Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Guides to Life ❯ Wufei Chang's Guide to Life ( Chapter 5 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Dekiru: So you've finally decided to right this



Dekiru: So you've finally decided to right this?
Kaen: ::Sighs:: Hai, hai. I'm going to *try* to not put Wufei's neck on line.
Dekiru: ::Smile:: Good for you.
Kaen: ::Disgusted growl and glare::
Wufei: Onnako! Hurry up to that d*** computer of yours!
Kaen: ::Mutters something about explosives::
Dekiru: Anou, I better hide the cutlery…

NOTE: I only despise the anime version… manga one is niiiiiiiiiiice… and his seiyuu shouldn't have to put up with that male chauvinisity!

Wufei Chang's Guide to Life
By Kaen-chan ^-^v


Self motivation phrase-

::Arrogant sneer::… I AM JUSTICE!!!
And…::Raving:: Die, die, die, die, die…


What to say everyday-

To every onna in the world:
~WEAKLINGS!!!!!
~You are weak jelly fished, spineless creatures that aren't even worth my time!!! {::Glares at Wufei who is smirking over her shoulder and thinks:: Where in the world are the cutlery when you need them???}
~BOW DOWN TO NATAKU!!!!!!
~Men are your superiors… Lick my boots clean!

To Shenlong or Altron:
~I praise and kiss the ground you stand on.
~I am not worthy of your grace.
~Tell me my future oh mighty Nataku
~Would you like tea with that?

To Duo:
~KISAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! {Heh ^^;;}
~::After Duo touches beloved Shenlong:: MAXWELL YOU BRAIDED BAKA!!! COME BACK HERE SO I MAY EXECUTE OUT THE JUSTICE OF NATAKU!!!!!!
~INJUSTICE!!!

To anybody who insults Justice:
~I am JUSTICE MAN!!!! FEAR MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

To Treize:
~I DEMAND a rematch!
~You are such a spineless sissy!

To any enemy:
~Come one step closer and I behead you like a Mr. Potato Head.
~I shall deal justice!
~Dare you defy Nataku? Feeling lucky, sucker?


What to do every day-

To every onna in the world:
~Rave at them of their weak brains
~Wave your katana at them and laugh cruelly as the weak ones cower in total fear while screaming for their lives
~Demand tribute to Nataku

To Shenlong or Altron:
~Kiss the ground they walk on
~Build an altar to them
~Praise them in all the manners of an honorable man
~Exact revenge on all that defy them

To Duo:
~Lecture him on Justice at least 10 times a day
~Go after him with katana in hand
~Hang him with his braid
~Shove his braid down his throat
~Cut his braid
~Strangle him with his braid
~Sigh in complete satisfaction if you could complete at least one of the above
~Grumble about injustice if Heero does it first

To anybody who insults Justice:
~Decapitate them. 'Nuff said {I like that ^.^}

To Treize:
~Skewer him on a stick and

To any enemy:
~Kick fireworks at them
~Scream on how useless they are in a fight
~If you get bored with the above, just kill them with large plumes of fire


What to do in case-

Sally comes after you, looking for blood:
~Run

Your run out of Pantene Pro-V:
~Go to the local store- They should be stocked full

You insult the other pilots' Herbal Essence:
~Stand up like a man… Then get beaten up like a man

Somebody steals your Mulan CD:
~Track them down and beat the crap out of them
~Hunt them down with Nataku ready for road rage

Everybody defies justice:
~Weep on how Nataku has turned her back on you… Then go to the corner with your Nataku plushie ^-^

Treize comes back to life:
~Steal Heero's 'Key to a Suicidal and Homicidal Personality- Edition #3' and try out anything the book suggests.

You run out of hair gel:
~Do whatever Trowa does in his Guide to life…. Just try to be inconspicuous when you ask that weakling Card Mistress for tips…

Onnas took over the world:
~Commit suicide
~Go on a destructive rampage
~Scream and run to space
~Feed you neo-pet

~Owari~

Kaen: Thank you for reading… I'm not sure whether to do the rest of the characters or not… I'll need your opinions… ::Continues her search for all possible weapons and any weapons:: Where DID the cutlery go?
Dekiru: ::Is seen holding a sack of sharp and pointy objects:: *Winks* Oi, don't tell her okay? I think I've collected everything… ::Suddenly sees a steel staff right besides Kaen's left foot:: Shimatta… I missed the glaive.
Kaen: ::Notices the glaive:: AHA!!! ::Picks it up much to Dekiru's consternation:: Now where is that woman hating chauvinist? I was nice enough to type all of that stuff… Justice shall be served! ::Laughs like the sadistic little moster she is:: XD
Dekiru: As much as I dislike Wufei… ::Calls for the rest of the pilots to restrain Kaen:: Kaen-chan is never one to mess with when on the war path.
Kaen: LEMME GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::Is bound to a chair with a mile or so of masking tape::
Dekiru: ::Sighs then smiles sheepishly:: It always has to ends like this…
Kaen: ::Stops struggling and sulks:: That's not fair…
Quatre: Daijobu ka?
Kaen: Iie! ::Pouts:: Stupid legalities…