Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Three Children of Fortune ❯ Part TWO! ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

*The scene opens revealing a fairly tall female with long black hair and brown eyes. Dressed all in black because she feels like it, she raises a microphone to her lips*

Yo. *clears throat* Ahem. We last left off with Duo heading off on his own journey to acquire his fortune. But first, let's recap on the events that have already taken place.

*takes a step to the left* Heero *Said boy falls out of the sky and lands beside her*

Heero: Omae o korosu.

. . . yea. Well, Heero managed to find a land where its people hadn't a clue what a cock was. Ahem. Yes, I said "cock". Not a clock or a dock, but a cock. A cooock.

Moving on . . .

Heero also managed to sell his "cock" for a very great sum. *looks at Heero* Now how much was it Heero?

Heero: . . .

Come now, Heero. This isn't a time to be shy.

Heero: . . . Omae o korosu.

No, no. That wasn't the line at all! Now Heero, if you don't say the line, I'll rewrite the ending of part one so that you end up with Relena.

Cast members minus Relena: GASP! She wouldn't!

Duo: Oh yes she would. *turns to Heero* You better do what she tells you to man. It's not a hard choice. You either give up your pride or you get . . . it *shudders*

Heero: . . . asmmphmamophmarries . . .

What? I can't hear you~!

Heero: *deadpan* As much as an ass can carry.

*random hollers and laughter from backstage*

Now was that so hard to say? *smiles innocently while biting back her laughter*

Heero: Omae o korosu.

Yes . . . well then. Returning from his long journey, Heero took Duo's place in the Mariokart game and Duo left on his journey to find a land where no one knew what a scythe was.

Duo: It was a pitchfork.

A pitchfork? Oh, okay. He left on his journey with his - hey! *looks at script then at Duo* You thought you could pull one over me did you?

Duo: *shrugs* Almost worked.

*glares then notices the dwindling audience* WAIT! I'm done. _Really_! *clears throat* And now without further delay . . .

The Three Children of Fortune . . . Part Two!

Enjoy! ^_^

"The Three Children of Fortune" Part Two!

A parody by Mika-chan ^_^

"WILD WING BOYS densetsu no tsubasa de sora wo kakeru-hm-hm-HM-hm . . . "

Skipping and humming along his way, Duo traveled afar in search of a land where a scythe was unknown to the people. He was currently on a dusty trail between villages, where only cows roamed in the fields beside him. The cows were chewing and chewing and chewing and chewing and doing all sorts of other cow things.

Stopping suddenly in his tracks, Duo took a long look to his right, then a long look to his left. Taking a deep breath . . .

Duo: "Ashita e no atsui omoi kanjite TAKE OFF~~~!!!"

The cows continued to chew. They've seen weirder things.

Duo brought his hands back down, nodding and smiling in satisfaction, he continued on. Walking over a hill, his gaze met that of a village he had never seen before.

Duo: *rubs hands together gleefully* All right! Time to make some mo~oney!

Five minutes later . . .

Villagers: WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~~~!!!!!

We see Duo slink his way out of the village, face very red.

Duo: *muttering* They didn't have to laugh _that_ hard. Dang villagers *looks at what he just said, but is too preoccupied to care* Now if only I can find a island like Heero did . . . Heero . . . *gets dreamy look in eye*

*Narrator whaps him over the head*

Duo: OW! What did you do that for?!

Narrator: You're brothers, so none of those "thoughts" until _after_ the show, Duo-kun.

Duo: *mumbles* Garsh darn it, dang it all to heck! *wipes a hand over his face* WHAT are you making me SAY??!!!

Mika aka Narrator: That happens to be one of my favorite lines. Made it up myself ^_^v

Duo: *dryly* You should be very proud . . . *mutters* there goes my reputation . . .

Mika: Maa, maa! If you lift your head, I promise you'll be verrry happy!

Duo: *looks up* Hey! I'm on an island!!

Mika: *nod nod*

Duo: *rolls up sleeves* All right! Let's get this over with.

So as you can see, as luck would have it, Duo came to an island where the people ate corn for a living. Unfortunately, they had to pull each individual corn up by themselves, which became such a tiresome act day after day after day after day after day . . .

Islander #47: *wipes sweaty brow* What I wouldn't give for something that could just chop these corn stalks off instead of me having to pull it up myself.

Islander #13: You said it. It would really make life easier.

Islander #12: You know what would even be better?

Islander #47 & #13: What?

Islander #12: If we didn't have to eat corn.

All islanders in cornfield: *sighs* Yeah . . .

Overseer Hilde: People, people. Corn is good for you! We've eaten it all our lives and none of us has ever fallen ill.

Islander #52: But what about Islanders #20-30? They turned yellow.

Overseer Hilde: . . . All right! Enough chitchat. Back to work!

Overseer Hilde turns on her heel and smack into black fabric.

Duo: Ahoy there! I think I can be of some help.

Overseer Hilde: Oh my GOD! I can't SEE!!! Everything just suddenly went dark!! I'm blind!! Blind at such a young age! There goes my youth. I'll never see another sunset, another sunrise, another Popcorn Doll Festival!! *sobs*

. . .

Duo: Ano~ *scratches head and steps back*

Overseer Hilde: ::blink-blink:: I can SEE!!!! *reaches out and grasps Duo's hand* Thank you so much sir! How can I ever repay you!

Duo: *irked* Sir...?

Overseer Hilde: *drags Duo to her house* Come with me. I'll feed you the best corn porridge you've ever tasted! Then you can have some corn on the cob and some popcorn flavored ice cream for desert!

Duo: That's very kind of you . . . uh . . .

Overseer Hilde: Overseer Hilde. That's my name. But _you_ *blinks lashes* can just call me Hilde.

Duo: . . . o . . . kay. Well, Over-I mean Hilde. I'd love to eat your . . . corn - but I'm kind of on a tight schedule.

Overseer Hilde: ::blinks:: Oh. *then notices the object he is wielding* What is that sir?

Duo: *points at scythe* You don't know what this is?

Overseer Hilde: *shakes her head*

Duo: *leans forward until their noses are almost touching* You _really_ don't know what this is??

Overseer Hilde: *nods head*

Duo: One moment please. *spins around, does a little happy dance before turning back* Ahem. I think rather than tell you, I'll _show_ you what this thing does.

They walk over to the cornfield and Duo motions for all to gather around him. He lifts his scythe up for all to see and begins to speak loudly.

Duo: Come one, come all! Be prepared to be amazed! My fellow corn people, I hold here the tool that will solve your back-straining problems. In my hands, I hold a scythe. It's incredible! It's fantastic! It's even better than those perforated paper towels!

Islander 13: Do you mean the ones that allow you to choose how long a piece of paper towel you want??!!

Duo: *smirks* Are there any others?

Overseer Hilde: Oh my! *clasps hands together in excitement* Please show us what this wonderful thing does . . . um, er--

Duo: My name's Duo. Duo Maxwell. I run, I hide, but I don't lie.

Overseer Hilde: ::blink-blink:: Really?

Duo: . . . really what?

Overseer Hilde: You _really_ don't lie??

Duo: *frowning a bit* I just said that didn't I?

Overseer Hilde: Just making sure. *eye glints mysteriously* All right then. Carry on . . .

Duo: *smiles uneasily at Hilde while whispers to random islander beside him* What's up with her?

Random Islander: *whispers* Oh, well you see, a month back some riffraff by the name of Zechs Merquise happened to travel by our island. He looked like such an honest and kind man and Overseer Hilde had quickly fallen in love with him and vice versa. They looked like such a sweet couple, that is until one morning Overseer Hilde had woken up alone in bed and found that her secret prized Corn pea soup recipe was missing. Now you see that there recipe was very important to Miss Overseer Hilde. *notices shocked expression on Duo and pats him on back* Now don't you worry Mr. Duo. We islanders banded together and caught that rapscallion and gave him what for ^_^ *licks lips* Yep! That was the BEST corn pea soup ala Zechs I've ever eaten. *pulls something out of pocket* Also got me a souvenir lock of hair from the poor sap. Heh!

. . .

Duo: *thinking* Must stay calm. Keep smiling, Duo. Mustn't let the corn people know you're afraid of them. Yes . . . that's right. Calm . . . *makes pitiful sound* Help me!

Heero: *straightens suddenly* . . .

Trowa: *looks away from TV* Heero?

Heero: . . . nothing. Just thought I heard the baka. Let's play.

Trowa: . . . *nods*

Heero: *thinking* Why do I suddenly have the urge to kill corn . . .

Random Islander: So you see, Mr. Duo, Overseer Hilde isn't too fond of dishonest men, if you catch my drift.

Duo: . . . Uh sure. *thinking* Must get out of here FAST. Who knows what these corn people will do to me. *takes a calming breath and lifts his scythe in the air* Watch and be AMAZED!

A pathway is made in the crowd as Duo walks to the cornfield. Smirking, he set to work with his scythe, mowing down the islanders' whole crop so quickly that the islanders and Overseer Hilde stood staring openmouthed with wonder (1). Duo finishes in no time and smiles confidently.

Duo: So, what do you think?

Islanders + Overseer Hilde: HOW MUCH?!

Duo: As much as an AS-whoa! *in sing-song voice* Almost did a Heero ^_^

*random chuckling throughout stage*

BAM!

All heads turn, as one of the prop trees fall unceremoniously to the ground and all watch as Trowa tries futilely to hold Heero back.

Heero: *eyes of rage* OMAE O KOROSU!!!! HANASE! I'm going to KILL you Duo! Let me GO, Trowa! *begins struggling and kicking*

Trowa: Ow. Ow.

Heero is edging forward inch by inch, dragging a resisting Trowa, and heading straight for Duo. All islanders and Overseer Hilde have been smart enough to move out of Heero's way.

Duo: *holding hands in a placating gesture in front of him* Now Heero. C-Calm down.

Heero: DUO! You're DEAD!!!!! *Chases Duo, hands outstretched for the American's neck, and pulling Trowa along for the ride*

Duo: AHHHHHHHHH~~~~!!!! HELP!!! *running*

Trowa: *holding on for dear life* *monotone* Stop, Heero, stop.

Heero: ARRRRRGGGGGGGGH-

This program seems to be having some technical difficulties ^_^ Please be patient while we fix this problem. As an added bonus, we've brought Quatre to entertain you while this is being done. Thank you for your patience ^_^

*A surprised Quatre is pushed out onto stage*

Quatre: ::blink-blink:: Oh. Um, hi everyone. *waves* It seems that we're having a small problem right now-

MWAHAHAHAHA~! *loud crashing sounds* I'LL KILL YOU DUO! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

HELP MEEEEE~~~~~!!!!!

. . .

Quatre: Um . . . *fidgets uneasily* Now what should we do while we wait-

A very early nineties techno music explodes from the speakers, interrupting our blonde here. Recognizing the song, Quatre's eyes widen.

Quatre: Ohhh no. Nuh uh.

Spotlight hits him.

Quatre: You _can't_ be serious, Mika!

Mika: ^__^V

<I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt . . . So sexy it hurts>

Quatre: What happened to trying to keep this PG rated??

Mika: *shrugs* Oh well. *whistles innocently* ^_^

Catherine: *whistles* Woo! Go Quatre!

Quatre: *squirms uneasily* Catherine . . .

< And I'm too sexy for your party, too sexy for your party . . . >

Noin: *gives a dismissive wave* You might as well take it off, Quatre.

Quatre: NANI?! O_O

Trowa: *monotone* Take it off.

Quatre: *shocked* Trowa!

<No way I'm disco dancing

I'm a model, you know what I mean . . . And I do my little turn on the catwalk>

Quatre: -_- *sighs* Oh all right.

<Yeah, on the catwalk . . . on the catwalk, yeah, I do my little turn on the catwalk>

Quatre begins bopping his head and dancing to the beat. His hands in the meantime begin to unbutton the top of his white collared shirt with ease, as if he's done this before . . .

Quatre: MIKA!

Mika: Gomen, gomen ^_^;

<I'm too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car, too sexy by far . . . >

Quatre takes his shirt slowly off before walking towards Trowa, hips swaying and tosses the clothing on top of both Catherine and Noin.

Catherine + Noin: HEY!

Quatre smiles, one hand lightly touching Trowa's face as he uses the other to unbuckle his belt.

Trowa: //_^

<I'm a model - you know what I mean - and I do my little turn on the catwalk>

Quatre leans in and kisses Trowa lightly on the lips as he tosses his belt to the side. Dragging the willing brunette up onto the stage, Quatre begins to unbutton his pants.

Catherine + Noin: *still covered in shirt* We wanna see! We wanna see!

Trowa, who we still do not know HOW had managed to get away from holding back Heero, seized Quatre's hand and began doing the honors himself.

Leaning back, Quatre kisses Trowa fervently, as Trowa does in return and suddenly the music stops with a screech and the floor on which both are on is being lowered and when it rises back up, it is empty.

We seem to have fixed the problem and we will now be returning to The Three Children of Fortune . . . Part Two! ^_^

Quatre: To-Torowa! *gasps*

Mika: *blushes* *murmurs* Quiet you two ^_^ Ahem. And now, back to Corn Island!

*curtain opens*

Duo: *mutters* Quatre got some. Trowa got some. Even Catherine AND Noin got to watch a little bit. Stupid Mika.

Mika: *eye twitch* Duo. You're. On.

Duo: Eep! Um, I mean. So, what do you think?

Islanders + Overseer Hilde: HOW MUCH?!

Duo: As much as a HORSE can carry. *wink-wink*

*muffled sounds of rage heard backstage and random thumping-not that kind of thumping you hentai!*

Quatre: Unh~ Trowa . . .

Mika: -_-

Ahem, anyway, Duo returned home with a horse laden with as much gold as it could carry. Happily he flung open the door to his and Heero and Trowa's shack and brought the horse inside to show to his brothers.

Duo: Yoo hoo! Anybody ho~ome? *spots gagged Heero tied to chair* Heero! Look at what my scythe got me! *brings horse to Heero* It was hard to part with the scythe, but I HAD to do it, if not for father's sake *gags* Che, yea right . . .

Heero: *mad glint in eye* MmphMmnn!

Duo: *brings hand to ear* What? You're proud of me? Is that right Heero?

Heero: MmmfphMMMm!

Duo: Aww, I know I did better than you, dear brother, but you don't have to point that out.

Heero: MMMMMM!!!!!!

Duo: What? You think I'm gorgeous too? Now Heero, we're brothers. That wouldn't be right.

Heero: *growls* ARGH~!!!!!!

Duo: *leans back from Heero and looks around their shack* Ne, where's Trowa?

Trowa falls as gracefully as one can out of the sky and onto the wooden floor of their shack. He hurriedly stands up, tucks in his green tunic and runs a hand through his bang, face clearly flushed.

Duo: *dryly* Hello dear brother Trowa. May I ask where YOU were?

Trowa: . . .

Duo: *pouts* Hmph. Well, look at what _I_ brought home.

Trowa: *looks at Duo's horse and nods* . . .

Duo: Thanks. I guess it's your turn now.

Trowa: *nods and picks up his cat*

Before he leaves however, Trowa takes one last glance at Heero then nods at Duo. Duo waves dismissively.

Duo: Don't worry. I'll make sure he's fed and what not.

Heero: *making sounds of outrage* MMMMMM!

Trowa: . . . *nods and leaves*

Duo: *waves* Bye! *turns to Heero, glint in eye* Hee-chan . . .

End Part Two

Notes:

(1) Line taken directly from Grimms' Fairy Tales novel.

Disclaimer: I do not own the song "I'm Too Sexy". It belongs to Right Said Fred and probably some er people, just NOT me. Please do not sue.

Up next . . . "The Three Children of Fortune" Part 3: Trowa's journey ^_^ I'll see you then!

Mika-chan

July 24, 2000