Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Shattered ❯ Shattering Souls ( Chapter 1 )

Author's note: Hello there! For those who do not know me, I'm Evil Karyta. I'm a twisted mind writing fanfictions for whoever wants to read them. I'm mostly specialised into lemons because that's where my fucked up brain always runs to. For those who knows me, you understand don't you? And for the rest, don't worry, you will soon. So this is my first Gundam Wing fic. Oh that is bad… And it's a 1xR, even worst don't you think. That's what my dear friend Cath told me the other day when I told her I was writing this. She's really funny to see when she bashs Relina… but I'm pretty sure she likes her anyway, I mean she already wrote two fics with her as the main character so she should not complain about my work now. Anyway, I'm asking you guys to be understanding with me. I tried to keep everyone in character but I'm not sure it had worked. So please, don't complain or flame me for this, I'm just an innocent writer who want's to express herself. Anyway, I want you to be kind with me also because I haven't saw all the GW episodes. But I hope it won't show… Alright, enough of my senseless babbling, no one reads it anyway. So on with the fic! And please don't forget to review! ^-^

Warnings: This is a NC-17 rated fic. So it means that it contains graphic sex. For once I don't have to warn you of swearing of violence because there's none of it. But I got to say, don't read this if you are in search of yourself or highly depressed because it's very angst. And it's also very… how could I say this… psychological? Anyway, you get the picture. It's complicated and the way the characters are is very disbalanced emotionally. So if you don't feel like reading complicate stuff, I suggest you stop right hear and go find something more happy and fluffy cause I don't write this kind of things. Also, if your under 17 of age, don't read this, I don't want to get e-mails from angry parents telling me that kids read my story and that they think that I'm corrupting their children. You've been warned.

Declaimers: I don't own Gundam Wings. It's not mine, the characters neither, it belongs to their respective producers and creators. So if you want to sue me, you can't because it will give you nothing. I'm kinda broke right now and I'm not making any money out of this… too bad though. Althoug the plot of this story is mine, it comes out of my insane mind and it shall stay mine. If I find anyone is copying me, you sure should know how to run cause I'm a very deadly person when I'm angered.

So with no further do, on with the fic…

Shattered

We live in a world of possibilities; the only thing that we have to do is to find the good one…

first… Shattering Souls

It's been 5 years now. Five years after the war, after the pacifism, after the before. Five years of hidden feelings, hidden hopes, hidden meanings. But inside, they still existed just as powerful and overwhelming as they were, only pushed to the deepest part of the subconscious. Yes, that far. It was the safest place to keep them. Many embarrassed this method, some by choice, to forget the past, other by obligations, also to forget the past. It was the case of Relina Dorlian Peacecraft, Foreign Minister, head of peace and hope. Hope she could only wish she still had, because as the war ended, her whole life stopped to turn in another way, more depressive end colourless as the old one circled with pain and violence was.

5 years ago, as the senseless killing of fighting stopped her old safe died. The young and carefree girl she was before would never be back again. She had change, the world had change, she had matured though she was not too sure about her beloved Earth. The cheerful days spend with her family was long since revolved. No more will the gentle hand of her mother will caress her forehead as she slept, no more will her father laugh with her again, he was dead, she had changed. From the tearful teenager she was in the beginning, she had shift to the serious orphan, than to the Queen of the Earth to finally become the Foreign Minister, the young holder of peace and creator of total pacifism. What a joke her life was, being only a figure, a portrait of peace. A simple symbol of what was only a legend to the human kind.

She could hardly remember the time she spent with her real family. The first three or four years of her life were just like a big cloud of thick smoke. Nothing clear, anything real, just a feeling of an old memory, hidden far in the end of her mind. Her brother was not very real; the feeling holding her to him was just a strange illusion that the line of blood only kept, almost real. The only reason she was near him, or him near her was because of the bloodline. Nothing more. It made her feel so tiny in the possible universe, so insignificant that she was frightened.

What was left of the old her; the one who did shared smiles when they needed to. She seemed to have forgot how to make a real one. Strange how politics could take something as granted as happiness away from you that easily and that fast. Did she smiled at her real family, did she had the time? How was life when they were together? Were they happy together, or was there always pain and reminiscences? Was her parents near her like every parents should be or were they always absent, even when their body was present? So many questions that she had countless times tried to answer.

Some times, when she felt even more depressed, she imagined her life like a happy one. Her brother was kind with her, her mother was lovely, always smiling and gentle with every one. And she smelled good, like a rose, or maybe a violet, she could only imagine. She was loving and always there for her, in every steps of her life, just like her brother was. And her father, he was a good friend, not a stranger, always ready to help her, always available when she needed him. Never to far to listen to her like he should. Someone who was there, not only a picture or a blurry face in the depth of your mind but a human with emotions and feelings.

And when she was much more like herself, she imagined the real thing. A brother preoccupied with the family business, to rule, and the responsibilities of being a head. A mother always alone, very much near depression each time her husband would go away. Not really there and always hiding in her head, in her own handmade cage forged with the wire of her marriage with a picture of a man. A father who was so far away that he could not be reached. A stranger that walked in their lives tow or three times a year. A sad life but a true one, a possible one.

These was the though that she had that day as she slowly prepared her conference with the representatives of the colonies and the Earth's countries. She seem to never be able to make them go away, even when it was important. The never ending 'what ifs' of a tormented soul that hides its questions in the farthest corner of the consciousness. In the same place were the stress was held to make one believe that they were all right. But the never was. It created terrible migraines, pain that would not live her until she slept, and she did not slept much anymore. Everything was so tight in her soul that it kept her from her much needed rest.

With a sigh of resignation, she pushed away the papers and negotiation briefing she was reading and turn her chair to face the window. In her right hand, she still held her pencil. Her eyes slowly made their way from the floor, passing over her feet and legs, to her blue straight skirt, floating over the armrest of the black leather chair, brushing the length of her arm, to her hand to finally rest on the pen. She stared at it for a few minutes, only concentration on the form of the object. The round rear, the pointed front, wondering how many times it signed her name on meaningless document that much held important. No one knew how hard her job was, how difficult it was to make the decisions for a whole civilisation that did not seem to be capable to make their own. Many times, countless moments she felt as if she was a lost child in the middle of an adult world. She was so young and yet felt so old but could not nearly understand what the expected of her. Even her ascension as the Queen was not her choice, they made her, and she did not know the consequences of such agreements. She was too young… too young and it was the reason why they chose her.

She held her breath a short instant to realise it a few moments latter and drop her hand to her knees. Her sight drifted to the window to gaze at the ocean, the rippling waves hitting the shore and thus creating foam like millions of imaginary lamps floating on the water and bathed in the sun. It made her drift to the past, when she held a school, when she still went to school, when her family, her adopted one, was not only a memory. The days when she had friends not just shadows of them. The time when she was still a sort of a regular girl with hopes, dreams and future. Why? Why were those day all gone? Why did she feel as if her life, her soul was falling apart? Was she so lone and lost? She had no answers for those question either.

The waves were so soft and silky to the eyes, dancing in the sea as it always did. Something so natural that no one stopped anymore to wonder why it was made this way. It simply was. The water that slowly reached the sand was always smoothing to see and hear. An easy way for her to stop and just be for a moment. The war never ended the dance of the elements. Fire still burned, wind still blew, and earth was still the ground where life forms emerged and water was still the source of life, still as cool and refreshing as it was before.

The waves gradually pulled seaweed and other debris of ocean life to the shore just like it did before. It reminded her of a long lost boy that ended one day on the sand, stuck in a space suite. A brave young man that was and will always be a mystery to her and the other living beings. She had be so stun by those piercing blue eyes that looked so lost, like those of the child searching for a familiar face after being left alone by their mother for the first time. So beautiful and strong, wet so week and needing. A shelter for all feelings of the human kind, the only place where they could really hid themselves from the world and they're misery.

"Heero…"

She was curious by then to know him, to be his friend, he seemed to never had known what was the gentleness of a caring hand. She could have been wrong from the start but somehow she knew she was not. At first, she thought it was just friendship that she seek in him, but when she thought about it, it just did looked like it was really that. Than she imagined it was love but than again, what was love. How could she know what it was when she never felt it clearly. She did cared for other people but those that mean that she could love? She just did not know. Something was missing inside her and she desperately tried to hid it form every one. She could not afford for someone the figure out what was going on inside her.

She had stopped to believe a long time ago, when she realised that she could not change anything, just postpone the time when it will finally be realised. Like the wars she worked to prevent. She knew sometime they will explode all over the world and the space again, just like it did 5 years ago. And she was scared, so scared that all her efforts would be in vain. Heero would be at it again and maybe will he at last find a way to die. And if he did, how would she react to this? Would she be already dead? Than she would have lost any chances to understand him and all the time she spent trying like a mad girl to pierce the depth of his complicated soul would be lost, forever. She did not want this to happen, she would not allow it, but she could not really change the way life was meant to be. She was not God, far from it.

A soft knock woke her form her daydream and her secretary entered the room. He slowly walked to her desk holding a pad in his hands and a sad look was glued to his face. It was weird how life was made. That man was old enough to be her father, yet he worked for her with all the competence he learned from school. He stopped behind her, in front of the cheery wood made desk and waited patiently for her to acknowledge his presence. The leather chair turned around to show her face to the employee to her timetable. She had created a false smile just for him and the others that would see her today. She had to or they would get worried and she did not want to push more pressure into their life with her problems.

"Yes, what do you want?" she uttered.

"The next meeting is in five minutes, if you might want to follow me to the room, Foreign Minister Dorlian," was the simple answer.

"Yes, of course, please, lead the way."

He nodded and showed her to follow him with his left hand directed to the door. She stood up and took a last look at the ocean scenery behind her window and swallowed a sigh to walk leisurely to the door. As she made her way to the conference room, her thought got back to the strange young man that she died to know more about that just the missions he had. It was true, she knew him more than anyone, yet the only thing she perceived of him was his dedication to his work. On that point, they were very similar, each killing themselves for the sake of peace or war. Somehow, she knew it would always be that way. What else did she know about him? Nothing, he was so introverted, but he wished she could find out some day.

"Here miss Relina. Might I add, good luck," said the gentle voice of her secretary.

"Thank you," she quietly answered and entered the room pushing away her questioning to concentrate more on the matter at hand.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Thank you sir. You helped to save the world from another useless battle. Your nation own you!"

Duo shocked the old man's hand in sincere thanking, a big contagious smile on his falsely innocent face. He saluted him with his right arm and waved the same hand as the unknown man closed the door, his old wrinkled face harbouring a gentle smile. The breaded young man smirked in satisfaction, adjusting his cap over his head and noting something on the wooden pad he held in his other hand using a worn-out pencil. It refused categorically to write anything. Angered, he shocked it madly, a deadly scowl on his soft face, threatening pointlessly. Using a blank space in the corner of the sheet to make it work again, he scrambled small circles that didn't imprinted in half on the paper. He grunted in annoyance, ready to throw the unnerving piece of crap away when he herd a huffed sound coming from his left side and a pen showed up in front of his face.

"Here, use mine," said a quiet monotone voice.

"Thanks man…"

Heero just shrugged and walked down the cracking steps of the old house casting his expressionless eyes toward the horizon line following the shadows of the far away mountains. The soft breeze blew through his tangled and unruly chocolate brown bangs pushing them over his eyes, playing with them like a young child would do. He passed a hand through them, trying to tame them into a more conform styling, it was as if trying to broke a wild animal, a endless struggle against the beast of hairs. He felt their silky touch under his callous fingers and sighed resuming his march toward his vehicle, curtsey of Lady Une. Heero ran his fingers over the sun heated black metal of the hood lost in the depth of his swirling thoughts.

Since the last was, five years ago, he dedicated his life to the prevention of any other kind of conflicts between the colonies and the Earth or the Earth's countries. Right now, he was investigation under the command of Une and with the partnership of Duo Maxwell about the boundary problems of what was known as Ostrich and Hungary. Both were ready to start a weaponry war in the sake of a few kilometres of earth. Relina suggested to ask what the population thought about it and where did they thought the actual boundary was. Which they were doing at the moment.

He opened the door, glaring in the direction of Duo, still writing something on the report sheet, and climb into the car closing the door and planting his hand on the wheel. He stared at it a few moments trying to force his mind to focus only on the mission like he usually did but today it was not the same. He heard the sound of a door opening and the tapping of shoes on the wood and children laughing. He turned his attention toward the old house. Two young children ran out of it, an old woman smiling at them lovingly and turning to address herself to Duo who was still writing his report.

As he observed the young ones play, he started to wonder what it was like to have a real family. He never had one, only got training and training over his younger years. As he thought about it, he could not recall having anything close to a family. The only thing he could think of was the man who trained him, but he was gone long ago, dead like many persons who crossed his path. He had taught he to not leave room to any kind of these feeling, only room for hatred, anger and rage, maybe some sorrow but that only. What it the truth? Never once did he doubted it before, so why did it bothered him so much today? Something had changed, somehow his soul had reawaken and deep within, it hurt. Almost as much as dying but the substantial deference remained that it was not his body that throb, that he could suppress. No, it was in his heart, inside his mind.

After the end of the hostilities between the Earth and the space colonies, everything started to change. He was left with nothing to do, too much free time, too quiet and peaceful, allowing him to think, which he rarely did before. He was told to act on his emotions, but he did not have that mush left in his soldier soul. He was meant to be perfect, to have no feelings whatsoever. His life was created only for the battles, what was he to do with all those peaceful resolutions? And, God, why did he had those… thoughts… those angering, unnerving, annoying feelings gripping at his heart?

Before, all he had to focus on was the missions. Now he had to imagine a nearly non-existent future that he did not shish to have. Everything was so… boring. Even the Preventers missions were nothing compered to what he was raised to. Life had become his battlefield but he was left with no weapons, alone against his greater enemy. Heero's concentration got back to the children running carelessly, bear feet on the green grass covering the field. Their laughs hung in the air, the wind capturing it to play it into his ears, his mind imprinting the joyous melody into his subconscious like a back vocal to his thoughts. The little girl picked up two daisies and handed it to her grandmother and the other to Duo how smiled genuinely and accepted it with a big smile and a powerful thank you that he heard through the glasses of the car. Her brother came closer to her that touched her shoulder yelling something like you're it and than running away from her chased by his sister as soon as she registered what he meant by that. He heard her cry a couple times that it was not fair, that she was not ready, that she didn't even new it. But the boy still ran around the field nagging the little girl before she caught up with him touching his back and running away from him as fast as she could laughing all the way.

They looked so happy, so unlike his own childhood. The old woman was looking over them with her motherly love protecting them from the monsters under the beds. He never had that. He was always left alone to confront his fears of the dark and the deadly creature of the night that his young imagination created. He wondered how it was to feel the gentle caring hand of a mother, the proud gazes of a father and the strong bonds of that held a family to their relatives. He must had one, a family, long ago, yet he did not remembered a thing about them. No pictures, no images that his brain would have kept after all these years. As far as he could remember, it was training for coming missions, the importance of his existence for the freedom of the colonies under the cold gaze of Dr. G.

He sighed deeply, shaking his head and lowered his sigh to stare at his legs. The door on the passenger side opened and the truck shifted under his long hair partner as he sat beside him saying his last farewell to the happy group. The click of the closing door was heard followed by the short rocking of the car. Duo put his pad on the board along with the flower and stretched lazily before fastening his seatbelt. Heero did the same and inserted the key into the ignition and pulled the car to the road.

"Man Heero! the second pilot wined, You're so damn silent. I got the feeling of working with a dead man."

"Is it something new?" he asked, never once showing any sings of joking.

"I guess it's your way to tell me to shut up huh buddy?"

"Damn right."

The breaded man sigh in a sight of giving up… for now. But nothing could prevent him from trying again another time. Heero humped and kept his bleu eyes glued to the read. He heard the sound of shifting paper from the passenger side of the car. Probably Duo looking over the reports he wrote throughout he day's investigations. Silently, he drove back to the Preventers Headquarters doing his best not to think about those disturbing thoughts he had earlier but it was no use. They were bounded to comer back, they always did. And the more they came, the worst he felt. It was as if his mock of a soul tried to become real just to collapse at the second it wet full. He felt so useless, so… unimportant, irreverent to this new world.

What was he supposed to do? His life had no sense anymore. Just to breathe and walk seemed to be something difficult to do. How many times did he wake up in the middle of the night asking himself where to go now, witch way to turn. It was as though all his existence had become meaningless. He could not imagine a way for him to do something useful of himself. Not that the Preventers was no good but it was not him. Well not entirely. There was something missing and he could not put his finger right on it and it angered him.

The young ex-pilot interpreted his thoughts to park the black truck at its rightful place inside the bunkers. He unlocked his seatbelt and got out, closing the door behind him, not waiting for his partner. Duo shoot out of the car, as cheerful as aver truing as he might to get a smile on his friend's face but he knew it was useless. The man just would not pen up, even for once.

"Awe, come on man, try and lit up a little would yah!" he said gibing him a playful slap on the back.

"Let's just give her report to Lady Une so I can get out of here," he uttered showing nothing on his placid facade.

She seemed to be very pleased with their work, pleased enough to dismiss them as soon as she got the reports, to Heero's enjoyment. The road back to his apartment was lone, as always but he never minded, until now. When he entered the room, he could not bare the silence surrounding him. His thoughts never ceasing to come back to him driving him mad. With a frustrated growl, he grabbed his keys once again and headed straight to the door. Somehow, in the middle of his thinking he came to the conclusion that he needed to see her. Urgently, desperately, he just had to talk to her, even after being away from her life for this long.

"Relina…"

The name echoed over and over again like an endless melody with a single word lyric. His hand took hold of the knob and twisted it to the right and jerked the door open, shooting out of the room and shouting the door forcefully, the sound spreading into the hallway like thunder into the night. He ran down the hall, stumbling down the stairs like a mad man, rushing out of the building and heading toward his car. There was nothing in the world to prevent him from going to her now, even God himself could not dare to stop him in his blinded fury.

The confusion in his soul was so think that it clouded any other kind of thinking. How? How could he keep on going like this when all he was, his whole self was just a shell of what he used to be? The perfect soldier was not so perfect after all. Now, he was driving to the one and only person who could probably understand him the most. The only been on the known universe to be able to cast away this ripping feeling of collapsing and frightening loneliness. At lest, he hopped she was.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A soft, cooling breeze signed through the parted French doors bringing with it the flavour of he ocean down bellow the balcony and the salty smell of its waves. Yet, all those delicious sensations were left unnoticed to the only one who could enjoy them. As hard as they tried they just could not archive to move in any kind of way the still form of Relina Darlian who was standing before them all like a lifeless doll. Her blue eyes glued to the fading sun as it disappeared slowly behind the horizon in a splendid explosion of lights and colors.

Eruption of luminosity… it reminded her of the war. The bombs, the sound of the detonations, the odour of the gun powder, the trembling of the earth beneath her feet as the soldiers fought for what they held for true within their cool hearts. All of them, those blinded souls, brainwashed puppets, ready to give their hopes and lives for a futile cause. So many innocents had perished. So many had lost much more than a home but a friend, a parent… a lover. How she wished she could give them back all that war has stole from them… from her, from him. Her father was sacrificed in the name of justice and peace but what justice was it to her? Her mother and family who had lost someone loved and cherished.

Loved and cherished… Those two words were no longer part of her world anymore. As the war ended, the young Relina died with it and let he place to this cold exterior and lost soul that she was today. A copy of what she used to be, just a lifeless doll. Hew she longed to get back to her old self. Sometimes she caught herself wishing she was a normal girl with a loving family and caring friends, she could only dream about it. No ex-soldiers who worked to save her life and prevent wars but real people with average problems other than the few little factions in the colonies wishing for a new independence. She wanted to have relationships with people whom felt, not just analysed. Her whole life had become devoted of any kind of warmth. The Foreign Minister had become what the world needed, a politician face. A young facade that represented caring and loving but who was denied of it. What a sad and pitiful end.

And as those thoughts gradually invaded her darken mind, the world did the same, the face of the world drift into the night as her soul into darkness of solitude. The silvery disk of the moon slowly rose to claim the ski as it has always did, casting it's shining rays into the ocean. The rocking waves sinning in the rhythm of the Earth's breathing, mirrored moon rays glittering on its crystalline surface like millions of tinny diamonds shining on the dark water. But her eyes were blind and ears were deaf to that beauty. She was lost in the bounds of her mind. Her blue orbs had lost their lively glow and stared blankly at the scenery but not seeing it.

Slowly, pieces by pieces, he mind and soul shattered to obligation, devoid of anything that she was becoming a shell, loosing her self into the maddening darkness of her vanished spirit. They fell down to the unknown depth of her subconscious like millions of fragment of glass spinning down the infinite whole of her interior. The two unmoving pools of static water started to expulse the pieces as crystalline and salty spheres of water. The first took their time to roll down her silky smooth cheeks but as the tears grew in number, their falling speed increased. She could taste their salty flavour on the corner of her mouth and yet she did not reacted. Did not notice.

Relina saw nothing, heard nothing, smelled nothing, tasted nothing and felt nothing. Her mind was sealed by her collapsing soul. Her would hide by the dark silk of a spirit of death. Lost in her mind, her eyes fix on the nothingness of the world, she never saw the two hands that gripped the leaning of the balcony. Nor did she noticed the dark silhouette stalking leisurely toward the French doors. She did not even see those deep Prussian blue eyes stare at her in shock. She never saw it. She could not see it; she was too far of in her inner world where everything was crashing down.

The milky rays seemed to be drawn into her lifeless pools as they stared into space, pass his darken face. Her delicate features were pale and had a deathly glow on her skin. He never noticed that she looked so limp. She seemed to be trapped into her body her mind seemed to be lost as she cried silently behind the glassy shield of the sliding windows. He had came to her to get his pieces back together but she was just as lost as him. Heero's heat gave him a painful squeeze as he stared at her inert exterior. What had happened to the vigorous flitter that her eyes held when she spooked of her idealise of pacifism and justice?

On her side, she saw nothing but the anguished images of war. Her memories shooting her incessantly the tearful death if her father. She could almost taste and smell the blood, almost see it on her hands as it slowly oozed down her finger to create a imaginary pool in the middle of her white palm. The beautiful scenery of the sea had disappeared from her sight and all she could see was the destruction of her life playing like a bad and sickening movie in her mind. Heero was not there, in front of her, Heero was gone, dead as her brain tried to make her believed and she did. Many other lies shown in front of her imaginary eyes and she could not discern the falsehood from the truth. She could not tell the difference between reality and fiction anymore. And the tears slid down hr face with more furry that before.

Heero took hold of the window door, his eyes pasted to her colourless ones as if hypnotised by her dead stare. He slowly pushed it, making it roll out of the way giving him access to her darken room. She made no move, had no reactions as he stepped on the carpeted floor. He observed her unblinking eyes pouring their salty water out of her but her face showed no emotions whatsoever. He left a hesitating hand toward her reddening cheek his attention directed on her pouring eye, looking for any sight of light but was none. His fingers rub into the tears stained yet soft skin of her face, gently warping them away from her. Still, no reaction from her pale features. He was worried.

The young man frowned. This was far from normal. Where had gone all of her energy, her cheerful attitude and love for life? All he could see was her gracious form standing by itself, devoid of any soul. Gently, he passed his other hand through her silky tresses, following the curves of her head, neck and back. Why was he doing this? It was not in his nature to be so close to people. But those tears stained cheeks, those big and empty blue eyes and this absence of consciousness made him feel as if she needed comfort. Gave him a feeling, a need to protect her.

A sudden flash of life filed her eyes and she seemed to realise she was crying but could not see who was before her, could not comprehend why she was their and why this person held her. Although, right now, she did not cared, she needed the comfort way to much and this person offered it to her. Relina muttered something like a thanking and enrolled her arms around the powerful and neck and rested her face on his hard but comfortable shoulder.

He was shocked. She had moved and was now clutching his form. She made him think of a lost child holding to the first adult she see, asking for a way home. What had made her feel this way? Where had gone the lights of her eyes, the joy of her voice and the soft color of her kin? What happened since the last time that he saw her? Was political life so hard? He let their bodies sink slowly toward the floor reaching for her, closing a hold on her with his arms passing a hand over her back. Giving her the nest she needed to cry on.

She cried softly letting all the anguish feelings out of her to pour on the person holding her. Not caring if any one would se her tears anymore, all she needed was to let it all out and then resume to pretending that nothing ever append, be strong for her people like she always did. No one had an idea how hard it was to be at her position as such a young age. It was painful to see the population suffer like they do and yet she was reduced to mere powerless action. And those memories of lost battles, dead bodies, destroyed lives coming to her eyes each time she closed them. Those countless questions that would never be answered. It was killing her slowly inside each time she thought of it.

Slowly she regained the hold she had on herself reducing the pace of her crying. She finally realised that she was on the floor, weeping on someone's chest. To who belonged this hard exterior? Who was the intruder that was willing to give her the time she needed to collect herself to a more aware stand? She heard a deep voice hush her, felt the gentle hand caressing her back like a friendly touch to her cold life.

"Relina… tell me what's wrong?" the voice asked.

That voice, that deep and quiet tone, she knew it. She heard it before. Five years ago, it was existed, devoid of will, tired of being. It still was, it remained the same, the exact same tonality that made her heart ache.

"Heero?…"

"Yes… please, tell me."

She lift her head and peered into his eyes, window to his soul as clear as crystal. She saw his unease, his confusion and shattering spirit. He was as broken as she, needed as much comfort as she did, just as lost as she did. He needed as much comfort as she did but right now she felt as if she was about to burst and all she could do to prevent it was telling him all she held in her heart. Everything, her confusion, her feeling of being lost, her fears. Somehow she knew he would understand.

"It's… I don't know. All my life seems to be drifting away from me. I get those weird questions repeating themselves in my head. Where would I be if my father didn't die? What it would be like if I were not a politician. Everything like that. And I get those flashes of the wars…" she began.

"Flashes of the dead one on the dirt, face bloodied, body cold and dreadful, making you sick and losing all control of your self…" he continued passing a gentle hand trough her hairs.

"Suddenly, their is those images of my family, the one I loved who disappeared from my life slowly as the time went on it's way…" she said resting her forehead on his hard chest. She took a deep breath catching his subtle fragrance and her hand took a hold of his left arm as if it was the only thing keeping her set into reality.

"Than you wonder, 'What it would be like if you could have stooped it in time? If you didn't followed the orders? What it would be like if you did as your hart told you and not your head?'…" saying that he brought her closer to him resting his head on the top of hers. His cheek felt the wonderful sansation of her soft hairs brushing against his skin like a thin cloth of silk.

"And than I wonder who was my real family. What were they like…" her words were nearly above a whisper as if she was afraid of the repercussions of her paroles.

"Would they be proud of what you did of your life. What it would be like to know the love of a mother, of a brother or a father? Would I made her cry if she was still alive, would a made him angry if he was still here? What is it like to have a real family by your side?…" he murmured his voice getting deeper as he spook. He let his lips touch her silky locks and lead his hand up to her head and gliding it down her head to the base of her back.

"There is time that I wish war had killed, that you killed me so I would not be stoked with those…"

"Odd feelings that seem so alien to me."

She sniffed and nodded her head. Wind got through the forgotten door and blew around them, playing with their hairs and clothes, dancing with the translucent white and red curtains. Outside, an owl hooted, chanting the song of the restless nights like it always did. The sound of the waves caught their ears but rest silent into their minds. Heero's gentle fingers slide over her soft cheek reddened by her tears. She sighed delicately, letting all the air that was stoked into her chest out of her lungs as if relieving herself from a great weight. And yet, she still felt heavy, as if there was still something hanging on her frail and young shoulders.

Slowly, she lift her head from his comfortable shoulder, the echoes of their words lingering to her mind and reflected in his eyes showed her soul the need and lose they both felt. She was not the only one who had questions, he too had lost so much throughout the war and the years after it. And it seemed that nothing was left to him. Like her, he felt dead, just a puppet to stop the upcoming wars that humanity did not want to discontinue.

Relina passed her soft fingers over his forehead, her thumb gently closing his eyes as the glided over them. He breathed out, a whisper of sacrifice in his breath, like a wind of sympathy not yet given to those who needed it. Her fingers touched his lips, a cold touch of sincerity and understanding that could not be shared through words. Heero's blue windows were still closed to her but she did not want him to see, she wanted him to feel. Slowly she brought her lips over his face, her fingers settled over his mouth stroking the sensitive velvety skin gently like a feathery touch to his grieve. Her supple lips touched his eyes consciously and travelled down to his cheeks where her caressing mouth pressed their softness a bit more.

Heero did not think of anything, for once, he just left the feeling get the better of him. His hands hovered in the air just above her face. His eyes were left closed; too scared to open them and discover that it was all just a dream. His fingertips felt the smooth surface of her skin discovering blindly her delicate features as her lips traced the line of his face. They slowly moved from his cheeks to follow the path of his sharp nose from the top to the tip and finally settled on his mouth graciously pressing on them.

It was a simple touch, gentle and careful just like she was. A chaste kiss giving him only a glimpse of what kind of feeling they could give united like this. So appealing that when she retried he only wanted more and more of it. Griping her head, he lead her back to his mouth desiring the exquisite feeling of her gentleness against his sensitive flesh. It was far from chaste, it was demanding, needing, a cast of all his deepest feeling and all unleashed from the confinement of his heart and directed toward this simple touch of skin. He passed his hand through her silky hairs moving to grab her nape and press her further to his face.

Warping an arm around her waist, he slowly guided her to the floor with him, pushing their body together on the soft carpet, his hand still on her nape, his lips locked on hers in a sweet dance. Her fingers were now on each side of his face holding to him like a craving child demanding more from him than a simple kiss of his lips. Gradually, he deepen their intimacy, from the touch of skin came the taste of the other as their tongues started to waltz in their mouths. It was sweet, it was soft, and it was not enough. Both needed more, so much more that it almost burned them.

Heero's hand on her waist went up her back, following her curves, touching the skin of her arm and halting on her face to gently stroke her cheek with his thumb. He sucked on her lips dragging out more sweetness from her mouth and a soft moan escaped her throat. The sound was so pleasing, not like the pained cries he heard before but like a sweet music. So sweet that it made him grunt in desire. One of her hand left his face to roam over his chest, feeling his muscles hidden by his white shirt. He groaned again, her mouth drinking the sound as she kept kissing him with all of her passion.

Slowly, he rolled her over, her long honey hairs caressing his face as they moved. His lips then left hers and touch her cheek and jaw to directed them toward her throat. He nipped at the junction of her neck and shoulder, liking the delicate skin there, hearing the sound of her enjoyment. His eyes were still close; the prize to open them was too much if it was only an illusion. Her hand came upon his head, getting it through his unruly manes, feeling their softness and humming their fragrance. He smelled of oil and the sugary terra touch of tree barks. His hand let go of her nape and glide over her shoulder to where his lips had wondered.

He kissed down her neck to her collarbone and went lower to her shirt neckline. His fingers were already moving the buttons out of the way giving him more flesh to taste, touch and smell. She had the bouquet of roses and rain and tasted the same. He could never have enough of this, she was a stimulation to all of his senses, almost a drug to his brain. She made him forget the purpose of his visit, the reason he felt so empty, the images of the wars and the harassing questions he could never find the answers for. His fingers still worked on her shirt, his mouth moving lower on her chest nipping the skin just above the fabric of her bra. He could feel the soft material on his bottom lip, it felt just like silk, and her skin smelled so good to him.

Her moans echoed around the room, rebounding on the walls to his ears driving him to the rink of sanity. The temptation to touch her was too strong for him to resist, he wanted to feel her body, he needed to. With his free hand, he slowly trailed the curves of her legs, up her stomach over the delicate muscles of her abdomen to lightly stroke the underside of her right breast with his thumb. Relina exhaled sharply, surprised by the feeling and opened her eyes to see him kissing her chest like it was the most important thing in the world, she saw his hand shyly fondling the underline of her breast. The sight was more than appealing and it gave fuel to her already strong desire for him.

His hand finally reached the last button as the other started to gain more confidence. His thumb left the base of the mound to follow the curve up to its pike feeling it hardening under his touch. Her voicing of her delight gave him more assurance. Using his now free right arm, he lift her to a sitting position on the floor and pushed her shirt off of her and started to work on the fastener of her brassier disposing of it quickly. Heero felt the soft and supple mounds filling his hand and only then did he dared to look.

The first thing he saw was her delicious skin of a sweet peach colouring. Than, his eyes followed the curves of her neck and jaw, the beautiful shape of her full lips, the gracious curving of her nose and her bright yearning sea blue eyes. A few locks of her soft silky hairs fell over them giving to her a wild exterior mirroring her inside. At first he felt confused, he was so warped into the mind disregarding sensations that he completely forgot what he was doing. The only thing controlling him was his animalistic need to comfort and forget the pain. He wanted to back out of this, thinking that all of this was wrong, that he did not came here for that motive far from it. As he started to withdraw from her, she warped her arms around his neck, forcing him to her mouth, kissing him deeply, letting him feel all of her pent up desire for him. He was a pit reluctant at first, his reason telling him to stop. But she did not want to hear anything of this, she needed the rapture as much as he did and she would not deny it from them, not after going this far. She got hold of one of his hand and pressed it on her left breast, devouring his mouth with more passion than she had before, getting him to taste every subtle flavour she might have.

Soon, he was lost again into the pandemonium of feelings that overwhelmed them. Every doubts he could have where gone in a flash as he pushed her down again, the carpet grazing the flesh of her back pleasantly. She tugged at the helm of his shirt, getting it out of his pants in order to be able to unbutton it. She got rid of it hastily, needing to feel his hard skin against hers. She sighed at the sensation it gave her, hearing his soft grunt of pleasure when she rubbed her bare chest against his. She could feel his hardness on her thigh and it exited her more than anything he could do to her. His other hand came up her leg once again but instance of moving to her chest, it roamed over her inner thigh toward her warmth. Tenderly, his fingers explored the aria, aware of any change in her state. She whimpered when he passed over her most sensitive place and bucked her hips to his hand. With great care he started to rub the numb making her squirm in delight as the pleasure shoot through her veins.

He left her mouth to get back to her now free breast, his other hand massaging one, his lips caressing the other. He liked her, avoiding the most pleasurable place. She sent her hands free letting them do as they pleased over his body. Folding in his hairs, caressing his back, exploring his chest. She found the harden tips of his plat breasts and started to toy with them, rubbing and pinching his nipples. He grunted in bliss, sucking on hers, liking it making her moan out loud. His other hand got more persistent driving her mad over the devastating feelings he gave her.

Soon, the friction on her private zone and the attention given to her breasts was too much and it exploded into a wonderful burst of pleasure that ravaged her body. When the waves stopped, she realised that this was still not enough for her, she needed more. She grabbed his pants button and swiftly made it come off the slit and pushed them off of him. He did the same to her skirt and picked her up in his arms, devouring her lips as he made his way to her bed. He led her on the mattress over the cotton sheets and removed his boxers before joining her on the large bed. Relina's eyes dared to look at him and she blushed deeply at the sight of his member. Never before had she seen such a thing and, god, it was appealing to her.

Heero gave her a short smile, showing her that there was nothing to fear. She had not doubted it even once, it was the virgin in her that was shy to his rather hard exterior. He kissed her once more but soon resumed his ministration to her chest loving the sensation of her soft skin on his tongue, and she tasted so sweet. Relina was curious and wanted to know his body more so she slowly moved her hands to his lower parts. She enclosed her hands on his length making him groan against her breasts. Encouraged by his reaction, she stroke him from base to tip, rubbing it with her thumbs for a while and than going down again. He went numb on her, closing his eyes tightly as if trying to gain control over his body's responses.

Using the newfound power, she rolled him over so she was resting over him, her soft chest pressed on his giving him more pleasure. She kissed his lips, liked his neck and breastplate, playing with his nipples for a while and than descended lower. She kissed his abdomen, marvelling at the strong muscles hidden underneath his tanned skin and she went even lower on him until she came over the place her hand were teasing. She looked at it with wondering eyes, discovering a part of the man anatomy she never dared to look. Its shape and angle amazed her. The flesh was soft compared to the hardness. Heero stop breathing for a moment unsure of what she was about to do. She could not possibly… He opened his eyes to see her head slowly descending over him and taking the tip into her mouth. He hissed and breathed in sharply, closing his Prussian eyes again, the pleasure too strong to keep them open.

She slowly liked him, hearing his groans of enjoyment and she started to move up and down, posing at the top to suck on him and than going down again. He grabbed the sheet as a mean of keeping him from bursting to the infinite pleasure she was giving him. He sucked in air, trying to gain control but it was useless. As her rhythm grow in extensity, his efforts to stand still began to vanish and he started to buck his hips to accompany her movement. She squeezed the base with one hand, the other caressing his chest or inner leg. All she did brought him closer to a release he craved for but it was not the time yet.

With great effort, he managed to get her off of him and pin her under him, her head and the other side of the bed, their feet on the pillows. He kissed her passionately, grunting on her soft lips and with his hand he rid her of her underwear and positioned himself over her wet entrance. He leisurely pushed himself into her, dipping the tip into her warmth. He kissed her shoulder, silencing a moan on her skin and shutting his eyes close as tightly as he could. She nipped at his ear, sucking gently on his lob, breathing unevenly as he pushed deeper inside her. He did not pose when he felt resistance, thinking that it was wiser to just get over it as soon as possible. She let a soft cry of pain but it was less throbbing than what she heard it would be. He remained still for a while, letting her the time to adjust herself to his size. It was hard not to move, she was tight and warm and wet too, and all of her asked him to move. And the pressure she had over his hardness was almost unbearable but still he waited. The last thing he wanted was to hurt her further more.

After a few moments, she moved her hips as if testing the ground. He grunted at her movement and she moaned a little. Taking it as a go for it, he started to rook his lower body to her giving into the wonderful bliss it gave him. She whimpered softly into his ear opening her eyes in disbelieve to the pleasure that overtook her body, jolting her nerves into life. He slowly moved, getting in and out of her and she followed his movements building up a rhythm that time has never forgot. Slowly, every parcel of thinking left their mind and left place only to the pleasure they gave to each other.

His tempo rose up, bucking harder and faster into her looking for more incredible sensations. She warped her legs around his waist giving more access and deeper reach. He groaned against her, nipping, liking and kissing her neck, shoulder and breasts. She sucked at his neck and jaw when she could reach them other wise she just voiced her enjoyment to him, breathing his name out. And their movement became more urgent, his incursions deeper, harder and faster. His hands were all over her body looking for a place to settle and finally grip her hands, entwining his fingers with hers.

The more they moved, the closer to climax they were. His grunting became more heretic, his kisses more urgent and demanding and so was hers. The pleasure griped them like a tsunami driving them insane and lost into the other. His plunging got even more fast and soon she had trouble keeping up with him but it did not mattered, for now she was so warped into the feelings that anything beside it was lest unknown. Someone could burst into the room right now and she would not notice the world outside of him and the pleasure he gave her was completely irrelevant. He released one of her hand to grip her thigh so he had more stability and burst into her with more vehemence than before, feeling the pike near them. And suddenly, like a crashing wave, it came over them. It was so intense and astoundingly powerful and delightful that even time seemed to stop. He pushed inside of her over and over again, making the feeling ten times stronger before he finally gave in and realised his seeds deep in her warmth, panting hard as he fell over her.

She cried out her pleasure for him to ear as she came, the feeling paralysing her, coming from her core and washing all over her members from the tip of her toes to the roots of her hairs. She stayed in the clouds for a moment before slowly coming down to earth to find her breathing uneven and Heero panting on her chest. Their hands were still tangled together his other hand resting peacefully on her flat stomach and hers in his hairs. She moved it to wrap her arm around his torso, clenching him to her.

He slowly got back the control over his breathing and looked up at her. She had a small smile lingering to her lips, her eyes were dazed and her hand was gently caressing his side. She was simply adorable with her hairs in a mess and her gaze so far away. He reach one hand to stroke her soft cheek, any sight of her previous crying were gone and he pushed away a lock of her curls that had fell over her face. He gave her a comforting smile that seemed to enlighten his dark blue eyes.

Heero moved out of her, sitting up with her tugging on her hand to help her up. She made her turn around, pushing her to the pillows and resting his head back on her chest, putting the covers over them, their hands still together. He stoked her stomach lovingly creating imaginary circles over her skin, lost in the seas of his thoughts. She plugged her hand in his messy bangs, loving the gentle caress of them when they tingled around her fingers. Slowly her thoughts came back to her but they seem less violent than they were. It seemed that the proximity of Heero and their intimacy mellowed them.

"Heero?" she whispered keeping him from falling to sleep.

"Hum?"

"How do you feel?"

"Tired…" he breathed repressing a yawn.

She laughed softly. "I know but that's not what I meant…"

He looked up at her searching her eyes. "Well… I don't really know, what about you?"

Relina posed for a moment, thinking about everything that happened during the past hours. Her sudden break down, the hurtful images she had before she realised he was their near her, holding her. Something so unlike him. She left his gaze to stare at the ceiling, studying the strange patterns that the spiky motif made. After a while she looked back at him an odd look on her face.

"I still have a lot to do to get back to the way I used to be. It seems that a part of me had collapsed over the years. But there is one thing I know for sure, I'm not going to be able to do it all by myself as I thought I could. Look what happened to me when I tried. I ended up being only a shell of what I was before…" she explained.

"Same here…" he uttered yawning before taking back his comfortable position on her stomach.

She sighed softly and got back to what she was doing with his hairs. Her eyelashes became heavy and nothing seemed to keep her from sleep. Morpheus had got the better of them and soon they were both deeply asleep. It seemed that it was not a simple task to put back together the pieces of a shattered soul. It needed time and the questioning would not stop so easily. But somehow, they had found a way to lessen the pain and make the precocious of healing a bit faster. There was a way to get back to what they were and finally feel good and happy, it was in one other. The answers to their questions should be there, but were they all?

The soft wind blown through the parted windows left unnoticed by the lovers. The milky moon light filtered through them to bath to sleeping couple. The waves played their gentle melody to lull them into the peaceful slumber they deserved. The owl howl again like a careful guardian of their sleep, after all, they deserved it because the way to healing was long and tough. Would they make it out, are they able to put the pieces of a lost soul back together? For now, only dreams and the other were left to them.

The end of the first…

a/n: This is not really the end. I got two other parts planned for this but for now let's just take this as a one shot. Anyway, I'm planning to make the two other parts look like a one shot to so you don't have to read them in a proper order but I'm not sure it's going to work out the way I want it to… Anyway, I'll give it a try. Oh, and don't expect the other parts to come out soon cause I have like two other stories to work one, three maybe so I'm kinda busy. And one more thing. For those who read 'The Taste of Your Life' and are wondering when will be the next chapter, well I'm working on it but I got to say that I have this big writer block that seem to suck out all imagination that I might possess. But I'm working on it. Don't worry, sooner or latter, probably latter, there will be new parts. I promise! As for now, see yah!