Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Road to Kindness ❯ Surgery Part 9 ( Chapter 16 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: shinigamiinochi
As Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei try to locate their friends, Chris continues to brutalize Duo. Duo and Heero realize that their deaths are imminent, but how can they possibly be saved with Duo losing blood and neither of them having any idea where tehy are?

Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Hentai / Psychological / Romance / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 05.06.2009 | Pages: 6 | Words: 16.4K | Visits: 224 | Status: Work In Progress

The Road to Kindness
 
Chapter 7
 
Part 9
 
 
 
 
 
“Well?” Trowa barked into the cell phone, pacing on his long legs as he, Quatre, and Wufei stood at the bus stop. Quatre watched his lover warily. He was so on edge, reminding Quatre of a wolf that could smell danger in the air, but didn't know where it was coming from, but was ready to attack the invisible danger. He wanted to reach out, to hold his lover and tell him that it was going to be alright. He would have if he wasn't so agitated himself.
`Duo, where are you guys? Are you safe?' he thought, feeling desperate, edgy, and completely helpless. Duo and Heero still weren't answering their cell phones and it seemed impossible to find them on foot. Really, even without finding the blood and discarded coffee, something bad had to have happened to them or they wouldn't have disappeared. Duo, at the very least, was very responsible and never would wander off. All that they could do was wait at the bus stop, hoping that their missing friends would come back here, since they would have to come through here to go back to the hotel, and keep trying their cell phones. Trowa, understandably, was pissed off at those options, wanting to be active until they found Duo and Heero. When the time had come to call Une and ask if they might be back in the hotel; if only, they had hoped, Trowa had jumped on the task. Quatre had never seen him like that before, so much like Heero had been when Duo had gone missing, twice, and neither him or Wufei wanted to protest. Trowa was just so tightly wound, it was scary to watch. Quatre was worried about what would happen when his tall lover finally snapped, because this wasn't like Trowa at all and he didn't know how to deal with it. He wanted to hug him or hold his hand, just to show that he was there, but he felt like he was in a closed room with a hornet's nest, unsure of what to do and too scared to move.
“Fuck!” Trowa snarled, closing his cell phone harshly, “They never checked back into the hotel! What the hell is going on?!”
Trowa kicked at one of the newspaper machines near them and Quatre watched in alarm as the glass cracked, but fortunately didn't shatter. He knew exactly what was going on in his lover's head. It was like when Duo had run away from home not too long ago and he had not taken his medication with him. If Duo and Heero had been kidnapped, Duo would be in trouble. But, this had happened before and Trowa hadn't acted so… wired before. He was just as worried about Trowa as he was about Duo and Heero and he was pretty helpless on both fronts.
“Trowa, it's going to be ok,” he tried to lie, to soothe. It wasn't working. Trowa spared him a haggard glance.
“No, it won't. You know it won't. This isn't like before. Duo didn't run away to a town he knows inside and out. He was kidnapped in a huge, unknown city! If Heero being with him made any sort of difference, they would have found a way to contact us by now! And the police won't do shit because they've barely been missing one hour, let alone twenty-four! How is this going to be ok?!” Trowa demanded. Quatre didn't yell back at him, knowing that the tall boy was just distraught. But why? That was the question here. Trowa was acting like Heero… well, not that extreme quite yet, but he was a far cry from his usual composed self. Duo did that to people, but Trowa was usually so adept at hiding it. He put a hand on Trowa's arm and felt relieved when, instead of shoving him away, Trowa leaned and seemed to almost melt into the contact.
“Trowa, what's wrong? I mean, what's really wrong?” Quatre asked softly. Wufei watched this with interest. He knew exactly how Trowa felt, though Quatre didn't appear to see it. Something terrible had happened to their friends, but it wasn't just that. They had to find them, because they were guilty. Since childhood, Wufei had been taught about right and wrong, about what was just, but he had also been taught to hide away his emotions. Even so, all the emotions Trowa was exuding Wufei felt deep inside. It was something that Quatre didn't understand. They had promised Duo that everything would be fine, that they would protect him, but in the end… they couldn't. They had failed. They were responsible.
“I promised him!” Trowa snapped, “I promised him,” his voice fell to a haunting murmur. He closed his eyes, his shoulders shaking, and he slumped onto the bus stop bench.
 
 
“I can't promise you that coming home will make that pain better, but I can promise you that you don't have to suffer alone.”
 
 
 
“I promise you, we'll keep you safe.”
“I believe you.”
 
 
 
“We're not going to let anything bad happen, I promise.”
 
 
 
He had promised Duo that he would never be alone, that he would be safe, they would keep him safe. He understood, first hand, how important that promise of safety and companionship had been to Duo. And he had broken those promises, he had betrayed his friend. Duo wasn't safe anymore, had he ever been safe? They didn't even know if Duo and Heero were together. What if Duo was all alone, terrified, and hurting? If anything happened, would it be their faults, for being unable to protect Duo? They had convinced him to go on this trip. Of course, it had been easy considering Duo had really wanted to go.
He knew that his and Duo's relationship was different than the ones that they had with their other friends. In some ways it was stronger. They had both gone through terrible things in their lives and had somehow survived them. They had told each other things, secrets, that they felt they couldn't tell anyone else. Maybe it was because of that, because they had forged a special bond through mutual pain and inner strength, but he felt protective of Duo. He wanted to keep him safe and maybe that was a double standard, thinking that he was more responsible than the others for Duo's safety, but they didn't understand about the promises he had made. He had betrayed the younger boy. He had let something bad happen to him, he had let him suffer alone. How could he not feel solely responsible and frantic?
“I promised him that he would be safe,” he whispered brokenly. Quatre wrapped his arm around Trowa's, feeling inadequate in trying to comfort his lover.
“We all promised him that,” he soothed. Trowa broke away from him.
“That's not the same!” he protested, “What I promised him was different! I was responsible for him! If anything happens… it will be my fault!”
“How?” Quatre demanded, “How is it any different from what we promised him?! How are we any less responsible?! I left them alone! If anything, I'm the one responsible! If you're going to get this upset, be mad at me, not yourself!”
Trowa shook his head. He could never blame his lover for this. What if the person that had kidnapped Duo and Heero would have taken Quatre, too? He shuddered hard. He didn't know how he would react if Quatre went missing, too, wondering if that blood had been his lover's. He probably would have gone off the deep end.
“It's not your fault,” he whispered. Quatre put his hands on Trowa's shoulders.
“Then it's not yours, either, Trowa, it can't be. You can't be more responsible,” he said softly. Trowa wanted to protest, he wanted to tell his love about how close he felt to Duo and why he felt that way, but he couldn't. He felt ashamed of himself, after all of these years of loving Quatre so much that he felt like his heart just might explode with the size of his feelings for the blonde, he was still too much of a coward to tell him about his past. He was too scared about what it would mean for their relationship, about Quatre being disgusted in him. He didn't care what Wufei thought, he knew that their new friend had changed quite a bit from when Duo had confided in them. But Quatre was his lover and what he had to tell him could affect their love lives. Besides, if Wufei scorned him, he could survive, but if Quatre did it…
 
“If it was someone I loved, I'd want to know everything about him, good and bad. I'd want to help him.”
 
Duo's words, ringing in his head, sent a deep chill down Trowa's spine. Duo had helped him so much, he had been the first person Trowa had ever told his secret to and he had accepted him. Now, that kind, wonderful person was in danger… Duo was right. If, God forbid, it had been Quatre, he would have wanted to know about it. He would have wanted to hold him and comfort him, no matter the secret, and Quatre wasn't so shallow as to turn him away over something like this, not his Quatre. Duo had had the strength to tell all of them his dark secrets, why couldn't he have the same strength? He sighed. He should have told Quatre years ago, but it had taken a kindred spirit to teach him that such courage was possible.
“Quatre, there's something I need to tell you,” he said softly. Quatre watched him intently, silent for whatever he needed to say. He could do this, he told himself, this was Quatre. If Duo could find the strength to tell Heero, then surely he could…
“You know how I told you that when my parents died, Cathy took care of me and has been my legal guardian ever since?” Trowa asked. Quatre nodded. They had been through this before. Trowa was such a quiet, secretive person, it had taken him years to tell Quatre anything about his past.
“Yes, I remember,” Quatre said in a soft voice, neither of them paying Wufei any mind, who was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. With Heero and Duo missing, he was certainly not going to go wandering off by himself, but he felt that it would be wrong to eavesdrop on Quarter and Trowa's conversation, but it was hard not to listen when they were only a few feet away.
“Your parents died when you were a baby,” Quatre recalled, “Your sister was the only parent you knew, but she did a good job of raising you on her own.”
Trowa nodded.
“That's right, but there's something I never you,” he told his lover. He paused and Quatre didn't urge him on, despite his curiosity. Trowa, though secretive, had never outright hidden the truth from him, but he wanted to give him as much time as he needed.
“When I was nine, the state took me from Cathy and gave me to my uncle. He raped me repeatedly,” Trowa's voice was oddly solid as he spoke. He wondered if telling Duo first had made it easier, or if it was just that he trusted Quatre so much.
Wufei had been trying to blend into the background, so Quatre and Trowa would forget that he was listening, but at Trowa's confession, he gasped. He had been so shocked that something so terrible had happened to Duo and now Trowa was saying… was the whole world so twisted and ugly and he had just been too blind to see it?
Quatre made a small sound of pain and hugged his boyfriend as tightly as he could.
“Oh, Trowa, I had no idea,” he breathed, his voice filled with pain.
“I never told anyone,” Trowa confessed, “I never even told Cathy when I was given back to her. My uncle went to jail, but I never told her why. I could never tell you, I was too busy pretending that that period of my life had never happened. Then, when Duo had told us all those things in the hospital… it was like the lid was coming off for the first time in years and I realized that we were so alike. Duo was the first person I told those things to.”
Quatre looked up at him with wide eyes and Trowa smiled at him a bit bitterly.
“He told me that I should tell you, but I didn't listen until now. Don't you see now? Duo and I… we're so alike. We told each other things, secrets, because we understand what… what pain and hopelessness feels like. And I had promised him, Quatre, I had promised him. I should have been there, always, to protect him. He listened to me, understood me, he gave me the courage to finally tell you these things, and now he's in danger, all because I couldn't keep a promise!” Trowa was silenced as Quatre kissed him sweetly, without so much as a hint or reproach. Quatre grabbed his chin and forced him to look him in the eye.
“Now, you listen to me, Trowa Barton!” he said in a stern, but affectionate, voice, “What happened to you and Duo is terrible! I hope that Wes and your uncle burn in Hell for it, but keeping Duo a hundred percent safe, wrapping him up and keeping him in a cocoon because the both of you went through some similar traumas, that is not your job! Yes, you made promises and so did we, but we kept them! We didn't put him in danger, we did all we could and, dammit, there is nothing you could have done differently! Duo would hit you if he heard that you were putting all of this blame on yourself! Your job is to be his friend, your job is not to blame yourself, but to help us find him and do what friends do, help each other we need help! Duo needs us, Heero needs, and we need you! Got it?”
Trowa nodded, his green-eyes wide at Quatre's speech.
“Good,” Quatre said with a little nod, “Now that you're calm, I need you to call Name.”
 
*****
 
He looked like hell. No, hell was too kind. His hair was untamed and wild around his face, just like it had been when he was a teenager, but he was thirty-five now, too old to look like some rugged bad boy. He didn't feel like taking care of it, though. The only sort of energy he had anymore was an aching anger towards himself, towards Chris, towards Duo, towards the whole bloody world. With his pale skin and dark circles and tired, hungry eyes, Wes looked like one of his strung-out junkies and he hated himself for that. He was a junkie though, and a strange one at that, yearning for the one thing that was eluding him, the one that that was killing him. He hated Duo for that. Wes ran his hand through his scruffy blonde hair as he stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, a glass of vodka in his hand that was already half gone. The larger bottle waiting for him on the kitchen table was half gone, too. He had started on it when Chris had left. He hated Chris for that, leaving him all alone in this damn apartment. How the fuck had this happened?
He had had perfect control on his life; money, people, he had had control, he had been unfaltering, impenetrable, he had, single handedly, taken down the biggest, most fearsome gang in New England, there wasn't a single junkie, pimp, whore, or cop in this half of the country that didn't know his name. So how the hell had one scrawny, street rat whore destroyed that control so completely? How had he turned him into this… shell, this thing, at his mere absence? He had had hundreds of whores come and go under his hand, but Duo was different, he had always been different, form the first time he had seen him, though he couldn't figure out why the kid made such an impact on him. He wasn't the first sexy thing Wes had managed to tame, but there was just something about him…
The second that he had spotted Duo, barely old enough to reach past his knee, he had instinctually known that the brat, if properly trained, would end up quite popular as a whore and he had been right. Something as pretty and expressive as Duo was hard to come by on the streets and it was easy to see how someone would be eager to fuck him, but it had become something more. No, it had always been that way between them. He had kept the boy at his apartment because he had worried that another pimp might cross his territory while he had still been training him, but then the training had been completed and Duo had staid. He had even given the kid his own room and had allowed him to go to school, to try for an education that he would never use and to what end? Duo was just a two-bit whore, not anything more. But he had let him come and go like he was his kid, not just a business tool. When had that very basic fact changed? Something inside of him had broken. He had noticed it the day he had let Duo go. That certainly hadn't been in the plan. He wasn't an honest man, but when he made threats, he always kept them. But he had let him go. More than that, he had told the kid that he loved him. The truly, truly fucked up thing here was that it was true.
With a growl that was more animal than human, Wes smashed the glass of vodka into the sink, clear shards flying up and sliding down the drain along with the alcohol, the shards making a high-pitched clinking sound as they went down the metal pipe. Love… it was disgusting enough to spit at. Aside from his thin control on his anger, Wes had never been an emotional child. He had been quite apt at seeing the angles of things, of finding ways of exploiting everyone around him. He was still good at it, call it a natural talent. Money, power, sex, it was all the same in the end, as long as you could get control of the things in your life. When he looked at himself in the mirror, a stranger looked back at him. He had changed and he couldn't see when that had happened.
In a physical sense, he had lusted after Duo the moment he had laid eyes on him and after so many years, the little things that he liked about the kid, his gentle nature, his grace, his bright curiosity, and how he fought against him while appearing to be submissive, those little, not quite physical things had wormed inside of Wes, like an obsession, an addiction he could only satisfy when Duo was in his grasp, when they were fucking, when he was touching him, when he was watching Duo as he slept. Duo had been in that grasp for a very long time, but trying to keep that hold on the kid had been like having a handful of sand. You could feel it there, on your skin, but at the same time, you could feel it slipping away from you. Duo had been like a doll at times, obeying him like the good little whore that he was, but it had been a lie. Somewhere deep inside, Wes had always known that Duo was never really his, it was more like he was renting him. That was part of the thrill of being around him, or having sex with him and keeping him locked up, knowing that he had to truly work to keep him reigned in. He had thought he could handle it, that Duo would always be his. He would give the boy to other men to fuck and let him go to school with other kids, but at the end of the day, he had always known that Duo was coming back to him.
But it hadn't lasted, that surety, his control… It had started with that prick, Heero Yuy, as rich as he was, still little more than a snot-nosed brat chasing after someone else's toy. People like that had no concept of property, but Wes had let him chase after Duo out of greed. He never should have allowed it. He had seen it in those gorgeous, violet eyes, a spark of interest in his new `friend'. He should have put a stop to all of it, the school, Duo's running around where Wes couldn't keep an eye on him, but he had been too cocky. Then, he had run away. He had never expected that, thinking that Duo had learned to stay on his leash from all those years ago and the punishments for running away. When he had caught the little shit again, he should have kept him chained up, but he had missed the boy that he had been living with for the past eight years. Chained to that bed, Wes had watched something vital break in the boy, he had seen the light start to go from Duo's eyes, and for the first time in his life, he had hurt. For the first time, he realized that he cared, he loved… Duo had changed him horribly, and then he had left him all alone in this damn apartment, in his old life that suddenly seemed so dull and lonely in his absence, with only faint, sentimental memories as a frail comfort.
He didn't need this feeling, this desperation and yearning, but he couldn't shrug it off. He had no strength or conviction anymore. He was fucking broken and no matter what he did, nothing was working anymore. This wasn't him. It wasn't like him to be… fucking pining after another person like this. Somewhere in those eight years, Duo had ceased to be a tool for him to use, he had stopped being just another whore and he knew, even if he could get Duo back from Yuy somehow, things could never be the same. Their relationship had changed because Wes had changed and that was… implausible. The only thing that seemed to be the same inside of him was his anger. There was a deep, aching hole inside of him that was demanding that he destroy something, or someone, and one little glass was not enough.
He felt dizzy and confused all the time now, while before he had only felt superiority and a cold sort of surety over every single one of his actions. It seemed like everything he had ever believed in was a lie. It had been a good lie, though, something that had gotten him quite far in life. He had been nobody, but through sheer conviction, he had risen above it all and had become something akin to a king in the circles that he ran in. And he had thrown that power in Duo's face, someone who had never been impressed or broken by him. Oh, he had been afraid of Wes, and in Wes' opinion, fear was just as good as respect, but it hadn't been good enough. He should have seen that. He had looked at Duo and had thought that that fear was testament to the control that he had over the kid. But in the end, it had all been a lie, he had had no more control over Duo than he had over the weather, he could prepare for it and take measures against it, but Duo had run away anyway, hadn't he? He had been denying that fact for eight years. He had even believed that Duo couldn't survive without him, Yuy would throw him away and Duo, after all those years together, couldn't live on his own. But, eventually, that illusion had to break. The brat had gotten under his skin so easily, while the hell would Yuy be immune to that?
Wes slammed the sides of his fists against the mirror, watching in triumph as huge cracks formed and the bottom corners shattered, falling on the counter. He could feel the glass slicing his hands and wrists. It stung, but it felt damn good, too. Physical pain was something he could handle, and it kept his mind off the weird emotional pain he had been feeling the past few months. It was like a fucking infection, spreading and eating away. He even felt jealous of Yuy. He even felt jealous of Yuy. He had never felt anything so petty, but jus the thought of that Japanese fuck screwing around with what was his sent him into a rage. Lying was always something he had been good at, and surely he was good at it, since he had been quite adept at lying to himself. He had told himself that, eventually, Duo would come back to him, but that wasn't true. The boy seemed to be thriving under Yuy's hand, besides, he had been surviving on the streets before they had met, barely living, but still living. Wes had been lying to himself and Duo when he had chained him up in his bedroom, making both of them believe it was permanent and Wes' actions had been those of anger and a need to fulfill his punishment, but he hadn't been as angry at Duo's actions as he had been scared of losing the kid. He had lost him anyway. He looked at himself in the mirror. His reflection was distorted in the cracked glass, dozens of cold, grey eyes looking back at him. It made him smirk. That was exactly how he felt, fractured, like there were hundreds of pieces of himself, all overwhelmed and conflicted.
Wes left the bathroom, leaving the glass untouched, blood dripping onto the floor, and walked into what had been Duo's bedroom. It seemed like years that he had been waiting for Duo to come back home. He had waited and waited while Duo had been getting cozy and rich with a story book family. He had watched him, coming and going with Yuy and the other kids until it had finally hit him that Duo would never come back to him, even if he wanted to. That was something they both had in common, they were too proud. It was that sense of what should be, what was right, that had kept Duo fighting against him. But Wes had already reached his breaking point and he was too stubborn to let go. He wanted to be angry at Duo, wanted to blame all this weakness on him, but even he realized that the mistake was his own, Duo hadn't forced it on him.
More than anything, he wanted to put this behind him, but he knew that such a thing was impossible. Al he could think about was getting Duo back, so this irritating distraction and emotions would go away. He couldn't let duo go. It was more than just his stubbornness. Some of the emotions weren't so terrible, it was the way they distracted him that was troublesome, but the emotions made him feel… alive. Usually, it was his anger that made him feel that spark of life, but this was different, it was stronger and more chaotic. He had had no idea that you could hate a feeling and love it at the same time.
He hadn't touched Duo's room since he had left. Chris had called him an ass and had wanted to make use of it, believing in a way that Wes hade been unable to that Duo wasn't coming back, but Wes hadn't been able to let him do it. Wes took his phone out of his pocket, flipping it open and entering a phone number, but didn't put it through, debating it. He might have been having a bad few months, but he was never a fool. A few of the men he and Chris did business with had kids that went to Duo's school, so the both of them knew where Duo was going to be this week, then all of a sudden, Chris had business out of state. He knew exactly what his old friend and partner was up to, the very second Chris had left. Taking care of loose ends, it was a logical step, and he had let him leave. He could have easily stopped him, but he hadn't. There had been a part of him that had been glad. He couldn't be logical anymore when it came to Duo and he certainly couldn't kill him. The mere thought of doing so made his stomach churn, him, who had always had steel nerves and had murdered so many pimps and drug dealers, witnesses and gang bangers that he had lost ocunt. He had hoped that, if Chris took care of their one loose end, he might be able to sleep at night again, he could get over this crack in the road and things would return to normal. But two days had passed and now, he was screaming inside.
Wes looked from Duo's bed to the screen of his phone, his finger hovering over the key pad in indecision. He growled at himself and his weakness. He stabbed at the `send' button with his bloody finger, staining the key a brilliant red.
 
*****
 
He was crying again, he could feel fresh, hot tears on his cheeks, but Heero couldn't blink them away or look away from what was making him cry, he didn't dare after Chris' threat. The man was still… inside Duo and with that monster inside his slender body and Chris' large hand pinning him to the wall, Duo looked so fragile and vulnerable, it was impossible for him not to cry. His friend looked like he was struggling just to stay alert. With the growing puddle of blood on the floor and slash on his neck, Duo had to be in considerable pain. Heero would have wished for him to finally black out, just to spare him from the pain and going through the rape if Heero wasn't so scared of what Chris would do, or that Duo wouldn't wake up again. A part of him informed him that that would be a mercy. They were going to die anyway and he didn't want Duo to suffer through this moment anymore than he already had. But he couldn't stop holding onto the hope that they were going to survive this.
Fuck it, but this wasn't fair! It was bad enough that Chris was going to kill Duo, but did his last moments have to be this nightmare?! It was beyond disrespectful or sad, it was… hell, he didn't even have a word for how it made him feel! All he could think about was, not how much of a monster Chris was, but how much of a bastard he was, all the promises he had broken, how he had let his best friend down, had gotten raped and, unless a miracle happened, murdered.
 
“I'm going to save you.”
 
He almost laughed at that. He hadn't saved Duo, he had just given him a vacation. No, worse, he had shown him how wonderful the world could be, he had given him dreams and hopes, had brought him up from the gutter only to shove him back down with broken promises and shattered dreams. Dammit, he was worse than Chris! He had made Duo believe that he could be saved, that his life could be better, and now, before he had even gotten started, his life was going to end, not in peace surrounded by people he trusted and loved, but at the hands of one of the people that had been hurting him since he was a kid.
 
“I promise, I won't hurt you and I won't let anyone else hurt you, not now, not ever.”
 
“But that doesn't make it right! It just makes it worse, but you won't ever have to do it again, that's one thing I can do for you!”
 
 
In the end, it had turned out that there wasn't a goddamn thing he could do for Duo. He had hurt him by being unable to keep him safe, he had let Chris hurt him because he was so cocky, he had believed nothing bad would happen. He had let Duo down in the worst possible way. He had promised Duo that he would never have to give sex away like it was something cheap, but that was a lie. He had truly believed that the next time Duo had sex, he would enjoy it. It was that belief that had softened the dual blows of what had happened to Duo in the past and that, the next time Duo had sex, it probably wasn't going to be with him. Instead, Duo was never going to know what sex was supposed to feel like, Chris had taken that away from him, again. Heero had taken that away from him.
 
“Everything's going to be fine, I promise. Nothing can touch you when I'm here, ok?”
 
And yet, here he was, watching and helpless to do a damn thing. His presence wasn't helping a damn bit, it was only hurting Duo more. Nothing was fine, Duo wasn't safe or protected or happy. Heero's stupidity and weakness had destroyed all that.
 
 
“I'm not going to leave you alone, Duo, I'll never leave you alone, I promise. Don't be scared, ok? I'm going to stay right here!”
“Promise me.”
“I promise, I'll never abandon you”
 
That was what hurt the worst. Duo had been so terrified when he had made that promise, so scared that he was going to be abandoned in the dark. He was scared again and this time, Heero couldn't promise him anything, he had already broken all of his promises. He couldn't even hold him and comfort him with his physical presence. He had abandoned him. He was fucking sick, he had left the boy he loved more than anything all alone in the dark.
Not only couldn't he comfort his best friend, Duo probably didn't want his hollow assurances. He probably hated him. That realization hurt, but no more or less than the realization of all the promises he had broken or what was happing to Duo now. Considering all of that, he deserved Duo's hate.
“So, tell me, Yuy,” Chris heated voice broke through Heero's tormented thoughts like he had been slapped, the fear of being accused of not paying attention gripping him.
“Have you two every fucked like this?” the man asked in a teasing tone. Heero flinched at those words. The accusation that he could do something like that to Duo made him angry all over again. Beyond that, he didn't have the courage to kiss him, let alone make love to him, and that was what it would have to be, making love, not sex, or it would just be an act. Heero gritted his teeth, fear making his heart race as Chris pressed the knife against the cut he had made earlier on Duo's neck.
“Answer me,” he snapped, as though he was ordering a dog.
“No!” Heero spat out as almost a reflex to the sharpness and warning in Chris' voice. Chris chuckled, pressing himself further against Duo's smaller body, feeling the teenager shaking against him, struggling just to stay rooted to reality.
“It's too bad,” Chris murmured as he gave Duo's cut a small lick, making the boy squirm as the feel of the wet tongue and his saliva in the cut made the wound sting even more, “He's so beautiful like this, when he's under control and helpless, but still refuses to admit it.”
“That's not true!” Heero snarled, unable to stop himself from defending his friend, even though it was probably going to get the both of them killed.
“He's always beautiful, and you will never control him! You can't… you can't just control another human being! You just made it so he can't fight back, but given the choice, he would never actually do what you say! He's his own person, not some kind of… mindless slave! And I would never do what you're doing… I'd rather be hard up for the rest of my life, knowing that no one will ever compare to him, than become a monster like you, willing to hurt an innocent child for your own pleasures!” Heero screamed at him. Duo opened his eyes at his friend's words and voice, his pain-clouded eyes looking at Heero in shock. Chris narrowed his own green eyes at the teenager, but instead of being angry at his outburst, he smirked. Duo followed his movement as Chris pulled out of him, his cock covered in blood and pre-cum, and reached over to the table, grabbing the syringe he had put there. Heero had thought that Duo couldn't possibly get any paler, but as the violet eyed boy saw the white liquid inside the syringe, he looked as though he had died. He panicked, pushing against the wall as though he could disappear into it, though moving his legs made him bleed more and it caused him even more pain.
“Do you honestly believe that?” Chris asked Heero, as though he were speaking to a small child, “That no one can be controlled? That I can't make him do whatever I want?”
“Don't!” Duo gasped out, watching the needle with a fevered look. His muscles tightened just with the sight of it. He wanted to beg for it, make a grab for it, his body craved it. He wanted to get as far away from that needle as possible, wanted to scream and beg against it. His physical addiction to the drugs begged him to surrender to it, but his pride and utter terror and memories of what the drugs meant for him would never allow it.
“Please,” he begged, “Just kill me! Don't use that!”
Chris tsk'd.
“Don't you want to show your friend the sort of slut you are?” he teased, loving how Duo's eyes followed the needle, but how scared his expression was, “You should be thanking me. You've been wanting this, right? Besides, I could just jerk you off, I'm sure he'll get the message that way, but this seems more effective.”
“What is that?” Heero asked nervously, not sure that he wanted to know with how scared Duo was. Chris' smirk was malicious, almost evil if such thing existed.
“I'll show you,” he jeered. Duo lacked the strength and the ability to fight back as Chris pulled his head forward and stabbed the back of his neck with the needle.
“No!” Heero screamed, suddenly realizing, suddenly knowing, exactly what the drug was. He remembered his own revelation in the hospital, what drug Duo had been addicted to, what it had done, both to his body and his mind, physically and emotionally. He also realized that he had goaded Chris into this and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
Chris tossed the syringe away and watched as Duo curled in on himself, his eyes squeezed tightly closed and he choked out a strangled, guttural cry of agony.
“What did you do to him?!” Heero snapped, every nerve aching to run to his friend's aid. In comparison to the pain Duo was displaying, Heero could no longer feel his lingering headache and cut up wrists.
“Relax,” Chris ordered, “Soon he won't feel anything at all.”
`No,' Heero thought in fury, `You just can't see it, but he can feel every fucking thing!'
Duo seldom talked about his days chained up and drugged in Wes' bed and Heero knew the mental agony those memories gave him, but he had told him about KL6, the things it had made him do and how he had felt. He knew that, once the drug invaded Duo's brain, the boy would become a ghost, feeling everything that was happening to him, screaming inside his head, but unable to physically react to anything. So, he knew exactly what was going to happen, the second that Chris had injected him, not in the arm or thigh, but the back of his neck, probably exactly where the scarred over track mark was, but to actually see it was so much worse than having the drug's insidious, nasty purpose dawn on him in the hospital.
Duo's pained reaction ended in seconds, but to him, it continued, he just couldn't show it. His body relaxed even as fire ran in his blood, making him want to vomit, if only his desires could reach the part of his brain responsible for his physical movement. Heero watched, horrified, as Duo opened his eyes, only to see how dead they were. His Duo's beautiful, bright violet eyes were completely devoid of life, flat and dull. They were doll's eyes. He watched as Chris undid all of Duo's bonds. That was the final blow to Heero's hopes. Duo was completely free, he could make a go for the knife or run to the door, but he didn't move, made no indication that he was free. He wasn't, Heero realized. Chris hadn't freed him, he had pulled the chains tighter, making it impossible for Duo to do anything, even speak out against him. How could they possibly have a chance to survive this when their kidnapper was willing to sink to such… methods?
Chris chuckled again at Duo's blank look, cupping his cheek affectionately.
“See?” he boasted to Heero, “Like I said, it doesn't take much to control someone. Isn't he beautiful? For all of his screaming and pleading, I can tell him to do anything, and he will. I can even tell him to suck you off and ride you and he will! So much for your precious honor! You might as well have fucked him.”
“You're sick,” Heero choked out, crying all over again. The thought that Chris could make Duo do something like that made his heart hurt, it made him feel sick all over. Even if he died right now, in the most horrible way, even if Chris could make Duo have sex with him and that would be the last thing he did before he died, he would never want it that way. He could never have it that way. If this was truly the end of his life, the only thing that he really regretted was that he had never told Duo Maxwell that he loved him. Even that wasn't much of a regret because he knew that Duo wasn't ready to hear it. Still, dying, knowing that he had never gotten the chance to kiss the boy he loved the way he wanted to, the right way. How could he ever want anything less than that? How could he see this… this situation… as anything more than disgusting? He wouldn't have had sex with Duo prior to this, even knowing then what he knew now, he couldn't have, and he couldn't do it now. If Chris gave him that option, to have sex with Duo, to save their lives, would he do it? He honestly didn't know, all he could see, all he could think about, was the happy, affectionate expression Duo had given him in the museum and in the pool that night, and his dull, dead-eyed look now and how he would do anything to get his Duo back, to rewind the clock and go back to the way things had been yesterday.
 
*****
 
He was back in the dark place again. He supposed that he had always known, somewhere deep inside, that he was going back there at some point. It was almost exactly the same as before. He couldn't move, couldn't make his body do a damn thing that he wanted it to do. He could feel things, he could see and think, but he couldn't move. It made things so much worse. Now that what little ability he had to fight back had been stolen from him, Duo could feel, very intensely, all the things that he had tried to not feel. There were no distractions as he was locked away from his body, yet could feel all the things that were wrong with it. He could feel the exhaustion that was overwhelming his body from both physical and emotional strain, he could feel the pain in the lower half of his body and the cooling blood on his skin. He could even feel where Chris had stabbed the needle in and how his neck and skull seemed to throb in sync with each other. Something in his lower back was pulsing in pain from Chris' overzealous abuse.
Chris had untied him. That was the final blow to his pride. He knew from experience that the chains would no longer matter, but there was something about knowing that his body was free, even if he couldn't move it, that was so humiliating. He wondered what Heero made of all this, if he blamed him for being unable to free himself, or if he just pitied him. He didn't know what would be worse. He could feel his heart racing and knew it had little to do with the drug. There was some sort of white wash going on in his mind and he was struggling to keep the barrier between the past and this present clear and solid. He now knew without a doubt that if Wes showed up, something terrible would happen to his mind. He saw and felt Chris cup his cheek with his hand, but couldn't even flinch in reflex, couldn't close his eyes to find some refuge in being unable to see.
“Clean me off with your tongue,” he heard Chris order him. His body didn't so much as hesitate to follow through and he placed his hands on the man's clothed thighs, leaning forward to lap at his impressive erection. Duo felt almost violently ill at the taste of his own blood mixed with Chris' pre-cum, but felt himself swallow it anyway. He watched as his disconnected self swallowed his rapist completely and heard Chris moaning deeply, he felt his own tongue caressing the length and his throat working to suck him off.
“Enough,” Chris barked, “Ride me.”
Heero watched in fury as Duo did just as Chris ordered him to, climbing into the larger man's lap and penetrating himself. He watched as a small bit of blood dripped out of him again, but Duo didn't even flinch. Duo was doing everything that Chris told him to do, but there was a mechanical quality to his movements. Duo normally moved quite gracefully, but he was acting like a marionette, like it was all just reflex. It was like watching a zombie have sex.
“See?” Chris boasted, his voice tinged with pleasure and near laughter, “I'm in control, here, not him. Duo has never had any free will, no matter what you think.”
Suddenly, Chris' eyes screwed shut and he shoved Duo into the wall again, his body tightening as Duo's movements became too much and he climaxed inside the boy. Duo felt, both distantly and intensely, the sensation of thick cum filling his body and the pain that the fluid, stinging into his wounds, gave him. He even felt the small pain of Chris slipping out of him and how the hot semen dripped out of his ass and onto the floor and the throb of his body as he slumped to the floor, dropping like a dead weight, but he still couldn't move or do a thing. He knew from looking at the syringe that Chris hadn't given him very much of the drug, but he also knew that he wouldn't be moving for at least an hour. A fat lot of good that was going to do them in the next few minutes. He hated Chris more than anything at that moment, that he had robbed him of reacting at all to his death. He was sure that his survival instinct would kick in eventually, but he still wouldn't be able to save himself, let alone Heero.
Chris panted heavily, cleaning himself off with one of the towels he had brought with him to clean up the mess he knew he was going to make, then zipped up his slacks again, but hesitated, still trying to catch his breath. Shit, but even strung out, the kid had known what he was doing, his body had moved perfectly. Again, he felt that slight remorse that he was going to have to kill him. It was inevitable. Duo knew too much about his and Wes' operation, and he was even living with people that could cause them mountains of trouble if the truth ever got out.
“You won't get away with this,” Heero whispered hoarsely, realizing that he had been screaming, but couldn't remember when or how his throat had gotten so raw, “If you kill us, my Mom will find you. She'll make your life a living hell before she kills you! She may not know you, but she knows about Wes and, eventually, she'll find out who did this!”
Chris just chuckled, not at all intimidated with Heero's threat. The kid wasn't a coward, he would give him that, but the threats of a snot-nosed teenager were worthless to men like him.
“She isn't the type of woman to settle for anything but the truth, right? She isn't the sort of person who would just going around killing everyone she suspects hurt her family. Unless she finds, without a doubt, the person responsible, nothing else will satisfy her,” Chris grinned, “But you see, men like Chris and I are a lot different from your family. We don't spend our wealth on frivolous shit, we spend it to cover our asses and keep the people who hate us wondering if it's worth messing with us. Did it never occur to you that I would be able to cover my tracks? I have enough alibis and connections to keep your mother from ever thinking that it was me!”
Heero glowered at Chris. That had been his very last card, his mother's power. He, himself, was powerless and Chris knew it. Duo had insinuated in the sort of things that Wes was into and Heero had realized the sort of money and power that the man had, so he had never understood why the man settled for having a mere apartment, but what Chris was saying made him also realize that, with Wes' activities, he had probably made a few enemies and he probably used his money to keep a tight control over the people that could hurt him, instead of on things that were expensive, but trivial. His heart pounded in his chest as Chris put a hand on Duo's chest, pinning him to the wall and pressed the hunting knife back on his throat.
“It was fun,” Chris jeered, “But I have a plane to catch and I didn't come all this way just to fuck.”
Heero's eyes widened as the rest of him caught on to the fact that Chris was finally going to slit his friend's throat. He had nothing else to stall with, nothing he could do or say to save Duo, to save himself. His stomach felt like it was going to crawl up his throat.
“Don't,” he begged uselessly, “Please.”
Heero wanted to cry again at the look in Duo's eyes. He was about to die, but there was no flicker in those beautiful violet eyes, no attempts at fighting back, even at a base, animalistic level. There was just nothing. Chris just ignored Heero's pleas all together and dug the knife deeper into Duo's neck, making the slash he had made earlier bleed even more.
The ringing of Chris' cell phone in the silent room was so loud and sudden and unexpected that Heero thought for a moment that Chris had brought a gun and it had gone off. It made him jump, but Chris, fortunately, just tensed. With a feral growl, Chris grabbed his cell phone from his pocket and opened it with an angry expression. Despite himself, Heero felt himself relax just a tiny bit at the delay.
“What the fuck is it?!” Chris demanded. Heero would have paid big money to hear the other end of that conversation. He looked shakily at Duo who was still under the influence of the drug and bleeding anew. He realized that, even if some miracle happened and Chris spared their lives, if no one came around to free them and get the blood flow to stop, Duo was probably going to bleed to death.
“I'm busy,” Chris ground at tersely and Heero really did want to hear the other end of the conversation because the man suddenly paled and looked as scared as he and Duo had been this whole time.
“I understand,” he said coldly, “I'll come right away.”
With that, Chris slammed the phone shut and gave Heero a heated look of contempt.
“It looks like Daddy came to save your sorry asses after all,” he sneered. Heero stared at him in shock, not understanding what was going on at all. It was almost as though Chris had been waiting for that exact phone call and Heero wanted to ask who it had been from, but he was scared about what was going to happen now. To his utter shock, Chris only wiped off his knife and put it away, starting to gather up all the things he had brought. Chris caught Heero's relieved look and grinned at him.
“Don't look so happy. I'm not allowed to kill you myself, or boss man will do a lot worse to me than what your mother would, but he didn't say anything about letting you go,” he said cryptically. Chris looked down at Duo, who was still looking blankly at the floor.
“He should come to his senses in a half an hour,” he informed Heero, “But even if he does, the door will be locked from the outside and there's no way in hell he'll be strong enough to get it open,” Chris smirked, “He should last about five hours before his body loses too much blood to function, six if you're lucky. I was going to be kind to the both of you and kill you quick. Now it looks like you're going to have to starve to death. I'll give you three to five days. There's no way your goody-two-shoes mother is going to find you in this shit hole before then anyway,” he laughed darkly, “Good luck.”
“You asshole!” Heero screamed as Chris packed up the ammonia and towels, then left the room. He could hear the lock being done on the other side of the door and realized that Chris had been telling the truth. Any relief he had felt left him quickly. Duo was losing blood and he was still chained up. Chris hadn't left the key, only their cell phones, but what good was that going to do? Even if there was service, they had no idea where they were, they only had the description of what the inside of the room looked like, and if someone didn't come for them soon, Duo was going to die. At least he wouldn't die under that hateful drug, Heero thought, but it was a small comfort. He thrashed against his bonds, trying at them again and again, but they stayed strong, just like always. They were just as trapped as they had been before! That phone call had only delayed their deaths for a few hours. And he still couldn't reach Duo. At the very least, he could try to keep him warm and somewhat comfortable as he bled to death, but he couldn't even do that!
Heero looked over at Duo again, but nothing had changed. Duo was still under the drug's influence and despite Chris' assurances that it would wear off soon, Heero didn't feel at all comforted. He wasn't a chemist or a pharmacist, he had absolutely no idea how the drug worked or what it would mean if it didn't wear off in that time period. In this situation, Heero couldn't help but feel lonely. Duo couldn't speak to him and it felt like he was the only one in the room, but he still had the responsibility of both of their safeties. He almost missed the way Duo had been before, even though all the sounds he had been making had been those of pain, at least there hadn't been this terrible silence. Now, with that quiet and Duo's nearly lifeless body, it was too easy to imagine that his friend had died. He would have surrendered the use of his arm just to be able to talk to Duo, to ask him if he was ok, what was injured and what he was feeling, if he could ever forgive him… He latched on, almost obsessively, to the sound of Duo's breathing and the sight of his chest, rising and falling. Heero couldn't bear to look at his eyes.
Duo looked terrible. The way he was sitting, slumped against the wall, was awkward. The position didn't look painful, it was just no the way Duo would consciously sit. His back was a little too straight, his arms limp at his side, his legs stretched out straight in a pose that reminded Heero too much of a doll in a toy store, a pose that any human would grow restless with and would try to fold their arms, fidget their hands, bend their knees, but Duo was completely still. It seemed like a terrible insult that they couldn't even hold each other as they died. It was hard enough for himself, but he certainly didn't want Duo to die alone, so far away from him. He had had no idea that a few feet could be so… painful.
It came to Heero quite suddenly. Duo was still drugged up, which meant that, while he couldn't move freely, he had to obey any verbal command he was given. He could order Duo to do anything, and Duo would do it without hesitation ,that fact had just been brutally proven to him, it didn't matter if Duo didn't want to do it or not. Heero shivered violently at the thought, but it was out of revulsion, not anticipation. Maybe, if he was like Chris, he might have ordered Duo to… do something to make Heero's last moments with him pleasurable, but he was thinking of something completely different. He could order Duo to walk over to him, to make those annoying few feet keeping them from each other disappear.
Heero shook his head at himself. No! He could never do that! It didn't matter if he just told Duo to tell him his name, he would never… use him that way. Heero understood that it wasn't the sex that had repulsed him so much, though it certainly had, it was what the drug had done to his best friend and Chris' readiness to turn Duo into a mindless slave. He couldn't even consider doing that to Duo, even if it was for something good. It was… it was disgusting and he would never treat Duo that way. Also, he wasn't sure if Duo should stand up and walk. He didn't know how damaged Duo was, and with the amount of smeared and pooled blood Duo was still sitting on, his body had to be damaged in some way.
Even expressionless, Duo looked so lost. He still was wearing his shirt at least, though a good deal of it was covered in blood. The slash on his neck was vivid on his pale skin, but from where Heero was sitting, it didn't look all that deep. There were a lot of bruises, too, one on his cheek, very deep, nasty looking ones on his thighs and his wrists, alone with bleeding cuts and scraped skin form all of Duo's struggling in the metal cuffs. Heero was sure that his own wrists looked the same way. Heero could see all those wounds, but he couldn't see the ones that really scared him, the ones that Chris had to have made when he was raping him.
With the amount of blood on the floor, Heero knew that Chris had hurt Duo internally, but he couldn't know how much unless they got him to a doctor, someone who knew what the hell they were doing. But what was the point of worrying over it? Duo was going to be dead in a few hours. Sure, if they had a supply of morphine, Heero would have gladly made sure Duo was comfortable before he bled to death, but it didn't matter what Duo's injuries were, there was nothing he could do to help him. There was nothing he could do.
 
*****
 
He couldn't believe this! Of all the thing he had thought would happen, Wes calling Chris back to Maine and actually ordering him not to kill him or Heero wasn't even on the damn list! He had thought that Chris had come here on Wes' orders, or at least at his benefit. Duo couldn't figure out why Wes would do that, would spare their lives, unless he was so concerned with Name coming after him, but Chris had seemed so sure that no one would come after him for the murder, so why would Wes risk them living and telling the police? It didn't make any damn sense! Not that it made much difference where he and Heero's lives were concerned.
He could feel the cut on his neck, still burning and bleeding, though not quite as badly as it had been before, but almost an hour had already passed since Chris had left them to die, and only now was the bleeding starting to slow. If it stopped soon, he would probably live at least until he and Heero starved to death, though he already felt so weak and shaky. If it weren't for his anemia, he could have survived it either way. The cut wasn't very deep, but he was bleeding too much. The bleeding would stop on its own eventually, and, realistically, all he needed was some iron, bandages, and some food, but they had none of those things. He wanted to sleep, so very badly. He understood that it was because of the blood loss and that shock was trying to settle in. It would be so easy, to just succumb to it and sleep through his death. It was so hard, staying awake, with the pain and all his guilt screaming at him. Ironically, if he had been alone he wouldn't have that guilt, but if he had been alone, it would have been easier to let himself fall asleep. But Heero was still here and he had a much better chance at surviving.
If he could just stay awake until the drug wore off, he could get to the cell phones somehow. He had no idea where Chris had taken the two of them, or how long they had been missing. He was sure that their friends wouldn't be able to find them on their own, but at the very least he could tell Name what had happened, he could tell her who she needed to blame, himself and Chris. Maybe, there was something in the truth, something that he wasn't seeing, that would eventually lead her to Heero. If he could just die believing that… that he could fix things, that he could throw away the shame of Heero seeing his rape, that he could redeem himself of putting Heero in danger in the first place by saving Heero, or soothe Name's fears by giving her a body to bury instead of wondering… Still, he was sure that someone like Name would find Heero in time, and Heero was just as stubborn, he would cling to life no matter what.
Suddenly, Duo's leg jerked, almost in a spasm, and Duo nearly cried out in joy. Heero saw the movement, too, and sat up straight, watching his friend more intently than every.
“Duo?” he murmured, his voice loud in the silent room. Duo ignored him for the moment, using every ounce of his concentration to move his limbs. It was like when muscles fell asleep, you could move, but the pins and needles made every move uncomfortable, awkward, and slow. It was always hard for him at first, but just knowing that he could move, even if it was very slowly, gave him enough optimism to try strenuously at the rest of himself. Back when Wes had used KL6 on him last time, he had been on the brink of losing his mind and had spent the times that he wasn't being raped sleeping in a shocked state, so he hadn't had to go through this before. So, when he managed to get both legs bent and all of his fingers flexing on his own, though sluggishly, he wanted to punch the air in triumph. However, getting to his feet was something completely different and he didn't relish the sort of effort it was going to take. His lower body was already in pain and he hadn't moved yet. He quickly realized that there were only a few ways he was going to manage this, and it would have to be done in one try because his body wouldn't be able to try again if he screwed up. Duo truly realized how messed up his body was when he tried to get out of his sitting position, one that would make the attempt to stand nearly impossible, by lurching forward and falling on his knees, only to have a terrible pain shoot up his back.
He managed to keep Heero from seeing his pained expression, but that was the only consolation. He needed to get to his feet, grab the cell phones, and, somehow, make it over to Heero without hurting himself too much. If he could get Heero's shackles off of him, his chances of escaping would multiply. Chris might have locked the door, and Duo was definitely too weak to bust it open, but Heero could manage. If he could get a scrap of metal out of one of their cell phones, he might be able to pick Heero's bonds and free him, depending on the type of cuffs. If not, he would have to get over to Heero anyway. Duo knew he wasn't going to last for very much longer, but if he could get one of the phones to Heero, dial his mother's number, and put it on speaker, Heero could talk to her where Duo wouldn't be able to. But, all those things were faded and dull compared to his need to be near Heero before he blacked out for good. He had fucked up royally. He had allowed his old life to hurt Heero, had let Heero see him at his very lowest, most disgusting point, and if he didn't fix all of this, Heero was going to die. But he would fix this, somehow.
Maybe it was that blurred line between his past and his present that allowed Duo to keep going even when he really just wanted to lie back down, curl up into a tiny ball reminiscent of when he had been living on the streets during bitter winters, maybe it was his love for Heero, maybe it was even the terrible guilt that felt like it was eating him from the inside out, he couldn't tell, but he somehow managed to find the strength to take a really scary upward lurch until his feet were flat on the floor and he stumbled forward a few steps.
Heero watched in shock as Duo got to his feet, only to give out a gasping, pained sound that almost sounded like a sob. He realized the sort of pain his friend had to be in when fresh blood literally poured down his legs. The back of his white shirt was stained red already and his thighs seemed to be drenched in the stuff, but Heero could still see the new streams that pooled on the wood floor. Duo's braid… his beautiful braid was drenched in blood from where it had been pooled on the floor. Duo's face was paper white and if it weren't for the stubborn fire burning in his beautiful violet eyes, the spark of life that Heero had fallen in love with and had missed terribly when he had been drugged, Heero would have thought he was going into shock and on the verge of fainting.
“Duo, don't!” he cried, realizing that his friend was actually planning on walking towards the cell phones. He was in too much pain and Heero knew, he knew a bit too much, that there was something wrong with Duo's insides with the slanted, almost collapsing, way he held himself, as though it was taking every ounce of his limited energy just to stay on his feet. Besides, what good would it do? He didn't want Duo to be in anymore pain, but the boy seemed to be completely ignoring him as he took a few scary-looking, awkward, pained steps towards the table where their cell phones were.
“Duo, dammit, stop walking!” he yelled at him. This was not what he wanted to be doing, getting angry with his friend, but he was, he couldn't stand that Duo was putting himself in that sort of agony for something that wouldn't help them at all.
Duo would have growled at Heero if the white wash in his head hadn't grown so large, it threatened to swallow him whole. He had no doubt in his mind now that Chris had hurt him, badly. When he had stood, he had felt something inside tear a little bit more and now he was bleeding again. Every movement felt like utter agony and he realized that his body was starting to go into shock with the pain, but he couldn't stop. He wouldn't let himself to stop. When he got to the table and his hand fell on his cell phone, Duo had a frightening moment when joy and relief filled him and, for a second, his body had almost given in at the completion of the small task. It was only the realization that he had managed to get one of his missions done and that, if he fell now, there was no way in hell he was getting back up, that kept him standing. He scooped up both cell phones in his hand, his stomach dropping at the thought of scuffling over to where Heero was tied to the bed leg, and the fact that Chris had only left the cell phones on the table. Inside his head, he cursed the man to Hell and back for being so meticulous he hadn't even left them a towel so he could try to stop the bleeding.
But it didn't matter, he told himself. His entire existence had narrowed down to one thing, like the light at the end of the tunnel, or a speck of blue in a sandstorm: he had to get to Heero. Beyond that, any other higher thought process was impossible. He was fading away and he knew that, but with the pain he was in, and his body's growing weakness, it seemed impossible just to focus on that alone. It was only a few feet away, but by the time he managed to get to the bed, it had felt like he had run ten miles with weights on. He barely made it at all. As soon as his body realized he was close to Heero, all the strength left him. He cried out, feeling as though his strings had been caught, as his legs folded underneath him and he fell to the floor, mere inches away from Heero's legs. His only consolation for the swan dive was that he was graceful enough to angle his body so that he fell on his side instead of his hands or his head.
“Duo!” Heero screamed as he watched him fall, terrified that his best friend had finally done more than he could handle, but in his near-dead heap, Duo lifted up his head and with a determined look that Heero had only seen in war movies, the longhaired boy used his elbows to inch forward, giving one last lurch to land head and shoulders into Heero's lap. Heero reflexively folded his feet to give Duo more comfort than the hard wood floor. The boy was shaking so hard, it was like he was having a seizure, but he didn't fall unconscious or throw up. In that moment, seeing Duo cling to consciousness by his fingernails, refusing to let his exhaustion and pain let him fall asleep by sheer force of will, Heero felt his heart clench with a blissful heat and he fell in love with Duo all over again. He had heard the expression, but had never put much stock in it. Still, looking at Duo's stubborn, brave expression as he tried to regain control over his shaking body, he felt exactly that way. Duo was amazing… that was all he could think. He was on the verge of some sort of emotional and physical breakdown, but he was still fighting where so many would have given up.
“I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” Duo gasped, his face pressed into Heero's pants. It was the first time he could confess his guilt. If this was as far as he got, if he died and couldn't free Heero, he wanted him to know how sorry he was for this fucked up situation.
“Baka!” Heero snapped, his panic over the sound of Duo's voice making him revert to Japanese. He seldom ever did it, but it rolled out of him now like it was the most natural thing in the world. Heero took a deep breath, trying to reign in his overwhelming feelings. It didn't matter, Duo was here, with him. His heavy warmth in his lap was so real, and that was all that mattered.
“Just take a deep breath,” he soothed, wishing in frustration that his hands were free so he could caress Duo's hair in the way that always seemed to relax the both of them. Duo shook his head frantically.
“G-give me a m-m-minute,” he took several shallow breaths, trying to will the pain and the tremors away as best he could. This was going to be pointless if he couldn't even get a grip! He needed steady hands if he was going to free Heero and use the cell phone, but his body was at its very limits and he didn't dare so much as close as his eyes.
“I'll give you a damn hour if it makes you feel better,” Heero growled. His eyes widened in alarm as Duo started to cry.
Hearing Heero's voice, feeling his leg under his cheek, it was Duo's undoing. To think, he had almost died without feeling this one more time… it was worth the pain he was feeling right now, more than worth it.
“It's alright,” Heero said in a soft voice, “It's going to be ok.”
The words came floating out of him automatically, even as Heero cursed himself for making even more false promises, but it seemed to work. Duo's muscles relaxed enough for him to reach around Heero and feel at the cuffs binding him.
“Fuck!” Duo cried out as his fingers examined the lock. He pressed his face against Heero's stomach, trying to hide his tears as frustration made them flow easily.
“What's wrong?” Heero asked warily. Had Duo hurt himself more?
“I can't… I can't get it…” Duo gasped out, too weak to even lash out in hopelessness, “I mean… I can… Dammit, if I was stronger, I could..!”
“Deep breaths,” Heero reminded him gently, realizing that Duo was on the verge of a panic attack, “What's wrong?”
“Your cuffs,” Duo choked out, his heart pounding in his chest in an insane rhythm, “I thought I could pick them if I took apart one of the cell phones. I can, but I need a good deal of force to open them and I… I can't… I'm too weak…” Duo thought he would die of shame admitting that. He knew the lock mechanism, living with Wes, he was familiar with all sorts of locks, but he needed a downward force to undo the lock, and he was too weak and the angle he was lying at was all wrong…
“It's ok,” Heero repeated, “You tried. Can you get at the cell phones?” Heero worried that Duo might be so bad off, he couldn't even flip them open, but Duo nodded and opened his own cell phone, turning it on, making the both of them suffer with the overly cheery tone that the phone made every time it was switched on. He bit back a sob as he read the screen.
“There's no service,” he said in a devastated tone. Heero felt like crying himself at that fact. The phone fell from Duo's shaking fingers and he collapsed completely into Heero's lap.
“Oh, God…” he choked, his body starting to shake a little more at the strain, “Heero… I can't… I'm so tired…”
There was nothing he could do, he realized. His body realized that, too, and seemed to be demanding him to just give up. Heero's body heat was just so comfortable with the sudden terrible chill he felt. If he imagined, he could feel Heero's hands on him too easily.
“Ssh,” Heero comforted, “Go to sleep, Duo. I'll wake you up every thirty minutes until…” he choked on what he couldn't say.
He watched as Duo finally fell asleep, too tired to try any other half-baked plan either of them could come up with and Heero was glad. He couldn't stand watching him struggle anymore. He just hoped that he could wake him when the time came. He realized that he had no way of telling the time, but decided to just guess at it. He bent forward as much his back let him, lying to himself that he was holding his love in his arms, and he waited for a miracle that he knew would never come in the cold and silent room.
 
 
End Part 9
 
Wow, I never thought I was going to get this bit out this week, but I toiled at it. If anyone can find some issues with this scene, please tell me. I mapped it out in my head to try to get it realistic, that there would be nothing Heero or Duo could really do beyond what they've done, but I might have missed something. For some reason, this part made me feel emotionally exhausted. As always, I love the reviews, they make me feel happy that people out there think I'm worth their time.
 
As of today, part 10 is almost finished.