Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Missing Piece ❯ Chapter 37

Title: The Missing Piece

Author: Skeren Dreamera, with Bagelbunion co-writing

Archive: http://www.gundam-wing-fanfiction.net/ Mediaminer.org (under Skeren Dreamera) http://www.afallenangel.net/makotosagara/frames/fanfiction.html

Categ ory: Sci Fi additions, Yaoi/Shounen Ai

Pairings: 5x2, 3x1, 4x3, 3x4x1 2+6, 4+6, 1+6, 1+2 only kinda

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, so please, don't sue me, it would be pointless! I do, however, own the poem.

Rating: NC-17

Spoilers: Heero's Zero stuff

Warnings: Just the OOC warning that applies to the whole thing.

Contact: Mickeofas@yahoo.com

Notes: *thoughts* Castaway is mine meaning it belongs to one Skeren Dreamera. I created that poem. So please people, don't go looking for it anywhere, if you want any other of my stuff, E-mail me, I do have more. But at least tell me before you snitch my poetry, alright? This chapter is kinda sad, but... You guys wanted to know what happened.

Begin part thirty seven

Wufei whimpered slightly in Duo's arms, lost in another dream where he was caught in his suffering again. Duo pushed open the door to his other teammates, nose twitching. Heero would wake soon. That was good. He could hear Zechs behind him. He was going to follow, better. He needed them all. He wanted the memories to go away. "Quatre, could you get the two of you dressed... Please?"

Quatre sat up suddenly seeing Duo carrying Wufei who was whimpering occasionally. "Why? What's wrong?" He could feel it, but it made him scared and worried at the same time.

"Please..." Duo stared at Quatre wide eyed from the door, refusing to enter, and he nearly jumped out of his skin when Zechs touched his shoulder. He was finally remembering, and it wanted to hit him all at once.

"Sure...." Quatre said slowly and threw back the covers moving past Duo carefully as he went to his own room and dressed quickly. He pulled out a set of his own clothes and carried them back to Heero's room to dress Heero who was still passed out. He sat up on the bed and patted the seat next to him indicating Duo to sit.

Duo looked back and gave Zechs a smile, which was returned with concern as the tall blonde followed Duo to the bed. He refused to release Wufei, his arms wrapped tight around the boy in his arms. A veritable death grip on the boy. Duo settled between Quatre and Heero, a hand coming to rest on the blue-eyed boy's chest as he took a few deep breaths. "These things are coming in three's alright..."

"What do you mean Duo? What's wrong with Wufei?" Quatre was beginning to panic, the Chinese boy, at least according to him, had not awoken since last night and to see Duo holding him so close... Quatre couldn't feel his emotions; he could only go off the sounds Wufei was giving off. He looked to Heero nervously; hoping that Heero would wake up soon.

"I remember... I remember..." Duo bowed his head, closing his eyes at last, his fingers running back and forth as he heard Heero's breathing change. "I don't want it. Make it go back where it was..."

"Duo?" Quatre put a nervous hand on Duo's shoulder and leaned over to him, peering in to get a closer look at Duo's face.

Heero's eyes fluttered as he heard Duo's plea and he sat up, Zechs moving next to Duo as well so the other three were near him. The only one who wasn't there was Trowa. "Duo?" Heero echoed the question, his voice soft with worry.

Duo closed his eyes tight, pulling Wufei under his chin. "Everyone's remembering today... Wufei... He did what he did before, the words, they just came, and I remembered it... They couldn't make me forget as easy... So they did all the other things... I don't want to remember it..." Duo's voice fell into a whisper.

"Remember?" Quatre repeated puzzled. Realization passed over his face. "You remember..." His voice dropped several decibels, "What happened..." He moved next to Duo to place both hands on Duo's shoulders in a nonverbal sign of comfort and 'I'm here.'

Duo flinched ever so slightly into the touch. This was why he'd seen them as a threat. He needed them though. He desperately needed for them to be safe to him. He was wrong; maybe it was not he who did not trust because Wufei did not, but Wufei because he did not. "All of it. Wufei can't know, he can't know what he didn't see." Duo clutched the unconscious boy closer, closing his eyes as Heero carefully touched his shoulder, and Duo found himself barely repressing tears. They wanted to make him feel better. This was why he came here.

"Duo... What happened?" Quatre asked softly. "You can stop if it gets painful. I won't care if you have to stop talking." Quatre reassured him carefully, wincing slightly when Duo flinched at his contact.

"I couldn't fight them off. They made Wufei watch them hurt me... But they did so much worse that he never saw. He can't know... They hurt him too; he's not as strong... Never suffered so..." Duo had tears leaking down his cheeks as the silence of the others surrounded him. They weren't all there though. Trowa was still not there. Quatre patted his shoulder softly encouraging him to go on. Or stop if that's what he needed. Wufei gave a loud whimper in Duo's arms and moved closer to him.

Duo immediately halted from saying anything more as he heard Wufei dipping to whisper to him softly. "Among the others we be, the crowd of misfits and used. Rest now, we've found sanctuary." Duo's words had the feel of long use, and he lightly kissed Wufei on the top of the head. He knew the others could hear. He didn't care. He wanted to feel safe. Wufei took a deep breath in his sleep and seemed to rest better, his forehead less creased and his breath a little more even.

Heero leaned forward a little to rest his head against Duo's shoulder. Touching him in no other way. Zechs hovered back and watched, but he was close if needed. Heero was offering comfort how he could. He'd taught Duo that poem; he recognized the lines. Duo gave a feeble smile, glancing to Heero, then to Quatre, then Zechs, tears on his face. "It fit. It fit so very, very well... 'Castaway' was perfect to calm him. It was the only thing that seemed to..." Duo trailed off, mentioning a poem that only Heero could know, because he'd written it. Wufei took a deep sighing breath and one of his hands tightened slightly reaching for some part of Duo to clutch closer to him.

Duo crooned softly. "Please not worry fair being, your light will not be banished to the depths. Just let it be hidden away, and soon you shall be seen." He closed his eyes, rubbing his cheek against Wufei's hair. Wufei wiggled a little but remained sleeping. Duo sighed softly, then opened his eyes again, and they were dry. "I was the only one they couldn't reach. They found ways into the others there, but not me. They used me to reach into his mind... They had to do such horrible things to crawl into mine... My scars... I should have so many scars where I have none."

Quatre sighed nervously and also a bit in fear he wasn't sure if he should encourage Duo to continue or not. "I had to stay strong. I was taking care of them. Wufei first, but others too... People I saw once then never again... I think they enjoyed keeping us together but unable to escape... So many needles... I've always hated doctors, always!" Duo's voice was feverent, but low. Quatre whimpered softly and scooted himself a little closer. "There's blank places, where if something is said or done, we react... remembering nothing. I don't know the aim. I just know I had to stay strong. No one else could. They tried hard to break me too. They suppressed other things they gave me, changing their minds. They didn't like that I could be so much stronger and fight them off. They didn't like me being able to keep them away..." Duo closed his eyes again, leaning over Wufei as Zechs started to rub his back.

Quatre pat Duo's back along with Zechs, giving Zechs little pats as well. He didn't know what else to do, other than to let Duo just keep talking and get it all out. "I need to trust you all... Maybe if I just let this happen, I'll trust... I don't want you all to be my enemies. You wouldn't do those things to me... I have my own will, and it will stay!" Duo's voice raised a little on the end, determined. Quatre just nodded.

"Why did you stop trusting us?" Heero's voice was quiet, muffled against Duo's shoulder.

"You weren't there... You didn't come... You were searching, but you never came... There was no time, just the pain and the drugs... It was endless..." Duo shivered, nuzzling at Wufei. He remembered more than Wufei, of that he was sure. Wufei had blinding bits of insight, but he suppressed his memory by will, not instruction. Quatre nodded. He didn't know that Duo had stopped trusting them and was curious as to the answer, but he regretted it as he heard what it was.

"You never came..." Duo whispered it again. It was like all the faith had been yanked out of him brutally by that one thing.

"We wanted... We looked and looked, but you had vanished without a trace." Quatre yelled. He didn't want Duo to not trust him.

Duo's head jerked around and he was immediately defensive. Duo beat back the instinctive fear that rose in him with the shout. Heero slid an arm around Duo's shoulders, and Zechs settled up behind Duo, both blue eyed men glaring at the blond as Duo shrank back.

"I'm sorry." Quatre spoke softly and leaned back, sitting on his legs on the bed. *No matter what I do... I keep making things worse! I know why Trowa left... Now...*

"Please... don't yell... Not while everything is so fresh... I know you looked... Then we came back... Did you even miss us?" Duo's eyes are hurt and pleading as he saw Quatre recoil from him. He already felt dirty...

"Of course." Quatre whispered. "I had no clue what happened. You were far away, possibly injured, possibly raped, even dead..." Quatre trailed off, leaving some words unsaid. Now wasn't the right time to say them.

"Possibly? I'm not dead..." Duo lowered his gaze from them all, his voice trailing off from the quiet, reaffirming question. It was more like confirmation.

"They..." Quatre pinched his lips together and slowly began to cry. "Duo..." He whimpered and moved closer to his comrade, he wanted to hold him, to soothe away the pain.

"There were too many... They knew who we were, and they just... Just came..." Duo's voice was barely a whisper, and Heero rested his head on his shoulder again as Zechs rested against his back. Duo had always loved social interactions... "I... I know... I know I can't... Strangers..." Duo shook his head a little, fresh tears leaking through. Wufei whimpered again in his sleep and stirred as if he was about to wake. Quatre sat on Duo's other side, he wanted to wrap his arms around him, but instead just sat, touching just a little.

Duo leaned forward, murmuring to Wufei. He wanted him so badly to see the others as safe. "We're safe here Fei." Duo tucked Wufei's head under his chin before he woke, doing what he did as far as he could remember to indicate who was safe. Wufei awoke a moment later; his eyes sliding open slowly to see Duo's chest in front of his eyes. He tilted his head just a little and murmured something.

Duo tilted his head, kissing Wufei on top of the head. He didn't know how Wufei was waking. So he went the safe road and assumed he was running on cell actions. "Going to sleep with the lullaby, and wake to see my pretty face?" Duo quirked his lips against Wufei's hair, letting him feel the sad smile.

Wufei nodded a soft smile going across his face. "You're safe?" He asked as his hands reached up to cup Duo's face.

"I've found the haven." Duo looked down to Wufei, lips quirked.

Wufei rested his head onto Duo's chest and curled up, still smiling a little, "Glad to hear it..." He sighed happily after the whisper. He was warm and safe right now.

Duo relaxed as it was accepted and he leaned back into the others. Wufei wouldn't immediately defend. They were safe. "Safe and warm." Duo cuddled Wufei close again, but the panic that had driven him to the others was gone, even as the memories pressed.

"Ne, Duo?" Wufei asked after a long quiet pause.

"Yeah?" Duo tipped his head down, feeling the other three around them with an odd calmness now instead of a need to ready for fear and defense.

"I have to piss." Wufei said quietly. "Will you take me there?" He was suddenly nervous, but he tried to push it away.

"If you need me to." Duo rolled his shoulders back, making Heero and Zechs move away from their silent leaning before he leaned forward, getting off the bed before putting Wufei down.

"Please." Wufei asked it softly and looked at his own feet, holding his hand out for Duo to take. Suddenly he looked up and blinked wildly. "Where are we?" He had only just figured out they weren't any of the places he had gone to sleep.

"Heero's room. C'mon, lets find the lavatory before we're too late and have a puddle." Duo took Wufei's hand, tugging him towards the door. Wufei let himself be tugged; the desire to use the facilities was overwhelming his confusion at the moment. Duo closed the door behind him as he lead Wufei to his destination, leaving the other three to talk, as he knew they would.

Heero drew his knees up once Duo left the room with Wufei, his eyes seeking out Quatre as he moved to lean his back against Zechs. "He used my poem to hold him together..."

Quatre sighed roughly and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "So..." It was a lot to deal with at the moment and that was only Duo's side of the story, and Quatre had a feeling that was only the tip of the iceberg.

"I didn't know you wrote poems..." Quatre asked/commented smiling softly at Heero. "But I'm glad it worked."

"He wanted to know if I did anything for myself, so I told it to him." Heero brought his forehead to his knees, he didn't feel right, but he was just Heero.

"The way Duo was speaking..." Quatre looked down at the floor. "It seemed like nothing else would help Wufei..." He finished quietly.

"They seemed to condition each other while they were there..." Heero didn't lift his head. "He was saying so much more than he spoke over." Quatre nodded in agreement.

"It makes me glad they didn't have a chance to try for my mind." Zechs shivered. Quatre nodded again and pat Zechs on the shoulder. Zechs wrapped his arms around Heero and leaned closer to Quatre. They all needed each other.

Quatre sighed again. "Why don't I make dinner? You guys wanna help? I think Duo and Wufei could use it."

"Wait... Would you like to hear the entire poem? Would you like to hear Castaway?" Heero lifted his head, looking at Quatre.

"Yes. I would love to hear it." Quatre reached out to squeeze Heero's hand.

Heero took a deep breath, his smile rather lopsided but real as he tried to calm himself down.

"Tell me what I never saw

What more is there you need say?

.

What have they stolen from you that you cherished,

What innocence tainted beyond repair?

.

What am I to be your safehaven in a hell among war? It is unfair to you

I've known suffering and forever, the cruelty is to you, not I

.

I was raised among the war and folly, the pain and fear

It is nothing that has not been seen by my eyes and felt by my hands

.

Here we lay stranded, the few among the many,

The pure among the pain and fear.

.

We go on with bloodied hands and faces, but the heart stays clean and truthful.

Then we carry forth...

.

But wait dear being, can you not hear? The guards are gone.

.

We've been left among the others, those like us and unbroken.

They, we may lean on, for their trust is as faulty as our own

.

We are not so alone as that one small glimmer should have shown us,

We each have that by which we need for sight.

.

Please not worry fair being, your light will not be banished to the depths.

Just let it be hidden away, and soon you shall be seen

.

Soon you shall be safe among us all in hearts to rest.

Just wait and see while I protect you.

.

Going to sleep with the lullaby, and wake to see my pretty face?

Among the others we be, the crowd of misfits and used.

.

Rest now, we've found sanctuary I've found the haven."

Heero glanced at the other two as he fell silent, seeing Zechs' thoughtful, slightly stunned look before flicking his gaze to Quatre.

Quatre smiled at Heero a bit. "Heero...." He squeezed his hand, words couldn't describe it.

Heero blushed a little ducking his head as he felt the praise from Quatre. "It's just something I wrote..."

"It's lovely Heero." Quatre reassured.

Heero simply studied the bedspread. "I needed to express myself... It worked..."

"Yes. It did." Quatre smiled, and leaned over and gave Heero an affectionate kiss on his cheek. "Let's go make dinner now okay?"

"I'll stay and direct them to the kitchen." Zechs settled back, trailing his fingers away from Heero's back. Heero nodded and got to his feet, looking to Quatre. Quatre got up and agreed to follow.

To be continued.