the media think I am. I can get myself to the office just fine, don't worry." Quatre smiled, looked at his watch and tried again to reach the door.

He sighed when Heero put a hand on his chest, stopping his attempt to get on time to the office again. Heero swiftly pressed his hands around Quatre's chest and after a moment, gave him an approving look.

"You see, I'm not careless," said Quatre when Heero was done with his inspection. "I have my gun right here. Now can I please go? I am already late."

Heero nodded and stepped away from the door. Quatre gave him another smile as he hurried to the garage.

He stood for a moment deciding which vehicle to take. The garage was a very big room and had a lot of vehicles there. Every one was unique; all the pilots had worked on them so the features in each of them were much more than anyone would have thought. Quatre had planned to take his black convertible but since the talk with Heero had taken most of his spare time, he quickly jumped on his motorcycle. He had worked on that machine for days. He loved it and he had replaced the motor with a much more powerful and lighter one. That was one of the many advantages of knowing how to build a Gundam; he was able to make some new toys for himself. His motorcycle was incredibly fast and Quatre, being an experienced pilot, knew how to handle it.

He snapped out of his daydream and looked at his watch. He had ten minutes to make it to the other side of town. Quatre smirked; he was never late and he wasn't going to start now.

* * *

Heero watched from the window as Quatre drove off at an alarming speed. He smirked a little when he saw the coke can enter the trash can at the gate before Quatre disappeared from sight.

"He always had great aim," said Duo as he put his arms around his lover.

Heero turned around and kissed him good morning before speaking. "And what are you doing up this early on our day off? It isn't lunch time yet."

"I know but I heard Quatre leaving and I thought that this would be a great time to call Rashid. He is going to be out all day so we can use the time."

"I don't think Trowa is up and he is the one who is going to call him."

"So go wake him up!" said Duo. "I'll go and look for Wufei; he must be exercising in the yard."

Heero nodded and headed for Trowa and Quatre's room. He knocked softly. Soon a groan was heard from inside and he interpreted it as an invitation to go in.

"Trowa," he said, and then entered the room. Heero opened the curtains and avoided the pillow that was thrown his way. "I think being near Quatre that long is giving you your own case of CMT," he commented, silently smiling at the look on his friend's face.

"Why are you here?" asked Trowa, sitting up, fully awake and still glaring.

"Duo."

"Oh… and?"

"He wants you to make the call."

"I did yesterday," said Trowa as he made himself comfortable in bed again. "Now kindly close the curtains and wake me up in two hours. We are going to meet Rashid for lunch."

"Get up," said Heero, smirking. "Or I'll call Duo so he can get you out of bed."

Trowa glared and groaned but he finally got up.

"What happened yesterday?" asked Heero, while he waited for Trowa to get ready.

"He pretended to be asleep. Nothing out of the ordinary today but I'm still worried."

"We need to wait until we can gather more information, then we can decide what to do."

Trowa nodded and Heero put on hand on his shoulder, in a silent gesture of support. Trowa and Quatre were his friends and he would find a way to help them. He always did.

"I'm going to take a shower," said Trowa after a while. He walked to the bathroom door but turned to look at Heero before he closed it. "Thanks," he said and then the door closed behind him.

* * *

It was a very private place and Duo thought that maybe it was owned by the Maguanacs, since there seemed to be no other customers. They were seated in the floor in front of a nice table filled with delicacies. Duo had tasted the hospitality of the Maguanacs when he and Quatre hid together in one of their villages and he hadn't forgotten the really good food they served.

It was a feast and they ate kibbes, falafels and cuscus, while talking about many different things. Well mostly Duo and Rashid talked; from time to time Wufei said something but Heero and Trowa limited themselves to nodding and offering some opinions here and there.

Dessert came and Duo enjoyed the almonds and cakes but stayed away from the Halva. He had had a close encounter with the horrible substance the Maguanacs dared to call sweet, and had vowed to stay away from it forever. [2]

"Thanks for the food, it was great," said Duo as he patted his stomach. The others nodded in agreement and Rashid smiled.

"I'm glad you liked it, but I'm sure you didn't call me to have a casual lunch so what is the problem?"

Duo looked around and realized that he would have to do all the talking. "We are worried about Quatre. He is been acting weirdly. Nothing too obvious but we know him well and there is something troubling him."

"And you want my help?"

"Yes. Yesterday we were talking and he said some things that made us think that maybe his father is the cause of the problem. We don't know much about Quatre's relationship with his father and we don't ask a lot of questions, because we know it is a painful subject for him. We thought we could ask you, since you have known him longer."

"Not much longer," said Rashid and the pilots looked at him in confusion.

"What do you mean? Haven't you known him since he was a little boy?" asked Duo.

"Not that little. I met him when he was thirteen. He never told you about that?"

"Nope. We just assumed that you worked for his father or something…"

"I met him when we kidnapped his shuttle." Rashid dismissed the weird looks he was receiving and continued. "We were going to free some workers and we needed the Winner shuttle to do it."

Duo noticed that Rashid was smiling softly, as the memories of that time came to his mind. "He was such a brat back then. He didn't care about anything, not even himself. We were kidnapping him and he was bored! He told us that he had no value and that if he died they would just make another one. He never told me much about his childhood but I don't think it was as happy as he wants us to think; he was a very lost boy when I met him."

"Quatre a brat? It's not fair that I missed that! He is always so polite. I don't think I could ever picture him as the spoilt brat he was supposed to be."

"What do you mean, Maxwell?"

"It's just that rich people are usually snobs with their heads up their asses but Quatre was never like that. He destroyed my whole theory."

"He wasn't that bad," continued Rashid. "He just didn't care. When we got the call from Mr. Winner, he asked to talk to Master Quatre. I was surprised to learn that he was running away. He thought he was just a creation; that he existed only because his father needed an heir. He spoke with such self hatred that I couldn't resist and I just hit him."

"You hit Quatre?" asked Heero, in an even tone.

Rashid nodded. "The boy had no pride in himself. I'm also a test tube baby - all the Maguanacs are - so I couldn't stand hearing him talk like that."

"You didn't hit Quatre too hard, did you?" asked Duo, giving Rashid a disapproving glare.

The Maguanac nodded. "I was actually surprised that he didn't fall down or cry. That's when I first knew he was stronger than he looked and he proved it to me not much later."

Duo was still thinking about a thirteen year old Quatre being hit by someone as strong as Rashid but the man's next words caught his attention again.

"He saved my life, all of our lives."

There was a moment of silence and Duo realized that if he wanted an explanation he would have to ask for it. "Man, you can't just tell something like that and not give more details."

Rashid smiled at Duo. "We had a traitor. Master Quatre discovered him and somehow managed to capture him and bring him to us. However, the traitor freed himself and shot me. Master Quatre pushed me out of the way and the bullet only hit me in the arm. It hit him too. My wound would have been fatal if it wasn't for Master Quatre."

"That's Quatre," said Duo smiling. "He is a strong as an ox under those deceiving elegant clothes."

Rashid nodded and continued. "After that, we were attacked by the Alliance and Master Quatre insisted on fighting with us. I let him borrow my suit. He surprised us all. Not only was he a very skilful pilot but he also directed my men in battle. Thanks to him, we managed to distract the suits long enough for the prisoners to be evacuated. However, there were still twenty suits ready to attack us as soon as we decided to go back to Earth so Master Quatre sent all of my men back to the ship and pursued the enemy alone. He won and thanks to him we were able to return home. Since then, the Maguanacs are in his debt so we call him Master Quatre to show our respect."

"I always thought you called him like that because he signed your paychecks or something like that," commented Duo.

"It was Winner strength which earned him these men's respect and their loyalty, not his family name."

Duo smiled. Wufei was right; this was why the Maguanacs were so important to Quatre. They were the first people who trusted him because of who he was and not for being a Winner. Their respect was the first thing that he had earned for himself.

"The next time I saw him," continued Rashid, "he came to Earth to join us and had a Gundam with him."

"So that was the only time you met him before the war?" asked Heero.

"Yes, I'm sorry if I wasn't much help."

"You helped a lot." Everyone turned to look at Trowa since it was the first time he'd spoken. "I understand him much better now."

"I know," said Rashid, after thinking for a while, "that Master Quatre was not a happy child. I saw it in his eyes then. When he came to Earth he was another person, stronger and more confident in himself, but some of the sadness he had, never left those eyes. I care for him and I know that there are no other people who love him as we do, other than you. If he hasn't spoken to you, then he hasn't spoken to anyone. You'll have to talk to him."

The boys nodded and after saying goodbye, left the restaurant and headed back to the house. They decided on the way over that they had to talk to Quatre that night.

TBC

* * *

[1] I have to say that I stole this quote from a mail of Jessica Hogan-Chang. I thought it was hilarious and fitted quite well with the story but if you want to I can take it out. I hope you are not mad. :)

[2] If you have ever eaten Halva you should know what I'm talking about.