Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Road to Kindness ❯ Surgery Part 7 ( Chapter 14 )

The Road to Kindness

Chapter 7

Part 7

 

 

Duo was grateful that, when he rejoined the rest of his friend, none of them grilled him about why he had lagged behind. He really didn't feel like talking about it with any of them. He wanted to push it all back into the depths of his mind, Amaaya, Yuki, his doubts about both his past and his present, not to even mention his dubious future. He didn't know if it was the wary look in his eyes or the warning in Heero's, but no questions were asked. Trowa seemed to get it pretty quickly, at least, but Quatre looked like he was going to explode with curiosity Duo pointedly ignored him and vowed to simply focus on the paintings. The last thing he needed was one of his infamous `show and tells' that always seemed to end with horrified looks that both made him feel guilty and happy, just that someone cared enough about him to be horrified. They, somehow, ended up being so involved in the exhibits that they skipped over lunch and ended up having an early dinner. On their way out of the museum, they stopped to get some souvenirs. Duo figured that he didn't really know if he would ever make this trip again and had bought a snow globe of the exterior of the museum and two huge prints of his two favorite paintings that he had seen; the children playing in the mud and a beautiful Japanese watercolor of a dragon, tiger, and fire bird, wrapped together serenely. When he had first seen it in the exhibit, he had realized that it was quite similar to Amaaya's tattoo. He wondered if there was a legend or folktale behind it. It had cost a bit, and it was the first time he had bought something so… frivolous. There was the frugal part of himself that was screaming at him at how wrong it was. But, even though the prints had been a lot of money, he hadn't spent a third of what he had saved from his job and, goddamn it, he wanted them and had felt a bit excited thinking of putting them on his bedroom wall. Almost all the things he had in his room, someone else had bought for him. Putting up those posters would feel like… marking his territory, like truly owning his own space. So, he had kicked that voice squarely in the gut and walked out of the store with an odd, triumphant feeling.

They passed what must have been the restaurant Heero and Quatre had told him about. It was near the gift shop and when they went by it, he could see that Quatre had been right about it. There was some sort of dim mood lighting going in the little restaurant that made it hard to see thought the grass separating the people eating in there from the rest of the world, but what he could see, made him grimace. He was taken with the sudden urge to run in there, past the man in the stuffy tux waiting at the door to take names, reservations, and coats, and just scream that McDonalds had better food anyway. He shook his head at his own strange thoughts, but felt no real regret when they walked by the place with no hesitation.

The sun was fighting for the sky in vain when they left the museum, that special time of day when the sun was still out, but you could tell that night would over power it in just an hour or two and the sky was slowly turning from light powder to dark cerulean. Duo remembered when he had hid in the apartments and he had yearned for this time of day because it reminded him of Heero's beautiful blue eyes. Now, looking up at that very same sky and having Heero standing next to him, he could only see the differences, could only see how the sky paled in comparison to the real thing.

There were a lot more people out in the near-evening than there had been in the morning. Duo felt panic start to rise in his gut when he realized how many people were on the sidewalk with them, but feeling the warmth of Trowa and Heero at his sides kept that fear from reaching any further than his stomach and he was able to walk through the crowd by focusing on that heat and his own breathing. He flinched a little when he felt Wufei's hand on his back, but appreciated the quiet assurance.

They had to walk five blocks before they found a restaurant. It wasn't as low brow as a McDonalds, but, thankfully, nothing like the museum's restaurant. Duo found himself grinning as he realized that it was a steak house, someplace where h knew exactly what was going to be on the menu, but the place was classy enough that he could tell anything he would order would be pretty high-end. They ended up having a long dinner, chatting about what they wanted to do the next day over hot steaks and cold sodas, Trowa taking a chance on some wine. When they left the restaurant, they were full and laughing at one of Wufei's colorful stories about his home village. Duo found himself wishing that he could end all of his days like that, not with doubts or fear, but just enjoying himself and the company of his friends.

 

*****

 

He couldn't sleep again. Duo had had a long day and when the five of them had finally returned to their hotel room, they had settled in to watch TV, spending the rest of the night relaxing with each other in the room. When they had turned the TV off and Duo had taken his nightly shower, he had been feeling sleepy, but once he had lied down and the lights had been turned off, he felt wide awake. Two hours had passed with him merely staring at the ceiling, trying to think of ways to fall asleep. He had even resorted to that stupid `count the sheep' thing that people talked about and he had never tried before. It hadn't helped. It had only made him feel very stupid. At least Quatre was staying on his side f the bed tonight, though, as much as he appreciated the return of his personal space, it made him feel lonely, too. He held no illusions why he couldn't sleep. He had had a good day, a wonderful day. Days like these didn't come often for someone like him.

But he couldn't stop thinking about Amaaya and the things they had talked about. He couldn't help but think that he was doing the one thing he promised he would never do; he was betraying his friends. Solo and Shi needed the same things he had needed. He could easily remember how horrible his life had been, how sad and lonely and desperate he had felt, the darkness that had filled him and the helplessness that had dominated his life. He had connections to money now. He could, forseeably, help his friends, who hadn't been as lucky as him, who were still homeless and living that hellish life that visited him in his worst nightmares. He could tell Name about the people that had saved his sanity, could tell her that there were other people who needed her kindness, people that he loved. But… he had never even told her about them. And what was stopping him? His own stupid pride? What sort of friend was he? Hell, he wouldn't even see them, just because he was scared. How could he look back on all of the wonderful things they had done for him and not hate himself for what he was doing now?

He bit off a growl of frustration and crawled out of bed, trying very hard not to wake his friends. He knew sleep wouldn't come easily and just lying in a bed, in the dark, wasn't helping his nerves at all. He grabbed his room key and slipped out into the hallway. The bright lights lining the long hallway made his eyes water after looking into the dark for so long. At the late hour, there was absolutely no one in the hallway, not even a maid. It was cool in the hall, but the carpet felt nice under bare, scarred feet. The paintings on the wall of meadows and sunsets seemed to pale significantly to the ones in the museum, seeming drab and boring compared to the splashes of brilliant colors. They made him feel depressed for some reason.

Instead of going back to the elevators, he went the other way, further down the hallway. He was a bit disappointed that the theme of the hallway didn't change, giving the illusion that you hadn't moved at all, even the paintings looked exactly the same after awhile. He found the hotel had a sort of `crossroads' design going on and their hallway intersected with another in a lower `t' shape. He had hoped that the hotel would be more exciting than this, and he had no desire to leave their floor just because he was feeling restless, so he should have turned back and gone to his room, but he didn't, taking a left at the cross-hallway. Passing by room after room, he wondered if each room held someone he knew from school. It was odd thinking of all the people that were sleeping while he was wide awake, but he didn't hear television noises coming from any of the doors. He had a sudden, terrible vision of one of the doors flying open and Zechs storming out. It was such a stupid thought, however, that he had to bit off a laugh. Something like that would only happen in a poorly written school drama. But, then again, most of his life seemed that way, so he ended up feeling wary and cautious anyway. He wondered where Zechs' room was and if he was near them at all. He wondered who he was rooming with. To Duo's knowledge, Zechs didn't have any friends in their school. Then again, to his knowledge, Zechs didn't have any friends outside the school, either, excluding that blonde, English kid, Alex, he had been with. Damn, but that seemed like ages ago. He shook his head. The last person he should be thinking about now was Zechs Merquise. Well, the last person after Chris and Wes. He wondered what those two were doing. He wondered if Wes had given up on trying to find him. How many months had it been? Surely he knew where he was by now. Had he given up, or did Wes truly think the Yuy's didn't want anything to do with him? And what about Chris? The bull of a man scared him just as much as Wes did, though for different reasons. The last time he had seen him, Chris had ended up making his spleen burst. He felt a spark of hope in thinking he might have killed Chris that night. He didn't remember much, but he did remember hurting him and the brute hadn't chased after him. Still, he doubted a man like Chris would have died from a single blow to the head when Duo had been so weak, he had barely been able to stand.

Duo shuddered and, with a growl he didn't bother to silence, he sped up his pace. He wasn't going to think about them anymore, he decided, what was the point? He would just be rehashing old hurts, picking at wounds that would never really heal. The hallway ended in an open area that had four plush chairs another elevator, and a large window. He looked outside into the dark night that was punctured by the bright, colorful lights, highlighting only a few buildings and the traffic in the street near the hotel. He pressed his hand against the glass, the coldness almost burning. The city really was beautiful. He supposed he was a bit biased. St. Peter's was beautiful, too, but sometimes, all he could see were the ugly parts. He wondered what he would do when he graduated, if Name would still support him, if he could go to college, if he would ever leave Maine and make something of himself. Those thoughts made him feel sick inside, because they seemed like such hopeful thoughts, things that he had never thought of before, and thinking of them now actually hurt. He sighed loudly in the silent hallway. He needed to go to bed before the rampant thoughts brought him down a very bad road. He turned away from the window, but paused.

He couldn't remember the number of their room. He had seen the number when he had closed the door, but now, it escaped him. Panic started to rise lazily through him, his heart rate soaring as he realized that, not only didn't he remember what room he was, he couldn't remember how to get back to his hallway. He remembered that their room was near an elevator, but there was more than one elevator on this floor. He looked down at his card key, but it only told him the name of the hotel and how to use the key. He tried to dig through his memories for some clue, but when he tried, a sharp pain shot through his head. He sank to sit on the floor with a strangled, pained, frustrated groan, holding his head in hands struggling to find a way to make the drilling agony stop. His head pulsed the more he tried to dig into missing memories and he felt tears threaten his vision, but he adamantly refused them any release. He was not going to cry over something this stupid!

 

 

“Have you ever experienced any memory loss?”

 

 

Duo squeezed his eyes shut, the lights in the hallway making his head hurt even more. The threat of blindness hadn't been the only reason he had accepted the surgery to correct his vision. For a very long time, he had had tiny bits of memory missing. Nothing significant, though it was hard to judge the importance of something you had no knowledge of, but it was damn embarrassing. When the doctor had told him he had a shard of bone affecting his sight, he had wondered, he had hoped, that it might also be the cause of his memory lapses. He had thought, had hoped, that the surgery would make those lapses stop and, for awhile, he had thought it had, but apparently not. He dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, viciously denying his tears. Why the hell was this bothering him so much? It wasn't that big of a deal, really it wasn't, but, once again, he had let hope take hold. He really needed to stop doing that. Still, he was lost. It was just so… amazingly stupid. His friends were a hallway away, he was surrounded by people who could help him, and he was lost. It seemed like a terrible joke, an analogy for his entire fucking life.

 

*****

 

Wufei was usually such a heavy sleeper that he would sleep through the night, but, as an only child in a fairly small family, he had never shared a room with anyone before and found it hard to sleep with four other people, even if they were in different beds. He didn't know how he would have coped if he had had to sleep with someone else. He had never been very social and was uncomfortable around people his age. Before coming to America, he had only had two friends, his lover, Fai, and his cousin, Meiran. He was used to expressing himself through his words, not touching. He remembered how embarrassed he had been the first time he and Fai had tried to have sex and blushed in the dark hotel room. He supposed it was those memories that made him view Duo's past as so terrible. He just couldn't imagine doing something so… personal with anyone he wasn't completely comfortable with. He couldn't even begin to think of what something like that had done to Duo, especially as a child. It didn't excuse what he had said in the hospital, though. Nothing he believed or thought could ever excuse him of that.

He still felt guilty about it, he thought that he would always feel guilty and that was exactly what he deserved. Duo had been hurting so badly, he had needed the comfort of his friends, they were the only people that would give him comfort. Wufei should have been one of those friends, and instead he had yelled at him, blamed him. In a split second he had become the kind of person he had always hated.

He had spent the last few months trying to make up for that mistake. He wasn't used to friendship, and his slight to Duo had made things a bit strained. He was still shocked that they had been willing to try to be friends with him at all, but here they were. When he had first met Heero, he had hated him because he had seen him as an obstacle, but now, he actually found that he enjoyed being with him, with all of them. He wished that he could go back to that first day and change things, wished he could have tried to make friends with Duo instead of making a fool of himself. He knew why he had hit on him, he still had the same urges, though they were more… tempered. Physically and mentally, he was Wufei's type, or rather, he was so much like Fai, it was impossible to deny that that was what had attracted him in the first place. Duo was beautiful, there was no denying that, but he seemed completely ignorant to his looks. Wufei didn't know if that was because of his abuse or something else, but it was obvious that Duo didn't see himself as good looking. Duo was also smart and kind and protective of his friends, as well as mature and grounded. Wufei didn't think he could ever fall for anyone who didn't have those qualities.

That first day of school, Wufei had been so angry. He hadn't wanted to leave his home and family to travel to a place that was the opposite of his home country. He had known, the second his parents had told him that they were moving, that he would never see Fai again. He couldn't go against his parents, but the thought of leaving his lover, forever, would have broken him down to tears if he had been a weaker person. Had it been such a terrible thing to try to re-create that relationship here, the one relationship he had come to rely on? Was it so awful that he had tried to find someone just like Fai and fall back into what was familiar to him? The thing was, he still had these feelings. He still missed Fai with the most pain and yearning he had ever felt and he still found Duo breathtakingly attractive, but he could see the truth better now. He remembered running to the hospital and how poorly he had reacted to Duo. He remembered how Yuy had taken everything with anger, but mostly kindness. He had cared for Duo unflinchingly. In that moment, Wufei had realized he had never stood a chance. It went beyond his own inability to help Duo through his demons. Heero loved Duo so… completely, for who he was, with every inch of his soul, not because Duo was a shadow of a dream. Dui, in turn, had seemed to get stronger under Heero's love. How could he possibly take that sort of beautiful relationship away from them? Remembering his own relationship with Fai, he could see that the shining thing Heero and Duo held between them could never compare to his feelings of lust and desire for the violet-eyed boy. He only wished that, now that he had decided to give up on Duo, he could vanquish his more… animalistic desires towards his new friend. Though he ordered himself not to, he found himself rolling over and propping himself up on his elbows to look over at Duo and Quatre's bed.

The room was dark, making him squint almost uselessly, but the little bit of light coming from the window gave him all the information he needed. Duo wasn't in bed. Wufei turned quickly to look towards the bathroom, but couldn't see any light from under the door. He could see Duo's bag on the floor and, after a few seconds of his heart pounding in senseless panic, his mind supplied that Duo might have gone to get ice or simply couldn't sleep. What else could it be? He looked over at the room's clock and sighed. It was one in the morning. He didn't care why Duo wasn't in bed, but if Heero woke up to find him gone, he would go off the wall. He rolled off the bed and grabbed his card key from the little table near his bed. He crept to the door and opened it, looking back to make sure the light from the hallway wouldn't wake anyone, but the three boys didn't stir.

 

*****

 

If Duo had gone to get ice, he had either found another machine or another way back to the room, because Wufei managed to find the machine without passing anyone in the hallway. With a deep sigh, he ran his hand through his loose hair. He didn't know how big each floor was and he didn't even know if Duo was still on this floor. His friend had seemed wary of using the elevator, but if he was restless enough, he might have gone exploring. His logical, linear mind supplied to him that he should look everywhere on this floor before going to another. He turned around and walked back down the hallway. His one consolation was that Duo didn't have any other friends, so he wouldn't be in another room.

It was no surprise to him that he didn't understand Duo. The boy had gone through things in his life that Wufei couldn't dream of in his worst nightmares. He had no idea what would have woken Duo up at one in the morning and had prompted him to leave the room and go wandering. Now, Heero, he understood. They were both stubborn, dominating individuals and walking down the long hallway, feeling more than a little bit useless, he understood Heero's overprotective attitude towards Duo. After the terrible things that had happened to him, Wufei didn't want anything bad to happen to Duo. If there was any truth behind dharma and fairness, then Duo had repaid any debt in his life a million times over. He couldn't go through those things anymore. He had no idea what Duo's breaking point was, and he had no desire to find it. He followed the curve of the hallway to its end and breathed in utter relief. Duo was sitting against the wall on the floor, his arms wrapped around his legs, his face buried in his knees. He seemed to realize Wufei's presence, because he looked up at him as the Chinese teenager approached him.

“ `Fei?” he murmured. Wufei blushed deeply at the nickname. He would never tell Duo that that was Fai's name for him. Fai and `Fei, it was such a stupid thing, but it had made him feel foolishly happy at the time. Duo looked utterly exhausted as he looked up at him, his face lightly pinched in pain. Wufei's dark eyes quickly examined his friend, but couldn't find any reason why he would be hurting. It worried him, though, after Duo's lengthy hospital stay. He wished his mother's profession had rubbed off on him a little bit.

“What are you doing out here?” Wufei asked gently, keeping any accusations out of his tone. Duo rubbed at the side of his head and looked up at him through slightly slitted eyes.

“I couldn't sleep,” Duo said just as softly and Wufei quickly realized with how Duo was nearly squinting in the light and talking so quietly, what the problem was, “My head hurts. I can't remember what room we're in.”

If anyone else had confessed that to him, he would have laughed, but since Duo had said it, he only felt worried. He reached his hand out and helped Duo to his feet, trying not to touch him too much since he knew that it made Duo uncomfortable.

“I think you need to go to bed,” he lightly scolded, “and I have some pain medication for your headache.”

Duo blushed at the feeling of being led, Wufei's orders and assurances making him feel like a little kid, but it was also a bit comforting. He wondered if he could get Wufei not to tell the others that he had gotten lost in the bloody hotel. Wufei caught the blush and how Duo's eyes wouldn't quite meet his. He managed a small smile, putting a hand on Duo's shoulder and was rewarded when the longhaired boy didn't flinch at his touch. He let his hand drop, almost as quickly as it had initiated the contact. He was just as used to not giving others physical… contact as Duo was wary of it. It was just another reason they could never have a romantic relationship. The both of them were too awkward with physical contact. Heero was the same way, but he had the will power to ignore his own discomfort to break through Duo's barriers. He turned and started to walk back down the hallway, feeling Duo sticking close to him, as though he thought Wufei would try to lose him, but true to his word, the black haired boy brought him back to the right room. Duo stood in front of the door, staring at the numbers, trying to burn them into his memory. It felt useless to him, though. He couldn't force himself to remember something, he wasn't even entirely sure how his memory loss worked.

It was sheer relief to walk into the familiar hotel room and see Trowa, Heero, and Quatre, still fast asleep. He had some common sense, he had known that, even if he had never found the room himself and without Wufei's help, he couldn't have stayed lost, but it had still scared him. He didn't know if it was the early hour, his minor panic attack, his headache, or the day finally catching up to him, but he suddenly felt very, very tired. He experienced the sensation of being led like a child again when Wufei herded him into the bathroom and filled one of the glasses that had come with the bathroom up with water from the sink. Those glasses were weird, there were only three of them, though he and Wufei refused to use them and just refilled their water bottles. Duo hated using them, thinking of all the people before them that had used them. He didn't care if they were clean, it was still weird. He didn't understand why they couldn't have a paper cup dispenser like they did back home. That seemed a lot more hygienic. Of course, he had eaten rotten food out of dumpsters before, so he didn't know why drinking out of the same glass as some stranger bothered him. Despite his dislike of the glasses, his head was pounding and he accepted the water and Tylenol with relish.

“Go to bed, Duo,” Wufei ordered as he took the empty glass back and put it on the counter. Duo just grunted at him, his exhaustion and the pain in his head making him shuffle towards his bed faster than Wufei's command did. It was harder sneaking into bed than out of it and when the mattress dipped under his weight, he worried it would wake Quatre, but the blonde didn't so much as twitch. Duo settled into bed and fell asleep before Wufei even got into his.

 

*****

 

The next morning was a bit more relaxed for all of them, simply because they had no schedule like the previous day. So, despite going to sleep so late, Duo got to sleep in and, with his headache gone by the time he woke up, not feel like a complete zombie. They had decided to just stumble around Boston and do a little shopping. Duo was already feeling a little bit guilty about his big purchases at the museum and doubted he would buy anything, but he didn't mind just exploring on foot and doing a little sightseeing. Wufei had seemed to have forgotten all about what had happened early that morning because he didn't give Duo any significant looks, let alone tell the others about it, for which Duo was grateful.

They ate in the hotel for breakfast again, though this time Duo just settled for apple crepes, a blueberry muffin, and a bowl of fresh fruit, something he thought he would never get sick of after a childhood of eating nearly-rotten produce. Name called Duo's cell phone on their way out of the hotel and he ended up chatting with her for almost thirty minutes while they talked about their trip so far before handing the phone over to Heero. He listened as Heero teased his mother about not bombarding them with calls yesterday and the day before and what a `good girl' she was being for not being such a mother hen. Duo didn't know what Name's response was, but it had left Heero laughing in a shocked tone. The phone was handed around to Quatre and Trowa to say hi, and then back to Duo who put it back into his pocket.

It didn't take them all that long to find some shops to explore, Quatre dragging Trowa into one saying he needed to buy him a better jacket. Duo almost laughed at the suffering look Trowa threw back at him, but he saw the affection underneath and how Trowa made no move to stop his lover. The first half of their day went on like that with Quatre flitting and leading them from shop to shop, buying Trowa a jacket and Duo some shirts despite his protests. Duo looked over at Heero as they wandered into a bookstore after Quatre, remembering how Heero had once told him that he hated shopping, but Heero just gave him a happy look that made Duo blush. As lunch time slowly approached, Duo ended up breaking his vow not to spend any money. The bad economy had ended up with the death of a lot of stores, mostly independently owned ones. The upside was that a lot of stores held sales and markdowns just to stay open. There were a few things that Heero and Name had taught him to love while living with them and two things that he was particularly vulnerable to were movies and books and, at markdown prices, he found himself indulging, just a little bit, promising himself that when this trip was done, he wouldn't buy anything so… compulsory in the future.

 

*****

 

“Why don't we just go get a pizza?” Duo heard Wufei suggest to Trowa. It was two in the afternoon and they were all hungry after all the walking around, but couldn't seem to agree on what to eat. Quatre, Wufei, and Heero hated fast food, but Trowa and Duo weren't in the mood to wait in a line for a sit down restaurant, besides, Duo had pointed out, he didn't want to sit in some dark restaurant when it was nice and sunny out.

“Sounds fine to me,” Heero said, taking a sip from the coffee he had gotten when Quatre had stopped at a coffee shop to buy some tea to take home about ten minutes ago. Duo made a face at him. It was a long standing joke between the two of them. Heero loved coffee and drank it any chance he got. When Duo had first come to live with them and had been trying out different foods, Heero had been appalled to learn that Duo had never tried coffee before. With how much Heero and Name liked the stuff, Duo had expected to like it, too, only to be disgusted at the taste. Heero chuckled at Duo's expression and defiantly took another sip.

“I'm all for pizza,” Duo chipped in.

“Alright,” Trowa agreed, “There's a park a few blocks from here that has stone benches and tables. Wufei and I can get the pizzas while the rest of you pick out a table.”

Wufei looked up at Trowa, shocked, when the taller boy clapped his shoulder. While the four boys called him `friend', they had seldom tried to do something just with him. It was a really stupid thing to be happy about, but he was.

“Three pizzas for the five of us, then,” Trowa said, almost thinking out loud, “one cheese, one pepperoni, and one veggie.”

Duo grinned to himself. It was just like Trowa to pick something so… neutral. The five of them had very different tastes, he and Trowa had few things they would never eat, Heero didn't really care what he ate, though sometimes he did have a preference and his tastes seemed pretty random, while Quatre and Wufei were rather picky. Duo liked all kinds of pizza, even with anchovies with the exception of pineapple because it tasted too sweet to him, but he preferred plain cheese pizza. Trowa was the same way except he hated anchovies and pork on his pizza. Quatre would only have vegetables on his, absolutely no meat, while Wufei and Heero had to have meat on theirs. So, no one had any protests about Trowa's choices.

“Are you sure you don't want another hand?” Quatre asked, “Heero and Duo can go pick out the tables.”

Trowa shook his head.

“It's only three boxes plus drinks, we'll be fine,” he ruffled Quatre's fair hair a little bit, “Besides, it was Wufei's idea.”

“About the drinks,” Duo started, but Trowa interrupted him.

“Root beer, no diet, no caffeine, I know,” the green-eyed boy said in amusement. Quatre looked unsure, but followed Heero and Duo as they walked off.

 

*****

 

Heero remembered the park Trowa had been talking about from his childhood. His parents, whenever they had visited this part of Boston, had taken him to that park for lunches. He wondered if Trowa knew that. He wondered if Duo would like it there like he had as a child, would appreciate the view and how relaxing it was in comparison to the food courts and cafes. He glanced over at the longhaired boy. Duo was wearing a small, unconscious smile, walking and watching a flock of pigeons harass some people eating at an outdoor café, waiting for scraps of food to drop. A young couple passed them, holding hands and chatting loudly. He wished he could hold Duo's hand like that, he wished he had the courage. It wouldn't be so hard, Duo's slender hand was no more than half a foot away from his, but… he couldn't, he didn't dare. Undoubtedly, he would be performing this dance with Duo for the rest of their friendship, yearning and lusting, but never daring those few scant inches. He wanted Duo to enjoy this trip, because he wanted to see him happy. If Duo was happy, could he pretend that he was normal, that he wasn't wounded and scared inside and confess his feelings to him? No, even if Duo was a normal, teenaged boy, Heero still wouldn't be able to. He hated to admit it to himself, but he was scared. Scared of a serious relationship, scared of being rejected, scared of being accepted, only to fail Duo when it really counted.

Heero looked back at Quatre, who was lagging behind a little bit. He felt bad that Quatre was holding their bags and purchases in one huge, white bag. Yes, most of the bags were Quatre's and he had insisted on carrying them, but it still made him feel bad. The bag didn't seem all that heavy and it wasn't the bag that was making Quatre lag. Rather, it looked like the blonde was consciously making sure he was a few feet away from them, giving him and Duo some illusion of privacy. He nearly sighed in exasperation and looked away from his long time friend back to the path ahead of them. Was that why Quatre had seemed so stubborn to want to help Trowa and Wufei, to give him and Duo some `alone time'? Trowa and Quatre knew of his feelings for Duo. He had never admitted that to them, would never admit such a thing, but somehow, they knew. Still, what did Quatre expect, that the mere few feet would spur him to come onto Duo? He was shit out of luck there. The last thing he needed was Quatre playing matchmaker with his vulnerable emotions.

“Heero, are you ok?” Duo's concerned voice broke him out of his thoughts. He gave Duo a sheepish look as he realized that, not only had he zoned out, he had been glaring at the ground pretty intensely.

“I'm fine,” he assured him, “How are you enjoying the trip so far?”

Duo's concern vanished and he brightened with a smile.

“I love it here,” he confessed almost breathlessly, “I mean, if I had to choose a place to live, I'd still prefer a small town out near the woods somewhere and not a bustling city like this, but I've had a great time here. It's nice spending time with the four of you away from school. I think getting away for a little while was a good idea.”

“I'm glad you're enjoying it,” Heero said with a soft smile, “You should do things that make you happy, not just things that you think you should do.”

Duo gave him a shy grin.

“I do know how to have fun,” he said dryly, “I'm not that bad, am I? I know I don't go out a lot like Quatre and Trowa do, but it's not like I'm a recluse or anything, I'm just more comfortable staying at home and reading or playing video games.”

“No, you're not that bad,” Heero said affectionately, “You're not like you were when you first moved in with us. You're more… adventurous now, but you can't tell me that this trip didn't make you feel anxious. You should do things that don't stress you out, but you should also try to break out of your shell from time to time. Some things that you like exist outside of your comfort zone.”

Duo nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, I was anxious about coming here and there are still things here that set me on edge, but I'm glad that I came. I just wish…” he sighed heavily, “I just wish that I didn't have to have you guys… lead me into this stuff, but it's so hard…”

Heero briefly squeezed his shoulder, his fingers feeling how slender Duo's shoulder was and that fact made his heart give a little flutter.

“You're getting better at it,” he reasoned him, “I know it doesn't seem like it, but when we had first met, you never would have gone to the museum with us, regardless of the money.”

Duo realized that Heero was right. Back then, he would have clung to what was familiar and comfortable to him, he would have been too scared to do what he had been doing the last couple days, being adventurous and just going out and trying new things, because he wanted to experience those things and he wanted to be with his friends. He owed so much to all of them, for giving him that little bit of self-worth and confidence. He glanced back over his shoulder and immediately stopped walking.

“Where's Quatre?” he asked loudly, his voice rising a little in panic.

Heero growled out loud as he whirled and found that Quatre was indeed gone. Frustration and annoyance bubbled from his chest to his throat. He couldn't believe this… the very second the blonde had seen that he and Duo were talking to each other, he had abandoned them to their own devices, probably running back to Trowa and Wufei. Of course, he had completely forgotten about Quatre when he and Duo had been talking, but that didn't mean he had the right to put them in this situation!

“It's fine,” Heero said, forcing his voice to sound less annoyed as Duo looked at him with wide, alarmed eyes, “He just went back to help Trowa.”

“But why?” Duo asked a bit naively, “Trowa told him that he didn't need help.”

Heero bit his lip to keep the bitter words against Quatre and his meddling from spilling out.

“Trust me, if there's something that Quatre wants to do, he won't give up on it. He's like a pit bull,” he said a bit sharply, “Don't worry about it, we can go ahead and they can catch up.”

“Well…” Duo hesitated, “Could we… could we just wait here for them?” he asked softly and Heero realized that Duo thought he would scold him for being childish. Duo's worry for his friends, however, made Heero look at him with affection instead of irritation.

“Sure,” he said with a careless tone, as though he was agreeing to a flavor of ice cream instead of standing on the empty side street they were on like lost kids waiting for their parents. The little street really was abandoned-looking, most people taking the main street, but it was scenic and quieter than the larger streets, so Heero just sat down on the curb and smirked when Duo immediately followed.

“So…” Heero said lazily, reveling in his sudden privacy with his best friend, even though he hadn't asked for it, “Who was that girl you were talking to in the museum?”

Duo stiffened and Heero instantly regretted the choice of topic. The violet-eyed boy ran his fingers through his long bangs and sighed.

“Amaaya,” he murmured, “I don't know her last name. We met when I was twelve. I guess it started when I met Solo.”

Heero raised an eyebrow, studying Duo's face. His friend looked pensive, thoughtful, lost in the past, but not so deeply that he thought it was something specifically painful.

“Who's he?” he asked, worried that he might be dredging up some terrible memories. What if this Solo was one of Duo's customers, one of his abusers? His anxiety seemed to be useless, however, because Duo smiled as he stared into the darkness of the storm drain they were sitting near.

“He's a friend,” Duo told him, “One night, when I was twelve, I met him. It was late at night, I had just come from… a job…” Duo's voice hitched a little on the word. He still hated talking about those things to Heero, “Most of the time, I went straight home out of my fear of Wes, but that night… my thoughts were so restless and I didn't want to go back to the apartment. I wandered the back streets for awhile and found this… street corner where people… people like me were hanging out, looking for customers,” Duo smiled bitterly, “Prostitutes. Only, they hadn't been like me, not really. I never had to look for customers, Wes always found them for me.”

Heero stayed stock still as Duo talked. The longhaired boy always seemed so wary of talking about the ugly bits of his past, he was always afraid of disturbing the mood when Duo took the initiative to talk about it.

“I loved in a decent place while a lot of those people were homeless or lived in broken down buildings, but they could pick and choose who they wanted to do business with. I never had that sort of freedom. Solo was young, not as young as I had been, but he stood out in a crowd. He had been in a gang most of his life, like me, he had been homeless, but then everyone else in his gang had died and he had had to sell himself to survive. That night, he had thought I had been some little lost kid,” Duo chuckled darkly, “When he figured out I was just a whore like him, he freaked.”

Heero wanted to blurt out that he was never `just a whore', but kept silent.

“He became a little bit protective of me after that. I made a habit of going by that street corner and keeping in touch with him. A few months later, I met the others,” Duo smile turned softer, but pained and dark somehow, “One of my customers had been stalking me back home. I don't know why, or what he had been intending, and I never will. As much as the guy had been stalking me, Shi had been stalking him, and once he had figure out that I was the one the man had been stalking, he had beaten the shit out of the guy. I should have been scared of Shi when I first met him, he was freakin' tall, with this long, gold hair that somehow made him look even more… powerful, and these crimson eyes that seemed to look right inside of your brain.”

Heero felt a chill crawl up his spine at Duo's description. A tall boy with long hair and piercing, red eyes… Where had he seen someone like that before?

 

 

… Red eyes like that of a demon stared at him out of the darkness.

“You Heero Yuy?” the person asked and Heero realized in shock that the `mugger' was just a boy a little older than him, an attractive boy at that, with long golden hair, but his arms were long and muscular and Heero could see a hunting knife on his belt.

“Yes,” he hissed. The blonde grinned and Heero felt him shove a piece in his hand.

  “Duo's around there,” the boy said simply and started to walk off. Heero blinked at him in confusion, looking down at the paper.

          “We've already looked there!” he protested. Crimson eyes looked back at him.

          “His address is fake, but that street still exists. Hang out there long enough and you'll spot him.”

          “Who the hell are you?” Heero hissed, clutching at the paper like it was his only saving grace. The red eyed boy sighed.

          “Look, Duo's in deep shit and right now he can't pull himself out, so he needs your help. Unfortunately, you're the only one who can help him.”

          “What kind of trouble?” Heero asked, his heart burning. This boy knew Duo!

          “Just find him,” the boy said wearily and walked off.

 

Heero's hands shook a little and he had to dig his fingers into his palms to get it stopped. That man… he had saved Duo's life, had probably saved Heero's, too. Oh, he would have survived not seeing Duo again, but what would have been the point? He never would have forgiven himself for losing Duo, for driving him away, he certainly wouldn't have fallen in love again. Not like that. Never like that, never so passionately and absolutely. Duo had been so sick when he had stumbled upon him. If that man, Shi, hadn't told him where Duo was, would Duo have died? That thought made him feel ill. In the end… he owed everything to a man that Duo seemed so close to, but he had only met for a split second. He wanted to ask Duo where he could find Shi so he could settle his debt, to tell the stranger how much he had saved him that night.

“Heero?” Duo asked in worry. The Japanese boy looked deathly pale and shocked, but just looked over at him with an expression that was urging him to continue.

“I met the others that night,” Duo told him, his words flowing better when Heero's shocked expression melted away, though it didn't quite leave his eyes, “Shi and Solo were friends and hung out with a group of five other whores, Amaaya, Yuki, Alex, Aluxiel, and Hi. I hadn't seen Amaaya in a few months before yesterday. She had moved to Boston, but it was a bit surprising to see her here.”

“Are you going to stay in contact with her?” Heero asked with interest, “You were friends with them at a point in your life when you needed them the most. I think it's important to stay in touch.”

“It's impossible for me not to stay connected to them,” Duo mused, “We went through a lot together and I owe them so much.”

`More than you know,' Heero thought.

“For a very long time, they were the only humans I had to talk to, to understand me, and you're right, I needed them.”

“I'd like to meet them,” Heero said softly. Duo smiled at him.

“One day,” he promised and he vowed it would be one he would keep. One day… as soon as he got enough ground under his feet. But, for now, all he needed was Heero. As long as he could keep Heero, he knew he would always be able to pull himself out of the darkness.

 

*****

 

“What the fuck do you want?!” Quatre snarled. Contrary to popular belief, he had no problem with swearing and the current situation more than called for it. It was a shame, really, he had been having a really nice day. He knew his friends didn't have his joy for shopping, but after living with his 29 older sisters, he had learned to like it as a sort of bonding experience. He was just glad he could do something nice for Duo, even though he seemed reluctant to accept it, Quatre knew Duo had appreciated it. He had even tried to give Heero and Duo some space. Oh, he knew nothing would come out of it so quickly, but at the very least, he could make Heero think of possibilities. He had thought that it would be a great day, but then someone had grabbed his arm and dragged him into an alley. The person had obviously not predicted him to punch them in the stomach instinctively, so he had managed to get out of their grip. The bag in his hand fell, but he didn't dare to pick it up, not wanting to sacrifice his balance and one of his hands if he had to fight. What surprised him was not being grabbed, but that he was completely unsurprised to see Zechs smirking at him, completely undaunted by his punch, instead of some stranger. He glared at him, utterly furious. Once upon a time, back when Heero had still been friends with Relena, Zechs had hung out with them sometimes. He could believe that Zechs Milliardo Merquise Peacecraft would bully someone like Duo. Even back then, he had distrusted the other boy enough to be wary of him. But the sex parts, the prostituting his new friend parts, the trying to break Duo and Heero up in a terrible way parts? No, he wouldn't have thought that Zechs would sink so low. It was easy to hate him, knowing what he had done to Duo and he held no illusions that Zechs' actions now had something to do with his longhaired friend.

“It's been a long time, Winner, don't I get a better greeting than that?” Zechs smirked, “I'm sure your father would be appalled to hear such language coming from his golden boy.”

“Fuck off, Merquise,” Quatre snarled, “You're certainly not my friend and I would sooner spit on you than look at you! I don't know what your game is, but you better get out of my face, now.”

Zechs' eyes narrowed at him and he shoved Quatre into the wall with one hand. Quatre made no move to retaliate. His first punch had been instinctive and he wasn't useless in a fight, but Zechs was twice as big as he was and if he could avoid having this turn into a brawl, he wasn't going to go out of his way to start something, even if he wanted very much to punch Zechs in his face and break his nose.

“You're still pissed at my sister for what she did to your best friend? Zechs asked incredulously, “I'm not like her and I had nothing to do with what she did.”

“No, you're not like her, you're worse,” Quatre spat, “We weren't very friendly to begin with, so don't try to spin our relationship that way. Even if we were, we're certainly aren't now.”

“And what exactly did I do to you that was so terrible?” Zechs demanded, “This is the first time we've seen each other in years! Even if we weren't friends, the least you can do is be a little bit courteous to me.”

“Courteous? You raped my friend!” Quatre screamed at him, “You're a monster! What do you know of politeness or manners?! You forced Duo to have sex with you, tormented him, and assaulted him! The hell with manners, what the fuck do you know about being a human being?! I wish I had known then what I know now, maybe I could have stopped you! Is he not the only one you've raped or are you sick enough to think that you love him and that give you some sort of excuse?!”

To Quatre's shock and disgust, Zechs didn't look even slightly guilty, he only smirked at him.

“I hardly raped him. He's the one that suggested it, he's the one that continued it and he liked it,” Zechs said smugly.

Quatre's rage and desire to hit the silver-haired boy sky rocketed. Did Zechs really believe the bullshit he was sprouting, or was he simply using it as a shield? He could imagine what had driven Duo to do it. He had dealt with the bully since Middle School, being belittled, harassed, beaten, and pushed around by him, all the while dealing with the ignorance and neglect from his classmates and teachers, then having to deal with Wes' own terrible abuse and the sex. He was amazed that it all hadn't driven Duo completely mad. Duo didn't realize how incredibly strong he was, to be able to withstand all of that. When he had finally gone to high school this year, he must have been sick to find that Zechs was still gunning for him. So, he had turned to the one constant in his life for a solution: sex. And Zechs, the pompous ass, had agreed.

Of course Duo would have suggested it! Back then, he had believed that his body was truly nothing more than a piece of currency, had believed that every man was as terrible and cruel as the last. Zechs had pushed him into a corner and Duo had reacted in the most natural way for him. How could Zechs think that Duo had suggested it because he was actually interested in sex, even without knowing his past? Knowing that Zechs had taken advantage of his friend's vulnerability and how utterly desperate Duo had been made him feel even more protective of him. He just wanted to protect Duo from people like that, he just wanted to protect him, period. With a feral growl, Quatre shoved Zechs hard enough that the tall boy almost tripped backwards over his feet. He wanted to laugh in triumph at the shocked look Zechs gave him, as though he had truly believed his pretty wouldn't have dared to fight him.

“He never wanted to have sex with you! Just because he suggested it, just because he never tried to stop you or said no, doesn't mean he wanted it, let alone enjoyed it! Why would someone like Duo ever want to have any sort of relationship with someone like you?” Quatre demanded cruelly. He had said it to be mean, to cause the blue-eyed boy some pain in retaliation for all the pain he had caused, but it was also the truth. Duo was bright and kind, there was no way he would fall for someone like Zechs who was mean and spiteful. His blow had hit its mark and a painful anger filled Zechs' eyes.

Quatre was completely unprepared for Zechs' sharp punch to his stomach. He doubled over, his arms wrapped around his middle, unable to throw Zechs off as he snatched Quatre's card key from his pocket. Zechs examined it as the other boy fell to his knees in pain.

“And Heero's any better?” he sneered through his fury, “Too cowardly to ever make a move, let alone fuck him. A pretty mamma's boy so stuck up and sheltered, he probably doesn't even know how to fuck! It's probably why he could never do it with my sister. He wasn't gay, he was just too stupid!” Zechs grabbed Quatre's bangs and tugged harshly, reveling in the sharp sound of pain he gave out.

“Don't you think I tried to give him up?” Zechs growled, “I tried fucking other boys, but I want him. Why should I settle for anything less? I'm the best Maxwell's ever going to get and sooner or later, he's going to realize that.”

Quatre glared up at him.

“He'd rather be single for the rest of his life than even talk to you again!”

Zechs growled loudly and curled his hand into a fist, raising it to punch the smaller blonde. Quatre refused to show his fear, refused to close his eyes, so he saw that they were no longer alone before Zechs realized it.

“Don't you fucking touch him!” Trowa snarled from behind Zechs, seeming to almost teleport from the scant few feet he was away from them to right at Zechs' back, grabbing his raised arm and dragging the silver-haired boy backwards. Quatre watched his lover brutally punch Zechs across his face and slam him against the opposite wall of the alley with wide eyes, un-used to seeing that level of force and rage coming from someone who was usually so quiet and controlled.

“I'm going to fucking kill you!” the green-eyed boy roared, striking Zechs again, this time in the chest. Zechs didn't even try to fight back, so shocked at Trowa's sudden appearance. Wufei watched with a similar shock from the opening of the alley, pizza boxes stacked in his arms and the drinks sitting undisturbed on the ground.

“Trowa, stop!” Quatre demanded, getting to his feet with a wince as his abused stomach protested, realizing that his lover wasn't going to stop hitting Zechs until he stopped moving. Trowa's fist froze in mid-air, merely at the sound of Quatre's distressed voice. Their eyes met for a brief moment and Trowa seemed to snap out of his enraged fog just a little bit. Zechs seemed snap out of his shock at the same time and, with a mad growl, he tried to tackle the other boy, but at that moment, Trowa had the better balance and grabbed Zechs' shirt, slamming him against the wall again.

“Come near Duo and Quatre again, come near my family again, and I will break both of you fucking knees,” Trowa growled in a low voice. Zechs' cold blue eyes traveled over Trowa, who was the same size as him, but years of working in a circus had made him much quicker and more agile, Quatre, who was far from out of the game, and Wufei, who, though short, had a fair amount of muscle mass and grace and looked prepared to drop the pizzas and join the fight if needed. Zechs got to his feet and brushed off his dirty jeans, then leaned close to Trowa, who didn't even flinch.

“You can't protect the whore forever, Barton,” he whispered in the tall boy's ear. Before Trowa could react, Zechs stormed out of the alley, making his way towards Wufei. The black haired boy quickly moved to the side, evading Zechs' move to bump into him and make him drop his cargo. Wufei glared at him fiercely as the silver-haired boy strode down the street, back towards the hotel. They had arrived in time to save Quatre, but he felt so sick inside, like justice had been ignored, not served. His pride and sense of right and wrong screamed at him to go after Zechs and show him the pain he had caused, but he stayed with his friends, where, in his opinion, he was really needed.

Trowa had seemed to forget about Zechs as soon as he was out of sight and was at his lover's side in less than a second. He lifted up Quatre's shirt, hissing in sympathy and protectiveness when he saw the livid bruise on the fair skin of his stomach. Quatre smiled at him, amused by Trowa's protective nature, not only towards himself, but also to Duo, because any threat Zechs made to any of them was really a direct threat to Duo.

“It looks worse than it is,” he assured him. Suddenly, an alarmed look came into his sea-green eyes and he grabbed at Trowa's shirt.

“We have to find Duo and Heero!” he said in a panic. Trowa gave a terse nod, whipping out his cell phone and dialing Duo's number.

“It should be ok, right?” Wufei asked in part confusion, part paranoia, putting the pizza boxes on the ground, “I mean, Zechs couldn't have gone after you and them at the same time.”

“The last time Zechs had attacked the both of them, he hadn't been alone,” Quatre point out, “If he had decided to go after me, why not send someone else after them while we were separated?”

Wufei paled a bit at that.

“Fuck!” Trowa swore, “Their phones are off!”

“You called both of them?” Quatre asked in alarm. Heero and Duo never turned off their phones. Ever. Especially Duo. Trowa nodded, true fear filling his eyes. When he ran out of the alley and into the street, down the way their two friends had gone, Quatre and Wufei were at his heels.

Quatre had never run so fast in his life and it wax hard for him and Wufei to keep up with Trowa, but all he could think about was Heero and Duo, all the terrible things that could have happened to them in the time that Zechs had had him. All he could think of was his deep sense of betrayal. While Zechs had held him in that alley, all he had been thinking of was his own rage, not his friends' safety. When they finally caught up to Trowa, it was because he was standing at the street curb, looking at the ground with a stricken look. Quatre felt a chill of fear go up his spine.

“Trowa?” he asked warily. He followed his lover's gaze. On the sidewalk, soaking into the cement, was a small puddle of blood and on the edge of the curb was a familiar discarded coffee cup, still half full. Quatre watched the dark brown liquid swirl down into the storm drain and wanted to scream.

 

*****

 

“I guess I'm a terrible person,” Heero said with a sigh. Duo looked over at him with a wide-eyed expression.

“How can you say that? You're not a bad person!” he said tersely.

“I didn't keep my promise to you,” Heero smiled a bit bitterly, “Remember when you were in the hospital? I promised to take you to the beach once you got better, didn't I? But I never did.”

Duo snorted

“You made a lot of promises to me in the hospital,” he said dryly, “And you haven't broken a single one of those yet. You didn't break that one, either. We just haven't gotten around to it yet.”

Heero smiled at him.

“I'll keep it,” he swore to him, “As soon as we go home, I'll take you.”

Duo smiled brightly at him and opened his mouth to say something, but Heero never heard it.

Something hard, with a great deal of force, slammed into the back of his head, throwing him off the curb and into the gutter of the street. Agony filled his head and he gasped in pain, choking on the dirty water circling around the storm drain as he fell in the puddle of it near the grate, unable to find the ability to pull himself out of it. His head throbbed and he could taste his own blood, mixed with the coffee he had dropped, in the filthy water. He couldn't even think, let alone get back to his feet.

“Heero! Heero!” he heard Duo's terrified voice screaming for him. He wanted to reach out and comfort him, to tell Duo not to be scared, he was fine, please don't cry… but he couldn't move, he could only breathe and swallow the dirty water, nearly choking. It was Duo's screaming that was the last thing he knew before he was swallowed up by darkness.

 

 

 

End Part 7