Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Private Bathroom Party ❯ The Private Bathroom Party ( Chapter 1 )

The Private Bathroom Party

It's not what some perverts think this is, though this story sort of stems off that idea. The "action" *wink, wink* does take place in the bathroom, and it is with only two people *wink, wink*, but it is anything but romantic or... pleasure. And well, here I go again blabbering. Onward noble steed.

Disclaimer: As much as I would like to own Trowa (who isn't even in this fic) or any of the other boys (ooh Zechs and Treize...) I really can't have them. It's kinda funny that you would need oodles of money to get your hands on the G-boys (teehee).

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Simply put, Wufei hated parties. Parties meant talking to insubordinate, wearisome, annoying people. Talking to insubordinate, wearisome, annoying people meant being bored. Being bored meant doing crazy things as a result of boredom. And so on and so on. It all led to the fact that parties made Wufei do crazy things, which is not good, nope, not at all. And the one thing worse than doing crazy things was...

"MAXWELL!!"

... the braided pilot. The fruit punch was pungent and obviously spiked with alcohol. There was only one person that would do that. Especially at a party filled with respected diplomats and what not. After all it would be so much fun to see a bunch of drunk politicians and ambassadors go to work with a hangover. Think of the headlines. Obviously, Wufei found no amusement in this. He scanned the large crowd for the braided ex-pilot turned Preventer. No where. Scowling, Wufei made his way to the loo. There was no one in the spacious marble room as Wufei noticed.

Or at least no one he noticed at first. Duo jumped out of a fake potted plant behind the bathroom entrance/exit door and patted Wufei hard on the back.

"MAXWELL!!" Wufei growled, touching his left eye tenderly.

"Hey, Wu-man," Duo replied seemingly oblivious to the fact that Wufei was extremely angry. The wide-eye pilot looked at the furious Chinese man searching for something on the counter whilst holding his eye. "What happened to your eye, Wu-man?"

"That is none of your business, Maxwell!"

"What did Sally punch you or something? She did, didn't she?"

"NO!!"

"Oi... then whatcha looking for?"

"MAXWELL!"

"I'll just stand right here."

~ Outside the bathroom

The elderly ambassador to Canada heard some screaming coming from the men's bathroom and curiously wandered over. She jerked back slightly in surprise as she came closer to the door and heard a muffled yell that oddly sounded liked ... Maxwell. *Maxwell? Isn't that the nice young man that offered me a drink? Why, yes it is. Now why is someone yelling his name?*

~Inside

"Come on let me help, Wu-man," Duo begged leaning closer to the marble top around the sinks.

"I do not need your help, Maxwell."

"Sure you do."

"I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP!"

~Outside

"Oh, my..."

~ Inside

"Hehe, look what I found Wu-man," Duo said holding up a small clear item on the tip of his finger. "It's your contact." Wufei angrily took it from his colleague and proceeded to rinse of the lense with the cleanser conveniently located on top of the counter. "I think you put on too much on, Wu-man."

~Outside

*I wonder if they're... Nyah...* The ambassador leaned closer to clear up the voices. The prime minister of some country or something came up beside the ambassador.

"Is someone in there?" he asked.

"Shh, I think..."

"If you put on too much, your thing will be all slippery, Wu-man. It will slide right in and out." The ambassador gasped again, this time the prime minister joined her in surprise.

~Inside

"I can do this by myself, Maxwell. I'm not a idiotic child."

"See! We have that it common!"

"Shut up, Maxwell." Wufei proceeded to put his contact back in.

"Let me help you put it in Wuffie."

"No! This is mine, Maxwell. Get your hands off." He glared at the American. "Turn around, your face is annoying me."

"But I don't want to turn around."

~Outside

The ambassador leaned closer to the door. The prime minister looked shell- shocked.

"TURN AROUND, MAXWELL."

"You're no fun, Wuffie. Why do I have to turn around? I always have to be the one to turn around."

~ Inside

Wufei just rolled his eyes and started to put his contact back in.

"You're doing it wrong Wu-man! It's gonna poke..."

~ Outside

"MAXWELL!" The ambassador paled when she heard the yell. It was proceeded by another yell, which the ambassador recognized as Duo's voice. The prime minister stiffened.

"See, you poked..."

"MAXWELL!"

"Oh, fine, do it yourself if you like. But you put too much of that stuff on your thing that it will slide right back out. Then we're gonna have to do it all over again."

~Inside

"What do you mean by we?" Wufei just shook his head. He felt his eye started to dry up so he started looking for his eye drop.

"Whatcha doing now Wu-man? Your contact..."

"Dried up."

"How could it dry up already? You put so much of that on it!"

~Outside

"There is no way something that wet can dry up in an equally wet environment."

"MAXWELL!"

~Inside

" I told you to let me do it."

"No."

"I'm doing it." There was a brief pause before Duo pounced Wufei.

"MAXWELL. GET OFF!" He pushed Duo off and found the eye drop at about the same time. Duo yelped loudly as he fell into the potted plant he jumped out of as Wufei grabbed the tiny bottle. He unscrewed the top quickly and proceeded to squeeze it before Duo said anything.

~Outside

The ambassador and prime minister were joined by the Vice Foreign Minister, none other then Relena just as Duo opened his mouth.

"That's a tricky one. You have to squeeze real hard."

"Oh my god, Duo!?" Relena gasped.

"Maxwell..." came out Wufei's voice.

"WUFEI???? Who would've thought..."

"See, squeeze right there, really, really, hard," Duo suggested. "You can get more out of it."

~Inside

"Kutabare, Maxwell!" Wufei grabbed the bottle from Duo and let the soothing liquid into his eye. Except it was far from soothing. And Wufei needed a scapegoat for the cause of his pain. "MAXWELL!"

~Outside

"Wow..." Relena said quietly.

"GET OUT, NOW!" Wufei yelled.

~Inside

Duo looked hurt and subserviently turned to leave. "You are so not fun, Wufei." Duo went to the door and started to pull at the handle.

"I said get out Maxwell."

"It won't budge. It's doesn't want to move, Wu-man."

~Outside

All three gasped.

"Whoa, way to go," Relena cheered.

~Inside

"Jiggle it a bit. It will move."

"It won't. You can try if you want, but it's stuck in real tight. It really hurts to pull back."

"Baka, it is locked."

"Hehe. Whoops."

~Outside

Everyone backed up as the conversation inside the bathroom was starting to freak them out. Duo and Wufei's voices were muffled by the door.

~Inside

"Man! Now I'm all sweaty for a stupid little thing." He opened the door a bit. "It shouldn't have taken that long. Now Hilde is gonna be all suspicious and angry that I didn't hurry up."

"LEAVE!"

"Sheesh, I thought you were having fun." Duo opened the door and saw the surprised faces of Relena, the ambassador and the prime minister. "Hiho!" He practically skipped away from the bathroom looking all sweaty.

"Who would've thought," Relena whispered.

OWARI…. Or maybe

So, there was something absolutely random, not so well written, but otherwise complete humourous fic fer ya'll. R/R plz and as always flames are welcomed.