Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Subjects of My Sanity ❯ The Usual Ways ( Chapter 16 )

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Gundam Wing Characters, and all that other good stuff.

Pairings: 2+1, 4+3

Warning: Will be Yaoi in later chapters. Bad language. Depression. Scary deformed men. ^.^

Authors Note: Thank you for reviewing!

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The Usual Ways

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~Subject: Wufei~

I found it almost to the point of humorous how things seemed to work out to the better so quickly. At least, for a short time it was better. After the many meetings among my… I guess they could be considered friends now, I almost felt as if I was taking a giant leap farther into escaping, a couple more steps towards my freedom. Yeah, it would seem like I was thinking like a newly freed slave, huh? But that was how I felt. That was how I had been treated… to an extent.

It wasn't easy waking up in the middle of the night, not knowing where I was, almost to the point of being scared. The cold air always got to me, maybe caused my mind to numb and prevent any hope of figuring out just why I was there… for several long minutes. It felt surreal, living the way I was then. Did I like it? No. But I wasn't about to complain or hop on the first bus back to the boss. No, this was just another small hurdle I would have to get over. But, I still had no plan, and the worry about Duo… about Quatre… about how all of the ones whom were considered my friends saw me. What did they think of me now? What went through their minds as we sat down and they talked to me in my new, temporary home?

It was hard. Discussing those… things. It helped a lot when realizing that Duo had problems too. That was when I started to wonder… what they had all gone through. Surely they didn't have normal lives. No… I could easily tell with Trowa… and Heero. The two quiet ones. One had stopped talking altogether even though his voice was suppose to be perfectly fine. I was curious about them. Maybe it was because I thought that by hearing other peoples problems… I could forget my own. Whatever my reason… I decided that day, when I confessed a little bit of my story to them, that I would make an attempt, even a tiny one, before I left, to look into their shielded lives.

I knew it would not be easy to crack them down into talking. I knew that some things could not be altogether said with words. You cannot possibly ask a question about someone's personal life and wholly expect them to answer you either. But, there are always situations that bring about the truth, and I had taken my first attempt when digging into the mind and memories of one Duo Maxwell. It had taken me to admitting things about myself to bring him to actually speak about things other than his non stop gibberish. In the end though, I found myself looking at him in a new way. He hadn't given much, just simple statements, yet they had revealed a great deal just by looking at the hints.

Another problem arose though, and my plan was cut short as Heero jumped up, storming out of the room with determination. It wasn't all that surprising. He had been agitated and had been looking towards the door for the better part of our conversation. Of course, the subject of my prying had gone along and chased after the angry one as soon as he was out the door. I was left with the silence, for Quatre was too shocked to speak and, well, Trowa just seemed to be looking at Quatre with interest. The blond was laying on the floor where Heero had abruptly pushed him down, eyes wide while looking out the opened door.

Trowa was strange. Alright, so they all were. And I can't really say that I am not strange also. But, I'd like to think of myself as normal… maybe just a little bit.

Trowa was the first of the two to recover, and he quickly got up from where he had been leaning against the wall to help Quatre back up from the ground. The blond boy's face reddened as Trowa clasped his hand in his, pulling him to his feet. He seemed to be flustered for a little while longer, looking at the ground as if it was something amazingly interesting. This made me to wonder if there was something bothering him…. or maybe something wrong with him.

Seeing as Trowa wasn't going to volunteer his voice to ask, I decided to speak up. "You alright, Quatre?" But as the words left my mouth, I had a feeling that something was wrong. No, not with Quatre, who was telling me he was fine, a mantra repeated more than couple times as Trowa checked him over to make sure he wasn't lying. That was when I realized I had called Quatre by his first name. Something not altogether normal with me. I hadn't really had many… friends, or associates that I called by their given name. No… this was definitely weird. How many others have I slipped up with and started… started… well, I guess I was now treating them as friends. Which would probably be their respectable roles in my life now. Right?

How strange.

Trowa and Quatre hadn't stayed long after the leave of Duo. I think they felt it was odd, being here with me without the ever talkative boy to make things seem normal. Yes, things were definitely not normal. And things only got worse.

As I awoke that next morning, chills running down my spine, eyes trying desperately to focus on something, anything in that dark room, I just knew that something bad was going to come. Call me crazy, but I just could not shake that feeling. When I finally managed to pull myself out into the cold morning air outside, the uneasiness had been temporarily pushed aside. My mind was set for school. I didn't need any unimportant distractions running through my head.

When I leaned over the edge of the roof though, studying the surroundings below like usual, that feeling came back full force.

That was because of whom I saw below, the two people walking along the sidewalk, coming towards the school.

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~Subject: Quatre~

The cool evening air was the first thing that hit me as I stepped down the familiar staircase in the back of the school. Trowa followed me down like he usually did, and not surprisingly started in the direction of my home, deciding to walk with me. He had been seeing me home ever since we first started coming to see Wufei and I was starting to think that he was going to make a habit out of it. Not that I minded, no, it was a long walk to be taken by myself. Though, that didn't stop me from worrying about Trowa, seeing as he would have to walk the long way back to his home alone.

I was about to say my usual statement of, 'You know you don't have to walk me home,' when the words just fell out of my mouth as I saw the people standing at the front gate.

Two men were leaning against the outside school sign, smoking cigarettes and looking to world like just a bunch of laid back low life's. They gave me the creeps, and I decided against asking Trowa to go home and give up walking with me, seeing as one of them might just follow us. Who knows? They could have been looking for someone to come out of the school so they could mob them… or worse.

That thought brought my mind back to Wufei. Sitting up there all alone. Damn. That wasn't really a friendly thought.

"Trowa? You think… Wufei will be alright?" I looked up after my question to see that he was studying the two men now a ways behind us. His expression didn't give away what he was thinking, but it somehow made me feel a little easier when he nodded his head as if to reassure me that Wufei would be fine.

From there, the walk was in silence. I was too exhausted to start up a one sided conversation, and my head was pounding slightly every time I thought about Duo, going home… Wufei, not going home. That thought could have been amusing… on any other day. But the truth was that it was extremely sad. Duo had a home, but could not actually say he enjoyed being there. Who would? When you came in your front door only to abusive parents. Wufei on the other hand, didn't even have that to go to. I wonder if Wufei even had a home… I mean… he ran away because of his boss. No… he must have lived with his boss.

Memories of the first time I saw Wufei flooded my mind, causing me to shiver slightly against the wind. I really needed to stop thinking about that. I decided to spend the remaining amount of time observing Trowa instead. Every so often his eyebrows would crease together slightly as if he had been thinking thoughts similar to the ones I was just moments ago. Whatever it was running through his head, he was not happy. It was kinda nice seeing all the new expressions he was unconsciously showing though, even if they weren't good ones.

A chuckle escaped my lips when his forehead crinkled for the sixth time. I couldn't hold my humor in any longer. Of course, that only brought him out of his reverie and his head turned, one visible eye widening with confusion.

"Ah…" Ok, I admit I am not the best with words… well, not as good as Duo seems to be, but today I was just majorly lacking in the conversation abilitys. It took me a couple seconds to compose myself and push away the brief fluster he caused by looking at me like that. His stare was really intense sometimes. "Sorry… it's just…" His eyebrows rose considerably before he cut off my stuttering with a shrug, turning his attention back to the road. I barely managed to catch the small smile that graced his lips as he turned away, it only lasted for a split second though. My heart near skipped a beat at that.

It took me a little longer than usual to calm myself that time.

Sighing, I turned my gaze down to the ground, watching as my feet stepped along the sidewalk. I think my headache was probably at fault for my lack of un-embarrassing words and stutters. Or it could have been the fact that I was greatly lacking in the sleep department.

The sidewalks abrupt change in color notified me that we were now nearing my house. Of course, it was just like father to redo the sidewalks more than necessary, causing them to be several shades lighter than the surrounding neighborhoods. God forbid an important associate were to come and trip on a crack!

Like usual, Trowa left me upon reaching the grounds owned by my father. I barely got a chance to say my thanks and goodbye before he was off, disappearing into the now darkened night. Disappointment filled me as he left me alone and I couldn't seem to make myself go in at first, feet feeling suddenly heavy, watching Trowa's retreating form in the distance. Maybe it was because I knew I'd have to change into a different person upon entering the house that had me stalling. I'd have to watch what I said, act polite and entertain anyone whom happened to be visiting. In other words, it really sucked.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair, ruffling it as I turned to grudgingly walk inside the grounds. There wasn't any point in catching a cold, I guess, and standing out there was certainly not doing my tired body any good.

I walked around the side of the house, entering through the back door, seeing as not many people used it. Most servants were probably in the dinning room now, either serving or getting ready for the meal. I was late, I know, but I didn't think father would get too mad. At least… it wouldn't be as bad as… as Duo. A frown settled upon my face as I recalled our little discussion. They really were starting to make me sick with worry.

As I made my way down the halls, I was forced to pass my father's study on the way to my room. Going the long way might have been better if I'd have wanted to avoid a confrontation… but that was just it, it was a long way. My feet hurt enough as it was from the long walk to the school and back. Being sheltered and driven everywhere doesn't really help with being athletic.

Voices caught my attention and I couldn't help but pause in front of the big two doors, where my father spent most of his time, to see if I could recognize their owners. It was my father, of course. No one went into his study without him present except for me, and maybe the few times he allowed my sister, Iria, also.

My feet unconsciously moved closer as I heard the second voice, a thick accented man with a raspy tongue and crude language. The door was only a foot in front of me before realization dawned on me that I was about to start eavesdropping… well, attempt to eavesdrop anyway. That was certainly something new for me. Maybe it was Duo's influence, making me feel like I could get away with anything, that had me moving even closer, head tilting to peer through the small crack the partly opened door permitted.

What I saw was not pretty. I had to remind myself not to gasp at the site of the man inside, greasy hair, hunched frame. His voice seemed to altogether fit him now. The disgusting way he was softly arguing seemed to match the way he hobbled closer to my father, arms flying in the air as their discussion heated. I wouldn't have guessed he would spit on the ground in rage, but he did, only causing my stomach to rumble as the feeling of disgust grew stronger.

I did not retreat though. I stood, transfixed by the hushed argument the two held. Finally something my father said made the man freeze up where he stood. I desperately wished I could have made out the muffled sounds that was their voices. It seemed like they were purposely keeping their words low, as if afraid of anyone hearing the discussion. That thought only made my curiosity rise.

The deformed man was backing away now, and I could tell that it was from what my father was saying. The look on his face was calm, like I had usually seen him, but his eyes were what had me shaking where I stood. Cold and hard… those ones he used when… when…

I had to back away from them then. But not too soon to miss the final exchange, the small black object that was pressed into the newcomers hand. A tiny flat box was now held up by the hunched man, causing him to sigh in relief and he seemed to bend over even more, as if bowing gratefully to my father.

I practically flew down the hallways right after, fearing that they would depart and see me, maybe realize that I had watched them in their… well, just what were they doing? From what I could gather, the strange man had probably come for that small black object. Why had my father been so reluctant to give it up though? The thing was about the size of the palm of my hand, no thicker than a half an inch. Maybe there was something inside… but… what could possibly fit inside, that was so important?

Somehow, I felt that there was probably a lot more about my father than I knew… or realized until now.

The first thing I did when the door to my room was slammed behind me was fling myself onto the soft mattress of my bed. Burying my head into the pillows that were freshly washed by the maids. I knew right away that once I would be in here my thoughts would drift to all the unpleasant things that have been happening. And they did of course, only causing me to growl and sit up finally from where I had laid. That was when I noticed that someone had left a note on my dresser. Usually the maids would leave phone messages on my bedside table for me to find, and nine times out of ten they were from Iria.

I immediately brightened while grabbing the piece of paper, eyes scanning over the contents quickly for my sisters name before going back to actually read the whole thing. There were two phone messages, which really surprised me considering that I usually never got any calls. Iria was the first. She supposedly called this morning, saying she would be coming be in about a weeks for a visit. I reread that line on the paper about four times, memorizing it and making sure that it actually said that. She hadn't been gone so long from her last visit and I already was missing her.

The second message kinda surprised me. It was from Hilde. She hadn't left a message with the maid, just a phone number to call her.

I sighed, eyebrows crinkling together while thinking about what would happen if I actually did manage to bring myself to pick up the phone to speak with her. She would most likely want to hang out, I guess… or… go on a date type thing. Why else would someone, a girl, call me?

Turns out, my curiosity as to why she called rose considerable . Since it would probably take my mind off today's incident, even if for only a little while, I picked up the phone, deciding that I would give it a shot. Distractions would be really good right now.

The phone rang two times before an elderly woman answered, giving me almost a panic attack when she started spouting a barrage of questions about who I was and where I was and how I got this number. I couldn't even get my initial question out and ask if Hilde was home until she finally asked, "Well, whad'ya want?"

Of course, Hilde was busy, or so the lady said. Hilde dear was in the shower.

The phone dial sounded abruptly after the lady informed me of Hilde's whereabouts, giving me a start as I realized that the she had just hung up on me. How nice.

Well, seeing as a shower sounded good right then, I spent the next twenty minutes under a hot spray, sighing as the warmth spread over my stiff muscles. It wasn't until I was done and putting on my pajamas, even though it was a little early, that a knock sounded at my door.

"Ah! Quatre, you're out of the bath!" I looked at the maid in front of my door, watching as she waved her arms about while she spoke. She kinda reminded me of Duo in a way. "You had a telephone call from a Miss Hilde."

I internally groaned while smiling outwardly and taking the message from the maid. She talked with me for a couple more minutes, asking the usual questions of how I was doing, if I had gotten enough to eat. I knew some of the servants here felt sorry for me, probably pitied me. Most of them had been here long enough to know the whole families messed up ordeal, and if they weren't, they'd probably got all the gossip down within a week of arrival.

The maid soon left, leaving me to stand in front of my telephone, once again. I couldn't really decide if I wanted to call Hilde or not. On one hand… I'd get to talk with Hilde, the good distraction from depressing thoughts. On the other hand, I would probably have to go through that scary old lady.

When I finally managed to convince myself to call, I was greatly disappointed when the old lady answered, telling me that Hilde went out to get her old granny some cough drops. But that wasn't the worst part… no, I just had to get scolded for calling at eight thirty at night. By the time I hung up the phone, I was mentally swearing that I would never call her house again.

Girls were too complicated for me as it was. And that old lady was definitely not on my nice people to talk to list.

Oddly enough, Hilde called me back for the second time that night and I was finally able to speak with her. It was a quick conversation, and I had the feeling that her granny was probably breathing down her neck while she talked. In other words, she was acting a little different from usual, words carefully chosen. Finally, after a couple minutes of stalling and pointless questions, she got around to asking me if I wanted to go to the movies with her. My mind screamed no, but I ended up agreeing to go anyway. How could I have possibly turned her down?

It wasn't till I was laying in my dark room, ready to go to sleep that realization came full force. I was going to have to go on a date… a date with Hilde. Somehow, that didn't seem to be really appealing. I just prayed she would see it just as a friend thing… not a date thing.

The worst part about that night, other than the nerve racking thoughts of me on a date with Hilde, was that I couldn't get Trowa out of my head. For some reason the word 'dating' always brought up a mental picture of him… walking beside me… walking me home.

My life seemed to be getting more and more complicated! How the hell was I ever going to make it through High School like this? A social lacking teen who can't get his mind straightened out about his sexuality!

My thoughts turned morbid from there. They had been seemingly more and more depressing lately. I found myself being jealous of a dead person at one point. Dead people have it so much easier, don't they? Or maybe I am just screwed up for thinking something as insane as that.

TBC.

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Busy, busy. January is a hard month, so much to doooo. Finals are next week for me. Joy. -.-

Thanks for Reviewing! Hope you like the chappy!

Reviews Responses:

Dark Princess: Thanks for reviewing. Yeah, I meant for that last chapter to be sort of a break from depression and stuff. End up a little different then expected though! Hope you enjoyed this chappy too!