Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Three Children of Fortune ❯ Part ONE! ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

*claps hands together* Okay people! Get into costumes, chop chop!

Duo: Ne Mika . . . why do we have to do this?

Mika: ::blink-blink:: How can you even _ask_ that Duo-kun? I thought you'd be happy to be doing this. *innocent look*

Duo: . . . hells no! *holds up script* I don't even get to kiss Heero once in this! *mutters* or anything else for the matter . . .

Mika: *sweats* Uh . . . uh . . . the next one! Yes, I promise I'll let you have him in the next one ^_^

Duo: I dunno . . .

Mika: *bows head and clasps hands overhead* Please!!!! I don't ask too much of you guys *whimpers*

Quatre: Duo, it won't be too bad. Anyway, this is Mika we're talking about. She's not half as crazed as the other GW fans out there...

MLers: *glare*

Quatre: *sweatdrop* um . . . but that's why we love them so much??

MLers: *grin*

Quatre: -_-

Duo: *pouts* Well, you have nothing to worry about. At least you get Trowa!

Trowa: . . .

Duo: ACK! Don't DO that Trowa!

Trowa: . . .

Duo: *waves hand* It's all right. I'm getting used to it. Heero DOES do that every second.

Heero: . . .

Duo: -_-

Mika: Ano...could we start please?

D&Q: *not very enthusiastic* Haaaii.

H&T: . . .

Mika: ^_^ All right! Now get into costumes! *yells back stage* You too, Fei-chan!

Fei-cha...er Wufei: ONNA! I REFUSE to be a part of this!

Mika: But I let you be king. I think that's a nice role.

Wufei: *twitch-twitch before opening mouth for a not-so-nice remark* I--

Ticked Mika: YOU'RE GOING TO PLAY THAT PART, AND YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE IT!!!! *looks at everyone* NOW GET INTO COSTUME!!!!!

HAI!

Disclaimers: I do not own any of the g-boys. They belong to Sunrise and other companies, etc. I'm using them without permission, but for entertainment purposes ONLY. This is fans for fans. Me broke, so suing me would get you nothing but the lint in my pockets...but I'm kinda attached to that too, so basically you would get nothing ^_^

Warnings: Well, other than my lousy attempt at humor, complete OOC-ness for all characters and maybe a little shounen ai . . . for now ^_~

Sane Mika: Okay, and now, without further ado, I present the G-boys in our rendition of Grimms' Fairytales: "The Three Children of Fortune"

*bows deeply* Enjoy the show!

"The Three Children of Fortune" Part One!

A parody by Mika ^_^

Once upon a time, a father sent for his three sons, for he would be dying soon and wanted to give something of his to them before he kicked the bucket. Hearing of the news, his sons came at once.

. . .

*a little louder* Hearing of the news, his sons came at once.

. . .

*eyebrow twitching* I said . . . _HEAR_ing of the NEWS, his SONS came AT ONCE!

*Trowa enters the set clad in a loose green v-neck shirt, with a pair of loose tanned pants that stopped at the knee, meeting white knee socks. He wore a pair of black boots and . . . was alone.*

. . .

Mika aka The Narrator: . . . Trowa, where are your brothers?

Trowa: . . . *points backstage*

Heero: . . . Duo, I am perfectly capable of putting on my own pants.

Duo: Oh, I know that, Heero, but isn't it nicer when _I_ do it for you? *predatory grin*

Heero: . . .

Mika: -_- . . . GET THE ?!$@$#@*&$ OUT HERE! NOW!!!!

*Duo runs out wearing similar clothing as Trowa but in black. Heero stumbled out as well, pulling on his . . . pants. He wore blue.*

Duo: Ready! *grins and looks over at Heero*

Heero: . . .

Mika: . . . back to the story.

Hearing of the news, his sons came at once. When they arrived, each son was given an item. The eldest son, Heero was given a...cock. The second, Duo, was given a scythe and the third, Trowa, was given a cat.

H&D&T: *looking dumbly at the objects in their hands*

Duo: WOW! A scythe!!! A scythe of my very own!!!!! Arigato, papa Treize!

Papa Treize: *clears throat* I am now old.

Their father said, though he looked no older than 23 with his dirty blonde hair and aristocratic air.

Papa Treize: My end is nearing and as a father, I must ensure that your lives will be prosperous and that you will be provided for, before I die. Money I have none...

Heero: *mutters as he looks at his...cock* Obviously.

Papa Treize: *looks pointedly at Heero before continuing* ...and what I give you seems of but little worth...

Heero: Bingo.

Papa Treize: AHEM! It rests with YOURSELVES alone to turn my gifts to good account. Onl--

Duo: WHAT?! I gotta give it away??! *shakes head furiously* I don't wanna-I don't wanna!!!!

. . .

Papa Treize: My advice to you is to seek out a land where my gift is still unknown, and your fortune is made.

Duo: I don't wanna-I don't wanna-Iyada-iyada-IYADA!!!

. . .

And so, after the death of their father, th--

Treize: I'm dead already.

. . . yes.

Treize: I thought I would have a better role.

*sweats* But it IS a good role! You start the whole story. Without YOU, there would be NO story!

Treize: ...How ignorant do you think I am.

...

MOU! Why are you all being so difficult?

Duo: Iyada-iyada,iyadaaaaaa!!!

...

You're dead. Deal with it.

Treize: *pouts and walks off stage* I didn't even get to see my dragon once...

<Backstage> Wufei: Ye~ES!

And SO, after the death of their father, the eldest decided to begin his journey with his cock to gain his fortune.

Heero: I'm going now.

Duo and Trowa: *sitting in front of TV* Yea, yea, bye.

So, Heero set off with his cock, but wherever he went, in every town he saw from afar off, everyone knew what a cock was. Everywhere he went he heard the crows of one and his bird was therefore nothing new. So it didn't seem as if there were much chance for him to make his fortune.

Heero: Lousy, idiot father...

Despite Heero's rotten luck, he continued on...not wanting to return home as a failure and have both his brothers yuk it up. He could just hear it now...

Duo: Yo Heero! How'd it go? Rich yet?

Trowa: *standing beside Duo, nodding his head a lot in question*

Heero: ...

Duo: Wait! Don't tell me...you got squat. <sideway glances at Trowa, who does the same>

D&T: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! What a LOSER! Couldn't even make a fortune with his cock!

and laughing continues.

and continues.

and continues all through the night

and the day after

and the day after that

and the...I think you get the idea.

Heero's eyes narrow as he clutches his cock tighter in his arms.

Heero: Ninmu...must accomplish...no failure...

Without even realizing it, Heero now stood on an island. Taking a look at the expanse of water behind him, he shrugged and walked on. Soon enough, he--

Duo: Hold on a cotton pickin' minute. *looks at what he just said* Hey! What the hell did you just make me say?! Cotton pickin'???!!!! INJUSTICE!

*Wufei pops head out of trap door* Oi, are you mocking me Maxwell.

Duo: No...not really.

With a hmph, Wufei disappeared once again.

Ahem, soon enough he came to--

Duo: Now wait just a darn minute...will you quit it! Darn?!

Hey, I'd like to keep this rated G, PG-13 at the most, you know. So what's wrong now?

Duo: People can't walk on water.

...

And your point?

Duo: Well, from the looks of it, Heero just did.

And...

Duo: *throws his arms in the air* Forget it! *disappears in a poof of smoke*

Ahem, as I was saying...Soon enough he came to a village and it appeared as if a village meeting was taking place as he did.

Villager # 1: We must find a solution to this problem!

Villager # 2: Yes, yes, we MUST! How am I supposed to have a 2 o' clock in the morning snack, if I don't know when it is two in the morning.

A woman screams.

Screaming Woman: The horror! The _HORROR_!!!!

Woman faints.

Screaming Woman, now Fainting Woman: ...

Villager # 69: My dearest wife! *clutches Screaming Woman, now Fainting Woman, now Unconscious Woman and looks at mayor* You see what this problem has done! A solution! We need a solution!!!

The mayor twisted the white cloth in her hands, occasionally flicking back her long blonde hair. "Yes, yes. Of course. That is why we are having this meeting." Mayor Relena looked helplessly into the crowd. Her eyes stopped abruptly at a pair of piercing cobalt eyes and a head full of unruly brown hair.

*insert gawking and mouth drooling*

Mayor Relena: *Picks her chin off the ground and raises a shaking finger* "Y-You sir!"

Heero looks in both directions, and then points a finger to himself.

Mayor Relena: Yes you! You-hunk-alicious-where have you been all my life-SIR! What do you propose we should do?

Heero: ...

Mayor Relena: Come, come now man. What do you suggest we do?

Heero: ...

Mayor Relena: Now sir, it does not help if you say nothing. Wha-- *someone tugs on her sleeve*

Mayor Relena looks down.

Mayor Relena: What is it Marimeia? Can you not see how busy I am?

Marimeia: But Relena-sama, he's not a villager *points to tag # on her chest, indicating that she is Villager # 14 and then points to Heero's chest* See.

Mayor Relena: Oh I see. Thank you Marimeia. *pats little red-head and pushes her off the stage*

Damn, she thinks to herself, now how else to catch him...*looks at Heero* ah ha!

Mayor Relena: Sir! What have you in your hands?

Heero: A cock.

*insert whispering and utter confusion sounds* Mayor Relena raises her hands, signaling silence.

Mayor Relena: A cock? What is a cock my knight in shining armor-save me from this horrible lifestyle-SIR?!

PING!

A thought strikes Heero's mind, causing his eyes to widen slightly, before a smirk came to his oh-so luscious-kiss me baby with all your worth-lips...ahem.

Heero: *lifts script out of his shirt, reads his lines, puts script back in shirt and opens mouth* Behold! What a noble animal this is! How like a knight he is! How utterly idiotic this script is!

<HEY! Stick to the lines Heero!>

Heero: *clears throat* He carries a bright red crest upon his head and spurs upon his heels. He crows three times every night at stated hours, and at the third time the sun is about to rise. But this is not all.

Villagers & Mayor Relena: It isn't?!

Heero: No. Sometimes he screams in broad daylight--

Villager # 52: No kidding!

Heero: *glares at wisecracking villager, makes a mental note to kill him, before continuing* --and then you must take warning, for the weather is surely about to change. (1)

Villagers & Mayor Relena: Oooo...Ahhhh...

Villager # 52: Wait a minute. How do we know if this is so? He could be lying! A LIAR!!!!

Heero: *mental note to self, kill him and make it very, very, VERY painful*

Mayor Relena: True...why not let us test it. Kind sir! May we see if thou animal does what thou sayeth it do? *mutters to self* Who the heck wrote this script...

Mayor Relena: ITAI! *shakes fist to the sky*

Dorothy: Relena-sama! How bout you and me do the horizontal polka tonight? *wiggles those eyebrows of hers*

Mayor Relena: *blanches* I'LL BE GOOD! I'LL BE GOOD! JUST GET HER AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!

*Dorothy disappears in a poof of purple smoke*

Duo: Why purple?

*shrugs*

So~ Heero agrees and that night, all stayed up and to their joy, heard the cock crow the hour at two, four, and six o' clock. So intent on their happiness that their problems were solved, none heard the pitiful screams of Villager # 52 who mysteriously disappeared and was never to be seen again. Nor did they understand why Heero had such a blissful look in his eyes the next morning...

Mayor Relena: Ano...eto...We must have this bird! Is it for sale?! Please sir, would thou selleth this bird and if were-eth on sale, how much would thou selleth it for?

Heero smiled proudly, so happy that his fortune was made and replied loudly, forgetting about something in the script that bothered him the night before.

"About as much gold as an ass can carry."

Now he remembered.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Duo: *wipes tears from eyes* How BIG should this ASS _be_ Heero?!!! *rolling on the floor*

Quatre: *laughing* Go-Gomen Heero, but--*joins Duo on the floor*

Wufei: *turning a fine shade of blue* Control...control...must keep control...

Trowa: Ha ha. Ha ha.

Heero: *face turns bright red* 'Control...perfect soldier always in control...CONTROL DAMNIT! Okay...calm...kill them all later. Yes! I'll kill them alllll later.' ...

Mayor Relena: *wipes tears out of eyes* A v-very fair pr-price for such an animal. Here you go.

Heero snatches the ass's reigns and stalks off the island. The echoing of laughter continues as he crosses the ocean.

The door slammed open, snapped off its hinges and landed on the floor with a loud THUMP. Blue eyes pierced through the dust at violet and green blinking ones.

Heero: *monotone* Tadaima.

Duo & Trowa: O..kae...ri...

Heero stepped aside and presented them with his fortune. Both Duo and Trowa tossed their Nintendo 64 controllers over their shoulders and ran up to their brother.

Duo: Wow Heero! I can't believe you did it!! Look how BIG that ASS is!

Trowa: *nods a lot in agreement*

Heero: ...Duo.

Duo: *looks up from petting the animal* Yes, oh brother dear?

Heero: How close to Death do you want to become?

Duo: ...

Trowa: *blink-blink*

Heero pushes past the two and settles himself in front of the TV, continuing the game where the other two left off.

Duo: ...um, I guess it's my turn now. *turns to the door* Let's see what fortune I can make with this pitchfork. *walks out the door*

A moment later, Trowa drags Duo back into the house, pulls the pitchfork out of the weeping boy's hands and hands him his scythe.

Duo: *pouts and slinks out of shack, dragging the scythe behind him* This better be worth it...

*glass shatters onto ground in sudden realization*

DAMN!

HEEEEEEROOOOOOO!!!!!

End Part One

Notes:

(1) This entire speech about what a rooster is (I will not say the C word. It just seems plain...weird to me...), was taken directly from Grimms' Fairy Tales by The Brothers Grimm *lifts up book* I looovvve this book ^_^