Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Ring ❯ Chapter 1

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

By: Cyrrer

Author: Hi, usually I write under the name Laren (at least in my native language) but unfortunately this name was already taken on So if you by chance know this little fic in German and wonder why it is posted here under the name Cyrrer... don't panic it's the same author

Pairing: 1x2x1

Disclaimers: They don't belong to me - unfortunately. So don't sue.

Warnings: some violence, angst, lime (I really hoped that I kept it in the boundaries of lime), some dark moments and I was told that this fic get the readers crying.

A/N: Any kind of comment is very much appreciated. Just tell me if you think this story sucks. If you like it, I will upload all 5 chapters.

Summary: Duo loves Heero with all his heart. Unfortunately Heero does not love him back. Or so it seems.

Duo clung like a drowning man to Heero. His lips moved along Heeros jaw line, trying desperately to reach his mouth. But as always Heero turned his head away to avoid the kiss. An ache ripped Duos heart. He knew this pain, but it didn't hurt less because of his knowledge.

But before he could think it through, Heero increased the speed of his thrusts and in combination with what his hands did on Duos body it left Duo incapable of thinking straight. Only moments later they both reached their orgasm.

Panting heavily Heero fell upon Duo, his hair soaked with sweat fell into his face. Duo dared to lift his hand and shove one cheeky strand out of Heeros eyes. How much did he love this picture of a fully relaxed Heero.

With great effort he could keep himself from clutching his arms around Heero to embrace the boy for the rest of the night - no, until the end of times. Tormented Duo closed his eyes. `One should think that you had learned not to wish for the impossible, you idiot,' he scolded himself. `Just be content with what you have, you will never get more.'

He allowed himself to feel one more moment the luxury of Heeros warmth, then he shoved the Wing Pilot away and get out of the bed.

“Heero, it was - as always - wow,” he said while hastily dressed. Then he reconsidered. This was the forth night, he could bear one more. “Let's do it again tomorrow,” he suggested with a big smile on his face. Just one more night before he had to thrust him aside.

Heeros only answer was, “Hn!” but nothing different was to be expected by `Mr.-I-speak-only-for-the-sake-of-missions'.

Duo wanted to escape the blank expression in Heeros cobalt blue eyes, so he let his gaze roam on Heeros body. There were a lot of cuts and bruises on Heeros arms which he hadn't noticed earlier. His own safety seemed to be the least priority on his missions for this suicidal maniac. After all it was a big improvement that he did not activate Wings self-destruction quite as often any more. Nowadays Heero returned nearly unharmed from his missions.

But nevertheless, he should be more cautious. Duo stroke his hand on the lines of scares. “Hey Heero, take more care for your skin. Some scares could be quite sexy, but enough is enough.”

Heero just grumbled as a response. Duo dared to search for Heero's gaze. But his face was just an expressionless mask and didn't give away any emotion at all. Cobalt blue eyes which did not glow but stared.

Duo couldn't stand this sight. Just some more seconds and he would lose his control. He would launch himself on Heero, lash out on him with all his hurt. He would demand an answer why Heero couldn't love him, why he was only good enough for sex and nothing else.

But if he did this, he would allow Heero to know how he felt about him. Then Heero would really have him in his hands. He would make himself vulnerable.

No, he couldn't allow this to happen. The situation was bad enough as it was. Hastily he turned away to the door. “Till tomorrow,” he shouted above his shoulder. He couldn't hear an answer of Heero - if there was even one.

He strode fast to his own room at the end of the floor. After getting into it, he slammed the door and threw himself on the bed. Finally he could let his emotions run free. He really hated himself for suffering. Meanwhile he should have learned that he wasn't worth Heero's love. Should be content with what he got. `Why am I still hoping?' Duo wondered, pulling the blanket over his head.

Slowly but surely the tears appeared in his eyes. He always cried after being with Heero. He always cried when he faced the truth that he had lost his heart on someone who thought him dirty and unworthy.

Just once, he wished that Heero would kiss him, would tell him that he loved him. `I would give everything for this,' Duo thought while his sobs got louder.

It was always the same, and the more nights he spent with Heero the worse it got. After tomorrow he had to gain more distance, one more night, not more.

When they slept together, he was so close to Heero, but nevertheless they seemed to be separated by an insuperable wall. `You are not worth to be loved by him,' Duo told himself for the thousandth time, snuggling deeper into the pillows, tears running free on his face.

He had to keep his sobs at bay. He didn't want his neighbour Quatre to overhear anything. His pride was all what was left to him.

Suddenly he heard the rush of the water pipes. In the middle of the night. It meant that Heero was in the shower again. Duo closed his eyes in pain. Heero always showered for ages after they had sex. `Am I that dirty that you have to wash me away?' This was another ache in Duos heart. He knew that it would take some time until he had cried himself to sleep.

He wore his ever happy joker mask the next morning. He joked with the others and ate all the kitchen could provide. But he meticulously ignored Heero. He knew it would be better for him not to see the expressionless face of the Wing Pilot. Presumably it would be better for him not to have anything to do with Heero. But he couldn't bring himself to be apart from the youth.

Near lunchtime Quatre unexpectedly descend on him. “Duo, we need to talk.”

Inwardly Duo groaned, he really hadn't any energy to listen to Quatres problems, he had enough problems of his own. But then he scolded himself, Quatre was his best friend after all and was always willing to give him an ear. Now it was payback time. And maybe it would distract him for some moments from Heero.

“OK, Q-man, spill it. What's on your mind?” he said with a faked grin.

But Quatre only shook his head. “Not here. I think we should be undisturbed. Let's go to your room.”

With effort Duo turned his face into a smile. This sounded like more serious problems than it was for his liking. But he had to get through with it. “Oh, this sounds almost indecent. So, let's go,” he tried to joke about it.

`What's the reason for all this?' Duo was wondering as they went together upstairs to his room. `Most probably it had something to do with Trowa, what else could be on Quatres mind?'

As they reached his room and Quatre closed the door and checked it, Duo had to smile for real. “Take a seat Q-man,” he pointed at the armchair and let himself fall onto the bed. “Spit it out Quatre. What's so mysterious that we must speak in private? Are you in love?”

Quatre turned into an interesting shade of red. “Uhm... No,” he spluttered.

“But if not, why are you blushing?” teased Duo even more.

Quatre cleared his throat. “Duo this is really important. It would be nice if you could stop making jokes for a few minutes.”

“Okaaaaaay, little one, just shoot,” Duo grinned at his friend. He really was eager to hear what he had to say now.

Quatre turned even more red. He tried to start to speak several times, but always stopped. Duo got kind of impatient. “Oh man, Quatre. Just fire away, I don't have the whole day for this game.”

Startled Quatre looked up. “Damn, this isn't easy,” then he took one more deep breath. “Duo, I have to ask you about something really important. And you should be aware, that his is most probably more embarrassing for me, than for you.”

Duo got curious. “What is it?”

“Thus... ah... hmmm,” Quatre stumbled again over the words. Bashful he looked onto the ground. But then he finally screw up his courage and spilled, “I must ask you whether Heero forces you to do things you don't want to do. Is he hurting you?” Quatre looked utterly defeated.

Agape Duo starred at his friend. His brain vanished upon this question, he couldn't think straight. “What... what gave you this daft idea? What gave you the right to asked such a question? He is your friend too. How dare you accuse him of such a thing?”

“Do you think this is easy for me? But all the evidences hints in this direction,” retorted Quatre.

Duo got really angry, he almost yelled. “What evidence?”

“My room is next to yours. I can hear you crying for hours every night you stayed with Heero and him doing Allah knows what to you. Do you really think that I wouldn't hear your sobs?”

Anxious Quatre saw that Duo only shook his head repelling. He hadn't thought of Duo to resist his Questions. “This isn't true. You are wrong. Heero is an affectionate lover. There is no violence.”

“If this is true, then why are you crying every night?” Quatre asked again. He wanted, he had to know what was going on. He need to know, to be able to help his friend.

“Because...” tears formed in Duos eyes and heavily sobs cut him off. His hands covered his eyes in the vain attempt to hide the tears. Duo cradled himself back and forth, not being able to stop the sobs and whimpers.

Nothing held Quatre back in his armchair at this sight. With one smooth motion he sat beside Duo and took him into his arms. Carefully he stroke his head and the braid, murmuring reassuring sounds. Hoping that the weeping youth in his arm would calm down eventually.

After some more minutes the tears were spent. Duo whimpered once more. “You wanted to know why I cry? It's simple. Heero doesn't love me. And he never will. That's the reason.”

Quatre hadn't thought of this explanation. “What gave you that notion? Why shouldn't Heero love you? You are kind of an item.”

Ashamed Duo turned his head away. “We are by no means a couple. You are not together with vermin. You only use that kind of scum for sex.”

Quatre didn't understand a thing. “Vermin? What gave you that impression?” unfortunately Duos problems didn't turn out to be what he thought they were.

“Believe me, this is how it is. For Heero I'm not more than scum. Nothing he could ever love or care for. But I, I am a fool, because I love this bastard.”

“I really don't understand Duo. Had he said anything like this to you?”

“To my face, no he hadn't had the balls for that. Maybe I should tell you the whole stupid, sordid story from the beginning.”

Duo took a deep breath. He knew that telling would hurt him. But maybe it would be good to confide his story, his hurt, to someone. `Be honest for once. Without any help you would go crazy in a few weeks,' this thought strengthen his resolve to tell Quatre everything.

“Do you remember this mission Heero and I had about 9 month ago? We were to destroy an OZ facility. Everything went according to plan. We had some minor injuries, but nothing threatening. We fled on a motorbike. Unfortunately the weather didn't go with the plans. Suddenly it was pouring with rain. This stopped our journey to the safe house.

So we stopped at a motel. I don't know why but we only got one room, nothing unusual anyhow. But then as we tent to each others wounds, it happened. Suddenly we lay in each others arms, kissing.” Duo had to stop at the memory of that moment. The feeling of Heeros lips upon his own, something that felt simply right, could still make him tremble. He would give everything to be able to feel this again, to have Heero kiss him again. Sometimes he did wonder, why Heero had allowed it that night at all, maybe the Wing Pilot had been distracted by the mission or so.

“One thing led to another and we slept with each other. It was the best night of my whole life. I loved Heero from the beginning and I thought that all my dreams had finally come true. I was in seventh heaven, stupid me thinking that the sex would mean anything. That we were a couple. As it turned out, this was the only night I slept in Heero's arms.

The next morning came. First I didn't gave it a second thought that Heero didn't say anything about our night together. He isn't the communicative type after all. He had woken before me and prepared everything for our departure. During our ride home, we weren't able to speak because of the helmets.

But as soon as we came here, Heero rushed off again. I thought he had something to take care of because of the mission. During his departure I strolled through the house walking on air. Imagining our future in bright colours. Can you believe how stupid I was?

At one point Heero came back, but I didn't notice it. I walked alongside the dining room and discovered that Relena was there. I don't remember what this goon wanted but she seemed to have a chat with someone. I didn't go into the room, because I don't wanna be near Relena if I can help it,” Duo grimaced his face.

“So I stood just in front of the open door and heard everything. And believe me, this scattered all my dreams at the crudest fashion. The words burned themselves into my memory, I still can hear Relena say `Just consider what you admit yourself to. He is a dirty street-rat. He had survived by stealing and other crimes. He is scum. Do you really want someone as dirty as him in your bed? Don't you fear to get filthy every time you touch him? Don't you fear that he will steal from you? Are you sure to take these risks just for the fun of it? I admit, he is good looking, but is this really worth it?'

And do you know what Heero's answer to this assault was? He didn't vindicate me. Oh no, he only said `Hn'.” The memory of this moment was so hurtful that new tears streamed down Duo's eyes.

“But Duo, this doesn't prove anything. Maybe Heero didn't agree with Relena. Maybe he hadn't even listen to her,” Quatre tried to reassure Duo. He couldn't believe this tale himself. For sure, Relena was capable of this hurtful words, and she always tried to win Heero for herself. But that Heero should be so emotionless, such a cold bastard? Granted he always was aloof, but not vicious. This was the reason why Quatre had struggled so long with his presumptions that Heero was hurting Duo. He didn't want Heero to be like this.

“It's the sad truth. I was shell shocked, and just ran away. You can't comprehend how I felt that moment. It's not my fault that I was a street-rat. I had to do what I had to, to survive. Yes, I am a thief and I stole because I didn't want to starve to death. This doesn't mean that I am bad. And that of all the things, the one person I love so dearly despises me because of my past...

I ran through the forest for hours, trying to think straight again. But all my thoughts circled around this hateful sentences. I was exhausted. I tried to convince myself that I perhaps misinterpreted what Relena said, or that Heero didn't agree with her. So I went back to speak with Heero about it. I wanted to know what he really thought.

I wish I hadn't. I found him. In his room. He kneeled, all his clothes he wore on the mission spread on the floor. He searched every little bit of the clothes, murmuring `Where is it?' and `Duo, Duo, Duo.'

I just stood there, shell shocked. My biggest fears had come to life. The man I love, believes that I could steal from him. He hadn't ignored Relena, instead he thinks the same. He believes that I am capable to steal from a buddy, from a friend. I would never, NEVER steal from a friend. Not for the life of me. But he believes it. I'm scum in his eyes, nothing more.”

“What happened?” Quatre asked.

“I absconded to my room and wept for some time,” Duo grimaced in disgust. “I always seem to cry. Maybe I could earn Heero's respect if I wasn't such a fuss. I don't know what I did beside crying. But I think all my thoughts went in circles.

But after a while I was determined to don't let this break me. If Heero only wanted me for sex, so it would be like that. The sex was good and still is. At least I have something of him that way. But I swore to myself to never let him know how I feel. This would give him too much power over me. I will never be hurt like that again. If I am just scum, then at least I am the scum who shows the ropes.

At the evening I went to Heero and told him in no uncertain terms how the things were going to be. I told him that we would have some fun with each other, but nothing more.

You should have seen his face. His expression didn't change one bit. You see, he really didn't want it any other way. Every emotionally attachment would have scared him off.

And so it started. We are together for some days. As long as I can stand to be this close to him, while we are worlds apart. Don't get me wrong, what we do, really is fun. Sometimes Heero turns this into kind of sex-marathons. But after all, this isn't what I want to have - ok, not the only thing I want to have.

After some days, I think the most was one whole week, I stop the meetings for some weeks. I need to get some distance, need to rebuild. And then it starts again,” while talking Duos face had become a stone hard mask.

Quatre had to swallow hard. He had to process this whole thing. For minutes they just sat together on the bed. Quatre couldn't understand how someone - how Duo - could do this to himself. He had to stop this madness. “Duo, you can't go on like this.”

“Why not? It worked the whole time,” was Duos defiant answer.

“Because I hear you crying every night. You hurt yourself whit this. What is the gain of having sex with Heero, if it hurts you? You will never get over him like this. And if you are correct and he will never love you back, than it is high time to get away from him. This is as bad, maybe even worse, as if he would harm you bodily. In the end, it will destroy you. Stop it.”

Duo shook his head. “No, I can't. I can't live without him.”

“But Duo, you told me that you never really had him, and never will have. So stop hurting yourself.”

“I can't. I am not strong enough.”

Quatre shook Duos shoulders. “You are Shinigami. You'll get over it. Free yourself from Heero. Get a grip on your life. Don't throw yourself away.”

Duo went mute for minutes. Thought about the messy situation, analysed everything. Suddenly his face took a determined expression. “You are right. I will follow your lead and end this affair. But this night, I want to be with him a last time.”

“And then you will end this?”

“Yes, I will free myself.”

“Then it is ok, Duo. And I will help you any way I can.”

“Thanks Quatre, I think I will need your help. Be prepared that I will wet all your clothes with tears for the next months.”

The evening approached much too fast for Duo. But he didn't get second thoughts. He was determined to end this messy affair. He was sad, because he finally admitted that there would never be anything between him and Heero. And it hurt him to accept this fact. Somewhere deep inside of his treacherous heart he still had had hope.

And now he would kill this hope. But Quatre was right. He only hurt himself. And to end this would be a thousand times better, then to live with this hurt. From tomorrow onwards he would be free again. He wouldn't be counting if he was able to be close to Heero for one more day. Or musing how much distance he needed to rebuild. He would be freed of this mess.

As he entered Heero's room, he found the Wing Pilot in his normal clothing. The green tank top and this spandex, which should be outlawed, because they advertised more than they hide. Duos gaze roamed over Heero.

Amazing, why he was so smitten by Heero? Yes, Heero looked good, damn good. But other mothers had handsome sons, too. Why had he fallen for this stoic, aloof bastard?

He had been fascinated by Heero from the beginning. Always wanted to tear down the walls around Heero. And in some fashion he succeed. The current Heero wasn't the robot like killing machine from the beginning that only knew it's missions. He had learned to accept the other pilots as human beings and not only as tools for those oh so important missions. Heero was now even able to interact with normal people.

Duo gave himself the most credits of this changes in Heero. Sure, Quatre, Trowa and Wufei had their share in this change, but really normal behaviour Heero could only have learned from himself.

After no time, it got clear to Duo, that he wanted more from Heero than to be his war buddy. Soon after that came the realisation that even friendship wasn't enough. Perhaps he could have been content with the friendship, if love wasn't possible. But even such a thing as friendship wasn't to happen. Or Heero would never have listened to Relena's ill words. You didn't think like that about a friend.

“Come in or stay outside, but close the door, there is a draft,” the cold voice of Heero ended his thoughts.

Haltingly Duo closed the door and strode towards the Wing Pilot. “Charming as usual, Yuy.” Just mere centimetres in front of him he stopped. Should he try again? Maybe wonders could happen? Duo bent his head and tried to capture Heeros lovely lips with is own.

But as usual, Heero dodged. Duo wasn't even disappointed any more. He was beyond disappointment. `So this is the last night after all,' he thought. Instead of the longed for lips he kissed Heero's breastbone. His hands moved under the tank top, stoke the flat stomach and the abs.

After some seconds Heero did touch him too. Again and again he stroke Duos braid. `Hn, my hair has always taken his fancy. It's the only beautiful feature I have anyway,' Duo thought with bitterness.

But he wanted to stop thinking. Wanted to enjoy the last time with the Wing pilot. After that he wanted to start his normal life again.

So he began to brush aside the tank top, freed the smooth, wonderful skin of Heero. “I would never have stayed outside, Heero. I have way too much intentions for tonight.”

The only respond he got from Heero was of course, “Hn!”

Finally Duo had freed Heero from the top. Directly after that his lips assaulted Heeros nipples, elicited a soft groan from Heero. Every noise that wasn't `Hn' was a good one.

Impatiently he worked on the spandex shorts. And finally Heero stood naked before him. A sight that always overwhelmed Duo. He licked his lips. It really would have been a waste to not take this night.

He gave Heero a hustle, so that he fell on the bed. Cobalt blue eyes watched every movement of Duo, as he disrobed himself. Duo even took his time to prolong. He liked to keep Heero on tenterhooks.

“By the way. If you didn't get it until now, I'm on top tonight,” he said as he moved towards the bed.

For a moment something showed in Heeros eyes that Duo couldn't decipher. But then he dropped his gaze and gave his consent with a “Hn!”. This was to Duos liking. The last thing he needed today would have been a fruitless discussion about who was to be on top and who not.

Finally Duo got on the bed. Just for some seconds his tongue danced again along Heeros breastbone. Then his hands took Heeros hips, and with one fast move he throw him on the stomach.

He paused breathing, he loved to watch Heero's rear. Dreamingly his hands roamed on that beautiful body. Duo couldn't wait any longer, he was nearly exploding. Maybe it was the knowledge that this would be their last night what made him that impatient.

Without wasting any more time on foreplay, Duo got the tube with lube that always lay on the bedside table. Oh yes, tonight would be hard and fast. But this wasn't a problem, Heero liked it rough. Only if he was on top, he was very affectionate. Duo always wondered why. But as he most probably wouldn't disclose that particular secret he just abandoned every thought. Only to taste, to feel Heero had any meaning to him right now.

They were spent much to fast. Duo could only choke a “Oh, wow,” then he scorned himself. `Stupid, this is your last night, you should have prolonged it.' But on the other hand, he wouldn't have been able for that. And now only one thing was left.

Heero still laid on his stomach, his hands clawed into the pillow. He hadn't lifted his head since they had finished, not even when Duo started to caress him.

Unwillingly Duo tore this gaze away. He had to stop this, and fast, before he could find thousand excuses why not to end it. Duo stood up and took his clothes. As he finished dressing he allowed himself one more look at Heero.

He always looked so different after sex. Not so cold, or repelling, instead he looked peaceful. Too bad that this was a specious sight. Duo didn't know how to break the news. The best would be as straightforward as possible.

“You know what, Yuy?” he asked.

“Hn?” Heero still had his eyes closed, but turned towards him.

“We should stop this. It doesn't lead to anything at all. Sure, we have fun, but it's over now!”

Heero's eyes popped out. For a flicker of a moment, Duo thought to see utter disbelieve in that eyes.

“You couldn't be serious?”

“Sure I am. This was our last night. It was nice, but it's over now. Bye.” Duo had to force himself to go to the door. He didn't want to appear as a coward running away, but he couldn't stay any longer or his decision would waver.

As he had reached the door, Heero finally had found some words. “Maxwell, stop moving! Don't you dare to just run away! DUO!!!” he nearly shouted the last word.

Duo closed the door behind him and took a deep breath. It was done, he had freed himself from Heero. He strode to his own room, not sure if the Wing Pilot would follow him or not. Heero didn't took the news that his sextoy disobeyed too well. But in the end it wouldn't bother Heero at all. Nevertheless, it would have been nice if Heero had followed him.

`Strange, I even don't feel like crying,' Duo thought as he reached his room. Maybe he had spent all the tears which had been left in him after all. As soon as he lay on his bed, he could hear the rush of the shower. Duo couldn't stop the ache in his heart as he lay in the dark for over an hour and eavesdropped how Heero washed away every trace of him. `Bastard!' was all Duo thought before he finally fell asleep.