Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ So This is Love ❯ Things that words can't Say ( Chapter 2 )

Alright, so as I write this chapter, I have no idea where it is going to go, but I've decided that for this story, each chapter will have a poem. That poem will be by Rumi, unless stated otherwise, and I don't own any of them. The main reason for this is that I seem to need some sort of trigger to inspire me for this one, which is weird for me, but oh well, whatever works. This chapter's poem comes from "The Glance" as translated by Coleman Barks.

I also still do not own Gundam Wing or any of it's characters. So, here we go, chapter two of "So This is Love", a 3xR story.

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"So this is Love"

by: Banshee Puppet

Chapter Two: Things that Words Can't Say

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"The Mirror Between Us"

The mirror between us is breath

mist when I speak. Your face

in water: I reach, the work

grows muddy. Even friend and

beloved are wrong words for this.

Even ahhhhh retreats back into

my mouth, the same if the moon's

behind cloud or being released.

A pure silent look is better.

~~~~~~

Trowa flopped back into bed with a sigh. What was he supposed to do now? What was he supposed to say? Should he say anything? Could he? But what words could ever explain what it was he really felt? I love you? It was a cheap, overused phrase. There were so many things that words couldn't say. That Relena had a beauty that was like the moon, and that it's reflection showed him all his own flaws, his own wounds, his own scars. She deserved someone. . . perfect. And he was not perfect.

"Nothing," he decided quietly to himself. "I'll say nothing. I just want to be near her, I need to be, really."

So this is love, this ache in the chest that is so akin to fear and desperation. This is love? If that's true, then Hallmark's got it all wrong, because, love, it was painful, it tore and kept tearing. And the wound was so bad that it might never heal, maybe never.

Trowa rolled over onto his side in fetal position, pulling his knees up into his chest. "I love you, Relena," he whispered, and he knew, those words, they weren't enough to describe this complex feeling, this muddy water that he came across every time he looked into her eyes. Heero had been a good excuse before, but what was there now? What was the thing that kept him away from her? Why couldn't he just, hold her in his arms and tell her the simple things, the things that when you say them, they're taken and accepted as if they're enough, even though they never can be. And somehow, as the night dragged on, he fell asleep, still not knowing the answers.

~~~~~

Relena sighed when she awoke. She'd been dreaming about him again. "Trowa," she whispered as she slung her feet over the side of the bed and into her slippers before wrapping herself up in the terrycloth robe she wore over her tiny pink nightgown. She wouldn't have bothered with it if he wasn't here, because she would be alone then, but she had to keep some dignity. "I hope I wasn't talking in my sleep again. It's not like I really want to explain why I was having a dream about him, especially that sort of dream."

As she opened the door, she was almost attacked by the most delicious smells, coffee, and eggs, and bacon. Her stomach grumbled. `So much for dignity,' she chastised herself as she made her way down to the kitchen. Breakfast wasn't something Trowa usually bothered with. It just seemed, odd.

"I hope you aren't making a mess of my kitchen," she teased as she rounded the corner, eyes widening as she saw what looked like at least thirty minutes worth of cooking on the table. Eggs, bacon, toast, coffee, orange juice. . .

"I'm not Duo," Trowa replied in his usual flat way.

"Right," she smirked slightly. "You're eating breakfast today? That's new."

"Well, you cooked dinner for me last night. It's only fair that I return the favor," he said. "I figured you would be up soon."

`He. . .made breakfast for me. That's so. . .so. . .sweet!'

She smiled widely. "Well, I hope you don't expect me to eat it all! You WILL eat with me, won't you Trowa."

Trowa looked at her smiling face, and found that her cheeks were slightly flushed. He was silent for a moment, content to just look at her with soft eyes. "Yes. Alright. Coffee?" he asked, turning around to take two mugs out of the cabinet.

"Please," she answered, unable to take her eyes off of his form while his back was turned. His slender waist, broad shoulders, tight ass. . .

"How do you like it?" he asked.

"E-excuse me?" she asked with a swallow, thinking she'd been caught in the act of staring at Trowa's rear end.

He turned around and smirked at her, cocking his head to one side and holding the coffee mug up by the handle, letting it rock back and forth. "Your coffee, Relena, how do you like it?" he asked, unable to keep the small smile off of his face. `She's so cute.'

"Distracted this morning, aren't we?" he teased, not sure what had come over him.

"Oh uh, cream, two sugars," she flushed. "And stop teasing me! I'm hardly awake yet."

"Sorry," he replied as he turned around again and started pouring the coffee. "Sleep well?" he asked. `Why am I egging this conversation on? I'm only going to end up hurting the both of us,' he thought. `It wouldn't be fair to her, even if. . . I mean, I'm a gundam pilot for crying out loud. I can't. . . I just can't.'

Relena flushed bright red when he asked her how she slept, remembering her dream. She couldn't help but wonder what it would be like, to be with him for real. "Uh, yeah. . . really well."

Trowa's heart skipped a beat and he felt himself flushing, glad that he wasn't facing her right now. `Get a hold of yourself Barton!' he commanded.

"Here's your coffee," he said, putting it down and sitting across from her. They ate in silence, only occasionally throwing a comment one way or another, each periodically stealing glances across the table, and then, when Trowa moved to get the dishes, their eyes locked and neither felt as if they could breathe for a long moment.

"Trowa, I. I think I'm becoming stronger," Relena said finally.

"I'm sure Heero will be glad to hear that," he said, determined to keep up the ruse but unable to look her directly in the eyes.

"I don't really think that I care much what Heero would be glad to hear any longer," she said sternly.

". . . oh."

He turned and put the dishes in the sink, turning on the faucet. Relena got up and grabbed a dishtowel, taking the first dish from him and drying it.

There were another few long moments of silence before she put her hand on his shoulder to get him to look at her, which he did, confusion on a slightly furrowed brow.

"Trowa. Last night, you heard, didn't you?" she said softly.

In reply, Trowa averted his gaze and turned his head to the side, flushing slightly.

"Trowa. I. . ."

Trowa put two fingers to Relena's lips and looked at her sternly. "Don't say it, Relena. Those words, they're not exactly. . ." but he couldn't find the rest of the sentence.

"But. . ."

Trowa shook his head at her. "I feel the same way you do," he said. "You don't need words to understand that."

Smiling with relief, Relena wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her head in his shoulder. Tentatively, he embraced her back, burying his face in her hair and drowning in the scent of it, letting his eyes drift closed.

"So this is love," he whispered. "It hurts."

Relena looked up at him and put a finger to his lips. "Don't talk," she said, "just. . . hold me for a while longer, Trowa." `I feel so safe, in these two arms. So warm. Like I'm. . .home.'

Trowa nodded and pulled her in tighter. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "Relena, I'm so sorry." `For everything I've done. For everything I'll ever do, and most of all, for leaving, because I know, one day very soon, I'll have to."

"For what?" she asked, leaning back and looking up into a pained expression.

"For. . . being the man that I am."

She looked up at him, confused. He wasn't making any sense, so he tried again, searching for words that could say what he needed to tell her.

He was silent for a long time, letting his eyes drift closed before opening them again and saying, "For loving you so much, more than anything, and knowing that it still isn't enough, to make me stay. Because I. . ." he sighed slightly, pulling her tight against him as his breath shivered slightly. "There are still things that I. . . need to do."

`Trowa, I know that. You're apologizing for that? Just, stay alive.'

`And maybe, when I'm finished with those things. . . maybe then I'll be a man who can deserve you. I'll work very hard for that. I promise, Relena, to become. . . someone better than Him.'

~~~~~~~

alright, that's it for chapter two. Uh. . . I don't know if I like it, but, bleh.