Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Ring ❯ Chapter 5

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

By: Cyrrer

Warnings & Disclaimer & Summary: see first chapter.

A/N: really a big Thank you to all who have reviewed this little story. It's so good to know that you liked it. And that it is the tearjerker it should be. I hope you also like this chapter.

- - - -

After the event Duo didn't know how he managed to reach his own room without collapsing. He couldn't remember any detail of his moving. He was so preoccupied with repeating the whole incident in his head over and over again. To realize how much guilt he had burdened himself with. This time he really fucked off. He never had been this deep in shit.

His hands trembled when he slammed the door shut behind him. Then he threw himself onto his bed. Automatically he griped his cushion and buried his face - wet with shed tears - into it. `I'm such a jerk,' he castigated himself. `How could I do such a stupid thing? Damn I've lost Heero!'

Slowly but surly did he realize what just had happened. And even beside the fact that he couldn't truly grasp why everything had went downhill - and for sure he couldn't comprehend how in the world he had been able to hurt Heero to that extent - he nevertheless realized that Heero was now out of reach. If it had been his own decision, he would never have left Heero's room! He would still be there, down on his knees begging for a second chance.

But some of the things Heero had told him had actually penetrated his brain. And he had understood that it weren't his wishes that were important or to come true. This time Heero was the one to take the decision and all what was left for him was to accept whatever the final verdict was. And Heero didn't want to see him at this moment. Duo could understand it perfectly. `If I were in Heero's place I also wouldn't want to see me.'

Duo could only hope that this sentence wasn't the final decision. That Heero would change this horrible verdict. `I would be happy if he at least wont go back to J. Even if he will never want to be near me ever again. I could live with that if need be. But he shouldn't give up on being human. He shouldn't become that emotionless killer machine again.'

But right now, all his urging and begging would fall on death ears and make the whole thing even worse. For a short moment he had thought about asking one of the other pilots for help. Maybe one of the others could convince Heero to stay. And maybe things wouldn't look so bad when Heero had had some time to think about everything.

But Duo had abandoned this idea real fast. He realized that most probably Heero didn't want to see any of the other pilots too. They also had hurt the Wing pilot with their behaviour. `And this is also my fault!' Maybe Heero would have accepted Wufei's consulting, but Duo didn't want to risk a failure. Moreover, Heero would most probably have been gone already before Duo had been able to explain everything to Wufei.

And so Duo had put all his eggs in one basket. In the desperate hope to convince Heero on staying. `But be honest with yourself, Duo. The chances for this to happen are very low,' Duo snorted in his thoughts. Anyhow the only thing left was to hope for some kind of miracle.

As he laid hoping and sobbing on his bed all this thoughts kept running around in circles. He tried so desperately to understand how all this mess could have happened. `How could I have been this damn stupid???' Oh god, he should have noticed what was going on. Damn he should have known that Heero would never think in this way of him. And even if he did, he would have told it face to face. But this notion had hurt him so deeply. So he had done what he always did when he couldn't deal with something: run and hide. This time behind a lie. A lie that led to the worst catastrophe he could think of. `Why the hell didn't I open my mouth and ask him what the talk with Relena was about?' he snorted loud. Everything would have changed for the better. For a brief moment he even asked why Heero never had said anything. But then he scolded himself. He couldn't put the blame on someone else. Not this time.

Because this time he was the only one to blame. Heero couldn't have said anything anyway. Heero, the one who always took everything literally. Heero who only knew `black or white'. `FUCK. I should have recognized that he would see it this way. Heero knows that I never lie. And so he took my brave words from that evening literally.' And after that the Wing Pilot had put a good face on the matter. Duo realized that it had always been him who had decided how their meetings had to be. Heero always had nodded in acceptance and bore Duo's ideas. And it had never occurred to him how out of character this behaviour had been for the Wing pilot. On the contrary, he had welcomed that Heero didn't make a fuss.

`OH GOD! I treated him like dirt. No wonder that he won't forgive me.' Angry with himself Duo's hand curled into a fist and he hit his bed with it again and again. “First you used me, then you threw me away!” sounded one of the worst reproaches from Heero in his ears. Hell yes. It had been like this on the evening of their break-up. And guess who had gone to Quatre and Trowa for comfort afterwards? He had cried like hell and the two had done their best to bolster him.

Shinigami's curse had struck again. `I kill everything I love!' Ok, in fact he hadn't really killed the person he loved, not this time, but it had been very close with Heero's suicide attempt. And he had effectively killed everything that could have been between them. And if Heero was to go through with his insane idea to go back to J. for retraining then he would be responsible for killing Heero's emotions. `It would have been better to kill him instead. At least it would have been honest.'

Duo held the cushion near. The more time went by, the more likely Heero would really go back to J. To be this kind of helpless, to just be able to wait for a miracle to happen was almost more than Duo could bear. Duo hated waiting. But he took it as small part of his punishment. All that was left for him was to hope.

- - - -

Suddenly the door slammed open. Duo lifted his head from the cushion and turned to the entrance. He wiped the tears away form the corner of his eyes and could see Heero reaching the bed with a few fast steps. Cobalt blue eyes flashed stone cold. “Where. Is. It.” Heero spoke with his emotionless mission-voice. The Wing pilot had threatened uncountable OZ-soldiers with their death with exactly this particular tone.

But just before Duo could react, the Japanese started to speak again. “Give it back to me at once,” with a blank expression on his face he looked down on Duo.

Duo freed himself from the cushions and tried to sit up, tried to bring himself on the same level as the face of his opponent. “What do you want, Heero?“ Duo's thoughts kept running at lightning speed. He almost hadn't hoped for Heero to come to him. Now he really had to do everything in the right way. He couldn't allow himself another fatal error. Not anymore.

“I want it back, Duo. I know that you are the one who took it. I searched everywhere; it's not in my room anymore. Give it back to me, you little thief.”

Despite the weight of his words and the glint in his eyes Heero's whole composure was way too calm for Duo's liking. The Wing pilot had withdrawn himself behind his `perfect soldier mask' once again. If there were to be any chance at all Duo had to tear down this wall around Heero. He knew that this wasn't easy and could be dangerous. `I only hope that I'm about to do the right thing,' Duo prayed in his mind. “You have to precisely tell me what you want, Heero!”

Suddenly Heero's hand snapped ahead and caught Duo's t-shirt and tossed him a bit. “I want my ring back. You stole it and you will give it back to me right now. Or I will kill you.”

Inwardly Duo trembled because of the exertion, but outwardly he didn't give away any sign of nervousness. And he tried very hard not to think about how important all of this was. “Why would you want it back, Yuy? A few minutes ago you told me that this ring doesn't mean anything to you any more, you threw it away. Or did you forget this little detail?”

Heero stiffened during this declaration. He also stopped the tossing. His stone-cold gaze landed on Duo. “This is not of your concern, Maxwell. The ring is my property. I can do with it whatever I want. And I want it back.”

Every normal combatant would have been petrified with horror - or would have taken flight - after this stone-cold announcement. But Duo didn't even flinch. With a fast movement he slapped Heero's hand away. “No, I won't give it back to you, Heero. The ring is mine now. There is my name engraved in it too. You wanted to present it to me. And you have thrown it away. So it don't belong to you anymore!”

Duo recognized that he had rattled Heero with his actions. The Wing pilot frowned in confusion. “That's not true. It doesn't belong to you. It's still my property. And I want it back.”

“Heero, you said mere moments ago, that you don't have any emotions any more and never want any back. You said that you don't love me any more. Why on earth should you want this ring back? That isn't logical. You have to admit that. If you really want this ring back you have to give me a good enough reason or it will be mine.”

After some seconds of indecisions, where the deep frown on Heero's forehead got deeper, Heero answered. “It has no meaning for me, basically. But this ring is my property, that's why I want it back. You have no claim on it.”

“Then I wont give it to you.”

“But why?“ Honest surprise could be identified in the voice of the Japanese.

“It may be meaningless for you. But it means a lot - EVERYTHING - to me!“ Duo shoved his left hand directly in front of Heero's face. The small golden band could be seen on his ring finger. “For you to get this ring back you have to cut it from my cold, dead hand!”

Heero's eyes got big as saucers and for a brief moment his mask was about to crumble down. He stared in utter disbelieve at Duo's hand. The words that Duo had said right now seemed to make their way into Heero's brain, but he still couldn't understand what Duo really meant. “Why?“ he asked again

Duo swallowed hard. He had put all the eggs in one basket and had gambled with high stakes. Now he needed both, a lucky hand at gambling and at love. Against all odds, he needed some luck. “As I told you already, this ring means everything to me. I will never abandon it. If you really want it back, you have to kill me.” (1)

“But… why?”

Duo looked shortly on the ring. Then he lifted his head and looked deep into Heero's wonderful, baffled eyes. “Because I love you. I know I totally screwed up. And I know that you most probably will hate me because of this for the rest of your life. But I love you, Heero. And if I only had got this ring earlier, I would have worn it proudly and with great joy. But due to my dumbness I lost you. And if you really couldn't grant me a second chance, then I will at least wear it as memory of my biggest fault.”

Even if it didn't seem possible Heero looked more astonished than ever. “You love me?“ he asked, as if he had heard this confession for the first time and had yet to comprehend the meaning of it.

“Yes Heero. I. Love. You.“ with a soft nudge of his finger on Heero's chest Duo emphasized every word. “I've loved you from the beginning and I will do so until the end of time. Please believe me when I'm saying that this is the absolute truth. I'm sorry that I hurt you so bad. But I love you. And if you could grant me a second chance, if you could forgive me, I promise that I will make up to you. I will never hurt you again. I will never let such a stupid misunderstanding come between us. And I will tell you nothing but the truth from now on. But please, please, don't quit on us.”

Something scampered over Heero's face. Duo couldn't identify what it was, but he prayed for it to be a positive sign. The cobalt blue eyes still stared at him in utter astonishment. “You love me?”

Duo answered with a short nod.

“But how could that be?“ asked the Japanese with bewilderment in his voice. “How could you love me? What happened to John?”

`What the heck is Heero talking about?' Duo had no clue at all. His jaw fell down and for some seconds he didn't know what to say. “Who's John?“ was the first reasonable thought he could formulate.

Heero jerked back. A dark cloud darkened his cobalt blue eyes. “You know perfectly well of whom I'm speaking, Duo! Don't think I'm stupid.“ Nervously Heero bit on his lower lip and snorted scornfully. “So much for the `I will never lie again' promise.”

The Wing pilot started to move away from him, but Duo stopped this with a tight grip on his shoulder. “I absolutely don't have the slightest idea what your point is, Heero. Who's this guy you are talking about?”

“I speak of John, the one you love, Duo. The one you kissed yesterday. The one you will accompany to the movies tomorrow. I heard you talking with Quatre after you returned from clubbing yesterday. I know everything! You kissed him and still claim to love me, Duo! How does this fit? Is this another `not quite a lie' from you? How should I be sure when to trust you?

`Fuck, he knows what happened yesterday.' Duo wanted badly to scream in frustration. This couldn't happen. He had hoped that he had started to tear down the wall around Heero and now this new stumbling block showed up. Heero had listened to his chat with Quatre. `Damn, what did I say in my intoxicated state anyway?' Duo asked himself in great concern. He hadn't the slightest idea. Damn he even didn't remember the guy at all. Less so what he had announced about their one evening.

“Heero, what gave you the stupid notion that I'm in love with this guy? I don't know him at all. I even don't remember his name. He means nothing to me. Yesterday means nothing.”

Heero's face showed his disgust all too well. He shoved Duo's hand away from his shoulder. “Stop it, Duo. You just get lower and lower. How could John mean nothing to you? You kissed him! You must love him!”

Again Heero wanted to turn away and again Duo's firm grip didn't allow it. `Damn, how should I explain this to him?' was Duo's thought. He really didn't know how to get rid of this misinterpretation.

“Heero, please. I swear by everything you want me to that the things that happened yesterday weren't as you think. They have no meaning at all. Please. I just wanted to have some fun yesterday. I was so down because of the last weeks, I just wanted to forget everything for some hours. And so I drank too much. And damn, I flirted like hell. And I kissed this guy. But THIS DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING. I just wanted to feel treasured. And we only kissed, nothing more. I will never see this guy again. What gave you the impression that I am in love with him?" Duo asked desperately.

“Because you kissed him, Duo. And one only kisses the person one loves. I don't know much about love but this I know. And I knew that one shouldn't make out with someone if being in love with someone else. That's not the way it is. That is not right. So, just stop all this ridiculous protestations and your lies.”

“Where the heck did you get this strange notions about love, Heero? Are you secretly reading tearjerkers?“ Duo asked before he could stop his own mouth. Heero had some very strange ideas about love. Actually, Duo thought he would earn a harsh response to his stupid question, but the Japanese youth just lowered his head embarrassed.

“It seemed to be a good source for further information,“ Heero said in a quiet voice. “Where else should I find out something about it?”

Duo blinked in shock at Heero. Just before he could comprehend how surreal this whole conversation was he asked again, “And how many of this love romances did you read as information source?”

“One.”

`Oh yeah, sure. Only Heero would come up with something like this. Read one tearjerker and you are perfectly armed for all the love struggles that could happen,' Duo grumbled in his mind. He shook his head disbelieving and tried desperately not to laugh out loud. This was surreal for sure.

But laughing wasn't an option right now. Duo didn't know if he should go deeper into this or just leave it be and concentrate on the real problem. On the other hand, if Heero's rules for love derived from on tearjerker, then it was no surprise that Heero had these strange notions. This could lead to some more problems in future - if there would be a future for them.

Duo cleared this throat and tried to gain some thoughts before he started to speak again. “Heero I don't want to destroy your whole world view, but just believe me when I tell you that you can't read just one romance as information source for love. And for sure you can't take everything from this one book as a dogma.”

“Why not?”

Duo sighted deeply. “Because love is something that is totally individual. It's different for everyone. OK, there are some basic rules about it, but even they could be different for different couples. Basically each and every person must define this for himself or herself. Love is as different as humankind. There is no black or white; there are billions of different shades of grey. You can't expect to learn all this by reading one little book. If this would be possible, we won't need billions of different love novels. Love isn't like a computer program. The rules are not so easy and well defined.” Inwardly Duo cringed. He couldn't believe what kind of bullshit he was talking. How should he convince Heero with this stupid babbling?

The Japanese youth looked more confused than ever. Again he bit nervously on his lower lip. The frown on his forehead deepened. “Does this mean that everything I know about love, that everything I did was wrong?” He shook his head in frustration. “But what is wrong then and what is right?”

`Congratulations Maxwell, you managed to confuse him even more,“ Duo accused himself. And he realised that they more and more walked away from the main topic. On the other hand, Heero acted confused, but this was definitely an improvement in comparison to his emotionless `perfect soldier' mask. `Maybe I managed to tear down the wall a bit.' And with this thought Duo decided to go on with this strategy.

With his one hand he still held Heero's shoulder in a tight grip, just to prevent him to escape, with the other he softly stroked his face. “No, please don't think that you did something in a wrong way. If for you a kiss means that you are in love, then it is right, this is one rule you decided for yourself. For me, the making out in the club didn't mean anything. But as I know now how you feel about it I will act accordingly. If you take me back. Please Heero, please, please, please. I beg you, if you still got some feelings for me, say so. I promised to always tell you the truth and my truth is that I loved you, still do and always will. So please, don't you lie to me. Tell me if you still harbour feelings for me or not. Is it possible for you to grant me a second chance?”

Cobalt blue eyes stared at him. After some long moments the Wing pilot started to speak. “These emotions, they hurt so bad, Duo. I never want this pain again.”

Duo was about to sigh in despair, when he realized that despite his negative words, Heero hadn't said that he didn't love him anymore. Come to think about it, this was a hell of a lot better than the dreadful verdict from before. Maybe, just maybe he still had a chance…

Duo continued to stroke with his thumb over Heero's beautiful face. He moved with his head very close to the Japanese youth and looked him straight in the eyes. “Heero, the pain may have been a result of your feelings. But the actual reason was not your love for me but this disastrous misunderstanding. For sure we won't have had these problems without our emotions. But the misunderstanding is cleared. There is no need for us to still suffer because of it.”

Duo could see Heero swallowing hard. “Does this mean that there won't be any problems if I give you another chance? Will I never get hurt again? Do you promise me this?”

“No, nobody could make this kind of promise,” Duo shook his head vehemently. When he saw that Heero's eyes got clouded with pain again, he spoke on as fast as possible. “No one in the whole world could promise such a thing and tell you the truth. Heero, this would only be possible in the happy ends of your tearjerkers. I can't promise that it would never hurt again. We are only human, Heero, we all make mistakes, constantly. This is the difference between mere machines and us. So there could be another kind of misunderstanding. It would be dishonest to deny this possibility.”

Duo saw that Heero was about to turn away from him, but he still held the crestfallen youth in his iron clad grip and didn't allow this movement. “But I can promise something different, Heero. I promise that I will do everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, to never wilfully hurt you again. It won't be easy, but I promise that I will try. And we both could prevent such misunderstandings by speaking with each other. If we truly speak. You see if we both had opened our mouths back then we would have prevented 10 months of despair on both sides. Love will only work if we communicate with each other. And I promise by everything you want me to that I am willing to do my part of the deal. Now it's on you Heero. Could you live with this? I am not able to promise more without lying.”

Duo tensed, barley able to breath. He had said everything he could. Now it was Heero's decision once more. Duo was so agitated that he couldn't pray for a happy end. He only stared at Heero's face and just hoped that it wouldn't be for the last time.

But after a near infinite moment the wonder happened. He could see Heero slowly nodding, giving his agreement. Duo wanted to shout out loud in joy, but the Wing pilot said something first. “Duo, if you ever hurt me like this again, I will kill you.”

This wasn't a new threat, but this time Duo knew that the Japanese truly meant it. “Heero, that wouldn't be necessary.“ He saw Heero's doubtful gaze and added. “If I ever hurt you this much, I'll kill myself. I promise.”

For another infinite moment Heero just looked at him. Then he said. “I believe you.”

At that moment all the dreadful tension of the last hours left Duo. Only a wonderful, warm happiness was left inside of him. With one motion he got up and pulled the astonished Japanese into his arms. After this he just let them fall down on the bed. He held Heero as tight as possible and placed feather light kisses over the face of the Wing pilot. “Thanks, oh thanks,” he whispered after each kiss.

Duo pulled one of his hands out of the embrace and started to stroke Heero's face. He couldn't comprehend his luck. But this was ok; at this very moment he didn't have any time to think anyway. He looked deep into Heero's beautiful eyes and because he knew now how important this for the other was he asked almost in awe, “May I kiss you, Heero?”

Cobalt blue eyes were sparkling. Again Heero gave his consent by nodding his head. Duo sighed as he bends towards the Wing pilot. Their lips met slowly and softly. Duo tried to put all his love into this kiss. He caressed Heero's lips with his own, only the slightest tip of tongue was involved. This was a kiss of love, not of lust. The latter would have to wait.

After an eternity they broke the kiss, both panting. Totally in awe Heero stroke over Duo's back and the braid. “What will happen now?“ he asked.

A wide smile covered Duo's face. “Now I am going to do something I have wanted for so long.”

All of a sudden Heero tensed in his arms, and Duo wanted to kick himself for being so stupid. This urge got reinforced as he could identify something like fear and resignation in Heero's eyes. Apparently the Wing pilot read something entirely different into his words. `Oh, shit. But by the way I treated him until now, it's no wonder that he thinks I will only use him for sex. There is a lot to make up to do.”

Despite his inwardly accusations, he only showed Heero a big smile and bent down for another short, soft kiss. Again he stroked the face of the Japanese. After this he turned Heero with one swift motion so that the Wing pilot lay with his back pressed against his front. He gathered Heero into a tight embrace. His hand with the ring lay on Heero's chest; one leg was wrapped around the legs of the Japanese youth. He felt the shiver that ran through Heero's body. “I just want to hold you all night long. I wanted this so bad from the beginning. Will you allow me this?“ he caressed Heero's neck with hundreds of kisses.

Directly after his words, he felt Heero relaxing into his embrace. “This would be nice,“ was the answer Heero presented him with. It seemed that the Wing pilot slowly started to trust him again. And Duo promised to never break this trust again. Softly he whispered into Heero's ears. “It's late and we both had had a damn exhausting day. Let's just go to sleep. All other things can wait until tomorrow.”

Heero just nodded in agreement. After that he relaxed even more and snuggled against Duo. He took Duo's hand into his own and weaved their fingers together. This posture couldn't be very comfortable for Heero, but somehow Duo didn't see a point in ending their connection. And Heero for sure must have been on the end of his endurance, because after some more seconds he was sound asleep. But he didn't loosen the grip on Duo's fingers.

With a deep smile on his face Duo watched the sleeping beauty in his arms. He couldn't believe his luck. He hadn't lost Heero; against all odds he got a second chance. And this time he would make everything right. It wouldn't be easy but he would never push his love away from him.

Duo lifted the upper part of his body, just to place one more kiss on Heero's cheek. Unintentionally his gaze fell on the ring on his hand. Remarkable how much this tiny thing meant to both of them. He hadn't exaggerated when he had told Heero that he would never take off this ring again. He accepted and welcomed the meaning of this ring. He would never have guessed that he would tie the knot at this young age. But on the other hand, he would never love anybody as he loved Heero.

The quiet breathing of the sleeping youth made it hard for Duo to stay awake. `What will happen now?' Heero had asked. Duo didn't know. But he had a list of things he had to do. Firstly he had to coddle up Heero, he would pamper him merciless until the Wing pilot would get his old strength back. He could only hope that Heero's bodily depletion hadn't caused any permanent harm.

And he had to tell Quatre and Trowa all the truth. For a brief moment a smile lay on Duo's face when he imagined the surprise on their faces when he and Heero would appear together for breakfast. He wondered if their jaws would fell down. This was an exhilarating notion.

But it wouldn't be easy to tell them both the truth, to explain about the misunderstanding. They also had hurt Heero. Sure, unintentionally and only because they believed his version of the events. But they had done it nevertheless. And it would be hard for them to accept it. Duo only hoped that they wouldn't hate him after the revelations.

And there was Wufei. He had to apologize to him because of his attitude this afternoon. This too wouldn't be easy. But Duo was no coward and he had promised to apologize. And he had to thank Wufei because he had prevented the self-destruction of Wing. And because he had ordered him to go to Heero and speak with the Japanese youth. Duo closed his eyes in torment. He didn't really want to imagine what would have happened without this order. Heero could be dead, or back under J's influence. With them both still thinking that the other didn't love him back. Without Wufei this mess could have ended badly.

But the most important task for tomorrow was that he had to obtain something for Heero. A ring, a copy of the wonderful gift he had got today. He would also present Heero with a ring. After all, that's the way things were. He snuggled closer to his love and smiling drifted into sleep.

The End.

= = = = = = =

(1) Sorry, didn't know how to translate this. In German we have a proverb saying something like „If you have bad luck in gambling you have good luck in love“ and vice versa.